ProudGrandma Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 If your spouse were to be gone (over 1000 miles away) for a 2 week period, what would you consider to be a reasonable amount of time to be reachable by phone?? My husband is taking a advance degree class over 1000 miles away...it is a intensive course and he is very busy during his 2 weeks. The cell phone he has doesn't accept messages and he isn't real good at checking his emails. He said he will try and call everyday...but I want to know how much of his day I should expect that I could reach him IF I would NEED to...not just to say hi...or something. What would you think would be reasonable. Of course DURING the 2 hours of class I would not try to reach him...but during the rest of the day, what would be reasonable?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 For me personally, it would drive me bananas to be unable to reach dh at any time when he was not in class. Not that I would need to, but to be able to is very important to me.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would probably tell him to go out and buy a cheapie prepaid cell that has voicemail. That way, he'll know if it's an emergency, or if he can wait until he has more time free to get back to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I don't think that there IS a reasonable answer because there are variables that we may not know about. I havn't talked to my husband in over a week. I tend to think of it this way: He is doing a job there.....I am doing a job here. If it is an emergency the Red Cross will contact him. Other than that, I have to just take what I can get, but I demand nothing and expect nothing. Having low expectations of what is reasonable for him at this point keeps me calmer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) Any time he's not in an important meeting that shouldn't be interrupted. I would expect reachable to be the default, and my husband to only turn his phone off when necessary. ETA: Not that I would be calling all that often... I'd just want to know I could reach him if it were an emergency. I probably wouldn't call otherwise, and would leave it to him to check in at his convenience. A good night call would be nice. Edited October 5, 2011 by MelanieM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I don't know that I'd expect him to reachable during specific hours...okay, maybe midnight to 6 a.m. when he is sleeping or something...IDK. I would expect to touch base with him daily and I would expect him to check his email daily. I would be upset if he went off the grid for days at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would want to be able to reach him by voice mail. I would hope that he checks it every few hours. Other than that, I would not expect him to be reached in person at all hours. If there is an emergency he wouldn't be able to help me anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) When my dh is away and not in another country, I usually expect to be able to reach him early in the morning and between dinner and bedtime. eta: Can you text? Email? Facebook? I usually have other ways of reaching my dh if I need to. Edited October 5, 2011 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would want to be able to reach him by voice mail. I would hope that he checks it every few hours. Other than that, I would not expect him to be reached in person at all hours. If there is an emergency he wouldn't be able to help me anyway. :iagree: Exactly this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 DH regularly travels to India and China for work. We usually arrange to Skype when it is first thing in the morning for him (6pm for me) and when he is getting ready to go to bed (9 or 10 am for me). I can send him an email and expect he would get it at some point during his waking/work hours and his cell phone is set to work in other countries (although the charges are pretty outrageous). I would not call his cell phone unless it was an emergency since we have other ways to communicate regularly. I don't think it's unreasonable to take 5 minutes before getting ready for his day (while he's having his coffee?) and 5 minutes before going to bed in order to communicate with his family. Expectations may be less if he is somewhere without a decent internet connection or poor cell phone signals. That has happened once or twice during his travel time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) In this situation, I would be content knowing I could leave a message at his hotel in case of emergency. DH traveled often before we owned cell phones so perhaps I am used to not being able to reach him to a certain degree. Even now we aren't huge cell phone users, although that may change since we got 2 smart phones last weekend. Even with phones, I can understand if your husband hoped to totally focus on his training. I know my hubby has a hard time switching back and forth from family mode to work mode. Edited October 5, 2011 by Trilliums Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 dh is working away from home more & more lately. We set up phone dates every 2-3 days to catch up, but each of us have a cellphone with us at all times. That doesn't mean that dh remembers to turn his on :glare:, but in an emergency I would try him once, then phone his boss, after I dealt with the emergency to the best of my ability here at home. There honestly isn't much dh can do for me here at home in the case of an emergency if he isn't home. Email doesn't work for us as dh isn't really computer literate. I can txt him, but he won't txt back, so it's phone calls or nothing. Even when he was working here in town he wasn't easily contactable, so I would have to deal with emergencies until he got home. I am so happy to have the option of cell phone contact as when we were first married dh worked away more than he was home. Our only contact was single sideband radio or letters sent on the weekly airplane (not fun). JMHO, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It depends on the situation. Also, maybe he turns his cell of during class/study hours and forgets to tun it back on. Can you leave a message at his hotel for him to call you? Usually they have voice mail in the rooms and a light blinks to let the person know there is a message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 For something that is a real emergency, is there someone else going with him that you could call if you didn't get him on his cell? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I never expect to be able to reach my husband by cell phone in cases like that. (And he has yet to set up his voice mail, so no way to leave him a message either.) He does check email generally first thing in the morning or late at night when he is in a place with reliable internet service and he has access to a computer. I've gone days at a time without being able to reach him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Wow, everyone's expectations are very high! I used to be a submarine wife, and I had no expectations at all that my husband would be able to hear from me for weeks on end. (I think in a very serious emergency the Navy could cable to the sub, but it would have to be a life-threatening situation.) For something like eight years we lived this way. Even today (post-Navy), he sometimes travels to remote places, and I know not to expect calls for days or weeks. I have to handle things myself. It's not much different from being a single mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I don't expect to be able to reach my husband when he is out of town. He calls or emails at least once a day. Yesterday I texted him at 1:00 pm and said, "I have an insurance question. Call me when you are on break. " At 8:00pm he called and said he forgot all about my text. I told him that I called a girlfriend and got my question answered. In order to be good at his job, dh needs to be fully focused on work when he is there. Fortunately, he is fully focused on us when he is home. I can't tell you how long he played blocks and dragons with the little girls last night. I just have other people on standby to help me in an emergency, and just talk to dh whenever he remembers to call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 If your spouse were to be gone (over 1000 miles away) for a 2 week period, what would you consider to be a reasonable amount of time to be reachable by phone?? This might sound bad, but I guess I wouldn't give frequency of contact a thought until after he had left on his trip. I assume I would be able to email him, and he would check his email a few times while he was gone. Honestly, when dh is gone, he has a habit of calling at the most inopportune times and disrupting my flow at home. By the end of the day, I am so wiped that I want any "free" minutes to be mine and mine alone. If we had an emergency, I would handle it and update him later. He couldn't help me in the moment anyway. My dh is in the Reserves, so he spends a full weekend away from home every month plus other times during the year. He's been gone for long periods when he was active duty, including a tour in Iraq. I suppose if I wasn't used to having him gone or if I wasn't used to handling our crowd by myself, I may have other expectations of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I wouldn't be planning to reach him at all. I would assume that he would call us if/when he had time. The only time I would specifically expect to be notified would be if he were not returning home exactly as planned (missed flight, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I guess I'm just used to dh being away and sometimes unreachable. Now, very recently, even if he's out of the country, he can usually get emails and texts. If there were an emergency, I would send a text and he could usually get back to me pretty quickly. But most of the time, well, even in an emergency there's not a lot he could do from thousands of miles away, you know? Why don't you establish a frequency with which your husband can agree that he *will* check emails. So if there's something important, he'll know to get back to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 When my DH is traveling for work, he has a busy schedule and tries to Skype once a day. I know that I will be unable to reach him most of the time. We usually agree on a time window when it is likely that I will be able to contact him - like two hours in the evening. I do not find it a reasonable expectation to be reachable 24/7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would buy him a cheap cell phone that accepts messages and texts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I agree with those that say it really depends on the actual situation once he's there. My dh is a Naval Officer and he's currently living on the ship with is based in WA state. I'm in VA (I won't go into why we didn't move with him, if you really want to know PM me :001_smile:) I don't expect to be able to reach by phone period until next summer. If there was a true emergency (serious injury to me or the kids, natural disaster, etc ) I'd get red cross involved to get in touch with the ship. For now I expect that I can email him as much as I'd like, but if I'm really lucky I'll hear back from him once a week. Then again I've been doing this for 14 years (Navy wife that is) so I'm used to him being unreachable. Even when he was recently in a position where he had his own phone line on the ship, I only called him once in that 2 year period, the day I found out my dad had cancer. But I expect your situation is very different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Wow, everyone's expectations are very high! I used to be a submarine wife, and I had no expectations at all that my husband would be able to hear from me for weeks on end. (I think in a very serious emergency the Navy could cable to the sub, but it would have to be a life-threatening situation.) For something like eight years we lived this way. Even today (post-Navy), he sometimes travels to remote places, and I know not to expect calls for days or weeks. I have to handle things myself. It's not much different from being a single mother. My husband is a Marine so I do understand what you are saying about going weeks or months at a time with no way to really reach him. IMO that is different that going to school in another state where he could choose to make himself reachable if he wanted to. When my dh does things like that he takes his cell phone and laptop and we touch base daily or every other day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 and other than a true emergency, I would not expect to be able to reach him at all. As long as he is trying to connect with you most days by calling when he is able, I would consider that "good enough" under the circumstances. I have had times during DH's service when I could not reach him at all. Most things really aren't "have to" reach situations. Most of the time, there is nothing you absolutely have to reach him for NOW. In a true true emergency, I would assume you could call the hotel or conference center or wherever it is that he is staying and ask them to page him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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