Am I truly the only HSing parent who struggles with being with the kids all day?

[Laura Corin]

No - I was the same. I used to take an hour to myself after lunch, and another hour while I cooked supper. It helped, but being home with them all day was hard.

 

Laura

[Lily_Grace]

There have been days where I have escaped as soon as dh walked in the door. I love my kids, but I love me, too. For the past few years we've had a standing "rule" in our house that mom gets 15-20 minutes alone in the morning before having to answer to anyone, ESPECIALLY if we are traveling! I need that time to center myself and get ready for the day.

[Grover]

Oh gosh I'm glad to see this thread, because this is one of my biggest concerns about pursuing home ed... I really need that space. It's great to see how others manage it. At the moment my DH has promised to take the children somewhere where I am not (or I go out) for a few hours every weekend. It makes a huge difference to how well I cope with them during the week, just knowing that I will get some time on the weekend.

[LaxMom]

I'm an introvert as well, and find interacting with people (not specifically my children) all day exhausting. There are a number of things we do - and others have mentioned - that help: I work for "me" time (in fact, I am enjoying "me" time right now, at 6 am, with the sound of weights being lifted and running on the treadmill in the background, and no one talking to me beyond "good morning" and "have a great day"), we have quiet time after lunch, my kids are old enough to play without my input...

 

I AM one of those who is appalled when parents tell me they couldn't stand being with their kids all day. Perhaps I should have been more clear in expressing this in other threads; it is the way this statement is delivered. They are not saying they need down time. They expand upon their statement and indicate that they really don't like their children very much, or that they think parenting is too much work that interferes with their "life". :confused: It seems to be the "trendy" position of families to not be able to stand one another.

 

And, you know, as an introvert who doesn't particularly care to be around children (just not a kid person, even when I was a kid), I just can't imagine going around telling people I can't stand to be around my children like that.

[ButterfliesandBooks]

:grouphug:

 

I feel the same way as many of the other posters. I have learnt to not feel guilty about putting on a dvd for an hour and just having some me time. It's actually the noise I usually need to break from - the constant chatter! Also some days my dh walks in from work and I go straight to bed! Sometimes to nap or read or just think. It helps, but I do still struggle.

I'm not a very social person though, so it's not just my children, but people in general I need time away from!

 

My dream day would be to spend time alone in the house reading or cleaning or planning lessons! lol...

Edited August 22, 2011 by ButterfliesandBooks
spelling!

[nono]

I AM one of those who is appalled when parents tell me they couldn't stand being with their kids all day. Perhaps I should have been more clear in expressing this in other threads; it is the way this statement is delivered. They are not saying they need down time. They expand upon their statement and indicate that they really don't like their children very much, or that they think parenting is too much work that interferes with their "life". :confused: It seems to be the "trendy" position of families to not be able to stand one another.

 

I'm not even appalled that they really feel that way. I'm appalled at the frequency with which I hear this delivered within earshot of the children! :001_huh:

 

To the OP and others, yeah, it is tough sometimes. That's why I'm not against any of the modern conveniences. When my dh travels, screen time goes up. An extra 1/2 hour may rot their brains to the core (;)), but sheesh, I love to catch a quick snooze on the couch while they are watching Wild Kratts so I can rejuvenate and finish the day in somewhat good cheer.

[Shannon in TN]

I haven't read through the whole thread yet, but no, you are not the only one who feels that way! I planned my kids' co-op and enrichment classes together so that I can have a few hours during the week all.to.my.self.

 

Oh, and I LOVE that you have a Wash quote in your siggy! :D

[melissel]

I AM one of those who is appalled when parents tell me they couldn't stand being with their kids all day. Perhaps I should have been more clear in expressing this in other threads; it is the way this statement is delivered. They are not saying they need down time. They expand upon their statement and indicate that they really don't like their children very much, or that they think parenting is too much work that interferes with their "life". :confused: It seems to be the "trendy" position of families to not be able to stand one another.

 

Hmm, maybe I've just never met any of those kinds of people? We don't hang around with many PS families, so that could be why I've not encountered the extreme mindset. I've had people tell me they couldn't HS because they couldn't be with their kids all day, but it never seems vitriolic, it just seems honest. And I've heard people say they couldn't wait until the kids go back to school, and I envision kids outside of their usual structure, with messed-up summer sleep schedules and starting to get bored and restless the way I remember doing every summer. And I envision moms outside their normal structure, with messed-up summer sleep schedules, dealing with bored and restless kids. And I understand. I'm so ready for summer to be done myself! I'm tired of all the impromptu get-togethers and the outings I feel guilty missing and all the (mostly internal) pressure to get that summer stuff done and make those memories!!!! I would be wishing for school to start too. Actually, I am, and I'm the one in charge of when it starts :lol:

 

Frankly, if I could find the mythical school that could provide my kids with the customized education and nurturing that I can provide here, they'd be in it. I adore my kids, but if I had a true choice (as in, not just between HS and PS), HSing would probably not be it. I'm not sure if that makes it sound as though I can't stand my kids. Maybe it does? Of course I love my kids. But because of who I am, my mental health and my marriage would probably both be better if I wasn't HSing. So when I read the "shock and horror" posts, they make me feel, as Cyndi said, like the only "Terrible, Horrible, Really No Good Mom."

[RegularMom]

Sometimes I purposely avoid getting up when DH does in the morning because he is all talk, talk, talk in the morning and I'm.....well, not LOL.

 

This. Totally.

 

Melissel, I'm like you too. I struggle with being with the kids all day. They're getting older now, so it's getting easier. But my 8yo is an extrovert to the max, and it can truly exhaust me still.

 

In the mornings, if the schedule is working properly (and right now it isn't, because RegularDad is working the night shift so my sleep patterns have gone haywire) I get up early, before everyone else, and walk the dogs. I arrive back at home just in time to see RegularDad off to work. Then I take a shower, pour a large cup of coffee and disappear into my office until my mug is empty. The rule is: momma doesn't talk to anyone till the mug is empty. My 8yo will come into my office and peek into my coffee mug, sigh dramatically and leave again at least twice every morning, but she knows I'm not ready to talk yet.

 

If all that happens, our days generally run much more smoothly. But it doesn't always happen. At least, not yet. I'm just hanging in there some days. :)

[melissel]

I'm not even appalled that they really feel that way. I'm appalled at the frequency with which I hear this delivered within earshot of the children! :001_huh:

 

Yeah, this is actually the part that would bother me. I think plenty of things about my children, but I have the kindness to keep them to myself (or this board!) at least. It would definitely make me sad to hear these kinds of statements right in front of the kids.

[melissel]

The rule is: momma doesn't talk to anyone till the mug is empty. My 8yo will come into my office and peek into my coffee mug, sigh dramatically and leave again at least twice every morning, but she knows I'm not ready to talk yet.

 

:lol: That is excellent! I'm trying to make myself get up early in the morning, but I'm a night owl by nature, so that's hard. And lately DH has been getting up early to juice and watch The Daily Show and the previous day's news, etc., so it doesn't really even help me *sigh* I love that man, but I cannot win!

 

My DD8 would be good about this, but DD5 is a "pecker"--she pecks at me constantly, even when she agrees not to. She can't not do it--she needs food, her sister did/said something offensive to her, she wants to play on the computer, she wants to hear music, she wants to know what we're doing today, etc. As I mentioned earlier...SO high-maintenance :willy_nilly: On the upside, she read most of Go Dog Go on her own last night (:001_wub:), so we are well on our way to her reading. I suspect (HOPE!) that will open up whole new worlds for both of us, once she can keep herself occupied with books. Quiet time, here we come!!! :lol:

[iquilt]

That's why I escape into the computer from time to time.

 

Goodness but do I agree with this - dh accidentally broke our internet connection last week and I had to go almost 2 days without internet readily available in my house. It made me realize just how much I enjoy connecting with adult friends on the computer or researching or whatever to get a break from our everyday reality at home. I struggled with finding alone time when they were smaller but now all are old enough to understand that sometimes I just need an hour in my room with a good book and zero interruptions. They don't need me to do everything for them anymore and often help each other. I also have been know to listen to an audio story on headphones while doing laundry or making dinner, giving me an escape without running away screaming! HTH

 

(FWIW, dh works many countless 12-15 hour days along with frequent business trips so I've learned to find my alone time without depending on another adult to help out. )

[RegularMom]

I got the coffee mug trick from another mom I know who has a daughter who's high maintenance, too. It works (most of the time.) But my 8yo is a lot like your 5yo. She can peck you to death with the things she needs. She's up at 6:00 am most mornings, and she hits the ground TALKING. O... M... G...

 

The girl can TALK, is all I'm sayin'.

 

But the thing is: She's ME. That's who I was as a kid. Bright, funny, energetic, and talkative. She even looks like me, except for the eyes. Her eyes are big and blue. Mine are small and brown. My mom just laughs and laughs and laughs when we get together, and she winks at me and says: "You've got a Mini Me."

 

And now, I'm learning the value of silence. And I'm starting to talk less. And yes, I've been known to lock myself in my office and sip that mug of coffee very. very. slowly.

[butterflymommy]

I am in the middle-- I definitely need time to myself, and thankfully the house is big enough to allow me to "retreat," but it was miserable having them gone ~7 hours a day, 180 days a year.

 

When I hear moms say how they can't wait for school to start (yes, often in front of the kids) I'm puzzled by how they can say it so enthusiastically. I will admit, I don't separate well from my kids, it's very hard on me emotionally, but to gleefully wish them out of the house...?

[8circles]

No, you are not.

:iagree:

[Janie Grace]

No, I struggle -- a lot. I think I have been unhealthily retreating into WTM and FB instead of carving out ALONE TIME and not feeling guilty about it. I am going to start taking a walk by myself every day while the kids eat lunch. My oldest is old enough to hold down the fort. I am up early with a toddler (6:00) so alone time in the morning isn't happening, and for some reason, alone time at night just isn't doing it for me (prob. b/c dh is here and though I love time with him, I don't feel "alone"). This issue is the #1 hardest thing for me about homeschooling/motherhood. I really, really, really miss my solitude. I am one of those people with no trouble chatting w/ strangers or talking in front of a crowd but if I do not have a lot of time alone, I feel like I am going insane.

[amyable]

Just adding my agreeing 2 cents. I always joke that I missed my calling to be a cloistered nun. :tongue_smilie: I was a speech pathologist pre-kids, and so when they were born I spent forever TALKING to them and teaching them to be very language oriented. OMG, I had no idea how that would turn around to bite me in the behind as I had more and they grew older. They never.stop.talking. :svengo: I'm trying now to teach them that it is rude to share every little whim of an idea that flows through their heads. :glare:

 

I wish I could find a babysitter that can take them during the day, although I can use my mom occasionally for doctors visits of which there are many. She is not up to more than that. By night time my dh needs me and I am too beat anyway. I can't leave them with dh for more than necessary (e.g. food shopping - which I loathe) because he is injured and can't lift my 3yo who can't walk sometimes due to his arthritis. Yes, I guess an older kid can help sometimes, but it doesn't help ME to be out worrying the whole time that dh is in pain and the older two are arguing while the 3yo is just crying that he can't get up the stairs and nobody notices him, YKWIM?? I don't feel any better making my family suffer so that I can get my "alone time."

 

No time for quiet time. I am seriously considering adopting some sort of grand silence like in monasteries. "OK kids, absolutely no noise between 8PM and 8AM! Wait, make that 6 PM and 11 AM." :lol:

[mmasmommy]

You are not alone.

 

I was super excited to see the activity "Take a Vow of Silence" in the SOTW 2 AG and tried desperately to figure out how to incorporate it weekly.

Edited August 22, 2011 by mmasmommy

[mommylawyer]

I work part-time (3 days a week) and homeschool 4 days a week. My DH and I have discussed my staying at home full time and he always asks me if I would go crazy if I didn't have my outlet through work. He's right. I personally think I would become extremely complacent and possibly lazy if I didn't have all of these plates on my table.

[Momof3littles]

I am :smilielol5:at so many comments in this thread because they ring so true!

 

I am totally an introvert, and being around my kids nearly 24/7 is really, really draining for me. The 17 month old still cosleeps and BFs, so even when the older two (7 and 4) are in bed, I have him near me/attached to me. It is absolutely draining.

 

I often tell DH that I totally envy his commute to work. 30-35 mins of driving anywhere without little people talking to me all. of. the. time would be blissful. I'd sit there w/ the radio OFF in fact.

 

I need to hear my thoughts, and it is really hard to do with 3 kidlets underfoot.

 

99 percent of my crankiness stems from their very normal kid behavior and kid requests. It just overwhelms me. The youngest is forever climbing on something and shrieking for something, the middle is always needing the baby gate opened/closed, a light turned on, something to eat, etc. and the oldest asks so many questions it makes my brain hurt. And when it is all going on at the same time I just look like this:eek:.

 

With the older two I have emphasized that I *need* to recharge at night. I need them to go to bed and not come in with 100 requests, because if I don't get my recharge time (which still involves my 17 month old being latched on half of the night), I will go crazy.

 

I also stay up late nearly every single night, because that's my me time. I'll poke around online, use Pinterest, endlessly tweak my wish list at RR, etc. and revel in the fact that no one is talking to me.

 

I take great comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who finds it challenging and exhausting. When I think it is too much, I realize how much I would dislike back to school night, PTA events, and other larger school gatherings. :lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

I got the coffee mug trick from another mom I know who has a daughter who's high maintenance, too. It works (most of the time.) But my 8yo is a lot like your 5yo. She can peck you to death with the things she needs. She's up at 6:00 am most mornings, and she hits the ground TALKING. O... M... G...

 

The girl can TALK, is all I'm sayin'.

 

 

Oh my goodness, that's MY 8yo too!! I should use that coffee trick on her.

[ChristusG]

 

I also stay up late nearly every single night, because that's my me time. I'll poke around online, use Pinterest, endlessly tweak my wish list at RR, etc. and revel in the fact that no one is talking to me.

 

 

:iagree: This is me. I find myself staying up till at least 12 each night, sometimes 1 so that I can have me time. I try to have the kids dressed, in bed, prayed with, and story over by 8:30. Then I have to factor in another 30 minutes (at least) of getting out of bed. :glare: Then DH goes to bed around 11. That leaves me an hour of me time. Sometimes more because on some nights DH will watch a show by himself or work on our home business. I usually join him from around 8:30 - 10 and we'll watch something together. But late at night is for me.

 

And then I'm tired in the mornings. :tongue_smilie:

[foxbridgeacademy]

I end almost every day telling (yelling same difference) at the kids that "this is my alone time!" I will even throw in some threats to do bodily harm if they don't "shut up, NOW". They know I love them and that one of the reasons they stay home is because I can't bear to be away from them for 8 hours a day, but sometimes......

[JenniferB]

Oh no, you are not alone. My daily therapy is going to the gym to run and sweat and clear my head of the, "I want this," "I want that," "I'm hungry," "He hit me." Sometimes I feel like I'll loose my mind, especially if I've skipped a few workout days. Please take some time for yourself. It's very important. And, don't feel guilty.