What do you do when you child doesn't want to do "school work?"

[miracleone]

I told my dd9 to go to her room and sit on her bed until she is ready to come out and do her school work. She's not allowed to play, draw or read but just be on her bed.

 

I am not fighting her or getting angry over it. We're not going out so she can still do school all day because she is obviously being defiant. This is not our norm as I usually prefer to be done by 2pm or earlier.

 

This morning we started off doing some map tracing and reviewing some CC materials. She played some Science games on the computer and watch some short science videos (those are all fun for her). When it's time to do Math and other writing subjects, she started acting up, drawing instead of paying attention to the lesson and making faces.

 

What do I do? I am trying NOT to let her behavior not affect me but I don't know if letting her go to her room is the right solution. Any advise? Thank you.

[laundrycrisis]

For our 8.5 yo I withhold all play time and screen time until it's done. I will not let him go to his room or the basement, because he will just play.

[Mommy22alyns]

For our 8.5 yo I withhold all play time and screen time until it's done. I will not let him go to his room or the basement, because he will just play.

 

:iagree: The girls don't do ANYTHING until school work is completed.

[FourOaks]

I have a 6 yr old that was terrible last year and is so far the same this year (one week in). I am going to LOSE MY MIND!

 

I have 3 older kids and I have never had to deal with what I go through with this kid.

 

As a matter of fact, tonight she is going to bed an hour early (that's if we can remember). But then she'll throw a HUGE tantrum about that too.

[KrissiK]

For our 8.5 yo I withhold all play time and screen time until it's done. I will not let him go to his room or the basement, because he will just play.

:iagree: This is what we do. My kids just sit there till they can finish it. And if it takes them an hour of just sitting. So be it. Although it takes every ounce of restraint on my part to not just scream, "What is the matter with you? You know how to do this! Just put pencil to paper and you'll be done in 10 minutes. Do you realize how incredibly lazy and downright foolish you really are?" But, I just walk by with my laundry basket and bite my tongue. Sometimes they really do sit there for hours. It's pathetic.

[kewb]

At the beginning of the school year and 2 or 3 more times throughout the year I sit down one on one with my kids and discuss my expectations of their behavior and work habits for the year. We talk about how in order for to continue to be their teacher then they have to do their part. I have no interest in wasting my time teaching someone who does not want to be there. We talk about how it affects everyone else when they choose not to do what is required. We talk about cooperation.

 

Didn't that sound all nice and Pollyana. Sometimes, when I remind them of the discussion they actually correct their attitude and do what is asked of them. Sometimes I step back and look at myself. I have found there are some weeks out of the month where things that normally don't bother me send me over the edge. Sometimes I break down and scream and yell and send them to their rooms.

 

All that said, both of them know there is no screen time or any kind of fun until the schoolwork is done. The choice is theirs.

[twoxcell]

For us consequences for acting up during school include, sitting on bed for a period of time, running laps at the park when dad gets home, extra chores after school, or loss of privileges( such as TV, Video Games, outside activities for the day).

[miracleone]

You're right! I should not have let her looked at the Usborne-quicklinks site when we did the skeleton study. I should have waited. I am still learning how to instill "school hour" disciplines without killing her love for learning and thinking that school work is a drag.

[Karen in CO]

We do the "hard" stuff first. So it is math, phonics, writing first hing in school everyday. I have a hard time getting the kids back to the table to do work if they've had a chance to do the fun stuff. Science, history, art and anything else that has built-in distractions are scheduled after our core work. I tend to start off with something like a read aloud, then hit the hard stuff. Over the years, it has worked better for us this way. Of course, there's still been days when a child will be sitting at the table staring a simple page of work long after I've lost the ability to look at her doing it.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I told my dd9 to go to her room and sit on her bed until she is ready to come out and do her school work. She's not allowed to play, draw or read but just be on her bed.

 

I am not fighting her or getting angry over it. We're not going out so she can still do school all day because she is obviously being defiant. This is not our norm as I usually prefer to be done by 2pm or earlier.

 

This morning we started off doing some map tracing and reviewing some CC materials. She played some Science games on the computer and watch some short science videos (those are all fun for her). When it's time to do Math and other writing subjects, she started acting up, drawing instead of paying attention to the lesson and making faces.

 

What do I do? I am trying NOT to let her behavior not affect me but I don't know if letting her go to her room is the right solution. Any advise? Thank you.

 

I found it helpful to listen to the SWB lecture on teaching your child to work independently. It made me realize that with my youngest, I was expecting him to do work without me at elbow or hovering before he was ready for this stage. It is a drag for me to have to sit right there with him. But that is part of what I've signed on for.

 

And I hate to say it, but there is a definite connection to how much time I spend on the computer and how poorly our school day goes. I have to really work on restraining my time to just when we're done with school.

 

If one of the triggers for distraction and discontentedness is screen time, then make a note on paper of something that she can look up - when her other schoolwork is done.

 

I have also been known to decide upon some fun family activity that the offending child was not able to participate in, because they were busy with school work. (My oldest son caught up on 22 math fact sheets in about 90 minutes when I found out right before heading out to a Harry Potter event that he'd not been doing them as part of his daily work. Though in that case, it was also shame on me for not inspecting the work - which is why he was allowed to catch up instead of just losing the chance to attend.)

 

The Real Child lecture from SWB was also really good.

[Sputterduck]

Well, I told my child once that if he doesn't do his school work, I'd send him to public school. Then I waxed eloquent about how you can't talk to the people around you, you have to ask be able to do simple things like go to the bathroom, you have to sit in a desk most of the day without making noise, you have only 1/2 hour to eat and you can't eat if you are hungry outside that time, you may have to wait up to an hour to get a sip of water if you are thirsty, etc. Scared him straight, I tell ya.

[justamouse]

At that age, you really need to pour yourself a large cup of coffee and sit next to them. They can't sit and do it yet. Give lots of kisses and pats to refocus them. I'll give my guy a little tickle and say, "Ok, now let's get this next problem done so we can go ___, show me how you do____," and we work through it all.

 

Make a routine. Not even as much for them (though they thrive on it) but for YOU. So that you know for ___ to ____ I will be sitting at the couch, table, whatever doing this work with them, and you won't be wanting to go off and do ____. :001_smile:

 

Getting her defiant over it--over something she may not have the capability to do yet, is beyond frustrating for her. She's telling you that she's not capable of it yet, she needs your help. And, even if she CAN do the work, it doesn't mean she can by herself. Your physical closeness is giving her the extra self control she needs to get that work done. Please, whatever you do, don't get exasperated and lose patience because you have to sit there. That sends the wrong message in a big way.

 

:grouphug: It's tough. I have them all sit at the table at once (5 of them) and I bounce back from child to child. It's enough to make me drink some days, but that's what this gig is about.

Edited August 22, 2011 by justamouse

[Tammyla]

Mine are much older, but I learned early on to begin with math and LA...Focus on getting the must do subjects done first and the day flows much better.

 

:grouphug:Kids go through all kinds of things and try lots of delay tactics. My normal routine was to ask questions. Do you need a snack? Do you need a nap? Do you want a shower and then begin again. Not doing the lessons was not an option. Hang in there and press on:grouphug:.

[jbemom]

I told my dd9 to go to her room and sit on her bed until she is ready to come out and do her school work. She's not allowed to play, draw or read but just be on her bed.

 

This is what I do. In fact, my daughter is in her room as I type this. :(

 

 

I have a 6 yr old that was terrible last year and is so far the same this year (one week in). I am going to LOSE MY MIND!

 

I just sent my husband and IM telling him after 8 days of school this year I'm ready to call it quits. I won't....but I do feel like it today.

[miracleone]

At that age, you really need to pour yourself a large cup of coffee and sit next to them. They can't sit and do it yet. Give lots of kisses and pats to refocus them. I'll give my guy a little tickle and say, "Ok, now let's get this next problem done so we can go ___, show me how you do____," and we work through it all.

 

Make a routine. Not even as much for them (though they thrive on it) but for YOU. So that you know for ___ to ____ I will be sitting at the couch, table, whatever doing this work with them, and you won't be wanting to go off and do ____. :001_smile:

 

Getting her defiant over it--over something she may not have the capability to do yet, is beyond frustrating for her. She's telling you that she's not capable of it yet, she needs your help. And, even if she CAN do the work, it doesn't mean she can by herself. Your physical closeness is giving her the extra self control she needs to get that work done. Please, whatever you do, don't get exasperated and lose patience because you have to sit there. That sends the wrong message in a big way.

 

:grouphug: It's tough. I have them all sit at the table at once (5 of them) and I bounce back from child to child. It's enough to make me drink some days, but that's what this gig is about.

 

I do all that and give her the support she needs but sometimes I think my presence make her "act out" more because she has an audience.

 

She's back doing her schoolwork now. I drew out a comparison of the time ps kids are in school and how long they are there. I told her that we could get school work done in 4 hours if we don't have tantrums about it.

[laundrycrisis]

At that age, you really need to pour yourself a large cup of coffee and sit next to them. They can't sit and do it yet. Give lots of kisses and pats to refocus them. I'll give my guy a little tickle and say, "Ok, now let's get this next problem done so we can go ___, show me how you do____," and we work through it all.

 

Make a routine. Not even as much for them (though they thrive on it) but for YOU. So that you know for ___ to ____ I will be sitting at the couch, table, whatever doing this work with them, and you won't be wanting to go off and do ____. :001_smile:

 

Getting her defiant over it--over something she may not have the capability to do yet, is beyond frustrating for her. She's telling you that she's not capable of it yet, she needs your help. And, even if she CAN do the work, it doesn't mean she can by herself. Your physical closeness is giving her the extra self control she needs to get that work done. Please, whatever you do, don't get exasperated and lose patience because you have to sit there. That sends the wrong message in a big way.

 

:grouphug: It's tough. I have them all sit at the table at once (5 of them) and I bounce back from child to child. It's enough to make me drink some days, but that's what this gig is about.

 

I resort to this "fine but no playing or any kind of screen time" after I have been sitting with DS1, with coffee for me, and snacks for him, and helping when needed...it is stuff he is capable of doing and would not take him long if he would just get with it. Sometimes he still just refuses. Not often anymore though, since I have been taking this hard line ;)

[Forget-Me-Not]

I used to say no screentime/playtime until schoolwork is done. But my oldest would race through his schoolwork in his haste to get to the screentime, and then get upset when I caught him making mistakes and cutting corners. So this year, I'm going to simply declare that there is no screentime until 3p.m. PERIOD. I make exceptions for the Wii on crummy weather days though, because the Wii Fit is nice for getting the wiggles out when they can't have a 'recess' outside.

[SailorMom]

We always get the least enjoyable subject done first - whichever that it as the time.

If the work is not getting done - grounding from everything else.

If that doesn't motivate - chores. Lots of them. Difficult ones - like "scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush" difficult.

Thankfully - after a few days of this a LONG time ago (I think ds was 9....) we haven't had to do it since.

[Mommy22alyns]

And I hate to say it, but there is a definite connection to how much time I spend on the computer and how poorly our school day goes. I have to really work on restraining my time to just when we're done with school.

 

 

 

:iagree: I don't get on the computer until school is over either. Rebecca uses the computer for TT, LFC, and typing, and those are her last courses of the day.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I remind them that this family isn't a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship, and therefore, they have no say in the matter! :D

 

j/k!

[LibraryLover]

My youngest was always one to need me nearby as she did math etc at that age child. It also helps to do those more demanding activities when she was fresh.

[ma23peas]

I told my dd9 to go to her room and sit on her bed until she is ready to come out and do her school work. She's not allowed to play, draw or read but just be on her bed.

 

.

 

Happened just today! Without nary a hair turned white on my head, I simply told (all three) that the 'required' subjects are to be done first before all else (lollygagging, computer time-which they all know is off limits until ALL is completed anywho, 'fun' subjects...they could sit and draw famous artist drawings all day...)

Soooo..since they did not 'get' it..they will wake up at 6am and do 2 hours of chores before starting their 'required' subjects. My two hours will be scrubbing horses troughs, cleaning the stalls out and composting manure (believe me I have enough for 3 days, but usually this only takes 2 days before they're back on track and I get a clean barn!!)

 

So, think of something you need done and will take time, wake them up early enough so it 'means' something and see how that works. I could have them hand wash the baseboards, clean out the trash cans, wash all the windows...now, at age 9- it may just be one hour, but mine are 12-16 so they can handle 2 hours of labor in the morning..

 

HTH!