s/o Nakia's FB Thread ~ If you knew that a friend removed you

[Negin]

would you feel offended?

 

Do you cull your friends list on FB and if so, do you worry about offending some?

 

Floridamom said this:

I have very few facebook friends who I don't know in real life, and they're all people I currently have regular contact with (except for faraway family). My online friends on facebook are people I've known online for quite a while, so even though we might not have ever met in person, we know each other. I like it that way.

 

I'm trying to decide if I should cull my friends list from time to time. Ideally, I would prefer my FB friends to be ones that I know IRL and care about, as well as online friends whom I have known for some time and really care about also. Yet, I worry about offending some ... sorry to sound like such a wimp. :001_huh:

[Free]

If a facebook friend is not very close, then it would not bother me at all. If the friend is very close, then I would assume it is a mistake and resend the friend request :D

[Kirch]

Depends. If it was someone I knew pretty well and I didn't know there was a good reason, I might be hurt. I have lots of fb friends who are old high school classmates, college classmates, former students, etc. that I really don't know well, at least not anymore. If they unfriended me, I probably wouldn't notice, and I wouldn't really care. I'd just figure they were culling their list for whatever reason.

 

I don't worry about doing that with mine, though. Facebook for me is just a tool to keep in touch with people and see what's going on in my/their world. I don't really waste a lot of angst or thought on it. I figure it's not really going to make much difference if I have 50 friends or 500 friends (except maybe in the # of items in my news feed). Sure, I could unfriend people I don't know well, but why? Unless they're creating drama, it's not causing me any trouble to have them on my friends list. And if they are creating drama (or using foul language), I usually hide them. No biggie. I think the only reason I'd unfriend someone on fb is if they were intentionally being out-and-out unfriendly (MEAN!). And in that situation I wouldn't be worrying too much about whether or not they were offended!

[Margo out of lurking]

Depends on the level of friendship.

[nono]

I think the problem is using the term "friend." Too many definitions.

 

I mean really, do I have 217 friends? No. But, I do know 217 nice folks with whom I like to occasionally exchange pleasantries. If someone unfriended me, no, I wouldn't take offense, unless it was my best friend or my husband. Facebook is different things to different people, and there's a variety of reasons why they might have done so.

[RainbowSprinkles]

If it's someone I talk to on a regular basis, I would assume it was some kind of mistake. My FB changes the number on my friends list all the time. I have no idea how. I would simply send another request.

 

If it's someone I don't really talk to to at all, it wouldn't bother me at all. I guess then we really weren't friends in the first place.

 

I just went through my list the other day and deleted people off that I didn't really know/talk to (basically were only there because one of the FRG leaders I've had liked everyone to keep in touch via FB) and I feel a lot better just sharing with people who I actually want to share stuff with.

[amy g.]

I'm so arrogant that when I get unfriended I assume it was completely inadvertent on my friends part, or a FB glitch.

 

If I had been unfriended in Nakia's purge, I would have sent her a pm here and asked her to reconsider because I really want to be friends, but even then, I would not be offended because in my heart, I would believe that her finger just slipped and she accidentally unfriended me instead of the truly obnoxious person she meant to unfriend.

[Heather in Neverland]

I don't cull because I haven't felt the need. I have blocked a few from my feed. If someone culled me? Honestly, I probably wouldn't notice.

[kewb]

I have been unfriended and I have unfriended others. I do not find it offensive. For me, facebook is a fun diversion. It does not make or break my irl friendships.

[ashfern]

I don't check it often enough so I probably wouldn't even notice. :lol:

[KidsHappen]

My FB friend list is less than 20 and I am related to most of those people. I have just a few people from here and then a few of my kids' close friends and that is about it. I am not a big FB user and I am very judicious about adding friends so I haven't ever had a need to de-friend anyone but I can understand the need.

 

One of my dd has almost 500 friends, about 1/4 of her school or all of her class, plus all the usual friends and relatives. She knows all of these people but obviously is not friends with all of them. She doesn't even interact with the majority of them but won't defriend because in her generation it is considered rude not to accept a friend invitation or to defriend someone you know without really good reason.

 

My oldest two dds' usage is somewhere between these two extremes but the third dd has closed her account entirely and doesn't use it at all anymore. I do miss her being part of the family conversations but I understand as well.

[....]

I know this doesn't help, but I've never been on FB. From all the stories I hear, it sounds like the drama would be overwhelming. :blink: There probably are some people who never check it...so they wouldn't be offended.

[cdrumm4448]

My niece unfriended me (she's a raging liberal and I'm a conservative). I was offended at first, but now I like not having to deal with her. I speak to her as little as possible IRL, too. She's 20.

[LND1218]

I don't remove people - I just don't accept friend requests from everyone.

[simka2]

I did get offended once. I had a very old friend who was extremely liberal and i am a bit more moderate. I enjoyed our occasional political banters, but i guess he did not and removed me :tongue_smilie:

 

I have purged my facebook, because i had around 200 people who were friends with someone i was very uncomfortable with. A few people contacted me and i explained the situation. They chose to remove the person i was uncomfortable with and remain in contact with me. :001_smile:

[lionfamily1999]

I don't cull because I haven't felt the need. I have blocked a few from my feed. If someone culled me? Honestly, I probably wouldn't notice.

Me too. I've been deleted a few times from various "friends" and only found out when they re-friended me. :lol:

 

However, I've known people to become bitterly offended when I didn't respond to their posts quickly enough :glare: IOW, while I wouldn't really care, there are definitely people who would and the ones that do care care A LOT.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I think the problem is using the term "friend." Too many definitions.

 

I mean really, do I have 217 friends? No. But, I do know 217 nice folks with whom I like to occasionally exchange pleasantries. If someone unfriended me, no, I wouldn't take offense, unless it was my best friend or my husband. Facebook is different things to different people, and there's a variety of reasons why they might have done so.

 

:iagree:

[oldskool]

I did this recently and I did have the problem of people thinking that they did something to offend me. Looking back I think I would have put out a notice telling people that I am going to cut back my Facebook contacts and that it isn't personal. There are probably people still out there wondering about why I "dropped" them and it can make for uncomfortable moments when you see them IRL. For me that many FB friends was just all too much to keep up with. Now I only use Facebook for couponing or store deals, keeping in touch with relatives that I don't see often, and a few friends. So much nicer and much less pressure.

 

Lesley

[JudoMom]

If I'm going to be honest, I guess my feelings do get hurt a bit. I guess it's because I handle my friends list different than a lot of other people and generally only accept requests from people I want to deal with. I don't dwell on it, but when I think about it I do feel a twinge of rejection. But that's okay.

[vonfirmath]

Depends on who it was. Some I would be offended if they unfriended me. Others I would not care.

[Lady Florida.]

I don't know how I'd feel about it. As you pointed out by quoting me, I only send or accept friend requests to people I actually know. So in my case, I'd probably be hurt if they didn't explain or there appeared to be no reason. I have had a few people unfriend me, but before doing so they publicly posted things like they were deleting all but family, out of town friends, don't take it personally,etc.

 

As others said, you could just hide them. Then maybe you can slowly delete people as you lose touch with them.

[Unicorn.]

If I'm going to be honest, I guess my feelings do get hurt a bit. I guess it's because I handle my friends list different than a lot of other people and generally only accept requests from people I want to deal with. I don't dwell on it, but when I think about it I do feel a twinge of rejection. But that's okay.

 

:iagree: My list of friends is less than 100. Mostly family (dh's not mine-:D) Cousins that don't live nearby that we miss seeing and like to keep in touch w/, my close friends and some friends of our kids (the ones we consider family). A few acquaintances that I like to keep up with, and that's it. I did get unfriended twice, and was a bit hurt, but then realized that both of these people reduced their list of hundreds of friends, to less than 50 (one was down to about 25). That tells me it wasn't personal, so I didn't feel so bad.

 

Oh, and one WTM Horse, but I like her attitude! :lol:

Edited November 16, 2011 by Unicorn

[Negin]

Thank you all for your really helpful replies. :)

 

Facebook for me is just a tool to keep in touch with people and see what's going on in my/their world. I don't really waste a lot of angst or thought on it. I figure it's not really going to make much difference if I have 50 friends or 500 friends (except maybe in the # of items in my news feed). Sure, I could unfriend people I don't know well, but why? Unless they're creating drama, it's not causing me any trouble to have them on my friends list. And if they are creating drama (or using foul language), I usually hide them. No biggie. I think the only reason I'd unfriend someone on fb is if they were intentionally being out-and-out unfriendly (MEAN!). And in that situation I wouldn't be worrying too much about whether or not they were offended!

This. :)

This is pretty much exactly what my dh reminds me.

Yes, I often hide people from my news feed when they crowd it up far too much and/or rude or annoying people.

I've unfriended about 3 people because they were really hurtful to me very recently. All 3, I know IRL.

[amyable]

I'll put myself out there and admit that the people that have unfriended me so far really hurt. The first was a kind of "group unfriend" by the popular kids at my high school - they all unfriended a bunch of people to stay in their clique. :glare: The second was a person that I was very good friends with in high school, who I'm pretty sure unfriended me because I occasionally post stuff about how it's nice to have a large family. She is child free by choice and very into the environment and zero population growth. This is the second time someone in my life has stopped being my friend because I had children (more than the accepted level) and it really, really hurts. :crying:

[Murmer]

I think the truly hurtful part is when the person being unfriended felt the relationship more than the person doing the unfriending. Its always hard to feel like you were more invested in a relationship than someone else. If it was just a person that I had me on their list because they saw me once at this thing and I just liked what they posted then I would not be hurt if they unfriended me.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

depends on if was close friend or family lol.....

[mamakimberly]

I had 2 situations where it was ugly-unfriending. I thought it was rude, but really, I knew those people socially and didn't particularly like them, so it wasn't a great loss.

 

I have lived in several places so I have a lot of friends on FB. And I like it that way. Am I close to all of them? Heavens no. But it ended up being a really nice resource when we moved back to America last year. I reconnected with several people IRL because we were peripherally connected on FB.

 

And someone I'd met through my blog who FB-friended me ended up becoming a great IRL friend... and after hanging out in person, we realized she is actually a distant cousin to my husband!

 

Life is too short to get upset by the unfriend. There are many reasons why it happens. But unless it is ugly name-calling unfriending, I don't really care.