Hoggirl Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I have a friend who always says, "should have went," instead of "should have gone." It drives me crazy! She has a college degree and even tested out of Comp I and II with her AP English scores (of course, this was MANY years ago). It has always bothered me, but I figured it didn't matter that much. Now, because of some difficult financial times being experienced by her family, she is re-entering the workforce in sales. I am afraid her poor usage for the past participle of "go" (I don't think she makes too many other egregious grammatical errors, though I have heard some confusion on when to use "we" v. "us") is going to make her sound unprofessional. Should I tell her? How? I mean, I have been listening to her say it incorrectly for twenty years! How would I explain that I am just now telling her?? TIA! From someone who is hoping that this post is not replete with grammatical errors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, you should not offer grammar advice. In general, do not give unsolicited advice to any adult. I know you mean well. I feel your pain about your friend, and I know you want to help. But, really, unless she asks, you should not say anything. Also, no hinting either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Just don't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seraphina Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, you should not offer grammar advice. In general, do not give unsolicited advice to any adult. I know you mean well. I feel your pain about your friend, and I know you want to help. But, really, unless she asks, you should not say anything. Also, no hinting either! :iagree: Even though it would irk the heck out of me I would not say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, you should not offer grammar advice. In general, do not give unsolicited advice to any adult. I know you mean well. I feel your pain about your friend, and I know you want to help. But, really, unless she asks, you should not say anything. Also, no hinting either! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I wouldn't say anything. It would be terrible if this kept her from securing a job, but I don't know that it is worth potentially alienating her and destroying a friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I have a friend from college (who majored in education :D) who always says "I seen this" or "she seen that"...it makes me cringe, but in 20 years I just smile & nod, smile & nod. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamauk Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I wouldn't say anything. To be perfectly honest, if this is her only (or one of few) error, I doubt anyone else will notice. I don't believe the general public has that firm of a grasp on proper grammar. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Just don't do it. :iagree:I have a friend with horrible grammar skills. It makes my ears bleed to listen to her sometimes. I have to restrain myself from impulsively shouting out, "For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE read something on subject/verb agreement!" :D And yet....I say nothing. Because to point it out would break so many etiquette rules and be so rude that Emily Post would rise from her grave and haunt me....and I would deserve it. So....say nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Don't say anything. One should never correct another adult's grammar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I would just regard it as a charming quirk. Surely she has heard people say it differently than she does. With her academic background, she could certainly look it up if she's unsure. My husband's whole family is highly educated, but when they get emotionally excited telling a story they all start saying, "so then I says..." I dunno, maybe it's a neighborhood/family thing. They don't talk that way unless they're telling a dramatic story. It's almost like a marker, This Is Going To Be A Doozy of a Story. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, you should not offer grammar advice. In general, do not give unsolicited advice to any adult. I know you mean well. I feel your pain about your friend, and I know you want to help. But, really, unless she asks, you should not say anything. Also, no hinting either! :iagree: Just say the correct thing, and maybe it'll rub off on her. The only exception I'd make is for an adult learning English, if you knew that person wanted to be corrected. When I learned English, I was grateful for kind corrections. My husband's friend spits when he talks. What I wouldn't give for poor grammar from that guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not sure I've ever seen such a strong consensus among boardies! :D I find this very interesting because, while I would be embarrassed if someone corrected my grammar, I truly think I would appreciate it. Isn't it kind of like telling someone she has something in her teeth? I mean, that's "advice," in a way. She don't realize it's a problem because she doesn't know of the existence of it in her teeth. She doesn't realize the grammar is a problem because she doesn't know it's incorrect. She is unaware of the problem. It's not like I am giving her unsolicited moral advice. I see it as neutral. But perhaps my analogy is poor. Y'all go ahead and tell me if it is. It won't insult me at all! :lol: However, I will heed the hive on this since there is so much solidarity on the answer. I am TRULY glad I asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No, you should not offer grammar advice. In general, do not give unsolicited advice to any adult. I know you mean well. I feel your pain about your friend, and I know you want to help. But, really, unless she asks, you should not say anything. Also, no hinting either! :iagree: I wouldn't say anything. To be perfectly honest, if this is her only (or one of few) error, I doubt anyone else will notice. I don't believe the general public has that firm of a grasp on proper grammar. :glare: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 She may know. I know my grammar stinks when speaking. When I have time to think about/plan what I am going to say I can correct it. However, if I am enaged in casual conversation, or am excited about something, my education goes out the window and I revert right back to my country upbringing. (or upbranging...lol) I would be highly irritated and embarrassed if someone corrected me. In fact, my children try to and it pushes my buttons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not sure I've ever seen such a strong consensus among boardies! :D I find this very interesting because, while I would be embarrassed if someone corrected my grammar, I truly think I would appreciate it. Isn't it kind of like telling someone she has something in her teeth? I mean, that's "advice," in a way. She don't realize it's a problem because she doesn't know of the existence of it in her teeth. She doesn't realize the grammar is a problem because she doesn't know it's incorrect. She is unaware of the problem. It's not like I am giving her unsolicited moral advice. I see it as neutral. But perhaps my analogy is poor. Y'all go ahead and tell me if it is. It won't insult me at all! :lol: However, I will heed the hive on this since there is so much solidarity on the answer. I am TRULY glad I asked. If someone that I loved corrected me very kindly I would appreciate it. I'd be embarrassed, but I'd appreciate it. Still, one never knows how another will take it, and it is poor manners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home_s_Cool Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) with my sister-in-law (a former teacher). It bothers her tremendously how her daughter-in-law uses words since they have 2 small kids. But she refrains from pointing it out - part of it she attributes to where they live and word usage. I know for me, there are words I misuse due to where I grew up. I have had people correct me - it seems odd - but I take it in stride. Edited September 20, 2011 by Home_s_Cool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 No!! Don't do it. I only correct my dh and that is only because we are responsible for our children's speech habits. But judging by the way most people speak, it won't be a problem for her entering the workforce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Unless I'm either teaching somebody (my kids or one of my students) or somebody has asked me to read over and correct a manuscript, I do not correct people's grammar, ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Don't say anything. One should never correct another adult's grammar. :iagree: Unless said adult is YOUR child and you homeschooled them through high school . Yes, I've done this. And lived to tell about it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not sure I've ever seen such a strong consensus among boardies! :D I find this very interesting because, while I would be embarrassed if someone corrected my grammar, I truly think I would appreciate it. Isn't it kind of like telling someone she has something in her teeth? I mean, that's "advice," in a way. She don't realize it's a problem because she doesn't know of the existence of it in her teeth. She doesn't realize the grammar is a problem because she doesn't know it's incorrect. She is unaware of the problem. It's not like I am giving her unsolicited moral advice. I see it as neutral. But perhaps my analogy is poor. Y'all go ahead and tell me if it is. It won't insult me at all! :lol: However, I will heed the hive on this since there is so much solidarity on the answer. I am TRULY glad I asked. I'm with everyone else on this. It's not the same as spinach on your teeth. I remember once at a dinner where a friend used the word "irregardless" in conversation. Another person sitting at the table pointed out that "irregardless" is not a word; the word she wants is "regardless" or "irrespective." The friend in error was so humiliated, it was palpable. As we left I can still remember her seething, "I don't care if his mother was the Queen of England, correcting my word choice in front of everyone was horribly rude!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 She may know. I know my grammar stinks when speaking. When I have time to think about/plan what I am going to say I can correct it. However, if I am enaged in casual conversation, or am excited about something, my education goes out the window and I revert right back to my country upbringing. (or upbranging...lol) I would be highly irritated and embarrassed if someone corrected me. In fact, my children try to and it pushes my buttons. Yes, sometimes we just want to talk and not have to censor or worry about correct grammar. I assume that since you have been such longtime friends that she doesn't feel the need to always speak perfectly in front of you. DH and I have a friend who always, ALWAYS corrects people's word usage and grammar. It is quite possibly the most irritating quality about him. We love him to death, but this makes being with him for long amounts of time irritating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 1) If you felt the need to post this question, you are probably not close enough to your friend to correct her. 2) She probably knows the rule and only uses "should have went" as a relaxed habit. Don't we all act differently in job interviews? 3) No, it is not like spinach in the teeth, because it basically says: "ever since I met you, I've been judging you for having substandard grammar. Please stop embarrassing yourself if at all possible." And furthermore, it will mean she has to be careful how she talks to you from now on. Personally, I have a tendency to pick up other people's accents and speech quirks. So if I were in your shoes, I probably would be saying "should have went" right along with her. Not that I'd advise anyone else to do that . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm with everyone else on this. It's not the same as spinach on your teeth. I remember once at a dinner where a friend used the word "irregardless" in conversation. Another person sitting at the table pointed out that "irregardless" is not a word; the word she wants is "regardless" or "irrespective." The friend in error was so humiliated, it was palpable. As we left I can still remember her seething, "I don't care if his mother was the Queen of England, correcting my word choice in front of everyone was horribly rude!!!" I certainly think to correct someone in front of a group of people would be rude. I also wouldn't point out spinach in someone's teeth in front of a group of people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I certainly think to correct someone in front of a group of people would be rude. I also wouldn't point out spinach in someone's teeth in front of a group of people. You're a good friend to this person. It's really clear to see that. I'm glad you posted this question so you can feel free to overlook her grammar issue without guilt. WTM board members have now released you from this responsibility and guilt! :D Like you said, rarely is there that much consensus on this board. Thank you for bringing us all here together today. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I have a friend that is a high school English teacher. For awhile, she had grammar lessons on her facebook status. She said she got some truly hateful messages from people. Some people actually unfriended her over it. So no, I would not correct someone's grammar. My personal experience with this... Years ago (at least 10) I was at a play group with my kids. I was cleaning up after they ate lunch and noticed DS had eaten all of his lunch. I was pleased because he was so picky and said, "You ate so good!". Not 1 minute later, a good friend said to her DS, "Oh, you ate so well!" I knew immediately that she was correcting my grammar and I've been self-conscious around her ever since. BTW, I do know the difference between the usage of "good" and "well". I was just being lazy about it. Never again, though! My point - don't even hint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I certainly think to correct someone in front of a group of people would be rude. I also wouldn't point out spinach in someone's teeth in front of a group of people. Of course you wouldn't! :001_smile: That was probably not the best illustration on my part. I meant to show that I think it's universally hated by any adult to have another adult correct them. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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