Lizzie in Ma Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 :iagree:with this. I always offer to bring something when invited. I do not expect others to offer to bring something to my home. I do take them up on it, if asked, usually. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieH Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Yes. Sometimes I go a little overboard (but I love to cook). My husband's aunt was hosting Thanksgiving yesterday, but I brought two pumpking pies, dressing, green bean casserole, a pumpking roll, and 2 plates of deviled eggs. But of course, I talked to her first to see what she was making and what she'd like me to bring. I don't expect people to bring anything when they're coming to my house, but I appreciate it when they do, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 When I am invited, I ask if I can bring anything. For family, it is expected unless it is a birthday or graduation for one of their kids. When I host a holiday, I expect my local relatives (other than the elderly) to bring stuff. It is how my family does things. I wouldn't expect other guests to bring stuff, but if they offered, I wouldn't refuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 In South Africa it is good manners to offer to bring something. The hostess usually will allocate sides, chips, dips , salads, rools, colldrinks (we do not drink or offer any alcool), juices and sometimes deserts. I guess it due to the economy but even if you did not clarify with the hostess when invited it is good manners to phone and ask what they require. If a hostess does not required anything (very rare) then I will bring some nice biscuits, chocolates, fruits juices, special biscuits... When I invite someone if they did not ask (usual seminary students or people with low means) I do not expect anything. If I am providing I usual plan the meal around some generic side dishes. Most people here even if they have low means will be offended if you do not accept their offer to bring something. Then I will alocate according to their abilityto acess a kitchen, their financial position and their cooking ability. Things like 2 litter colldrink, six rools, large packet of chips are allocated to single people or the ones financially strained, it costs around US $1... Then some people that ask and want to help will bring a green salad, some vegetable side dish fitting with the meal. Then we have to take into account the ones that have special recipies for salads, breads, side dishes and deserts. If they offer to bring a specific dish (except if very far out from your meal) it is considered rude to deny them. So basically there is the ones that really want to help and ask "What can I bring?" and the ones that will offer their special dish... Most meals here usually end in a pot luck of sides and deserts, you provide the mains... I am a "What can I bring?" person and stick to it. Now on the other hand we have a child with several extreme allergies (peanuts, nuts, sesame seeds, olives, olive oil,gluten, dairy, soya, eggs, MSG and some colourants) so I also have to ask what are they serving and bring his own version of it. And both my daughter and I are on a Gluten Free limited soya and MSG diet. I can let the Soya and MSG go aside for a meal but not the gluten. So I might also bring in a side or a full main for us if we are unable to eat theirs (i.e. lasagna, pizza...) or we will just have some salads... I tend to pack a tray of chopped fruits, some safe chips and dips, some green salad with safe dressing, safe juices, cupcakes and my sons meal not because I am trying to be difficult and spoil the hostess's meal but because of allergies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I would ask what I could bring, and if the answer was, 'Nothing' then I'd bring a bottle of wine. I'd ask if I could help, but most often the answer is no. I don't expect guests of mine to help. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 It is also rude here not to help clean up after a meal. Usually between courses severa ladies will get up and assist the hostess. At the end the ladies that can stay behind will stay and assist with clean up whilst the men and children visit and play. If this was a big gathering, then usual the men will dismantle tables, pack chairs, put furniture back, tidy floors... During these big gatherings you might be asked to bring what you have available cuttlery, silverware, bowls, fold up chair and tables, you get the idea... Then you might have to arrive early to help set up and finish lte to carry back. Most gatherings are very informal, also time is subjective. It is called 'African Time' that means no urgency and do not expect a function to start on time... We usual arrive on time and even with a small function most of the times the hostess is not yet ready so we end up setting table and helping lay out stuff. On December 25th we gathered with some friends from our church and their friends. We arrived on time with the allocated food that we need to bring plus our allergy free option and then jumped in along with the hostess and her family to help set tables, carve meats, keep fooods warms, dress salads, cut and butter bread, serve drinks... whilst the other guests were arriving. I think we started about and hour later but that is usual the norm. Then we have the good South African Braai and that has a whole differant dinamic... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 When invited to others' homes for dinner, I always ask what I can bring or mention a specific item that I could bring. (i.e. "Let me bring dessert.") When I invite others over, I do not expect them to bring anything, but they usually do. If people ask what they can bring, I ask them to bring something simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I always offer, and if someone says no - I bring either a bottle of wine or a bouquet of flowers. For those coming to my house, if they ask, I ask them to bring desert, usually :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoamiracle Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I always ofer, sometimes they say us, usually if it is a gathering with other families. If it is just the one family then they usually say no. If I have one family over I usually refuse any offers of food brought over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 If you've ever wondered if there was a better way to cook than going shopping for all of the ingredients, preparing all of the food, cooking and baking it all, and then cleaning it all up, home meal delivery might be the answer you've been looking for. You might not be able to hire a full-time chef to make all of your meals for you, but a reprieve from having to make every meal, every night can be a nice change of pace. If you look at it from a financial standpoint, it might make good business sense to tally up all of the time and cost included in fixing your own meals from scratch ------------------------------------- Mike Smith invitationbox It seems as though this thread was resurrected for purposes of spam? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 You are probably right. But around here most of the time to invite a family also means their extended relatives. It is not usual to have just one family around. But even the few times we were invited alone as family or we just invited one family around usualy it is good manners to offer and help and we usually help. Around here it works on the 'village'principle. Not many formal or smal gatherings... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Sorry did not relize it was an old thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandst Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 We also do not have any family here but when you invite someone we also invite their extended families. Families live with their extended relatives... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 When you are invited to someone elses home, or when you invite someone over for a meal, do you contribute/expect them to contribute? If it makes any difference, we are a large family (eight of us) and we frequently have large families over. Well, it depends. If I am invited *to dinner* at someone's home for the first time, and I know that it's just us, not a big get-together, I assume that I am a guest, and I don't bring food. Similarly, when I invite someone to my home for the first time, and it's a dinner, not a big potluck or large-group event, I do NOT expect them to bring food, because they're the guest. If I were inviting your family to my home for the first time, and y'all were the only ones coming, no, I wouldn't expect you to bring food. You're the guest. I'd have spaghetti or hamburgers or meatloaf or something that I could make a big batch of and not break the bank but that you'd all enjoy. :-) If you do contribute/expect them to contribute, what would you like to take or have them bring? I have occasionally hosted potlucks at my house, and then...it's a potluck. People can bring whatever they want. I usually have beverages and condiments, plus whatever food I'm preparing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Generally speaking I always offer to bring something when we're invited to some else's house. We're a family of 5. I expect to do the entire meal myself when I invite guests over. I've invited families with as many as 7 children over. If they offer to bring something I usually have them bring dessert. If they don't offer it's not a big deal-I assumed I would do it all anyway. Problems with excess I have a huge extended family here locally. I hosted Thanksgiving for about 10 years. I did have to be more blunt when it came to that one. After years of throwing away food I had to explain that if people brought more than what was worked out for the menu (a common problem) it was going in the garbage. Everyone would bring another dessert and side dish "just in case", and no one wanted to take it home. The older ones because of health reasons and the younger ones with kids because they didn't want more sugary foods in their houses. One year while everyone was helping clean up and people were not taking enough home in their leftover containers, I threw the unclaimed food down the garbage disposal while people were still there instead of after they left. It finally got the message across. I really can't eat all the leftover dishes that I didn't ask you to bring in the first place. When you asked if there was anything else you needed to bring and I told you not to bring anything else because we had plenty, I meant it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Sorry did not relize it was an old thread. Neither did I. :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I offer to bring something. When I have people over, I don't expect them to bring anything. Even if they ask, I say no. However, I have had situations where after I have said no, they ask again and say something specific that they can bring. If that is the case, I will say yes. Just out of curiosity, if you don't bring food, do you bring a hostess gift? I know someone who always brings a gift. I haven't always brought a gift and wonder when you should do this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 If invited to someone else's house, I would certainly ask what I could bring. If the person said I didn't need to bring anything, I'd ask if they were sure, and if they still declined, I wouldn't bring anything. But then I'd reciprocate and invite that person over, or otherwise find a way to bless that person/family another time. If someone asks if they can bring something to my house, I would probably decline (unless it was a holiday -- Thanksgiving, etc. are always potluck sorts of things, where each person has her specialty item or two), but if they really wanted to bring something, I might suggest a side dish or dessert or something that I knew the person did well, like "could you bring some of those delicious rolls you've made before?" or something? When we were first married, another newlywed couple that had been college friends of ours lived nearby. We'd get together about once a month, at one of our apartments; the hosts would cook, and the guests would bring a dessert or side, and it was always a lot of fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadrunner Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Neither did I. :huh: I was going to agree with you and Ester Maria :) I do miss her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I thought Ester Maria was back!!!! I'm disappointed and slightly put out. Please don't bump zombie threads from 2011. Start a new one. We'll give you cupcakes if you'll do that instead of resurrecting the past and making us all think we're hearing from old friends who have moved on from the boards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 . Oops, didn't realize this was an old thread until after I posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 --If we are hosting, then we do not expect others to bring something. Possibly dessert if they persist. --If we are guests, I ask what we can bring. --If the hosts say, "Nothing," then we swing by the grocery store for a $10 bouquet of flowers for whomever is cooking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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