TrixieB Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My early teen has an upcoming wellness exam. During all exams (the last one was 2 years ago) I have always been in the room, often with a younger same-gender sibling in tow. This time my teen is adamant that no younger sib will be in the room, and prefers that I not be in the room either. It could be that changing clothes in front of Mom is embarrassing, or maybe my kiddo has a question or two for the doctor's ears only. Or perhaps it's just a part of growing up... At what age do you allow your dc to go the exam room by themselves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarymelon Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My kids are not there yet, but as a provider, I would say 13 or post puberty if they want to be alone. Most teenagers I see want to be there with a parent, and often rely on them to do the talking for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel marie Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 if they are in their teen years and they want to go by themselves, let them go. you are right, they may have a question not for your ears. do whatever you and your teen feel comfortable with. angel R.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 The first one of mine to want to go it alone was about 15 or maybe 16 but was well aquainted with the dr. The older two sisters didn't go alone until they were grown and out of the house. The current 15 year old has not yet. It might have been different with boys though, I don't remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I would go with what the teen is most comfortable with. However, if it is a very young teen (maybe 14 and under or 16 and under for boys) I find it works better for the parent to at least come in first to address any concerns the parent has. Then the parent can leave for the physical exam if the teen desires which also gives the teen a chance to ask questions that might be embarrassing. When a young teen is sent back alone I find that I get a lot of the parent asking "did you ask her about..." as they are leaving the appointment. Which often means we have to go back in and address something like the chronic headaches for the past three years that the teen forgot to mention. I'll also say that a lot of time the questions they want to ask in private are things like when can they shave or something about acne or body odor. Or sometimes it's body image things. Or I've had kids want to talk about stress or being sad without worrying their parents too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think if I'd met the doctor before and felt okay with him/her, I'd be okay if my teen requested a solo doctor visit. If I felt that my teen was asking about sexually-related things, I might discuss that with the doctor ahead of time, maybe ask that he/she respect our personal family's beliefs and see what the doctor would relay to me afterward. However, I would absolutely insist that another doctor or a nurse be present in the room at all times that I wasn't, and I would probably also insist that one of the two medical professionals in the room be of the same sex as my child. Perhaps a reasonable compromise would be for me to be in the room for the initial general discussion, and then for me to leave (and be replaced by a nurse) for the actual exam. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I have to say that I'm torn about this; I truly believe that EVERYTHING the teen has a right to ask... you have a right to hear. I wish it was like before where the Dr could nicely fill you in on what you needed to hear after the teen was in there... BUT, HEPA prevails. They have a right to get just about anything... before they're even old enough to drive. Privacy laws kill me. (like at the library where I can't know WHAT my child checks out, but I'm responsible for their fines/lost books... if that happens) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
higginszoo Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 (edited) My 12 year old had part of her exam this year with her sister and I outside. It was just the undressed part, and she preferred the privacy. My boys (13 and almost 11) prefer for me to be in the room, but not where I can see when the doctor checks their boy parts. Both their doctor and I tend to be of the philosophy of letting the child take the lead on what they prefer, as long as it's reasonable (including moving the boys to the male partners in the practice when they decide that they want to). I'm not sure that mine are quite ready to do the whole checkup without me there, but I'm very willing to step out for the undressed part if that request is led by the child. It has really only been a few years since I kept my summer kids and winter kids together ... my summer kids had had their checkups together since their 2 mo/ 15 mo checks, but being boy/girl tweens/teens, it just doesn't work. Edited November 30, 2011 by higginszoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think if I'd met the doctor before and felt okay with him/her, I'd be okay if my teen requested a solo doctor visit. If I felt that my teen was asking about sexually-related things, I might discuss that with the doctor ahead of time, maybe ask that he/she respect our personal family's beliefs and see what the doctor would relay to me afterward. However, I would absolutely insist that another doctor or a nurse be present in the room at all times that I wasn't, and I would probably also insist that one of the two medical professionals in the room be of the same sex as my child. Perhaps a reasonable compromise would be for me to be in the room for the initial general discussion, and then for me to leave (and be replaced by a nurse) for the actual exam. See this isn't suppose to happen though... nothing that the teen wants to keep "private" can be relayed to you... Their body.. their business... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I still go in with my son, but for his last physical (his first since being a toddler), I scooted out of the room for the "turn and cough" part of the exam. The doc told me to just stand outside the door. He did what he needed to do, and then my son said, "you can come back in, Mom". It worked well for us. My son is 11. I haven't seen parts of him in years :001_smile:. He's always been quite modest and any time something has come up, my husband has dealt with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 my dh started going when we felt that it was more than they wanted mom there for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBS Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My kids' docs are very discreet about private parts of the exam, so I was in the room, till boys were 15 or 16.... and now I stay for the talking part, any concerns, meds, etc., then leave for the waiting room. Daughter still has me in there for regular checkups, and for her first gyn, she wanted me there, but we worked out ahead of time that I'd be holding her hand, standing at her head and looking away when doc exposed any body parts. I am thinking she'll do the second one on her own. At some point, after kids were 11 or 12, docs ask me to leave the room for a moment....for an age-appropriate chat, that I have approved ahead of time. I trust these physicians, and like that they check over certain things that my child might, just maybe, not share with me. I like that my child has some responsibility for his health. I am terrified about finding doctors for my kids once they have to go to grown-up docs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I would be ok with not being there for the physical examination part for a teen who requests privacy, but would not be OK with being excluded from discussion (other than a little private time for a teen to ask questions.) I have more experience with discussing health with doctors and would need to coach my teens on how to give pertinent information and how to ask questions. I also need to know the status of the child's health since I am responsible for the bill and I am the one on the hook for insuring follow through on recommendations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 :iagree: 13-14ish....depends on what kind of dr visit too-a well check should be ok to be done solo..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My dh starts going with my boys for physicals when they are 11. My oldest son is 21 and he now goes on his own. I think it's time. :D ;) My dd is 18 and she usually still wants me to go with her if she's seeing a doc here at home (she's away at college). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My early teen has an upcoming wellness exam. During all exams (the last one was 2 years ago) I have always been in the room, often with a younger same-gender sibling in tow. This time my teen is adamant that no younger sib will be in the room, and prefers that I not be in the room either. It could be that changing clothes in front of Mom is embarrassing, or maybe my kiddo has a question or two for the doctor's ears only. Or perhaps it's just a part of growing up... At what age do you allow your dc to go the exam room by themselves? Dh is a family physician. At his medical school, they had whole classes on how to get the parents out of the room (a practice dh strongly disagrees with). No way would we have our early teens alone for a physical exam, even with a doctor we've known and trusted for a long time. For my sons, dh would go. However, I can understand your son not wanting siblings along. Send your husband with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 My early teen has an upcoming wellness exam. During all exams (the last one was 2 years ago) I have always been in the room, often with a younger same-gender sibling in tow. This time my teen is adamant that no younger sib will be in the room, and prefers that I not be in the room either. It could be that changing clothes in front of Mom is embarrassing, or maybe my kiddo has a question or two for the doctor's ears only. Or perhaps it's just a part of growing up... At what age do you allow your dc to go the exam room by themselves? If he is asking, it's the right age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God IS Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I never remember there being a "private parts" exam as a teenager...not until the first gyno exam. Has this changed? There is NO WAY my dd would be okay with this unless there appeared to be a problem going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Maybe teen girl exams are different than teen boy exams... but my girls don't have to undress for their annual check up. At about 15 yo, I start asking them if they want me to go back with them, and so far, they've always said yes. Dh took dd17 for her follow up appt after kidney stone surgery. He waited outside the room while the dr removed the stent, but there were 2 female nurses in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Oldest dd is 16. At her last check up I asked if she wanted to go in alone, but she said she still wants me there.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I never remember there being a "private parts" exam as a teenager...not until the first gyno exam. Has this changed? There is NO WAY my dd would be okay with this unless there appeared to be a problem going on. My daughter has never had one yet and she's 15. My son did get the "turn and cough" deal but he plays a high contact sport and the doctor said it was necessary. He resisted, saying "This isn't the airport! I HAVE RIGHTS!" which we both thought was hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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