What do you think is the perfect number of children?

[OnTheBrink]

I said 2, because that's how many I have and any more would push my sanity. That's just me, though. I have no opinion on how many dc others want or have.

[Oakblossoms]

I have really wanted a larger family. We have three sons and they are a handful. One of my children is special needs. I'm a really good birther, so having more isn't a worry. But, I don't really feel comfortable bringing another child into our family because of income at this point. I just don't see how we could do it.

 

I am happy with my boys and I think I'll be happy with the family I have. But, I always hoped for more and it's not out of the question. But, somehow after having 3 children 3 years apart we haven't gotten pregnant again.

[RoughCollie]

I always wanted a dozen kids, so I could implement Cheaper by the Dozen IRL. DH was all for it, but our ages by the time we had the kids conspired against us. Also, we can't afford to hire 2 full-time workers to help out.

 

Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to have Spanish language lessons automatically begin when the kids turn on the light in their bathroom. If I can figure out how to rig that, I am not going to tell them -- let it be a delightful surprise!

 

 

RC

[Liza Q]

When I was a teenager I wanted 4 or 5 children. I had 3 siblings and we all had a great time growing up, which may be why I had those numbers in mind.

 

I was blessed with 5, I am raising 4 and I am pretty content with that. My pregnancies were nasty and nauseous but only difficult, not dangerous. I did have 5 c-secs and that was also difficult and we stopped at 5 after much discussion with my OB, whose opinion we trusted.

 

However, I think that the ideal amount is very personal - it is between a couple and God, I think.

[6packofun]

We are Christian, have 6 children and are definitely not in the quiverfull camp as I understand and have experienced that family size mindset.

 

I probably could have physically continued having children until menopause because we are very fertile (LOL), but I think God was OK that I felt "done" because I was too exhausted to carry any more babies, physically run down and had issues with nearly every one of my 7 pregnancies. I prayed hard and just didn't hear Him saying, "Too bad, continue, because there are babies waiting in the wings, lady!" ;) God cares about my poor bladder and misplaced ab muscles. LOL! And I know I would have kept getting pregnant because God created biology and I know this body He gave me pretty well! Ack!

[LizzyBee]

Of course, I think the number of children in your family is your business, but those of us who are Christians usually have the quiverfull mindset.

 

Your comment is interesting to me, because I've run in conservative Christian circles for many years, and I'd consider this view to be very much a minority view.

 

When I was in late elementary or maybe jr. high, I wanted 12 kids. I had their names all picked out - 6 boys and 6 girls, all names starting with J. As a young adult, I lived with my oldest sister for a few years. Her household became very chaotic when she had her 4th child, so I decided I only wanted 3, and that is what my dh and I agreed on before we got married. We did have 3, but I discovered that in some households, it's not the 4th child that causes chaos. :D As it turned out, I would have happily had 1 or 2 more, but dh was 44 when #3 was born and he felt like he was getting too old to have more kids.

 

ETA: I didn't answer the poll, because I think the "perfect" number of children varies for different families.

[LizzyBee]

Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to have Spanish language lessons automatically begin when the kids turn on the light in their bathroom. If I can figure out how to rig that, I am not going to tell them -- let it be a delightful surprise!

 

Ooh, like the Italian lessons in the bathrooms at Carrabba's. Great idea. :001_smile:

[Brindee]

I answered 3, because that's how many I was blessed with, so for ME that's the perfect number of children! :D:001_wub:

 

I wouldn't have minded having at least one more, but my body didn't like the pregnancy thing. I was sick the whole time, and then stopped breathing during labor all 3 times (not sure why???). Also I have a kink that the babies couldn't get past, so they always had to pull them out (no home-births for me!!!). Sooo, with doctor's advice, and dh's concern, we stopped with the 3 wonderful children God blessed us with!:)

[Call Me Cordelia]

I voted for eight - I like that number. We have five and are quite content.

 

And I didn't think this poll was about what anyone thought was perfect for anyone else; just how our personal opinions change over time :).

[ereks mom]

:001_smile:

[Audrey]

I know when I was young my friends and I would discuss how many children we wanted. We had a mental idea of our perfect family. Now as adults I wonder what our thoughts have become.

 

 

I definitely added to the number of children I wanted to have after I got married. I voted that an "only is the only way to go." :D

[astrid]

We have ONE. Never had any desire whatsoever to have more. I did it once, proved I could do it, don't need to do it again, KWIM? ;) I could hold anyone's newborn at any time and NEVER, EVER felt any baby-envy or even the littlest twinge of "oooh! I want another one!" I used to think there was something wrong with me because of it, but now I guess I"m okay about it.

 

Seriously, I don't know how parents of multiple kids do it. I am in awe of you. Mostly, I don't know how you afford them. :eek: Not that my dd is spoiled (far from it!) or has her heart's every desire. Far from it! But when I think of college? Heck, even a trip to the shoe store!?

 

Every time we visit with friends who have 2, 3, or more kiddoes, dh and I invariably get in the car to leave, look at each other and say, "Thank GOD we've only got one!" So someone must have know that I was meant to be the mother of an only, because it's worked out that way, and we are very happy.

[Andie]

See, part of me would wonder if they were great parents because they knew their limits.

 

I'll admit that our parenting feels at times as if it's slipped from what it was when we had only two...and I believe that five is enough for us. If we were to have had one more (which I wanted to do...until number five), we would still be Christians, we would still trust the Lord to provide, we would still wholeheartedly believe that children were God's blessings...but I know we would probably struggle, in ways similar to what we struggled when we added a fifth child.

 

I won't pretend to know the complete and perfect will of God on birth control, but my gut instinct tells me that in order for us to treat the children we have in the way we believe is right, it was good for us to stop at five. Not saying that others' thresholds can't be much different, not insinuating that someone who isn't of this same mindset is necessarily wrong...just offering a different perspective. ...

 

 

I could have written the same post. (Though not as well, of course.)

[Diana in OR]

Seriously, I don't know how parents of multiple kids do it. I am in awe of you. Mostly, I don't know how you afford them. :eek: Not that my dd is spoiled (far from it!) or has her heart's every desire. Far from it! But when I think of college? Heck, even a trip to the shoe store!?

 

 

I am only hsing one this year, and am in awe of parents who manage to hs one! This has been the most challenging year in that regard. You deserve an award of some kind!

[Elaine]

Well, I used to want four, then I had one.:lol:

 

 

We have three and our family feels just right. We planned on stopping after two but got pregnant by accident. That "accident" has been the joy of all of our lives and we wouldn't trade him for anything.:D

 

 

I should probably mention that as my husband was recovering from his vasectomy, I found out that I was pregnant with number three. Um yeah, we were surprised.:lol:

[LaMere Academy]

four. not too big, not too small of a family.

[Diana in OR]

I voted "as many as you are blessed with" too, but I have an added thought.

 

Of course, I think the number of children in your family is your business, but those of us who are Christians usually have the quiverfull mindset. I think it's wonderful to have a boatload of children, but I know one dear young lady that I do worry about. She is not healthy to begin with, and pregnancies are borderline dangerous to her. She is a fantastic mom, and is now expecting her fourth. She'll have all she can, and I doubt would consider any form of bc.

 

 

Most Christians I know are not of the quiverfull mindset. In fact, I've probably heard more snide remarks about large families from Christians than non-Christians.

 

That being said, I always said I wouldn't put a number on how many dc I wanted. (I had an inkling of 4 or 5.) I always wanted more than the two I have, but after 4 mid-pregnancy miscarriages, I will not be trying again, and over the years, have come to be okay with that and now can't imagine having another one.

[astrid]

I am only hsing one this year, and am in awe of parents who manage to hs one! This has been the most challenging year in that regard. You deserve an award of some kind!

 

 

You know, I really appreciate you saying that! So many people look at us, with one kid, and make snide remarks like, "Oh you have it SOOOO easy!" When really, if you have an only, you are IT. YOU are the playmate, classmate, etc. It's really a very different dynamic, I think.

 

Thanks again for your kind words, Diana!

[*anj*]

I voted "as many as you are blessed with" not because I think you have to have as many children as you physically can, but because I don't think there is a "perfect" number. What ever number you have is "perfect" for you.

I totally agree.

I don't think there is any universally perfect number. The amount you have is the amount you should have.:iagree:

[Alenee]

I voted as many as God blesses with but I too feel the need to clarify that. Just because a couple decide they're done doesn't mean that wasn't God guiding them. I have a friend with 5 who also said before her fifth, "as many as God wants us to have." They're done at this point. 4 of their 5 have special needs and it taxes her beyond belief. I believe it was God's directive that they stop (from what she's shared) as it was also God's directive for us to stop at 3. I wanted more but I feel God has directed my dh in this so I'm submitting. Each one of my children came close to death at birth. Some of God's little miracles I call them :) and I am blessed beyond belief by their lives. I could've died with the last one had God not directed the right staff at the right time (just as we'd prayed those exact words). Each family is going to be directed by God in a different way so I have a really really hard time with anyone who would pass judgment for stopping.

[*anj*]

You know, I really appreciate you saying that! So many people look at us, with one kid, and make snide remarks like, "Oh you have it SOOOO easy!" When really, if you have an only, you are IT. YOU are the playmate, classmate, etc. It's really a very different dynamic, I think.

 

Thanks again for your kind words, Diana!

 

Nope, I don't think that at all. In fact, I am convinced that all of our resources are exhausted by whatever number of children we have. When I had one child, I was pushed to my limits by one. Same for two, three, then four. I have friends who have one child only, and I honestly don't know how they do it for the very reasons you listed, Astrid. And I guess that's the point that so many of us are making here: each couple needs to decide together at what point they feel "full." None of it is easy, parenthood is never easy, nor could it be. But I do believe that you have to know for yourself what feels right regarding family size. I am not usually a moral relativist, but in this case I suppose I am. Oh well. Just another one of my inconsistencies, I guess.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

Nope, I don't think that at all. In fact, I am convinced that all of our resources are exhausted by whatever number of children we have. When I had one child, I was pushed to my limits by one. Same for two, three, then four. I have friends who have one child only, and I honestly don't know how they do it for the very reasons you listed, Astrid. And I guess that's the point that so many of us are making here: each couple needs to decide together at what point they feel "full." None of it is easy, parenthood is never easy, nor could it be. But I do believe that you have to know for yourself what feels right regarding family size. I am not usually a moral relativist, but in this case I suppose I am. Oh well. Just another one of my inconsistencies, I guess.

 

Very well said. I went into marriage thinking I wanted 2 or more children. As it turns out we were very blessed to have one due to medical problems I have. The Lord knew us best and we are very grateful for His blessing of this wonderful child to raise. My dh and I both feel complete with having an only child. Our family feels just right. I have a very cose friend who has 5 children. She is a wonderful mom and as she has told me her family is perfect at 5. I know this question has many different "right" answers. It really depends on your own situation.

Thank you to everyone who posted. I think a lot of people really put their heart out there with this question.

[Remudamom]

See, part of me would wonder if they were great parents because they knew their limits.

 

YES! You could be right. Or maybe she's just not getting pregnant anymore for some physical reason??? (I'm going to avoid saying "maybe she's just not 'settling' for some reason." I wouldn't be so crude as to compare her to one of my mares!):D

[Peela]

I have always considered the fact that the planet is becoming highly populated. Ideally, perfectly, I think most people could have around 2 children, and those who really want more can have them. and balance out those who have not so many.

So you asked, "perfect number" -I just see it as an issue that is beyond the personal. Perfect for my tiny personal feelings is one thing, perfect for the world is another.

I know its a complex issue though.

[Diana in OR]

You know, I really appreciate you saying that! So many people look at us, with one kid, and make snide remarks like, "Oh you have it SOOOO easy!" When really, if you have an only, you are IT. YOU are the playmate, classmate, etc. It's really a very different dynamic, I think.

 

Thanks again for your kind words, Diana!

 

You're welcome. :)

[LisaKinVA]

I agree with so many of the posters here... the "perfect" number really depends upon the family.

 

If you had asked me a couple of months ago, I probably would have thought four was the perfect number for our family. Now, unexpectedly, our family is growing -- so that number is going to change.

[sweetTN]

I voted "as many as you are blessed with", but only if you are able to take care of them yourself, without asking for outside help. If you have what it takes financially and emotionally, then I think the more the merrier! I have issues with people who have children and then expect others to be responsible for them.

[ereks mom]

The number that the couple have the mental, physical and financial resources to care for properly. For us, that was two.

 

Laura

 

Same here.

[Peek a Boo]

I thought I wanted 4, I got 5, I wouldn't part with any of them, BUT...I was a better mother for 3. Now that my two oldest are pretty much grown and there are 3 left at home, I find myself becoming that person again.

 

But that is just me.

 

I know I will be lonely when they are all gone.

 

Added: I had never heard of being quiver-full till I met my first homeschooler.

 

This is me, almost to a T..

of course, I don't have two gone, yet!

 

I am happy w/ my 5, and would actually love to have a solid dozen [my dad was one of 12 and i like those small family get togethers of 80 people...], but dh is more of a two-kids kinda guy. Maybe even just one!

He makes an excellent provider and a pretty good dad, but he's still got a looong way to go in the supportive-w/-lotsa-kids dept, lol.

 

So w/o that support, I'd rather not stretch our quiver ;)

[Omma]

2, because that is the number that we have! :)

 

Brenda