As a friend, how do (or would) you respond

[plain jane]

to someone who you believe is showing error in their thinking or actions. Let me see if I can explain myself without giving specific or controversial examples. :)

 

Let's say you're a Smurf and as a Smurf it is part of your belief system that you must like blue. Other Smurfs don't question it, that's just how it is. :) Those who aren't Smurfs don't have to like blue, and can in fact be outright opposed to blue, but as a Smurf it just isn't done. Then let's say one day, you're having coffee with a fellow Smurf, one that others would say you are friends with as you get together with this Smurf regularly, and that Smurf tells you that they like green. Not that they don't like blue, because they kind-of do, but they like green more.

 

How should a friend react to this?

 

Does a friend just gasp in shock internally while smiling and nodding (and secretly making a mental note that perhaps that one is not the right friend for them) and allow this to be a start for the decline of a friendship?

 

Does a friend correct the other person in a loving way. Not critical, but a, "you know, I really like you and so I want to remind you that as a Smurf you really ought to like blue."

 

Does it depend on the time and place and how much you actually want to be friends with this person? Are you less apt to say something if you don't really care for this person? Or does it come down to more whether or not you have the gumption to stand up and say something?

 

Is it selfish to not say something to someone who is showing their ignorance on an issue or is it polite NOT to say something?

 

I know there's not necessarily a right or wrong answer here and what people could/should/would do will vary greatly depending on all the circumstances. I'd like to hear how some of you here would react.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I'd have to wonder if it is really an "error in her thinking"? If she has a belief about something how would you change her mind?

[Carol in Cal.]

It depends. Does this Smurf profess to be a true blue Smurf? And is she a good friend of mine? If so, then I would probably gently express some sentiment like, you know, you really can't be called a true blue Smurf if you prefer green, I don't think. It would be food for thought, and I would hope that she would consider that and if she just drifted into her position, maybe pull back a bit. But I would also stay friends.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As a Smurf, I don't believe that it is my job to correct, convict or teach other Smurfs - especially adult Smurfs who are not in my family. If I'm asked what I think, I will answer honestly. If the conversation is a give-and-take one where we are exchanging what we think about a certain topic, I will say "I think xyz and this is why." But I wouldn't go farther than that.

[Mrs Mungo]

Does it make a difference in her character or how we relate to one another? If not, then as a friend I would not "correct" her unless I was open to the possibility of her trying to "correct" me and my wrong-headed thinking in liking blue.

[Barb_]

I can't think of a situation where I would allow a friendship to falter because she cheerfully disagreed with the majority of our friends. Can we have a hint? Is this a situation of illegality?

[Mrs Mungo]

As a Smurf, I don't believe that it is my job to correct, convict or teach other Smurfs - especially adult Smurfs who are not in my family. If I'm asked what I think, I will answer honestly. If the conversation is a give-and-take one where we are exchanging what we think about a certain topic, I will say "I think xyz and this is why." But I wouldn't go farther than that.

 

I can't think of a situation where I would allow a friendship to falter because she cheerfully disagreed with the majority of our friends. Can we have a hint? Is this a situation of illegality?

 

:iagree:

[annandatje]

As a Smurf, I don't believe that it is my job to correct, convict or teach other Smurfs - especially adult Smurfs who are not in my family. If I'm asked what I think, I will answer honestly. If the conversation is a give-and-take one where we are exchanging what we think about a certain topic, I will say "I think xyz and this is why." But I wouldn't go farther than that.

 

:iagree:

[plain jane]

Again, I am trying to stay non-controversial here.

 

Let's just say that the Smurf who says she likes green says she is a Smurf, lives her life as a Smurf but doesn't really know that Smurfs are not to like green.

 

She knows that they are to like blue, so she does. But she also likes green. But she doesn't really know that a Smurf is not to like green so she talks openly about liking green. It's not a point that she'd argue over because she doesn't know any better to know not to like it.

 

Sigh.

[LidiyaDawn]

 

Does a friend correct the other person in a loving way. Not critical, but a, "you know, I really like you and so I want to remind you that as a Smurf you really ought to like blue."

 

 

Why would they need "correcting"? Why can't they just like whatever colour they want to like?

 

You also mentioned their "ignorance" .. why assume it's out of ignorance that they like green? Maybe they went out and licked at a lot of green stuff, discovering that green is just as good of a colour as blue. :)

[Barb_]

Again, I am trying to stay non-controversial here.

 

Let's just say that the Smurf who says she likes green says she is a Smurf, lives her life as a Smurf but doesn't really know that Smurfs are not to like green.

 

She knows that they are to like blue, so she does. But she also likes green. But she doesn't really know that a Smurf is not to like green so she talks openly about liking green. It's not a point that she'd argue over because she doesn't know any better to know not to like it.

 

Sigh.

 

I'm still having trouble following. I'm trying to decide if the analogy is the problem, or it's just a basic disconnect of worldviews. I wouldn't belong to any group that told me I couldn't like green.

Edited September 18, 2011 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[LidiyaDawn]

 

Let's just say that the Smurf who says she likes green says she is a Smurf, lives her life as a Smurf but doesn't really know that Smurfs are not to like green.

 

And who made up that rule? I don't know about your smurfy friend, but I like deciding those sorts of things for myself.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I only know of one Smurf who doesn't like green, but then again he hates everything.

[plain jane]

I can't think of a situation where I would allow a friendship to falter because she cheerfully disagreed with the majority of our friends. Can we have a hint? Is this a situation of illegality?

 

No, not at all.

 

I'm finding that in one particular circle of friends that I'm in (or at least I thought I was in :glare:) I'm simply not fitting into their little mold, if you will. I guess it comes down to my not being as conservative as they are on certain things but only because I didn't know I was supposed to be conservative in that regard. Little things, not really big doctrinal or theological issues.

 

Nothing illegal or immoral. In fact, those who are non-Smurfs would think nothing of it, do people in some of my other circles of friends.

 

But, as a result, these "friends", who I really did think were my friends, are giving me the old, "smile and nod and walk away treatment" rather than just saying, "Hey Jane, you really ought to ____ or ought not to ____."

 

And it's not really anything that embarrassing. It just doesn't fit that particular mold. So then, I'll make some comment, like, "Oh, I like green," and all of a sudden 2 years of friendship melts away. :crying:

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Oh, you are the Smurf who likes green!

I'm so sorry you lost friendships over that. I don't think someone should have to change their preferences to fit in though.

[Barb_]

No, not at all.

 

I'm finding that in one particular circle of friends that I'm in (or at least I thought I was in :glare:) I'm simply not fitting into their little mold, if you will. I guess it comes down to my not being as conservative as they are on certain things but only because I didn't know I was supposed to be conservative in that regard. Little things, not really big doctrinal or theological issues.

 

Nothing illegal or immoral. In fact, those who are non-Smurfs would think nothing of it, do people in some of my other circles of friends.

 

But, as a result, these "friends", who I really did think were my friends, are giving me the old, "smile and nod and walk away treatment" rather than just saying, "Hey Jane, you really ought to ____ or ought not to ____."

 

And it's not really anything that embarrassing. It just doesn't fit that particular mold. So then, I'll make some comment, like, "Oh, I like green," and all of a sudden 2 years of friendship melts away. :crying:

 

Oh, Honey...I'm really sorry. That sounds more like High School treatment wrapped up in self-righteousness.

[plain jane]

I'm still having trouble following. I'm trying to decide if the analogy is the problem, or it's just a basic disconnect of worldviews. I wouldn't belong to any group that told me I couldn't like green.

 

 

Yes, I'm realizing the analogy is the issue. I'm sorry. I don't want to be controversial and stir up anything with anybody here. :)

 

It's not that they're telling me I can't like green. It's that I'm not worthy to have a friendship with because I do. :( And it's not that green is a bad thing. They just don't think it is. And it's just that one circle of friends, not an entire denomination. But I've invested 5 years into these friendships so I'm not sure how I feel anymore.

[Ailaena]

What would you tell your kids if they had friends that suddenly didn't like them for some mysterious (and possibly ridiculous) reason?

 

I know it hurts, but Smurf 'em. :grouphug:

[Barb_]

Yes, I'm realizing the analogy is the issue. I'm sorry. I don't want to be controversial and stir up anything with anybody here. :)

 

It's not that they're telling me I can't like green. It's that I'm not worthy to have a friendship with because I do. :( And it's not that green is a bad thing. They just don't think it is. And it's just that one circle of friends, not an entire denomination. But I've invested 5 years into these friendships so I'm not sure how I feel anymore.

 

To paraphrase Dear Departed Ann Landers: Are you better off with them or without them? Are you comfortable shaving off your corners to fit in?

[plain jane]

What would you tell your kids if they had friends that suddenly didn't like them for some mysterious (and possibly ridiculous) reason?

 

I know it hurts, but Smurf 'em. :grouphug:

 

And that right there is the bigger problem. I'm not the only one who stands to lose friendships.

 

I really thought that as friends of 5 years they'd simply tell me that something was up. I thought friends looked out for each other and helped each other. Instead, I just feel judged and inadequate. This, of course, affects my kids, because some of their best friends are from families in this group.

[Lovedtodeath]

ETA: OH! You are the smurf who likes green. Yeah, me too. I am in transit now. I lost all of my old friends and have yet to make new ones.

to someone who you believe is showing error in their thinking or actions. Let me see if I can explain myself without giving specific or controversial examples. :)

 

Let's say you're a Smurf and as a Smurf it is part of your belief system that you must like blue. Other Smurfs don't question it, that's just how it is. :) Those who aren't Smurfs don't have to like blue, and can in fact be outright opposed to blue, but as a Smurf it just isn't done. Then let's say one day, you're having coffee with a fellow Smurf, one that others would say you are friends with as you get together with this Smurf regularly, and that Smurf tells you that they like green. Not that they don't like blue, because they kind-of do, but they like green more.

 

How should a friend react to this?

 

Does a friend just gasp in shock internally while smiling and nodding (and secretly making a mental note that perhaps that one is not the right friend for them) and allow this to be a start for the decline of a friendship?

 

My friendship does not go away when someone decides that they like green.

Does it depend on the time and place and how much you actually want to be friends with this person? Are you less apt to say something if you don't really care for this person? Or does it come down to more whether or not you have the gumption to stand up and say something?

 

Is it selfish to not say something to someone who is showing their ignorance on an issue or is it polite NOT to say something?

 

I know there's not necessarily a right or wrong answer here and what people could/should/would do will vary greatly depending on all the circumstances. I'd like to hear how some of you here would react.

If you are going to say something be prepared to be polite and open minded, not upset and closed off. Be prepared to debate (back and forth), not preach.

 

It may also be that your friend may have decided that blue never was good but was really a different color in disguise and she just isn't ready (or knows that you aren't) to openly share that with you yet.

Edited September 18, 2011 by Lovedtodeath

[RoughCollie]

Let's say you're a Smurf and as a Smurf it is part of your belief system that you must like blue. Other Smurfs don't question it, that's just how it is. :) Those who aren't Smurfs don't have to like blue, and can in fact be outright opposed to blue, but as a Smurf it just isn't done.

 

I cannot imagine being a Smurf. No group of blue elves is going to tell me what to believe. Unless you give a hint about what you are talking about, I have no way to respond. I am curious now, though!

 

Okay, I've read more. Your friends are unhappy that you like green because it isn't done. Well, tootle-loo friends! I am not kidding. They sound very shallow.

 

One of my friends was separated from her husband. She had a very close group of friends at her church, and she saw them often. They were all dead set against her getting a divorce No Matter What. She should return home and get on with her life as a wife and mother.

 

I was acquainted with these ladies, and they thought I should throw my friend out of my house so her choices would be a homeless shelter or home with her husband. Utter poppycock! I gave them an earful and they avoided giving me their free advice after that.

 

Those women and their sanctimonious, self-righteous advice caused my friend a lot of heartache. She went ahead and got divorced. The church ladies got off their high horses, seeing as being there didn't change anything, after that. She is still friends with them, for reasons I will never understand. She no longer attends that church, though ... so they don't see each other very often. They are mostly FB friends now.

 

If someone doesn't want to be friends with me because I like green ... well, honey, there's the door; don't let it hit you on the way out.

 

In your situation, I'd get together with the friends and have a group discussion. If they won't discuss the situation, or they are self-righteous little asshats, that would be it. The kids could still be friends, unless the other women deny them that privilege.

 

You can probably tell that I can still get riled up about those church ladies.

Edited September 18, 2011 by RoughCollie

[annandatje]

Looks like you are going to have to spill the beans to get meaningful advice.

[justasque]

I like my friends because they think differently on some stuff than I do. Mainly what they all have in common is that they live their lives thoughtfully.

 

So if one of them likes purple, it's usually because they have thought a lot about it and gone on a journey in the purple direction. Or maybe because their culture of origin was all about the purple so they embrace it even though they see the benefits of blue. Or maybe they've seen purple, understand why some folks like it, have even tried some on, but they are really at heart more of an orange person so they've decided to be firmly and comfortably orange. Or, they've always been blue but they are really on a shiny/bright journey which is taking up their energy and they haven't really felt the need to think much about purple at this point in their lives. Or they've had significant life experiences that have led them to be very, very yellow in certain situations. They're usually honest and up-front about whatever it is, and I love hearing everyone's thoughts and journeys.

 

What I love best about them is that if I'm having a pink-with-fuschia-polka-dots day, they're still my friends and they will respect my dots even if they are not themselves dot people.

 

Our kids all know about each other's colors, and they try to respect them. They don't get in the way of playing together. If someone is particularly sensitive to stripes, we do try to avoid stripes on play days.

 

So sorry your friends feel the need to be so limited in their friendships. :grouphug: Their loss, frankly. Use it as an opportunity to find a more diverse set of friends.

Edited September 18, 2011 by askPauline

[Lovedtodeath]

Oh, you are the Smurf who likes green!

I'm so sorry you lost friendships over that. I don't think someone should have to change their preferences to fit in though.

ETA: OH! You are the smurf who likes green. Yeah, me too. I am in transit now. I lost all of my old friends and have yet to make new ones.

[Slartibartfast]

I would do exactly as I did in that situation,

 

"I love you just the way you are."

[IsabelC]

I'd say let the smurf who is totally pure in color cast the first stone.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

As someone who has green eyes

 

 

and is wearing a green shirt

 

 

and is sitting next to a green wall.....

 

I find this thread VERY offensive. :glare:

 

 

 

 

:lol:

[annandatje]

As someone who has green eyes and is wearing a green shirt and is sitting next to a green wall..... I find this thread VERY offensive. :glare: :lol:

 

If you choose to fly in the face of conventional socially accepted Smurfdom norms, then you need to accept that the more compliant smurfs may shun you because of your rebellion. There is no room for dissent in Smurfland!

[plain jane]

I cannot imagine being a Smurf. No group of blue elves is going to tell me what to believe. Unless you give a hint about what you are talking about, I have no way to respond. I am curious now, though!

 

Are the Smurfs Amish or something? Like A-1 tells A-2 that she is going to put zippers on her dresses, it isn't done for A's to use anything other than buttons and hooks & eyes?

 

Oh my gosh, yes! That's it!!

 

A-1 (me :glare:) tells A-2 about these fabulous new buttons that I bought for my dress. I'm going on and on about how great these buttons are because, hey, buttons are permitted and these ones are 'da bomb. :lol: Keep in mind, I still like blue. ;)

 

Except, in A-2's mind (and the other minds in this circle of folks) the buttons that A-1 chose are not appropriate. In fact, they think, how could you :glare: while outwardly smiling and saying, "how nice!"

 

And so, I speak openly about them and blah blah blah because I really don't see how these buttons are not appropriate. I don't have anything to argue because I didn't know they was any point to be arguing over. Sure, the buttons are green, but I'm not aware I'm not to like green. I still like blue, and they're just buttons, right? They're on my blue dress after-all. :lol:

 

But the buttons were a point. Apparently a scandalous point. :glare: And so all this time I've been digging this fabulous hole for myself. A hole which I would not have dug had one of the other people told me that the buttons simply would not do. I would have just returned them. Or bought blue ones. :glare: Or at the very least, not spoken of them and only worn them when not in the presence of these other women.

 

They're just buttons afterall. The fact that I like them doesn't change who I am or what I believe. I simply didn't realize they were scandalous because ____. And if those people had not know that I owned those darned green buttons, they wouldn't think any less of me. :glare:

 

Bah.

Edited September 18, 2011 by plain jane

[Jamauk]

Well, I thought I was following. I am now. totally. lost. :blink:

[Ailaena]

And that right there is the bigger problem. I'm not the only one who stands to lose friendships.

 

I really thought that as friends of 5 years they'd simply tell me that something was up. I thought friends looked out for each other and helped each other. Instead, I just feel judged and inadequate. This, of course, affects my kids, because some of their best friends are from families in this group.

 

 

I just don't know what I would do in your situation. I would probably do my best to remove my emotions towards these Smurfs while waiting to see if their children were going to somehow ostracize mine. In the event that they did, and since I tend to be a bit of a hard-Smurf about stuff, I would explain that life Smurfs sometimes, and that there will always be people moving in and out of your life.

 

If I did have to cut all ties with the Smurf village, I would take this opportunity to make sure my kids understood how not to make someone feel like you are feeling.

[plain jane]

If you choose to fly in the face of conventional socially accepted Smurfdom norms, then you need to accept that the more compliant smurfs may shun you because of your rebellion. There is no room for dissent in Smurfland!

 

Tell me about it. Ugh! :tongue_smilie: :rolleyes:

[swellmomma]

What would you tell your kids if they had friends that suddenly didn't like them for some mysterious (and possibly ridiculous) reason?

 

I know it hurts, but Smurf 'em. :grouphug:

 

 

oooh that's gonna be my new cuss phrase ;)

[RoughCollie]

I deleted that Amish zipper/button stuff because I figured I was way off base. Is this really that unimportant in the general scheme of life?

 

I'd be rethinking whether I wanted to be a Smurf.

 

So what are the buttons, really? A sleeveless shirt? A jug of moonshine?

Edited September 18, 2011 by RoughCollie

[Lovedtodeath]

 

oooh that's gonna be my new cuss phrase ;)

You've got to be smurfin' mad! We started using smurf as a euphemism at the recent gaming convention. I am smurfin' tired now. I need to go smurf.

[Lovedtodeath]

I deleted that Amish zipper/button stuff because I figured I was way off base.

 

So what are the buttons, really? A sleeveless shirt? A jug of moonshine?

My thought was Halloween.

[plain jane]

If you choose to fly in the face of conventional socially accepted Smurfdom norms, then you need to accept that the more compliant smurfs may shun you because of your rebellion. There is no room for dissent in Smurfland!

 

But that's what started my post.

 

As a friend, if you had a friend who was doing/saying/thinking... something you felt was wrong on some level, would you gently correct them before you shun them? Or do you just smile and nod and back away towards the door.

 

I mean, if you truly believe that X is wrong and a friend is doing X or saying X or whatever, as a friend, wouldn't you say something? Anything? Before you just dump 5 years of friendship? :001_huh:

[Barb_]

I deleted that Amish zipper/button stuff because I figured I was way off base. Is this really that unimportant in the general scheme of life?

 

I'd be rethinking whether I wanted to be a Smurf.

 

So what are the buttons, really? A sleeveless shirt? A jug of moonshine?

 

:lol: I'm beginning to feel like I've been in the moonshine. Seriously, c'mon. How bad can it be?

[eternalknot]

Is my friend challenging all of her Smurfness, or just one small belief within the larger Smurferific belief system? That makes a difference, to me.

 

Mostly, though I think it boils down to what you consider "friendship" -- to me, friendship is a relationship. It's work. It's not being twinsies all of the time, nor is it about putting on a phony face and faking it. Ever!

 

A friend, to me, is in the same realm as are parents, children, spouses. They're not so easily discarded because you're somewhat vested in the relationship. The downside is that you have something to lose; the flip side is that your investment in each other allows for breathing room when these differences or challenges come to a head. There is some level of security in making oneself vulnerable to someone we like/love and respect (so long as it's mutual!)

 

For a friend, I'd not fake a reaction. I'd give an honest reaction. If I were shocked, I'd show it and say it. I'd want to talk it through because the friendship means more to me than a difference of opinion or belief, and a relationship -by nature- demands this kind of work (or investment).

 

For a friend, I'd not correct them per se but I imagine that'd be part of my honest reaction: "What about x-smurf belief?" and such, as natural, respectful segues into a deeper dialogue. It'd be discussion, not criticism -however gentle and loving.

 

For a friend, I'd not write off the relationship prematurely before both sides had the opportunity to present their cases (as opposed to just witnessing my own side and making a decision based on that alone).

 

For an aquaintance, I'd do the same but I'm like that in general. I like to know why people do and believe what they do. I'd be way interested in getting into the wayward smurf's head!

 

I try not to presume another party is ignorant (though it does happen!); I try to approach differences with the idea that they must be coming from an angle I've never thought of before. Many times this is the case, and though I continue to disagree it's not a matter of "dang that person is ignorant!" Then again some times, folks really are just that dumb! In these cases, I try to treat them the way I'd want someone treating my mom if it were her spewing dumbness everywhere. I figure it's sometimes polite to try to steer them right, and sometimes it's more polite to let 'em be; it really just depends on the situation and circumstances.

[RoughCollie]

I mean, if you truly believe that X is wrong and a friend is doing X or saying X or whatever, as a friend, wouldn't you say something? Anything? Before you just dump 5 years of friendship? :001_huh:

 

Yeah, if X is something illegal or highly immoral or unethical.

 

I have met people who believe things are Just Plain Wrong that I think or do. We can agree to disagree about the subject (Halloween, Santa, gay marriage, ghosts, tattoos, etc.). If they don't like it, they can lump it. I have strong opinions on the subjects I put in parentheses. They are My opinions and I don't expect or want everyone else to agree with me.

 

It's a scary thought, isn't it, that everyone would have to be The Same? People who think like that scare me.

Edited September 18, 2011 by RoughCollie

[plain jane]

I deleted that Amish zipper/button stuff because I figured I was way off base. Is this really that unimportant in the general scheme of life?

 

I'd be rethinking whether I wanted to be a Smurf.

 

So what are the buttons, really? A sleeveless shirt? A jug of moonshine?

 

No, it's not as unimportant as mere buttons. It's more like buttons on the front of my dress in that they are there for all to see (figuratively). And I brought attention to them because I didn't see any wrong in it.

 

Yeah, I'm rethinking the Smurf thing.

 

It's not so much that I want to conform or that I feel that I am being forced to conform.

 

For me, if I saw a friend was doing/saying/getting into a situation that was against what I believed in & what she, as a fellow Smurf, should be believing in (and says she believes in) I would say something to that friend. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and not just walk away from 5 years of friendship.

 

I feel like they just don't care. That I was nice to hang out with when they thought I was 100% Smurf but when I did something they wouldn't do, I wasn't even worth correcting. They just rolled their eyes and walked away. :(

[Lovedtodeath]

No, it's not as unimportant as mere buttons. It's more like buttons on the front of my dress in that they are there for all to see (figuratively). And I brought attention to them because I didn't see any wrong in it.

 

Yeah, I'm rethinking the Smurf thing.

 

It's not so much that I want to conform or that I feel that I am being forced to conform.

 

For me, if I saw a friend was doing/saying/getting into a situation that was against what I believed in & what she, as a fellow Smurf, should be believing in (and says she believes in) I would say something to that friend. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and not just walk away from 5 years of friendship.

 

I feel like they just don't care. That I was nice to hang out with when they thought I was 100% Smurf but when I did something they wouldn't do, I wasn't even worth correcting. They just rolled their eyes and walked away. :(

Are they scared? Are you dangerous if you don't believe the same way they do?

[Ailaena]

 

I mean, if you truly believe that X is wrong and a friend is doing X or saying X or whatever, as a friend, wouldn't you say something? Anything? Before you just dump 5 years of friendship? :001_huh:

 

 

In this specific situation, if I knew that friend X was ignorant of the rules, and were were honest-to-goodness friends, I would absolutely say something. However, I would certainly phrase it like, "You'd better not let anyone else find out you like green..."

 

If, in my opinion, we were simply acquaintances, I would probably still say something, but I can see how many people would just wash their hands of it and consider friend X a bad Smurf, and therefore a bad influence :(

 

But people are funny about friendships, sometimes, like they are scared to make a real commitment. Like is seems easier to let the friendship go then invest oneself to that extent. It made sense when I thought it...

[plain jane]

:lol: I'm beginning to feel like I've been in the moonshine. Seriously, c'mon. How bad can it be?

 

I don't want to say too much. Some of these Smurfs read the WTM boards. :lol:

[Lovedtodeath]

but I can see how many people would just wash their hands of it and consider friend X a bad Smurf, and therefore a bad influence :(

Yes, that is what I was trying to say.

 

I really do need to go to smurf. See you all in the smurf.

[plain jane]

Are they scared? Are you dangerous if you don't believe the same way they do?

 

I'm not sure how they feel since nobody is being open about it. I'm not being invited to spend time with them since this. Or, as much time with them, I should say.

 

I had a conversation with one of them today that made me realize I'm being dodged. Up to this point I was given the impression from most of them that we as a group had all been really busy with life and that was the reason for less get togethers. It's definitely part of the reason but it became very evident today that that's not the entire case. And the conversation got a little awkward at that point. :tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Unfortunately, many friendships really aren't deep ones but rely on the superficial similarities. If those similarities appear to be not there - even on one issue, those friendships disappear. For me, I have to decide if they really are friendships, in which case, I would need for them to care on a deeper, less superficial level, or if they are just really just acquaintances built around allowing our children to socialize. For those acquaintances, I do not make an issue of the "real me" because I realize that they won't ever really get to know the "real me".

[Night Elf]

But, as a result, these "friends", who I really did think were my friends, are giving me the old, "smile and nod and walk away treatment" rather than just saying, "Hey Jane, you really ought to ____ or ought not to ____."

 

:grouphug: Yeah, BTDT. It is indeed quite hurtful. But truthfully, when I encountered those people, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have liked for them to tell me what I ought or ought not to do. Blue is a nice color, but it takes all the colors to make a rainbow.

[annandatje]

Hmmm ... like buttons on front of dress that you bring attention to. I've got it! You're revealing cleavage.