Husband/Wife Freedom & Accountability

[Jean in Newcastle]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

[iquilt]

I really just want to know how late a night he's going to have so that I can know whether the kids will get to see him before they go to bed. We discuss big purchases, usually because we plan and save for them. I know that I can call him on his cell anytime and if I need to leave a message while he's with a client, he calls me back. He knows where I am at all times (with his kids!) and if we're going to be out past dinner I let him know that dinner is not waiting for him at home. He can call me whenever he wants on my cell, I just don't always remember to turn it on!

[beansprouts]

I can't say we follow a list of "rules". It's basically just common sense.

[*anj*]

Well, we do talk about such things but we don't really consider it accountability per se. When we chat in the morning we'll often go over our plans for the day, just in conversation. So yes, if he were planning to have lunch with a friend he'd tell me. On occasion he'll have dinner with a former co-worker, and he always runs the date past me to make sure we don't have family plans.

 

We basically discuss all purchases. If something is being purchased for the house we always discuss it first. Neither of us would ever buy something like a tv or a computer or even a camera without discussing it. Even back when we were less responsible with our money we always talked about things that cost more than say $50.

 

He usually takes his lunch to work with him but sometimes he'll go get a couple of slices of pizza instead. On those days he usually mentions that he went to lunch. If I go out alone on a Saturday to run errands I will often stop off and have lunch alone, and he knows that.

[whisperam]

We discuss big purchases.

 

We also share our day and if we did something out of the ordinary.

 

It took me years to convince my husband to give me a what I call an allowance for small things so I don't ahve to feel guilty about spending it. The amount really didn't matter to me. Just the fact that I had some.

[Mx5]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

 

I answer yes to all. 'Been married for 23 years, and we are thriving. To me it's just common courtesy on both parties' parts to be up front with what they are doing, and when. It's a marriage, not just a casual friendship.

[CactusPair]

We report just about everything to one another. We never had an agreement and never thought about it as accountability.

 

It's just something we've always done out of friendship and politeness, I think. Plus, we're nosy and curious about each other.

[WTMindy]

He will tell me ahead of time if he knows or after the fact if is was spur of the moment. It doesn't feel like accountability to me, just normal conversation. I would do the same for him. We discuss big purchases before buying them, but neither of us are big spenders, so this doesn't come up often. All the things you mentioned just seem to be natural for us, not really rules or forced.

[Julie in CA]

Things at our house sound just like what Anj described. We discuss things just as conversation, not so much as a purposeful checking-in with each other thing. We would also discuss purchases over about $75 with each other, not to get permission, just to bounce ideas off of each other.

I think when we were younger, and had been married not very long, it was more important to us to know where the other was all of the time. I think perhaps we trust each other more now, so now it's just conversation, not 'cause we feel like we "need to know".

[JessMcG]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

yes

 

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

yes

 

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

yes

 

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

yes

 

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

nothing writ in stone

 

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

about 95% of the time

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

We've just always been this way.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Maybe I titled the thread wrong! I naturally tell my dh all of those things because I see us as a team. Dh - doesn't tell me any of things. And while I don't think that he should be accountable to me per se, the fact that he doesn't makes me feel uncomfortable. He is an honorable man with a lot of integrity and I don't want to question that. But I guess I want to talk to him about my feelings and wondered what principles others used to have this kind of open communication in their marriage. BTW - he is very open with other kinds of communication - more idea oriented communication about what he is thinking etc. Just not the everyday stuff.

[Plaid Dad]

Our situation is perhaps a bit different than most because my dw works from home and I work part-time tutoring in the homes of my students. I do tell my dw when she can expect me home, and she does the same when she goes to work-related meetings. We call if we're going to be significantly later than we'd planned. We are pretty much in constant communication about everyday matters, both big and small. We do consult each other on big purchases and even most small ones, since our budget is very limited.

 

I don't think of this so much in terms of accountability but simply as an expression of the fact that we function as a team. And it definitely does not cramp my style in any way.

[SusanG]

I usually mention where I'm going b/c I'm chatty that way, lol, but dh doesn't tell me where/with whom he's going to lunch, and I rarely ask. It's actually not something I ever thought about. We discuss purchases over $300 or so SOMETIMES, but not always. Mainly if it's something we'll both use- like an appliance, tv, etc. If it's a personal item just for one of us, we may or may not discuss it beforehand.

 

It sounds from this post like we don't communicate, lol, but we DO, and we have a fabulous relationship - I guess these things have never been "issues" for us.

[Kay in Cal]

I don't think of this so much in terms of accountability but simply as an expression of the fact that we function as a team. And it definitely does not cramp my style in any way.

 

I totally agree! I would say "yes" to all of the above, but not because they are rules, simply because that's what partnership is all about. There may be times when we forget to tell every detail of everything, but we keep a joint calendar on the computer, so all that info is "out there". Otherwise we'd never be able to schedule our lives--I work full time, dh works part time, and we homeschool. We spend a lot of time together, and when we are apart it just seems natural to "report in". He's my BFF, yah know?

 

When finances are tight we have had a "call before you spend" rule. I don't think either of us ever vetoed a purchase, the idea was that we are both pretty implusive purchasers, and having to check in first gave us that moment to think about if we really needed... whatever it was.

[Kay in Cal]

Lol! If we could spend up to $300 without talking to each other, we'd be eating ramen noodles, or begging under the overpass REAL fast. That's more than our "discretionary spending" for two months! When we've had times we "check in", the cut off is $20.

 

Frankly, we do most of our shopping together anyhow...

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Well, we do talk about such things but we don't really consider it accountability per se. When we chat in the morning we'll often go over our plans for the day, just in conversation. So yes, if he were planning to have lunch with a friend he'd tell me. On occasion he'll have dinner with a former co-worker, and he always runs the date past me to make sure we don't have family plans.

 

We basically discuss all purchases. If something is being purchased for the house we always discuss it first. Neither of us would ever buy something like a tv or a computer or even a camera without discussing it. Even back when we were less responsible with our money we always talked about things that cost more than say $50.

 

He usually takes his lunch to work with him but sometimes he'll go get a couple of slices of pizza instead. On those days he usually mentions that he went to lunch. If I go out alone on a Saturday to run errands I will often stop off and have lunch alone, and he knows that.

 

:iagree: What she said. Just basic respect for each other to make sure that something else isn't going on that might interfere. We just do it out of respect. Neither of us are spendy folks, so we trust each other knowing there will be no issues with things like that. And for the scheduling things, again, respect to make sure we aren't stepping on a family scheduled thing or if I might need him for something or vice versa.

[Danestress]

My DH really likes unloading his day on me - talking through his cases, bringing up legal issues, telling me about the crazy clients and his successes. We actually talk a lot compared to what I think most couples do. When I worked, I didn't want to talk to him about it because I found my cases stressful and talking just meant reliving the stress. But for him, it's sort of a way to release pressure.

 

I often ask him what he did for lunch - because many days he comes home and takes a son to play tennis at lunch.

 

I don't know - for me, it doesn't feel like "let's talk about this so that I can make sure I stay out of trouble." It's more just "I like talking to you." But maybe for him, some of that talking is expressing things that he thinks I need to know as a wife. And there are two women in town who he sometimes meets for lunch to talk about cases and brainstorm issues, and he always tells me either before or after, and honestly, I really don't care. I really really trust my DH and I know him. I'm just not worried at all.

 

Now, the money thing is different. If he is buying something over a hundred dollars or so, he will mention it, because I do the finances and need to budget. I don't always tell him though:) Not because I have to hide it, but because mostly I am buying things for kids, and he never cares.

[Adrianne]

I don't think of this so much in terms of accountability but simply as an expression of the fact that we function as a team. And it definitely does not cramp my style in any way.

 

:iagree:

 

I think teamwork has a lot to do with it. When dh comes home from work, he does work long hours, we talk about the day and what happen. I am sure he does not tell me everything but we talk about the important things. We joke because I swear he becomes chatty Kathy at bedtime, when I want to sleep.

 

He does from time to time make larger purchases without talking to me but since he handles the financial stuff, he knows what we have and what we do not. I trust that what he bought we needed and usually this is true. Although I am still trying to figure out why we need 12 each of the two sizes of fox wire traps :glare:

[Danestress]

: I swear he becomes chatty Kathy at bedtime, when I want to sleep.

 

 

 

That cracks me up, because when I want some peace and quite, I call DH "Cathy" because he's a chatty Cathy (and really, he's not that chatty - he's not someone who talks a lot in social situations, he just likes talking to me).

 

And then when I am trying to read and ignore DH, he will sarcastically call me "chatty Cathy" lol.

[Peela]

Maybe I titled the thread wrong! I naturally tell my dh all of those things because I see us as a team. Dh - doesn't tell me any of things. And while I don't think that he should be accountable to me per se, the fact that he doesn't makes me feel uncomfortable. He is an honorable man with a lot of integrity and I don't want to question that. But I guess I want to talk to him about my feelings and wondered what principles others used to have this kind of open communication in their marriage. BTW - he is very open with other kinds of communication - more idea oriented communication about what he is thinking etc. Just not the everyday stuff.

 

I dotn know your situation but your dh just may never have considered those things...I have often found when soomething upset me, dh had jsut never thought about it, and he would usually change.

 

We talk about all those things. We dont discuss our small purchases necessarily unless we feel like it, and I do have an allowance from him plus a small income so that I dont have to be accountable to him- but larger puchases, yes, we always discusss. But I know marriages that are pretty healthy where the dh will come home with a big screen tv or something. The wife was upset, but the dh then agreed to get her a new loungesuite to make it even!

Like in many marriages, there is plenty of time and scope for dh or i to be dishonest about what we are doing, who we are with etc, and I have actually been tempted to lie a few times, but its not worth it...if he is upset, he is upset, better just deal with it than be secretive.

[Parrothead]

Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

Dh has always had a job that could take him most any where within driving distance on any given day. So I only want to know if he will be home for dinner.

 

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

If I have to leave town for any reason I like to let him know where I'm heading. Mainly be cause we don't have cell service here. Before, when we lived other places and I had a celluar I just left a note at to where I was heading.

 

To me it is just common courtesy, not really accountability.

 

 

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

No, I don't much care who he eats lunch with.

 

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

I probably would if it ever happens. Not to be accountable, but because it would be an unusual occurance.

 

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Yes.

 

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

Yes. We discuss with each other what we consider big purchases. What is big to us might not be to someone else and vice versa.

 

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

 

Yes to all. I call him when I wake up since he leaves so early in the morning. He calls me on his way home for lunch and on his way home after work, and we talk until he gets here and then carry on the conversation. He is a talker and likes to tell me many of the details, frustrations, what-nots of his day. We are a major influence in each others lives. I'm very thankful it's this way. Some times I take on additional stress when I hear about his job frustrations, but honestly, I'm just glad to be the one he shares it with.

[caitlinsmom]

Yup to all. We talk about everything so these are covered on a daily basis. I usually call him in the morning to find out what his day looks like, then I plan my day accordingly (like nothing interesting for dinner if he will br late). He calls me to say hi, rant, ect. We discuss all big purchases, we both can be spenders so this keeps us in check.

[wagnfun]

He calls me on his way home for lunch and on his way home after work, and we talk until he gets here and then carry on the conversation. He is a talker and likes to tell me many of the details, frustrations, what-nots of his day. We are a major influence in each others lives. I'm very thankful it's this way. Some times I take on additional stress when I hear about his job frustrations, but honestly, I'm just glad to be the one he shares it with.

 

 

My husband travels all over for work and usually calls me throughout the day. He knows I'm all over the place with the kids so he only cares to know if we won't be home when he gets home. When inspecting, he eats with lawyers & paralegals for lunch. If you've followed my lastest postings you'd see he will be eating with me when he is in the office now.. :D We dont really have a discussed amount as far as spending goes but we ask each others opinions on things we are thinking of buying. As far as schedules go, dh checks our family schedule or calls to check dates w/ me before he adds anything to the calendar.

 

Jen- we have similar dhs. When mine gets home, he talks about this or that lawyer or the case he is working. Sometimes, I want q u i e t but just smile and let him talk. It works b/c he shares with me and I love the way he sees things differently then I do. Its a great way to gain perspective in life.

[linders]

DH and I are best friends, and end up chatting regulary during the day about what we are doing. If he goes out to lunch, he wants to tell me about the place (as I grit my teeth and wish I could go out to a grown-up lunch), he likes to find out how school is going for the day, whether we are going to the pool, what the news is from friends. It never feels like "checking in", we just like hearing from each other.

 

Oh, and on the big purchases, I doubt he'd ever make one without asking my opinion...well, except when he buys ridiculously expensive gifts for me where he knows I would say "no way." But I am becoming rather fond of the Bernina sewing machine (a little Singer would have been fine...)

 

He's on an out-of-town assingment right now and especially craving word from us, so actually calls a bit more than is "convenient"...like during lessons, piano practice, dinner prep time, etc. But I know he misses home so I just go ahead and chat.

[Laurie4b]

That's us, too. I'd never think of it as "accountability." It's logistics. We want to be together when we can. I need to know if he's coming home for dinner. We don't have secret lives we keep from one another. We discuss our days with each other because we're interested in each other, not for "accountability."

[KAR120C]

DH was on a business trip for a MONTH (ugh!) and about halfway through it struck me that I really like just rattling off the little detail things that no one cares about and knowing that he'll listen even though they're not particularly important or interesting. I ended up emailing him about two pages of trivial nonsense that I just wanted to have said!!

 

He's still teasing me about it too, because there's an episode of Futurama where one character is courting a woman and is advised to "ask her how her day was" which sends her off on a longwinded list of "Well, first I got up and had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish..."

 

;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh and I had a talk tonight. We decided to actually start to turn the cell phone on so that we can communicate if we need to. . . sometimes the solutions are so simple!:tongue_smilie:

[*anj*]

Dh and I had a talk tonight. We decided to actually start to turn the cell phone on so that we can communicate if we need to. . . sometimes the solutions are so simple!:tongue_smilie:

There you go! Good start!!:D

[Tracey in TX]

Dh has always traveled for work, so we've never been in the mode of a family dinner. When he's in town, he'll call to see when dinner is served (or is it a drive-thru night?). Lunch meetings are frequent, so he only tells me when it's something out of ordinary (ie old friend, good news, or gorgeous woman client).

 

Large purchases are discussed, except for the rare extraordinary gift ($300+).

Pre-homeschool I always told him about my day: lunch w/ friends, shopping, toilet bowl cleaning,etc. Completely different topics of conversations now:) Next week DH will take kiddos to visit extended family while I stay at home, dining with a different friend nightly!

 

Most of our 'rules' are tacit understandings and common sense. We text often throughout the day to keep communication open, even if actual talking is not an option.

[Hikin' Mama]

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

He's usually just up the driveway. :) Our house is just a few hundred yards away from our business (dairy). If he goes somewhere out of the norm, he usually tells me just in our general conversation.

 

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)? Usually.

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

He usually tells me that evening. "Oh I had lunch with so-and-so." It is usually work-related, like the vet or a salesman.

 

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

Yep, 'cause that means the kids will be home alone, and I check to see if he's going to be around in case they need something. Now that they're older, though, I don't worry about this as much.

 

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

Dh doesn't make any big personal purchases. I'm lucky in that his job is also his hobby. However, he makes many large business purchases, which he tells me about, but doesn't consult with me first, because he does an excellent job running this business and makes good decisions. And he's been doing this for over 30 years.

I make all of our personal purchases and handle all of our personal finances. He doesn't expect me to consult him, but then he trusts my money management and knows how I hate to shop. I do talk to him, though, before buying anything out of the normal monthly expenses.

[Ellie]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

 

No.

 

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

 

No.

 

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

 

No.

 

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

 

No.

 

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

 

We just figure it out. No specific named amount.

 

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

 

Only if they are "big."

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

 

We're both mature adults:D

[kalanamak]

What kind of accountability do you and your husband have to each other, if any?

 

Ie. Does your spouse tell you where he/she will be through-out the day (if it is other than the norm)?

Do you tell your spouse where you will be through-out the day (other than the norm)?

Does your spouse tell you if he/she will be getting together with someone for lunch (other than the gang at work)?

Do you tell your spouse if you will be getting together with someone for lunch?

Is there a money limit over which you will discuss purchases?

Does your spouse discuss purchases with you esp. if they are big?

 

I'm wondering what principles you use regarding these everyday issues in a marriage.

1) only if it is leaving town or going to be late.

2) he wouldn't remember even if I did.

3) no

4) no

5) obstensibly $150 on his end. He forgets sometimes. None on my end. He knows I'm a skinflint AND he has handed 100% control of money over to me.

6) obstensibly. Sometimes he thinking mentioning it is having discussed it.

 

We are a work in progress.

[nmoira]

It's not a question of accountiblity, but rather practicality. Aside from major purchases (we always give the other the chance to talk us out of it :) ), we might mention the types of things on the list before, maybe after they happened (assuming it comes to mind), depending on circumstances. For example, if the kids and I hit the zoo and would like to meet DH for dinner, I'll let him know about our plans and see if it's feasible. But if we go out for lunch to meet friends, there's no reason why he should know beforehand. If DH has something going on at work that might cause him to be late, he'll let me know. But I don't need him to call me to say he's having lunch with a friend.

[Kari C in SC]

I can't say we follow a list of "rules". It's basically just common sense.

 

:iagree:

 

I would say it is just basically common sense and respect. I respect him enough to let him know I will be gone past dinner, etc. He respects me enough to tell me he is hanging out with the guys after work, etc.

 

As far as money, generally, he won't spend more than $50 on something without telling me. He isn't really a shopper. I may spend more without telling him because I do things like buy kids' clothes, homeschool books, etc. He trusts I spend what we can afford.

[Kari C in SC]

DH was on a business trip for a MONTH (ugh!) and about halfway through it struck me that I really like just rattling off the little detail things that no one cares about and knowing that he'll listen even though they're not particularly important or interesting. I ended up emailing him about two pages of trivial nonsense that I just wanted to have said!!

 

He's still teasing me about it too, because there's an episode of Futurama where one character is courting a woman and is advised to "ask her how her day was" which sends her off on a longwinded list of "Well, first I got up and had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish..."

 

;)

 

This is too funny because it describes me exactly. I tell my dh EVERYTHING. I will rub his back and chatter away. I love that time with him. If I don't start talking a bunch, he always thinks something is wrong. I am always amazed when I meet people that don't talk to their spouses about every detail of their day. I always thought that was just what people did. I found out that most of my friends are not that way though. I guess I am just a chatter box.

[SusanG]

This is too funny because it describes me exactly. I tell my dh EVERYTHING. I will rub his back and chatter away. I love that time with him. If I don't start talking a bunch, he always thinks something is wrong. I am always amazed when I meet people that don't talk to their spouses about every detail of their day. I always thought that was just what people did. I found out that most of my friends are not that way though. I guess I am just a chatter box.

 

 

I have a lot of friends that share the details of their day with their spouses each evening, but we have NEVER done that. When Greg comes home from work, he likes to leave work BEHIND him, and unless something funny, or really interesting, happened, he doesn't talk about his day at all. Same with me - if the kids did something funny/crazy, or I had something interesting happen to me, I'll amuse him with the stories - or if the kids misbehaved all day I'll vent a little - but other than that, we really don't talk about our days at all. We like to focus on the "here and now" when we're together, I guess - works for us, but obviously not for everyone.

[Tutor]

Well, we do talk about such things but we don't really consider it accountability per se. When we chat in the morning we'll often go over our plans for the day, just in conversation. So yes, if he were planning to have lunch with a friend he'd tell me. On occasion he'll have dinner with a former co-worker, and he always runs the date past me to make sure we don't have family plans.

 

We basically discuss all purchases. If something is being purchased for the house we always discuss it first. Neither of us would ever buy something like a tv or a computer or even a camera without discussing it. Even back when we were less responsible with our money we always talked about things that cost more than say $50.

 

He usually takes his lunch to work with him but sometimes he'll go get a couple of slices of pizza instead. On those days he usually mentions that he went to lunch. If I go out alone on a Saturday to run errands I will often stop off and have lunch alone, and he knows that.

 

This is basically us as well. We like to chat about these things, but a lot of it is a need to discuss them because we have ZERO discretionary money. Every penny is budgeted, so if dh goes out to lunch (he rarely does), I have to rework the grocery budget. If I wanted to grab a soda or tea while I'm out, it would mean a reworking of some other aspect of our budget to cover it. So we have to discuss everything that is spent because it has a big effect on our budget.

 

We also only have one car, so we usually talk about who needs to be where in a given week so that the car is available to whoever needs it. It also means that when I plan appointments, I plan around dh's normal schedule, so he needs to ask if he can do something that requires his taking the car outside that normal schedule because I may have planned an appointment or other outing requiring my taking the car.

 

As anj mentioned, it's not so much asking permission as it is arranging a tight schedule with limited resources, and that takes a lot of coordination sometimes.

 

We have friends who have "mad money" (I joking call it "don't ask, don't tell" money) into their budget every month. The husband and wife each get so much per month to spend on whatever they want without needing "permission" first. She usually spends it on clothes or shoes for her or the kids above what she would normally spend on their clothing budget or goes out to eat or something. He generally saves his up and buys gadgets or camping equipment or surprises everyone with ice cream or something.

[Pretty in Pink]

we do talk about most of those things but that is just the way we are and we don't think of it as accountability per se.

 

he is usually the one who calls me to discuss purchases over 20.00 or so out of consideration for me since i am the one in control of our finances. it is funny that he still does that and the amount is still around 20.00 because we were pretty broke when we first got married and it was necessary to report every little purchase. now we can pretty easily afford whatever we want and still he asks before he buys anything more than a DVD! lol.