Sahamamama Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Something felt a bit "off" in the neighborhood this week... it's hard to explain. My husband was out of town for work and I was busy with the girls, but for some reason something in my spirit felt like Death was walking here. I remember looking out the window after the girls were in bed on Monday night, and thinking how many people in this neighborhood have died since we moved in five years ago -- Mrs. Bluehouse (her nickname) from across the street, Charlie from across and one down, Paul (next door), Iwona (also next door). It was dark Monday night, the wind was blowing... we are at a creepy dead end, and it felt so empty. I wasn't at all afraid, just aware of Death walking around. I mentioned it to my husband later that night when he called to check in. We found out today that Mark jumped in front of a Subaru on Monday night, a few streets over from here. Since his wife Iwona died from cancer two years ago, he has been drunk, in and out of rehab a few times, arrested, investigated by Family Services, walking to liquor stores at night, and out of control. We didn't know, but we suspected he was falling apart. We had seen him ram his truck into his van a few times, in his own driveway. His just-turned 18 year old son moved out at least 18 months ago, to live with his mother's best friend from Poland. Now she and he will move back into the house, once it's cleaned up and painted inside. At least the boy gets his house back, where he had good memories of his mother, and the house is paid off. All the neighbors think that Mark waited until his son was just about to turn 18, and then ended his life. Perhaps he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing? The driver of the car said there was no time to stop. I feel like there was a warning in my spirit that went unheard and unheeded... what could I have done? We don't speak Polish, he spoke very limited English. We saw him kick his dog once; we think it eventually ran away. But he was gentle enough to tame a stray cat. Sometimes he replied to our greetings, sometimes he pretended not to hear. He was a mystery, really. He lost his wife, his son, his sobriety... and then his life. I know what it is to see life as bleak, dark, hopeless, and pointless -- and to fight off that mindset -- but Mark reached a bottom where I've never been. Tonight I wish we could say to him what we can only say to those living on earth: Life is not bleak! There is hope! Life has purpose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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