Small families/multi-generations

[learningmama]

Didn't know how to word the thread. Does anyone else have a family like this or is it rare? Both my family and dh's families are very small. My grandparents had two kids, both of those had two kids. My cousin has two kids, but her brother has none (and probably will not have many if at all). I have two children and my brother is not married/no kids and may never be (he's okay with that).

 

My husband has a brother and bil has one child, but I'm sure more will come. DH and bil have no cousins. Mil has two half-siblings, but neither ever had children. Dh's step-father and sil are were only children growing up. DH also has a great aunt that never had children either.

 

Our families seem to be shrinking as time goes on. Relatives die, but there are no young ones to replace them. It's kind of sad. I know there are lots of big and extended families out there, but obviously neither dh nor I are part of.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I know a couple families like this where they don't have many extended relatives. I don't think that your situation is rare. I think you hear more about large families than you do the small ones.

 

It's hard for me to relate to what living in a small family would be like because I have 4 full and 2 half siblings. Dh has 2 full, 1 half and 3 adopted siblings. My mom had 3 sisters and my dad had 7 siblings. Dh's parents were both one of 2 children, but had many, many close cousins. I have over 30 first cousins, and 12 nieces and nephews.

[Sophia]

I think it's becoming more and more common.

Many of my peers chose to stop at two children, and now that they are becoming grandparents, their dc have also made it clear they are only gong to have two.

Unlike you, they don't think it's sad, they think it's smart.

 

You can see by my siggy we chose the large family route.:)

 

It'll be interesting to see what my own dc choose.

 

I'm curious though~if you think the trend toward small families is sad, are you and your dh leaning toward a larger family?

[imagine.more]

Yeah, my family is shrinking all the time. Unfortunately my sisters (one of whom is married and her DH is against having kids) say they're not having any children and my brother is in the military with no romantic prospects, he's young so I hope he finds a nice girl and gets married and has children but I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't.

My DH's family is scary small to me, he has just 3 cousins total, everyone had only children except his parents who had 2. His sister might have 1 but like my brother I wouldn't be surprised if she had none. The odds are good our kids will have no cousins. His own cousins are too young to tell for sure but might have 1 kid late in life but it's unlikely given their personalities and upbringing, having children is more of a "if you've done everything else (education, career, house, married, travel, etc) then sure, have one or maybe two kids if you really want"

 

Compared to my grandparents who had 4 and 5 children each and my DH's grandparents who had 3 children each it's sad to see the numbers dwindling. I told DH we can make up for our kids having no cousins though by having more ourselves :) I would expect to have several grandkids since we're raising the kids Catholic and I've got Irish-Catholic fertility on my side, lol!

[jar7709]

I come from a very long line of generally small families. One of the reasons behind that is because of genetic diseases in the family that killed children while still young, until modern medicine came on the scene. Another reason behind that is that some people prefer to have few kids. I like our small, intimate families and don't find them sad at all. :001_smile:

[Alisa in Florida]

Sometimes I feel sorry for my 2 boys because they only have 2 cousins. DH and I each have one sister & they each had only one child. I have 9 cousins (7 around the same age as my sister and me, 2 about 10 years older) & have great memories of vacations with them when I was a kid. My parents moved to Florida before I was born, so vacations were always spent going to Indiana to visit all the relatives.

 

My kids don't know the difference, but it just seems that they are missing out by not having a big extended family.

[amyable]

Other than my immediate family, my "growing up" family is pretty small. My paternal grandparents had only 1 child (my dad), my maternal grandparents had two. My mom had one child and adopted another (me). My uncle never married. So I have only one uncle and no first cousins. My brother has two and I'm 99% sure that is all they will have.

 

We broke the mold, but then again I've always been a little different. :lol:

 

 

I know many families around here that are 0-2 kids for several generations.

[vonfirmath]

This is my husband's family (and one reason I wanted 4 kids, mostly boys, etc... Circumstances have dictated otherwise). There were 6 siblings not that many generations ago (4?). But he's the only boy left in his generation. And now my son may be the only boy in the next generation.

[Impish]

Hmmm.

 

My Mom was one of two kids. She had 4 of us, her brother had 2 kids.

 

My Dad was one of 4. His brothers each had 2 kids.

 

My eldest brother has 2.

 

My younger brother just had his first this year.

 

Youngest brother has one last I heard.

 

Brother #2 has mentioned having 3 kids when all is said and done, but his wife has a serious medical issue, so that may not happen. Eldest is def done. Younger...who knows?

 

So far, I have more kids than all my brothers put together! :lol:

[Mommyof4ks]

Our family is like that too. My kids may have no cousins. :( When our kids grow up they will likely only have us and their aunts.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Dh has a tiny family. Both his parents were only children (his mom discovered 3 half sisters when she was an adult, but they're not really close.) They decided they didn't want their kid to be an only child, so they had 2. Dh's older sister is 31, not married, has never really had a serious boyfriend, and doesn't look like she's going to have one any time soon. They took in a troubled 16yo girl and later adopted her, but she and her husband didn't have any kids, and now they're divorcing.

 

So the in-laws were pretty thrilled when they found out we were expecting :D Dh is the only one to carry on the family's name, so it's a good thing we have two boys; more likely that the family name will survive. (Have you ever meet another Mr. or Mrs. Warde with an "e" at the end?) We want one more kid, though I'm hoping for a girl :001_wub:

 

My family, on the other hand, has PLENTY of people to carry on the family name. My father's mother's father only had one sibling that survived childhood, and that was a sister. And he only had 2 daughters, so his family name died with him; but my grandmother's daughter's illegitimate son (has mother's maiden name instead of father's) is considering changing his last name to Andres to revive the name.

[Element]

This describes my family as well. My dc have no cousins on my side of the family and probably never will. My grandparents, who had three children, ended up with only two great-grandchildren. Our shrinking family tree is due to cancer, polio, and severe childbirth complications (HELLP, pre-ec, preemies.) Dh's family, otoh, seems to have no problem whatsoever reproducing. ;)

[missmoe]

We do not have a small family (5 children), nor do I or my husband come from small families.

 

Between our combined 8 siblings, only one other has chosen to have children. So my children have only 2 cousins. My children are the only grandchildren on my husband's side. Heck, only one of my many cousins decided to have kids. She has 1 child.

 

I think it's kinda sad that so many children won't grow up with large extended families. I think extended family helps children to find their place in the world.

[G5052]

My cousins' parents are both dead, but they are 10 and 15 years older than me and a ongoing family rift from years ago means that I haven't been in contact with them in over 20 years.

 

One uncle never married and the other uncle/aunt never had children.

 

My children are the only grandchildren my parents had (both are deceased).

 

But on the other side...oh my. Lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins!

[MissKNG]

Yes, there is no one to carry on my father's last name in my family.

[Danestress]

DH is an only child. He has three cousins but I have only met them once. I have two sisters but one is childless (by choice) and the other has only one child. I have 3 cousins but I am not close to them.

 

I sort of like our smallness. Not much drama. No massive family reunions. We make up in closeness for what we lack in sheer numbers. My Mom and MIL both live within a mile or two of me, and they come for dinner regularly.

 

I'm sure it's fun to be part of a large extended family with a lot of cousins. I used to wish I had more. But honestly, I don't feel sad about being from a small family. Every time I read a post about how expensive it is to fly across the country for a cousin's wedding that a poster "has to" attend, I feel sort of grateful.

 

I only have one living relative who doesn't live in North Carolina. And I swear, we aren't hill billlies:)

[Impish]

Otoh, if there is drama, you can't plan to hide in the crowd at a gathering either :tongue_smilie:

[SonshineLearner]

My parents have 8 siblings for one... 6 or so for the other. Because of how many years they are spread out, I have an aunt and uncle I never even got to meet. All of them were raised by bio-parents :) But, as far as cousins.... I don't get together with any from my dad, really, and some from my mom. As far as my kids... I have two step daughter (full sis), and 2 kids that are "half siblings".... I feel bad for my kids as I feel like they may not be close... hmmmm.... My brother has 1 son, but our kids aren't close as he doesn't have custody... and we don't see him much :(

[AHASRADA]

My maternal grandfather was an only, my mother was an only, and I am an only. I actually loved growing up as the only child of my parents, and the only grandchild of my grandparents. Sure makes you feel special! Incidentally, my experience with other children at school, as well as with my friends' siblings, made me shudder at the idea of having one of "those creatures" share my home, and my parents! :lol:

 

I am extremely close to my family, and have always loved the company of older generations. However, I realize that, at some point, there will be no one left but me :crying:

 

Dh has 4 siblings, and they are very close as well. I never wanted a "large" family, but I decided I did want my dc to have a sibling to grow up with and be close to when we're gone, so I had two; the perfect 1 boy, 1 girl family. Then I started meeting adults that "only" have one sibling, and remarked how small their extended family seemed. I realized I wanted my kids to have a little bigger family than just each other, so we had one more :).

 

My grandfather is blown away that he now has 3 great-grandchildren, when he and his daughter each only had one :D.

 

Fortunately, my dc have 7 cousins on dh's side, and they love each other's company. I can see them maintaining long-term relationships as a healthy-sized future generation.

[Parrothead]

Grandma A had 4 kids of those 4 kids there are 5 grands. Of the 5 grands so far there are 3 great-grands. I have one of them. The other two belong to the next oldest female cousin.

 

Grandma B had 5 kids. Of those 5 kids there were 4 grands. Three of those 5 had no children at all. From the grands there are 3 great-grands. I have one of them and the other two belong to the third oldest female cousin.

 

Out of 9 kids of my parents generation I have 5 cousins and a sibling.

[sparrow]

We both come from small (and shrinking!) families. I am an only, my husband has one sibling, and that sibling had one child.

 

When I thought about the future for our kids and their one cousin, it made me kind of sad. My husband pointed out that *we've* really created our own extended family with close relationships with friends and he's right. You know the saying, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves".

[Wabi Sabi]

I come from a very large family myself (eight altogether) but my dh is an only child. His parents were also both only children and they had him relatively late in life (his mother was in her 40s and his father was in his 50s when dh was born.)

 

Dh's father died when dh was still a child. My MIL is elderly and in poor health. There are no cousins, no aunts, no uncles; absolutely no one left other than dh and his mother.

 

His side of the family would die out if it weren't for our two children and we are done having kids. We have a boy and a girl so most likely our ds will be the only person to carry on the family name. Unless ds grows up to have a large family there's a decent chance that lineage will die within a generation or two.

[learningmama]

I'm curious though~if you think the trend toward small families is sad, are you and your dh leaning toward a larger family?

 

We are done at 2 unless a surprise happens. I like the idea of more kids, but dh is not too keen on the idea and I have some health issues that could make it hard.

In our families some just don't want kids. Several don't even care for marriage, but I know that is a growing trend in this day and age.

[zaichiki]

My dh is from a family like that: small for a few generations. He's an only.

Both my parents came from huge families. Therefore, I had LOTS of first cousins. We all grew up together and it was great!

 

My parents only had two kids and my brother and s-i-l are expecting their first. So until now my kids have had zero (first) cousins... and it's so sad for me... I have lots of great memories with cousins at family gatherings. I've always wanted them to have that opportunity. We are all excited about the impending FIRST first cousin!

[learningmama]

Otoh, if there is drama, you can't plan to hide in the crowd at a gathering either :tongue_smilie:

 

Yeah, there's been a bit of drama on dh's side. Not fun.

[justamouse]

My grandfather's (was an only) name died with him, and my grandmother's maiden name died with her-my Nan was one of five girls, but none of them had any kids apart from her.

 

Then there is us. We have two boys together or his name would have died out, too.

 

We're the crazy ones with all the kids.

[TravelingChris]

I came from a family of three kids, as did my father. My mother came from a family of five kids, though one died in early 20's trying to rescue someone who was drowning. Only one of her siblings had kids, and he only had one. One didn't marry and the other was married but they had no children. My husband came from a family of four boys but none of the other three had any children. Neither did my siblings. His father was one of three siblings and his mom was one of two but her brother died as a toddler from one of those childhood diseases that now we get immunizations.

 

My dh and I have three kids and they have no cousins. I had cousins but since they lived on different continents from me, I didn't see them except once or twice. My dh had cousins but didn't like them much. So in our case, our family size isn't getting smaller but just holding steady with regards to our family. On the other hand, since none of either dh's or my siblings ever had any children, both our families have essentially gotten smaller.