Frustrated with park parent, again!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Ds had a great park day and we spent just over 3 hours there one day...

 

I met a mother of a 2 year old. She was dealing with the same psychologist we had dealt with (and tossed) in the past. This 2 year old boy was diagnosed with bipolar! Mother was also told that his language was normal, yet in our 3 hour visit, he didn't utter a single clear word or any two word sentences.

 

She was told he was gluten intolerant, so she didn't give him wheat bread ... only white bread :001_huh:. I attempted to very nicely educate, but she didn't want to learn (the whole time continued to go on about his behavior).

 

I tried talking about what I've learned from having an aggressive child, and was met with how none of that works, while I'm watching inconsistency! (he was put in time out, and only taken out when he started screaming loud enough).

 

Attempted nutrition again, while regular coke was being put in his bottle. :glare:

 

Gold Bond medicated foot powder for a diaper rash caused by loose stool from eating gluten (mother said), and then yelling at the poor boy for crying and making fun of the way he walked. He was quite obviously uncomfortable.

 

I'm far from a perfect parent, very, very far from it, but some things really seem like common sense.

[ChrissySC]

Should have asked her where she left her brain that day. I applaud you. I would probably have had to have left after 10 minutes.

 

Poor kiddo.

[justamouse]

Ds had a great park day and we spent just over 3 hours there one day...

 

I met a mother of a 2 year old. She was dealing with the same psychologist we had dealt with (and tossed) in the past. This 2 year old boy was diagnosed with bipolar! Mother was also told that his language was normal, yet in our 3 hour visit, he didn't utter a single clear word or any two word sentences.

 

She was told he was gluten intolerant, so she didn't give him wheat bread ... only white bread :001_huh:. I attempted to very nicely educate, but she didn't want to learn (the whole time continued to go on about his behavior).

 

I tried talking about what I've learned from having an aggressive child, and was met with how none of that works, while I'm watching inconsistency! (he was put in time out, and only taken out when he started screaming loud enough).

 

Attempted nutrition again, while regular coke was being put in his bottle. :glare:

 

Gold Bond medicated foot powder for a diaper rash caused by loose stool from eating gluten (mother said), and then yelling at the poor boy for crying and making fun of the way he walked. He was quite obviously uncomfortable.

 

I'm far from a perfect parent, very, very far from it, but some things really seem like common sense.

 

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. :grouphug: You have the patience of a saint. Sometimes God sends mom's messengers to help, but the mom's already know everything and don't listen.:glare: Poor, poor kiddo.

[bzymom]

That breaks my heart.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Far from patience. I think most of it was very selfish on my part. I sure did feel much more confident in my choices after leaving!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

This is an old thread.

 

 

8 months later and nothing has changed. Today, he was smacked 3 times in the face (for biting), smacked on the torso (for tripping on another kid). He's still not really talking. He looks malnourished and is very delayed. His growth doesn't look right, either.

 

He fell today and hit his head and lip (one of a billion falls) and she didn't care, just calls him names. I know that plenty of kids fall, but when mine do, I check to be sure they're ok before sending them back out to play!

 

 

I reported her today with all the information I could get which may not be enough.

 

Everyone else that "hangs out" at the park just rolls their eyes when she does something to this kid, but no one steps in. It's also said that the kid "came out messed up, and the mother is making him worse."

 

I can't step in for the boy because I'm afraid of possible retaliation. If he were in immediate danger, I would step in (by openly calling the police).

 

This mother's behavior around here is NORMAL! She's the worst I've seen, but not the only. :crying:

 

A 3 month old was given pepsi in his bottle. This 3 month old was born at almost 7 pounds, and currently weighs almost 8 pounds, formula fed (well, and pepsi).

 

Another child is hard of hearing; he always ask people to repeat themselves, and gets really close when he tries to listen, his speech sounds hearing impaired, and the nicest thing he was called today was a douchbag. :sad: Mother will not take him for a hearing test.

 

I can't stand this, but we can't move yet. I feel bad for wanting to move, like I'm abandoning all these kids. :confused:

[NanceXToo]

Wow. You sure live around a bunch of idiots.

[Impish]

I don't know what formula fed has to do w/anything. Boo was 7 lbs at birth, is formula fed, and was 16 lbs 5oz on Monday. He's 4.5 mths.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I don't know what formula fed has to do w/anything. Boo was 7 lbs at birth, is formula fed, and was 16 lbs 5oz on Monday. He's 4.5 mths.

 

I didn't mean it in a bad way, both of mine were formula fed. I meant that with formula, it's very obvious how much the baby is getting.

 

ETA- He's gained about a pound in 3 months.

[Impish]

Ah.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I would look and see if you have a program called Parents As Teachers in your area.

 

http://www.parentsasteachers.org/

 

Also, if you have a WIC office and a volunteer spirit you might start a parent group and encourage your "friends" to attend with you.

 

I looked at parents as teachers and will call some places on Monday, thank you! I'll also check WIC and the welfare dept.

[PeacefulChaos]

Wow. You sure live around a bunch of idiots.

 

:iagree:

For real. I was thinking, where the heck do you live, so that I can never, ever move there? :lol: (No offense to you, of course.)

[MusicMama]

So, so, so sad. Glad you reported the mother. The child sounds like he will carry the scars of his treatment for a lifetime, even though he is so young. Kudos to you for caring so much, and helping when you can.

[tex-mex]

If not dealt with right now with Early Childhood Intervention programs, the children will funnel into the public school system and by 3rd grade, most will be either in Resource, Special Ed, or SDC. And dropout of school before graduating. Very sad.

 

I am glad to hear the mom was reported in the very least.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

What else can I do? How can I get some education going around here? I know classes wouldn't do any good because no one would go.

[SunshineMom]

I am not sure this is realistic but I am going to throw it out there. What about bringing the class to the park? I appreciate your situation and hear your concern for these children. Pray to be led in the right direction. Best wishes

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: This sounds like a very sad and frustrating situation. It is so hard to know what to do. My heart goes out to these kids. You are there for a reason.

[justasque]

Wow. You sure live around a bunch of idiots.

 

Nance, I encounter folks like this too. It's usually lack of education, combined with lack of good role models (partially because where you live is very tied to your income and education level, so if you have little education you tend to have neighbors who also have little education), combined with not being the type of person who seeks advice from "experts" (online, magazines, etc.), combined with a family history of this type of parenting. If everyone you see in your daily life is parenting like that, then you may not have those playground conversations with more experienced, wiser moms that yield so much good advice for many of us. Those of us who are very big on researching stuff sometimes forget that not everyone is like that!

 

OP, it's hard to be that go-to mom; it gets draining and doesn't give you anything back. I've learned a couple of things from my elders (specifically Chris Mulford, among many others), that can help a bit. You probably already know this stuff, but in case it will help...

 

1) Give advice through gentle suggestions. Sentences like "have you thought about doing xyz" are usually met with "no, that wouldn't work because of abc". That's ok, you've planted that seed, and it often will continue to grow, and the next time you see the mom you may find that they're saying "yeah, I decided to do xyz" If it doesn't take root, you haven't burnt any bridges with the mom. Don't argue with her, just plant the seed.

 

2) Sometimes it's appropriate to use yourself as an example, but sometimes it's better to call on the experiences of a variety of moms, so that you're not putting yourself out there as "everyone should do it my way". That can take the form of "I have a friend whose kid did x, and she decided to try y, and the result was z". Or it could be more like leading a parenting support group and saying "Hey other-park-mom, you had something like that with your older kid, what did you do about it?". Or ideally some combination thereof. By offering a variety of possible solutions, you're encouraging the mom to choose the option that seems to be the best fit for her family, which empowers her to do more learning/choosing rather than just blindly following one example or set of rules, etc. "My friend found that her kids got cavities when she fed them coke, and she didn't have dental insurance, so she started giving them milk instead." "Jane, you've made some changes in your diet recently; what do your kids like to drink?" "Mary, you went to that WIC nutrition class, did they say anything helpful?"

 

3) Rather than saying 'you should', sometimes you can use a variation on "many mothers have found" - for example, "many mothers have found that early intervention services can be really helpful for kids who struggle with xyz". It is a way to share the information while still leaving room for variation among children and giving the parent info without telling them what to do. Similar phrases would be things like "many kids seem to need", "you might consider trying", "you may find that", "some kids do well with", etc.

 

4) You can often continue conversations with phrases like "how did you feel about that?", "how did that work out?", "did he respond well to that?", etc. Also active listening: "You must have been pretty upset at that.", "I bet you were proud that he accomplished that.", "Sounds like you're really struggling with what to do about that." These kinds of things sort of create space in which the other mom can explore her feelings about a situation, and work through solutions and plans.

 

5) Do make sure you're getting support from somewhere for your own parenting. The hive helps, of course! It's so important for folks in your situation to have a place they can hang out with other like-minded moms. You're doing good work, and you can only continue if you're getting refreshed and supported on an ongoing basis.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Wow! Thank you for all that!

 

We go to a park in another town sometimes and it seems to be a little more educated (not sure what else to call what I'm dealing with here).

 

My biggest hurdle is that in a group, none of them care. It's all about the drama. Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school. But we're adults with children of our own!

 

One on one is how I first met this mom, but she's rarely there alone now. People will leave if there's no one "to hang." They're very clique-ish (sp?) and I've done fairly well not getting involved enough to be hated by any group, but I'm also not known enough to get through to anyone.

[Lisbeth]

:iagree:

For real. I was thinking, where the heck do you live, so that I can never, ever move there? :lol: (No offense to you, of course.)

 

Agree...I must live in Kid Heaven, I've never seen this. If anything the moms I run into at parks are subtly competing w each other to be mother of the year. Wow.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Pepsi baby and mom were at the park alone today. Thankfully pepsi is not a regular part of his diet.

 

I brought up my concerns about his low weight. After a 20 minute conversation, I finally asked how she was mixing his formula. Well, 6oz of water to 2 scoops of formula. I checked the container and it's 3 scoops for 6oz! She said she had to put rice cereal in his bottle to get him to sleep at all. I suggested she leave out the cereal and try mixing the formula how I showed her and see if that helps him.

 

Hopefully she continues to mix it correctly, and I will try and follow his weight as much as I can (through park visits).

[A.Balaban]

We live in a "similar" area - I don't go to one park because I never like who/what I see there. I drive across town to go to a different park, in a nicer area.

[mama2cntrykids]

This is an old thread.

 

 

8 months later and nothing has changed. Today, he was smacked 3 times in the face (for biting), smacked on the torso (for tripping on another kid). He's still not really talking. He looks malnourished and is very delayed. His growth doesn't look right, either.

 

He fell today and hit his head and lip (one of a billion falls) and she didn't care, just calls him names. I know that plenty of kids fall, but when mine do, I check to be sure they're ok before sending them back out to play!

 

 

I reported her today with all the information I could get which may not be enough.

 

Everyone else that "hangs out" at the park just rolls their eyes when she does something to this kid, but no one steps in. It's also said that the kid "came out messed up, and the mother is making him worse."

 

I can't step in for the boy because I'm afraid of possible retaliation. If he were in immediate danger, I would step in (by openly calling the police).

 

This mother's behavior around here is NORMAL! She's the worst I've seen, but not the only. :crying:

 

A 3 month old was given pepsi in his bottle. This 3 month old was born at almost 7 pounds, and currently weighs almost 8 pounds, formula fed (well, and pepsi).

 

Another child is hard of hearing; he always ask people to repeat themselves, and gets really close when he tries to listen, his speech sounds hearing impaired, and the nicest thing he was called today was a douchbag. :sad: Mother will not take him for a hearing test.

 

I can't stand this, but we can't move yet. I feel bad for wanting to move, like I'm abandoning all these kids. :confused:

 

Those poor kids! How awful. And how on God's green Earth can ANYONE think soda in a bottle for an INFANT (or any little one) is possibly good nutrition. I guess that's the point. They just don't think. That poor little boy with the hearing loss...that mom is discusting. I'm far from the perfect mother (far, far from it, trust me), but c'mon!

[Amy in NH]

I guess that's the point. They just don't think.

 

Or they just don't care.

[LibraryLover]

I am one to give parents the benefit of the doubt at times; especially young one, but as I am a mandated reporter, I'd call in heartbeat.

 

I'm betting this family has a long paper trial. It should be longer. It's really all we can do. Maybe something will stick, maybe some program wll help the family. Maybe she needs more food stamps, more WIC. A parent class. It's not all about foster care etc.

Edited March 19, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Ipsey]

Pepsi baby and mom were at the park alone today. Thankfully pepsi is not a regular part of his diet.

 

I brought up my concerns about his low weight. After a 20 minute conversation, I finally asked how she was mixing his formula. Well, 6oz of water to 2 scoops of formula. I checked the container and it's 3 scoops for 6oz! She said she had to put rice cereal in his bottle to get him to sleep at all. I suggested she leave out the cereal and try mixing the formula how I showed her and see if that helps him.

 

Hopefully she continues to mix it correctly, and I will try and follow his weight as much as I can (through park visits).

 

 

I'm so glad you were able to talk to her and help her with her child's nutrition.

My mother was helping a social worker once as she finished her degree, and told me a story once about a young family who were getting food assistance including dried milk.

 

The woman eventually said they didn't need the milk anymore because they only used it on cereal, but the kids didn't like it.

 

Apparently she hadn't understood that they had to add water to it, and they had been sprinkling it on their cereal. No wonder they didn't like it.

 

Makes you so sad. And frustrated. Poor kids.

 

Maybe that little boy will do a little better for what you did for him today.

[SunshineMom]

The park mom may be rationing the formula due to lack of resources rather than an unawareness of the formula to water ratio. She might not tell you this in order to save face. However, I could be totally wrong.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I know she's on WIC, so the baby's formula should be covered (but with not a lot of left over) every month.

[AdventureMoms]

I know she's on WIC, so the baby's formula should be covered (but with not a lot of left over) every month.

 

Even if it's not quite enough formula on WIC (and it often isn't) it should be enough to cause more than a 1lb gain in 3 months. WIC here would cover enough to give about 32-36oz a day, and my boys took something like 40-48oz a day (and they are 98th percentile, extremely active, and always ate a lot for their age). Unless the baby is ill, 32-36oz should at least come close to meeting their needs.

 

Apparently my town is a paragon of brilliance, because I don't see much of that kind of parenting around. I visited a park near my parents house last week, and it was really, really sad. Oddly enough the socio-economic profiles of my town and my moms are very similar. The bottles of coke especially make me want to run far, far away. I can't figure out how that would seem like a good idea. Some of the other stuff I can at least see how it happens (yelling at your kids isn't a great plan, but we all lose it sometimes and I don't know what is going on in these people's lives), but the coke bottles... especially for teeny tiny babies... :confused::confused:

[Mommy22alyns]

That just stuns me. I must not get out much. :001_huh: