Mini Rant Grandma's will totally excludes DH

[cin]

So, here's the story. Grandma had 2 children and 3 stepchildren. One of her children, is my FIL, is deceased. She divided her estate into 5ths. Her surviving child gets 2/5, and the step children each get a 1/5.

 

Dh was surprised and a bit hurt that his dad's portion was given to his aunt. He sort of feels like his dad was forgotten. I was a bit surprised too. I thought it was customary to essentially divide his dad's share among the offspring; are we crazy for 'expecting' that? I feel bad for DH because his dad's death was really hard for him (11 yrs ago) and he still REALLY misses him. And he feels like his own grandmother has forgotten her son. All he gets is a letter stating here's the will, sign this paper so we don't have to let you know when it goes to probate.

 

Thanks for listening. Off to console DH.

[coffeegal]

So, here's the story. Grandma had 2 children and 3 stepchildren. One of her children, is my FIL, is deceased. She divided her estate into 5ths. Her surviving child gets 2/5, and the step children each get a 1/5.

 

Dh was surprised and a bit hurt that his dad's portion was given to his aunt. He sort of feels like his dad was forgotten. I was a bit surprised too. I thought it was customary to essentially divide his dad's share among the offspring; are we crazy for 'expecting' that? I feel bad for DH because his dad's death was really hard for him (11 yrs ago) and he still REALLY misses him. And he feels like his own grandmother has forgotten her son. All he gets is a letter stating here's the will, sign this paper so we don't have to let you know when it goes to probate.

 

Thanks for listening. Off to console DH.

 

:grouphug: That's odd. When my Grandmother died, 2 uncles had already passed away. Their share was divided among their offspring. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

I believe people can write what they like in their own wills and the best policy for expectations is to expect everything to be donated to the children's hospital, but that sure is snub. :(

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Rosie

[ma23peas]

Sounds like this will could have been created by the other children? It is inconceivable to leave out descendants unless they were estranged before he died.

[Danestress]

Of course there are all kinds of unique ways people do it, but that is one of the "fill in the blank" type options for how to divide and estate. It would be more customary to divide your FIL's share among his surviving children, I think. But when I took a trusts and estates class, this was one of the ways to do it that we talked about. I'm sure it's disappointing though, and hurts.

 

My DH's father died before his mother too, and she made no provision in the will for him, but to tell you the truth, we didn't really think about it or expect it, so I think that probably is better - fewer expectations to hurt.

 

ETA: Part of the reason we wouldn't have expected it is that we lived fairly far for her and were not really there on hand to provide care. I assume that the caregivers inherit.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Danestress

[cin]

Rosie, I agree. Assume nothing! Just found out the kicker for DH. She left a substantial amount (in our world, anyway!) to a family friend, who helped her out so much over the years. Poor guy.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:What a lovely time of the year to feel snubbed. :glare: :grouphug:

[Dmmetler]

How was the will worded? And, were there any other children who had died in infancy or childhood? (which would have been common in Grandma's generation).

 

The reason why I ask is that DH's grandparents' will specifically named their four children, which meant that since DH's mother had died, her children automatically inherited her share. However, my grandparents' will stated "All living children"-which was pretty reasonable, considering that they'd had two children who had died before having children of their own, and for those two children, their legal heir was the estate-but, if one of their other three children had pre-deceased them, it would have left that child's family out of the will entirely.

 

I'm guessing that my grandparents hadn't even thought about the possibility that one of their three adult children with children of their own could die before they did when they set up the will, but I could easily have seen the situation your DH is now in happening without them even having thought about it, simply because they were the type who would probably have only seen a lawyer that once, would have done exactly what he said, and wouldn't have thought about revising it again.

 

 

And I think, for my own emotional well-being, I'd be inclined to try to think of it that way barring strong evidence otherwise, because otherwise, you end up being mad at someone who is already dead and possibly creating a rift amongst the family that was never intended, at a time emotions are already running high.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[cin]

The children were named. She did have 2 children die in infancy. FIL died 11 years ago. Her other grandson wasn't named, but his mom got '2 shares'. That's what got to DH. Why wasn't it divided into fourths, since they were only leaving it for 4 people? But no worries about a rift, as we rarely see the others anyway.

[Canadianmumof5]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[gardenmom5]

to start - I consider anything I receive in someone's will a gift. It isn't "owed" to me.

 

generally, it is customary - but not required - that a deceased child's portion will go to that chld's heirs. the will must be set up to do that. I don't know why your dh's grandmother's didn't. What was her relationship with your fil like?

 

I do know to control behavior of certain of my mother's heirs (re: her children/my siblings) after her death when dh -as trustee - would have to deal with them, there is an uber nasty stipulation in her trust that any child screeching to lawyers and filing a lawsuit because they aren't happy with their *equal* between-each-child-share will be treated as if they were deceased and had no heirs. (iow:they will be cut off, and any living child of theirs will also receive nothing.) and yes, my brother has already been talking to lawyers because he thinks he should have more than a 1/3 portion of an estate divided between him, myself and our sister. (he thinks telling us this will intimidate dh. :smilielol5:) mom's lawyer was very certain the estate was to be divided equally before he agreed to insert the clause. there's a reason I wanted that clause in there, I'm sorry my cynicism was proven correct.

[5kidsforME]

:grouphug: I am sorry, I am sure that is painful for your dh.

 

Can I just tell you how very glad I am that my family will have no money to leave any of us???

[Audrey]

So, here's the story. Grandma had 2 children and 3 stepchildren. One of her children, is my FIL, is deceased. She divided her estate into 5ths. Her surviving child gets 2/5, and the step children each get a 1/5.

 

Dh was surprised and a bit hurt that his dad's portion was given to his aunt. He sort of feels like his dad was forgotten. I was a bit surprised too. I thought it was customary to essentially divide his dad's share among the offspring; are we crazy for 'expecting' that? I feel bad for DH because his dad's death was really hard for him (11 yrs ago) and he still REALLY misses him. And he feels like his own grandmother has forgotten her son. All he gets is a letter stating here's the will, sign this paper so we don't have to let you know when it goes to probate.

 

Thanks for listening. Off to console DH.

 

I am sorry your dh feels hurt. Try not to dwell on it too much. She may have had "help" in deciding who got what. Was she generally a kind, thoughtful person? If so, then give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't intentionally snubbing anyone, but rather probably listening to whomever was giving her advice at the time (lawyer, family member, friend, etc.)

 

Wills are often made when people are in vulnerable, difficult positions and sometimes the decisions made don't appear to others as generous as the will-maker had probably intended it to be.

 

So many hurt feelings and so much nastiness can occur when wills are revealed. Money between family can bring out the worst in people. I'm sorry your dh is going through this, but do try not to let it consume you or twist your feelings about your family.

[annandatje]

I am sorry your dh feels hurt. Try not to dwell on it too much. She may have had "help" in deciding who got what. Was she generally a kind, thoughtful person? If so, then give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't intentionally snubbing anyone, but rather probably listening to whomever was giving her advice at the time (lawyer, family member, friend, etc.)

 

Wills are often made when people are in vulnerable, difficult positions and sometimes the decisions made don't appear to others as generous as the will-maker had probably intended it to be.

 

So many hurt feelings and so much nastiness can occur when wills are revealed. Money between family can bring out the worst in people. I'm sorry your dh is going through this, but do try not to let it consume you or twist your feelings about your family.

 

:iagree:

 

Although it is more common to divide assets equally among living children and the issue of deceased children, some decedents do indeed choose to leave only to the first generation below them.

 

If the estate was large, could it have had something to do with avoiding generation skipping transfer tax?

 

Although it is rare, sometimes if the other heirs are aware of the hurt feelings of the heirs who were not named in will, they may be willing to agree to redivide assets in a manner that the decedent may have intended.