for Christian moms: where do you draw the line

[hisleading]

I am having a hard time as a wife, mom, and member of the church, at knowing where to draw the line. I know the priorities are:

 

GOD

FAMILY

CHURCH

 

In the past, doing "work for the church" fell under the first priority, God. However, I am finding that the line is a fuzzy one!

 

I can get so wrapped up in church that my family suffers!

 

How do you know?

[Staci in MO]

Titus 2:4-5 says young women are to:

 

"love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

 

If my church work was causing my family life to suffer, I would eliminate some things.

 

One of the last things Christ did before he died was see that his mother was going to be cared for by John. I think that is a strong example that we are never to neglect our earthly duties to our families.

[Elaine]

I am having a hard time as a wife, mom, and member of the church, at knowing where to draw the line. I know the priorities are:

 

GOD

FAMILY

CHURCH

 

In the past, doing "work for the church" fell under the first priority, God. However, I am finding that the line is a fuzzy one!

 

I can get so wrapped up in church that my family suffers!

 

How do you know?

 

 

I agree with Staci. Your first priority is to your family and then everything else and don't feel guilty about saying no. My husband is very good at helping me to prioritize without sounding like he is telling me what to do. Have you asked your hubby for his input? Sometimes they can see things differently and have a completely different perspective than we can.

 

:001_smile: It sounds to me like you have a real servant's heart.

[Laura K (NC)]

Catholics call home the "domestic church." Even if you're not Catholic, you might agree with the sentiment. As parents we are either promoting the kingdom of God and growing the church, or we are not. Each member of the church is part of the church, so it is paramount that parents train up their children, and are the very most important teachers of their children, so their children can grow up strong in faith and can then train up even more of the church.

 

So there, I've eliminated a problem for you! You can wait to serve the corporate body of Christ when your children have grown.

 

In theory this works. In practicality it doesn't because many women have been gifted with abilities (art, music, organization, etc) that serve a need in the church, serve God, and serve themselves (in the satisfaction of actuating those gifts we know we have). I've been one to do too much at church and in hindsight it's really clear when it's too much. My family does suffer and my dh knows to avoid me when I get really involved in one of my projects because I get kind of uptight. But then it's really hard to stop cold turkey when so many folks in church have been depending on you, because you're really good at what you do, and you're really dependable, and nobody else will do it if you don't.... (ahem... speaking from my own experience! :blushing:)

 

Your church will always need musicians and Sunday School teachers and nursery workers and etc. Your children only need you for a little while. You will never be too old to do whatever it is you do at church, except if what you're doing is going rappelling with the youth group! (and even then!)

 

The fact that you ask the question means that you have to cut back. Summer is a great time to do that. Substitute one hour you spend at church a week for an hour one on one with your husband. Substitute another hour you spend "doing" at church for an hour in private prayer a week, because this is the truest honor paid to God, and something that tends to get pushed aside if we get busy. Substitute the other hours for hours with your children, and be honest with how many hours you devote to church things. Call it a sabbatical. Say you'll be back next year. Practice saying "no" and "I'm sorry" in the mirror.

 

God comes first (as in an intimate, personal relationship), not His church. Husband and family, including children and your own parents, come next. Church is everybody else, and they come next, and includes charity outside the church community (practiced with the family!) and the church community itself and its needs. You count in there too somewhere, and you are certainly not last! :)

[sassenach]

As a pastor's wife, I can completely sympathize with you! As others have already said- your family is your #1 ministry. You have to prioritize the jobs that only YOU can do. You are your husband's only wife. You are your kid's only mom. Only you can do those jobs. Everything else is optional. I do not think that serving at the church falls into the God category. Your personal time in the word and prayer is what falls into that category. Then your family. If you happen to have any time left after meeting those two areas, then you can serve others. There have been seasons when I have done a lot at church. There have been seasons when I have done nothing. I'm currently about to transition into a lighter season for myself. I hope this has helped!

[G5052]

My DH is very good at sensing when I cross the line. Usually I'm beginning to feel uneasy about something when he asks me to pull back, which I consider to be as good as it gets for confirmation.

 

Remember also that a need is not a call. Just because something "must" be done, doesn't mean that you are the one to do it. I can't count how many things I've said "no" to after DH and I discussed and prayed about it. These were things I could have done and some were things that then went undone and/or went downhill because I didn't do them. You're not responsible for everything outside of your family. You are responsible to some extent for your household though.

[Ellie]

I am having a hard time as a wife, mom, and member of the church, at knowing where to draw the line. I know the priorities are:

 

GOD

FAMILY

CHURCH

 

In the past, doing "work for the church" fell under the first priority, God. However, I am finding that the line is a fuzzy one!

 

I can get so wrapped up in church that my family suffers!

 

How do you know?

 

I don't think that list is quite right (although of course I've seen it before). I think it should be like this:

 

God/Family

God/Church

God/Everything else

 

IOW, as Christians we cannot separate God from anything that we do. He is in everything, the reason for everything.

 

If your family suffers *regularly* because of your commitments at church, that's a wrong priority. Once in awhile you can shuffle priorities. For example, if you're in the church choir and your church does a big production at Christmas, you are committed to all rehearsals and performances...once a year. Your family can deal with that, KWIM? But if it's all the time, then that's just not ok.

 

Gregg Harris did a workshop back in the 80s on "Seasons of Life." The kinds of things that young mothers can be involved in at church and in the community are limited because her children need her, and that's an important job. The kinds of things that empty-nesters can do are much more involved because they have the time.

 

You take care of your family now; when your dc are older you can do more at church.

 

I'm sure there are things that you can do at church which will not suck time out of your home. Be patient: your dc will not always be little :-)

[Sue G in PA]

I agree that your family is your #1 ministry. I met a homeschooling mother a couple years ago who shared that she often had trouble saying "no". She had such a servants heart (sounds like you do, too!) and so whenever the phone rang and it was somebody asking for help on this committe or that project, she couldn't say no. Her solution was to let her dh say it for her. Basically, she would always say that she needed to confer with her dh before answering. She would run it by him and he made the decision based on what she was already doing, her mental state (stressed or not!), what was already on her plate and of course, her desire to really help. He really helped her in this area. I've done the same thing on numerous occasions b/c my dh knows me very well and knows how much I can take on w/out going batty! It's been a real sanity saver for me.

[Chris in VA]

We get into this whole debate at our church. So many times, people really want to serve, but have neglected to ask God if they should!

 

For me, it is crucial to first spend time in prayer--both the talking kind, and the listening kind. Just because God has gifted you in some way doesn't necessarily mean he wants you to use that gift in a particular way or at a particular time. We get afraid that no one else will step forward if we don't--I think we forget that we believe in a big God who will accomplish his purpose, sometimes using those who are not seemingly gifted--thru their weakness, he shines. That's a risk that seems counterintuitive, but sometimes, that's our God! :D Other times, there is someone else with a true talent, and that is God's hand, too.

 

I see tons of people who feel overloaded at our church, and it's my privilege to encourage the women, esp., to spend time with the Lord, developing that relationship, so they can clearly hear him "whisper in (their ears), when to turn right, and when to turn left" and they can have peace that there is always time to do the will of the Father. Family need not suffer.

[Trivium Academy]

How about Family/Church being more blurry, I'm a pastor's wife. Taking care of dh sometimes means taking care of the church.

 

It is a very hard thing to do...to reset boundaries b/c you've changed whereas no one else has. Being a homeschool mother is the same as having a full time job, that's why many of us struggle with keeping house, teaching children, giving time/care to ourselves and our dhs all the time.

 

I would take a break from all church commitments outside of attending on Sunday, and Wed. night supper if your church has one until you find your ground at home with home commitments. Tell those that depend on you that you need this time to readjust to a major life decision.

 

Lean on the older women in your church, find out how they managed their homes with their children at home- you might just find your older mentor and learn a few new strategies in the process.

 

:) Hope this helps,

[TXMomof4]

One of our ministers at church was talking about this the other day. He said instead of imagining a ladder with God at the top, picture 2 concentric circles. God is in the center circle. The outside circle is like a pizza, you decide how to cut it up, but everything is touching God. I would NOT classify work at church as part of your responsibility to God. Your responsiblity to Him is to know him and spend time with him. A woman at church always reminds us younger mothers...."If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy." There is so much truth to that!!! If I am so busy being "good" that the other parts of my life suffer, I am not serving God or anyone else to the best of my abilities.

[hisleading]

great advice :-)

I never thought about it in those terms of our children only needing us to raise them for THIS time.

 

It puts it into perspective.

[Peek a Boo]

One of our ministers at church was talking about this the other day. He said instead of imagining a ladder with God at the top, picture 2 concentric circles. God is in the center circle. The outside circle is like a pizza, you decide how to cut it up, but everything is touching God. I would NOT classify work at church as part of your responsibility to God. Your responsiblity to Him is to know him and spend time with him.

 

 

This sounds like a good picture.

I think i'll team it w/ Chris in VA's "Just because God has gifted you in some way doesn't necessarily mean he wants you to use that gift in a particular way or at a particular time. We get afraid that no one else will step forward if we don't--I think we forget that we believe in a big God who will accomplish his purpose, sometimes using those who are not seemingly gifted--thru their weakness, he shines."

 

A woman at church always reminds us younger mothers...."If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy." There is so much truth to that!!! If I am so busy being "good" that the other parts of my life suffer, I am not serving God or anyone else to the best of my abilities.

 

I was using this as an example of "avoid ALL appearances of evil" just the other day. Even the devil used God's Word to tempt Christ. We need to be on guard against normally good things being used incorrectly-- including our gift of service.

 

and i'm in agreement w/ everyone else, on almost everything said so far, lol.

[Erica in PA]

I believe that according to Scripture, every believer should be serving the local church, because we are all spiritually gifted, and the church depends on believers using their spiritual gifts regularly. The ways you do this can vary, and during busy times of your life of course it is right to choose ways to minister at church that do not negatively impact your work at home with the children, for example. There are simple, non-time consuming ways of serving, even if it's nothing more than helping in the nursery, or serving at fellowship dinners, etc. (i.e. things that require no outside prep time, but give an opportunity to serve during services/events you'd already be attending anyway.)

 

However, I have to admit that I must humbly disagree with the philosophy which says "there will be time to minister when the children are grown," as if to say that until that time, our spiritual gifts are not needed in our local church. I honestly don't think stay-at-home moms are given a pass on serving in the church altogether, which is basically what I've heard some people suggest (not necessarily on this board, just in general). What about working moms-- they are just as busy, if not more so, than stay at home moms- should they not minister either? What about dads, who work all day and then have to squeeze out all the family time they can on weeknights and weekends-- should they be the ones to take our place in serving at the local church? And if not parents of children, who are these adults at church who are expecting to do all the ministry? Retired folks and singles only? Clearly God did not intend for a church to grow and flourish based on the ministry of just a few people in the church.

 

For me, it's not a question of whether we should serve at various times in our lives, but in which ways. When I had babies, I served in the nursery with them, or taught a toddler Sunday School class with one of my toddlers. I've helped with VBS, because my kids would be there anyway. Now that my youngest is five, I feel that I can do more, and there was a need for a children's choir director, so I am doing that now, as well as helping in other ways here and there. Everyone I know at my church who is homeschooling is very involved in our church, serving in many different ways.

 

Erica

[sweetbaby]

Your first assigned role as the woman of your household is to have a close relationship with Christ, of course. Husband and Children are next in that order. Taking care of the home is your first ministry.

[hisleading]

I think I have slowly but surely became the one who "never says no" simply b/c I am doing church work, adn I figured I am supposed to.

 

I think just by reading the responses that it is clear that I need to take some things off of my plate. I have way too much on there.

 

My children and husband definatley DO suffer at times.

[LaurainKs]

Many good things have been said already. I just want to pass along a statistic some of you may be aware of: did you know that something like 80% of kids from evangelical homes are walking away from their faith/church by the end of their first year of college? It's not the church's fault...something's wrong in the home! That statistic has done a lot to help me get refocused on just how important the home is, and how much of a battle is raging all around us. Satan has done a masterful job of destroying the family in this country. He did it at least partly by deceiving women into thinking that staying at home and "staying by the stuff" wasn't important. I for one will fight for my family. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, or think you're not "doing " enough if you are staying home and saying no to other things.

Thanks to all others who posted here...you've encouraged me!

Laura

[Tami]

If you've ever attempted recruiting Sunday School teachers or nursery workers, you'll soon realize that EVERYONE is busy, not just HSing moms. :001_smile::001_smile:

 

Since I believe that God has redeemed me and placed me within a community of believers, that community *is* part of my family. To me, the trick is discerning ONE area that the Lord would have me serve my church family in, and be faithful to what God has called me to. Serving in children's ministry can include time ministering to the spiritual needs of your own children, as well as the needs of other children in the church family.

 

I believe that God has given us enough hours in the day for everything *HE* desires for us to do, including being a faithful church member. My ideas would be to limit OTHER activities before church ones (sports, academic, co-ops, etc) to free up more time. After immediate family and church family responsibilities are met, if there is time for outside activities, great!

 

Often I see moms running their kids to soccer, ballet, music lessons, and art lessons, while complaining they have no time to serve the church. Yet, they drop their children off Sunday after Sunday and take advantage of the other ministries the church offers, without caring how short of volunteers we are, or how the same few people are doing so much work week after week. The church needs us, ya'll!

[Laura K (NC)]

When women graduate their kids, many of them decide that they no longer need to do so much and they will just take it easy. They've already had their busy time of life, doing 3 and 4 jobs at a time, all in the same season of life. In our church we have a few older women but most of the volunteers are the same ones over and over again... the ones who have kids.

 

Where are the adults who have no kids?

 

[donning flame-proof armor]

Also, where are the men? Is part of the problem that women are trying to do the jobs traditionally assigned to men, so the men are out playing because they know stuff will get done without them? If women didn't take on men's roles they'd have more time. I've been guilty of this too.

[/flame-proof armor]

 

I firmly believe if everyone has an equal hand in all the jobs involved in a parish, including raising up the future saints (this really should lay at the feet of parents, not the church), then moms wouldn't be so busy and harried and they could concentrate on the things most important to them.

[Peek a Boo]

[donning flame-proof armor]

Also, where are the men? Is part of the problem that women are trying to do the jobs traditionally assigned to men, so the men are out playing because they know stuff will get done without them? If women didn't take on men's roles they'd have more time. I've been guilty of this too.

[/flame-proof armor]

 

I'll stand next to you in my rhino skin :)

 

I too have noticed this. The one thing i really miss about NY was discovering a church that had an ACTIVE, Spirit-led congregation w/ lots of MEN taking on roles: in the nursery, the kitchen, cleaning, teaching, VBS, kid ministries --EVERYWHERE!! what a difference it makes.

 

and Tami --i do agree that we should make an effort to be involved SOMEwhere, but I disagree that limiting our childrens' educational opportunities is the way to go. Parents "taking advantage" of church ministries sounds quite a bit off. If we feel called to volunteer then we should be grateful for those God puts at our ministries, not bitter that these people are "taking advantage" of something we've worked so hard on. And I say this as one who tends to take on too much w/o enough real support. I do it because I love doing it, period. Different kids need different things. Ditto w/ parents. There's a lot more to serving the church than participating in a congregational ministry.

[Frontier Mom]

As yet another pastor's wife, I can say this is a huge questions asked today. Beyond what has been said, let me throw out a few ideas/comments.

 

As parents, our children need to see us serving others sometimes. They can believe we only serve them and, therefore, they are the center of the universe which leads to pride. However, seeing us serving others gives them a bigger picture. However, nothing says you can't do this as a family. In the church, I try not to volunteer for anything that I can't bring my dc's along with me. For instance, we help deliver home meals once a month. We also help with a Food Pantry 4 times per year at our church where the truck comes and we let the people "shop" from the truck. We usually feed over 350 family units and my dc's help with various things from sorting, driving buggies, loading into cars, etc. depending upon their ages.

 

I lead a children's worship service each Sunday but all my dc's are involved. My younger two sing, my next ds runs the A/V and my oldest volunteers with check-in & check-out. Thus, it involves the entire family.

 

I might feel different than some, but I think these are the BEST times to be volunteering because your children can join in. I would suggest you find things you can volunteer for that include the whole family and do those. You could probably not teach anything better, even if you were home. However, watch the time so it doesn't become a burden.

 

A great bit of advice someone gave me was, "Be quick to say no, but slow to say yes." Evaluate each choice carefully. Do you feel called to help with this? Will your entire family be welcome? How long will you have to commit to this?

 

Spend personal time with God first, personal time with your family within God's presence second, and minister to the community together!! I don't think God ever meant for the family to be separated in ministry.

 

One thing I struggle with are ministries that were devised based upon public school mentality. Dropping children off so parents can have "their time", segregating classes, having things at all different times - I just don't volunteer to help with these because it means we are pulled too many different ways. Ministries, like anything else, are man-made or God-breathed. Depending upon your convictions, volunteer for those that meet your definition of ministry, family style.

 

Just my $.02.

[TXMomof4]

and Tami --i do agree that we should make an effort to be involved SOMEwhere, but I disagree that limiting our childrens' educational opportunities is the way to go. Parents "taking advantage" of church ministries sounds quite a bit off. If we feel called to volunteer then we should be grateful for those God puts at our ministries, not bitter that these people are "taking advantage" of something we've worked so hard on. And I say this as one who tends to take on too much w/o enough real support. I do it because I love doing it, period. Different kids need different things. Ditto w/ parents. There's a lot more to serving the church than participating in a congregational ministry.

 

 

Just to get this out there....I HATE teaching bible class. I don't like the classroom environment, I don't like being responsible for other peoples children, I don't like it. Now, I have always done my quarter of teaching/child, until I had my ds. That would put me always teaching and NEVER in my own class. Now that DH is gone again, I have to have that time without kids. I feel tremendously guilty, but at the same time, I know I would not be of benefit to those kids.

 

That being said, I do have ministry I"m involved in. We have a soldier care ministry that is my "thing". I love it, I love the people involved in it, it is the most fulfilling thing I"ve been involved with at church. We did a class a few years ago about matching your passion with your gifts. Not all of us should be classroom teachers. Of course that doesn't make it easier on the SS supervisors.

[hisleading]

ok....so you have really struck a cord with me and I thought that me and my DH were the only ones who felt this way....

WHERE ARE THE MEN IN THE CHURCH?!!!

 

I think. just from looking at the responses, that MAYBE it is different for everybody (duh!)....I mean, I am in a church where I would, quite honestly, rather my child be upstairs with the family during worship than in Chidlrens Church at this point. My oldest is about to move up to another Sunday School class with another teacher and I jsut assume she stay where she is or not go at all. I have thought "well, if I disagree with the teacher THAT BADLY then I will just teach it myself"....but I already am doing SOOOOO MUCH. My dh is also involved in our particular denomination on a state-wide level, where we travel quite a bit.

Sometimes I feel that doing VBS, teaching and traveling with Dh and helping put on conferences is enough...but then again, here is the class my dd is going to be in.....I "can" teach it, since I personally know that the heart of this teacher is not in it and I totally disagree with her lifestyle, etc. but ....ughhh! I am just rambling! Thinking out loud!

 

(ok...so you notice, I started this post thinking that I had it all figured out, and I sat here and typed myself into a quandarry again! :001_smile:)

[Tami]

Hi ladies,

 

I did not say that everyone should be a Bible class teacher. My point was that each Christian Mom can FOCUS in one area she is gifted in, and laser in on that.

 

I don't feel bitter at all -- but do feel so saddened by the fractured nature of the modern church. We are called to serve, and that call is missing in the busy-ness and hustle and bustle of life. The workers are few, and the need is great.

 

Christian community is a priority for us, and I argue against withdrawing from that community due to business. We need each other in Christian fellowship more than we need another "lesson."

 

I disagree that educational opportunties without service to the local church is the best way to go. It is a privilege to serve our local church bodies, and each of us has been gifted in at least ONE area to serve our community there. It is not an either/or thing, it is a question to be committed to serious prayer, and searching of Scripture to see what God's priorities are for us.

 

Do not neglect the local church by having a crazy busy schedule. Lighten up, focus on one ministry, and serve in gladness. Pray about it - the church needs every saint to plug in somewhere.

[*anj*]

 

God/Family

God/Church

God/Everything else

 

IOW, as Christians we cannot separate God from anything that we do. He is in everything, the reason for everything.

 

Excellent post!!:iagree:

[Tami]

Just to get this out there....I HATE teaching bible class. I don't like the classroom environment, I don't like being responsible for other peoples children, I don't like it. Now, I have always done my quarter of teaching/child, until I had my ds. That would put me always teaching and NEVER in my own class. Now that DH is gone again, I have to have that time without kids. I feel tremendously guilty, but at the same time, I know I would not be of benefit to those kids.

 

That being said, I do have ministry I"m involved in. We have a soldier care ministry that is my "thing". I love it, I love the people involved in it, it is the most fulfilling thing I"ve been involved with at church. We did a class a few years ago about matching your passion with your gifts. Not all of us should be classroom teachers. Of course that doesn't make it easier on the SS supervisors.

 

Soldier care is such a needed ministry! Somebody at my church just started something like that 2 weeks ago. How cool. We can't serve in EVERYTHING, but we can do SOMETHING. I also find it so fulfilling to serve. However, when other ministry opportunities come my way, I don't feel guilty about saying "no." It is really sweet of them to ask me, though. I just say, "Thanks for asking me! My plate is full right now with XYZ ministry and being a mom and wife. I'd love to do everything, but can't!"

 

Have a blessed day,

[Tami]

It's not the church's fault...something's wrong in the home!

 

Yep! Busy, busy, busy. Much to busy to teach the kids to pray and depend on God. Much too busy to teach Scripture in the home. You've hit the nail on the head. Our ministry at home is vital!!! It's a good thing to remember when all the domestic tasks get pretty boring. Take making supper night after night. It is a ministry! Food really ministers and encourages sweet fellowhip.

 

We want to support each other in our endeavor to disciple our children. That is the beauty of community. My dh an I, for one, don't want to go it alone!

I have also seen studies that show that Christian kids who serve their communities by volunteering tend to stay strong in their faith in college. I'll try to find those studies if I get time.

[Peek a Boo]

Yep! Busy, busy, busy. Much to busy to teach the kids to pray and depend on God. Much too busy to teach Scripture in the home. You've hit the nail on the head. Our ministry at home is vital!!! It's a good thing to remember when all the domestic tasks get pretty boring. Take making supper night after night. It is a ministry! Food really ministers and encourages sweet fellowhip.

 

 

and see, that's exactly what many are saying *here* -- we ARE ministering to our kids by teaching stuff *at home*. We don't need to neglect their educational opportunities to offer our ministry to them.

 

i do agree that making sure we all get to serve somehow is vitally important, but what i notice is that when one person fills the one niche they feel comfortable doing --and thus appear to do "easily"-- it often comes across as "not really enough." There are very few tasks that a mom w/ several younger kids at home can do as a family. It really is likely that they DO need a break --they need a break to be ministered TO for a time. The old "model that which you want practiced." I've seen lots of successful ministries that are staffed by former recipients of that ministry. It's a wonderful circle :)

 

For our family, our service is not in the immediate church, but at a local non-profit thrift store that is horribly understaffed. even my TODDLER can help put things in boxes, pick up clothes off the floor, and put matched shoes on the shelf. Teamed w/ our ministries towards each other at home, for us, that is perfect *for now.*

[Sahamamama]

... we were both SO involved in church work.

 

Then we got married and were still somewhat involved, but a bit less so.

 

Then we had our wonderful first daughter, and that curbed what we could do in the evenings a bit....

 

Then I had thyroid cancer, and that slowed us down some more...

 

Then my husband started back to school to finish up his bachelor's degree that had been unfinished for 20 years...

 

Then we bought a house that needed lots of repairs and regular yardwork....

 

Then we had our wonderful twins....

 

Then we... Well, you get the idea. Yes, we "go to church," but really, with three small ones (3.5, 1.5, 1.5), that's about all we do these days.

 

Live in the season you are in, with no regrets. Rejoice in how God once "used" you in public places, but be open to Him doing a new thing in your life. Be open to Him "using" you in new ways, where no one else sees or recognizes or rewards you. Perhaps your place of service will be at home for a while. Be thankful that God gave you your beautiful family. Serve them and be there for them -- your husband (God's gift to you) and your children (ditto). HTH.

[NorCalMom]

...As parents, our children need to see us serving others sometimes. They can believe we only serve them and, therefore, they are the center of the universe which leads to pride. However, seeing us serving others gives them a bigger picture. However, nothing says you can't do this as a family....

 

:iagree: Our children learn to serve and love by example. I think it's great to find something (however small it may seem) that you can do with them that shows your commitment to your church family (God's family) also.

[Nestof3]

Just keep in focus that it's really fellow believers -- not church that is supposed to be a priority. Some people get easily confused. Scripturally, we are to encourage, exhort, strengthen, pray for, etc. the body of Christ. The word "member" refers to a limb of the body of Christ -- not a person invited to a special club.

 

What I'm saying is, we met with believers at a large building for a couple of years (what most people call a church), and the pastor was always talking about our responsibility to the church, and then he would continue to remind us to be "there" every time the doors were open (church = building). Our responsibility is not to a building, but to people. For me, I try to encourage, exhort, and so forth any believer I come across -- whether it be someone I fellowship with on Sunday, the lady down the street or someone on this board. I just do not see them as different.

 

I also relieved myself of so much pressure when I realized that scripturally, it's not about a special building with a certain group of people. It's whoever is in my life this day.

 

I hope that makes sense.

[Laurie4b]

I think there is one road to follow--that which God calls you to, and there are ditches on either side.

 

One ditch is "busyness at church." If you are busy doing things that God hasn't called you to, whether at home or at church, you're doing things you shouldn't be doing. Most of the previous posters have spoken to that ditch.

 

The other ditch is "serving your own." I think that our generation has come to believe in a "focus on the family" that actually emphasizes family in a way that family can easily become an idol. One's family is not the be-all and end-all of either a father or mother's calling.

 

The "season of life" issue is true to some extent, but it can be a way of "putting off to tomorrow what you're called to do today." For instance, when I was in college, I used to think I would do better at having a quiet time when I had a job. When I had a job, I thought once I was a stay-at-home mom, it would be better. Then once the baby was a little bigger... then... There are always ways you can serve. One mom in our church has her baby in a sling while she teaches her older child's preschool class. She's taught each of her kids in preschool, with a slung baby each time. It works fine for her. She loves it. She glows. Her kids love it. Other people's kids love it. I have no doubt that God loves it. She says no a lot to lots of good things. But she knows she's called to teach. People have different giftings and different capacities, and not all moms with babies can teach. Others can reach out to neighbors. Others can cook a meal for someone getting out of the hospital.

 

There can be a tension between serving people outside your family and serving your family. One solution is to serve with your family whenever possible. There is a family at our church who have been exemplary in this. Every one of their four grown children is a really dedicated , active Christian. Not one is a Sunday spectator Christian. One is a missionary overseas. The family served everywhere in the church, but as much as possible, they served together. When they were little, mom and dad served in the children's ministries. As they got older Mom and daughter would serve. The family would serve in old folks' homes. Their middle school aged son served as an assistant when I taught 4 year olds. They taught kids with autism to swim (the kids together). Numerous times, one of the boys would spot me carrying something and come up and say, "Can I help you Mrs.___?" They (their family) would be the clean-up committee for a large event at church and with 6 people at the core, it was a great start. Their teenaged daugher, for two years in high school, organized the Operation Christmas Child for our town (not just our church, the town), with her family in tow. That family made it their goal to teach their kids how to serve.

 

You can serve as a family in your home: showing hospitality to widows, taking in foster children, etc.

 

On the last night of his life, when priorities would need to be carefully chosen, Jesus took time to wash his disciples feet. Then he said that if he did it, we should do it. And "now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

 

Everyone is given gifts by the Holy Spirit for the building up of the body, not just their own family.

 

I do think that often husbands are a good gauge of when we're too involved. Praying before saying yes, with your husband, or husband and prayer partner, is a wise practice. But you need to pray before saying no, too.

 

Your children will not suffer spiritual hurt if you are following God. They could suffer spiritual hurt, if, trying to please other people, you do things God isn't calling you to. They could also suffer spiritual hurt, if you do not do the things that God is calling you to, if they don't see a servant heart modeled. They could also suffer spiritual hurt if they get the idea that they are the center of your universe, and by extension THE universe.