Internet rules for 15 yr olds. What is reasonable?

[Rose in BC]

At this point we do not let the kids on the computer after we're in bed. I have two 15 yr olds and an almost 14 yr old. One 15 yr old thinks this rule is unreasonable (because I usually shut things down around 10).

 

Is this a reasonable restriction or should I care if he's still chatting with someone after I'm in bed.

 

I am quite sure this kid would have difficulty self-regulating. I would not have the same concern about my dd of the same age but maybe I should :)?

[Tohru]

The internet is a very big place. I'm pretty lenient with child rearing and free-range parenting, but even at 15, I wouldn't let my children be online after I went to bed...even with a net nanny or something similar because you know they are smart enough to hack it ;)

[raceNzanesmom]

Our computer is password protected and gets shut down at bedtime. Which could mean 8:30 if I'm exhausted. We also use K-9 Protection on it and I have the limits set pretty high. I can override them for a period of time- if needed since it does block some innocent sites.

 

I have found through the years that things can happen in chat, email, PMs even when I right there, but I still prefer it not be free-range while I'm sleeping.

[LidiyaDawn]

Well, dd14 often uses my laptop after I'm gone to bed - she chats with family/friends, messes around on facebook, club penguin, youtube, does photo editing, etc….I trust her. :)

 

[besides - she doesn't want to lose access to my laptop…hers sucks. :tongue_smilie: ]

[happypamama]

I don't have teens yet, but I know of other parents who have had to take phones and such away from their teens when the parents head to bed -- not because the teens were texting anything inappropriate, but because the teens were staying up too late texting and had trouble getting up in the morning. So I definitely think it's reasonable to shut the internet down for the teens after you go to bed, except for maybe the occasional extenuating circumstance.

[MeaganS]

My family was raised to have no internet after my parents went to bed or in our own rooms, and that's a rule I STRONGLY agree with. I have several close friends who suffer from pornography addiction and say that it started around 11 or 12 years old, so I don't care how old they are, no internet on their own until they are adults.

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, it is a reasonable restriction.

 

Cat

[Haiku]

One 15 yr old thinks this rule is unreasonable (because I usually shut things down around 10).

 

 

 

Of course he/she does. But just because he/she thinks it's unreasonable doesn't mean it is unreasonable.

 

Our 17 year old thinks our rules are unreasonable too. She used to tell us how the other kids had it so much better. My response was one of two things:

 

Response #1: "Oh."

 

Response #2: "Too bad you don't live with them."

 

We have told dd that we make our rules based on three things:

 

Thing #1: What we think is right

 

Thing #2: Dd's behavior

 

Thing #3: Our complete and total lack of concern how it is for other kids

 

I think 10 pm/not after you're in bed is perfectly reasonable.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

My family was raised to have no internet after my parents went to bed or in our own rooms

 

Wow. Um, you must be really young. :blushing: I was an adult when "the internet" first came out. :o

 

Tara

[Haiku]

I trust her. :)

 

 

My parents used to say, "It's not you we don't trust. It's other people we don't trust." That made no sense to me until I became a parent.

 

Tara

[LidiyaDawn]

I trust her. :)

 

My parents used to say, "It's not you we don't trust. It's other people we don't trust." That made no sense to me until I became a parent.

 

Tara

 

I guess I could add "..and part of that is trusting her to come and talk to me if there are any problems."

 

We have a very open relationship and are constantly in conversation about things. :)

 

I'm not saying that anyone *else* has to do things the way that we do them…I was just responding with how things are in our house.

[Haiku]

I guess I could add "..and part of that is trusting her to come and talk to me if there are any problems."

 

 

Well, yes, but sometimes talking about it after the fact just isn't as good as preventing it in the first place. Not talking about your way of handling things in specific. Just that I now I understand better why my parents said what they said.

 

For example ... Driving around late at night, which I was not allowed to do. If I got hit by a drunk driver, coming to my parents after the fact would be kinda ... y'know ... a day late and a dollar short. ;)

 

Tara

[MeaganS]

Wow. Um, you must be really young. :blushing: I was an adult when "the internet" first came out. :o

 

Tara

 

Haha, yeah. I was 10 when my family first got internet, so I pretty much grew up with it. :)

[Peela]

I am pretty lenient- and i don't have that restriction- but honestly, if I could, I would. Its that I could never work out how to do it since dh is a night owl, and the program I downloaded was immediately hacked (by ds15) who thought it was a joke.

If you are already in the pattern of turning everything off at 10, I think that is perfectly reasonable.

 

I do talk to my kids a lot and I don't think there are any problems- my problem is the inane, stupid conversations they have, and go to bed late because of! They are getting better at going to bed at a reasonable hour, but it doesn't take much for them to break the habit and stay up till midnight talking cr*p.

[susankenny]

I'd put K9 on the computer and fix the settings to be safe but still available. It's free.

 

 

Susan

[Tohru]

...I trust her. :)

 

 

Ouch. Is this saying those that don't let our kids online after we're in bed don't trust them? For us, we trust our son completely, but we don't trust the internet. It only takes one accidental click or one strange encounter to have a huge avoidable problem to deal with, regardless of the parent-child relationship. I'm talking viruses or other malicious wear, not just potential harm against your child.

Edited August 15, 2011 by jadedone80

[Starr]

I am pretty lenient- and i don't have that restriction- but honestly, if I could, I would. Its that I could never work out how to do it since dh is a night owl, and the program I downloaded was immediately hacked (by ds15) who thought it was a joke.

If you are already in the pattern of turning everything off at 10, I think that is perfectly reasonable.

 

I do talk to my kids a lot and I don't think there are any problems- my problem is the inane, stupid conversations they have, and go to bed late because of! They are getting better at going to bed at a reasonable hour, but it doesn't take much for them to break the habit and stay up till midnight talking cr*p.

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

Ouch. Is this saying those that don't let our kids online after we're in bed don't trust them? For us, we trust our son completely, but we don't trust the internet. It only takes one accidental click or one strange encounter to have a huge avoidable problem to deal with, regardless of the parent-child relationship. I'm talking viruses or other malicious wear, not just potential harm against your child.

No, sounded like she was saying that she trusts her daughter on her computer.

[SeekingHim77]

My 15 (almost 16) yr. old son is not allowed on the internet without permission and then he has to tell me what he wants to do on it and I have to approve that as well. The internet is a dangerous place-it's like handing all the info. in the world to our kids and giving all the other people online access to our kids without supervision.

 

I don't think you have unrealistic standards at all!

[justasque]

18 yr old kids in college will have the freedom to stay up on the internet as late as they want. Better, IMHO, to have some experience with the down side of that (sleepy the next day) while they're still at home. Parenting teens is a gentle releasing of parental oversight. Exactly how slowly depends on the child, but do keep the general timeline in mind. Kids who've been under tight watch don't always do well when it all goes away overnight.

[LidiyaDawn]

Ouch. Is this saying those that don't let our kids online after we're in bed don't trust them?

 

No, sounded like she was saying that she trusts her daughter on her computer.

 

^^^ that. :001_smile: I wasn't saying (or implying) anything about anyone else's choices, family rules, relationships with their kids, or anything else. Sorry if it sounded like that.

[Cheryl in NM]

My family was raised to have no internet after my parents went to bed or in our own rooms, and that's a rule I STRONGLY agree with. I have several close friends who suffer from pornography addiction and say that it started around 11 or 12 years old, so I don't care how old they are, no internet on their own until they are adults.

 

OMG! You just made me feel ancient! :D

 

There weren't even home computers when I was growing up and we had a child before we had internet! LOL

 

OP, there are no internet privileges for our 14 yo after 10 pm, regardless of when anyone goes to bed.

[jesswoody5]

The internet came out when I was a homeschooled teen at about 13. It did a lot of damage. ((And yes, this was my introductory post, I just had to get that out there. :D)) I was clever, my parents even had the computer facing out into the living room so they could see everything on the screen at any given point in time, but I still got away with a lot! You are doing a good job by putting that restriction up, stick to it!

[eewaggie99]

The restrictions are reasonable. Just like it's "lights out" after a certain time, it should be electronics put away at night (she says while posting to the forum at 3 am eastern). Darn insomnia!

[Tarreymere]

Our only place for electronic devices is in the living room or kitchen, so no one has anything in a bedroom other than an alarm clock. Not even a radio. Everything is off for the night when DH goes to bed (around 10 pm). We have at home a 20, 15, 12, 7, and 4 year old.

 

Even during the day when it is okay to be on the computer, we have blocking software and tracking software which is separate, plus the kids have to use the computer in the living room or kitchen in plain view (and our house is small, so we are physically very close together). DH is pretty techy, and one adult stepson is VERY techy, so no worries about anyone getting through our software. I am a light sleeper, so no worries about anyone sneaking into the living room at night (and we live in a mobile home, so really sneaking around is really hard to pull off).

 

Here if you don't want us to know what you are up to online you need to move out and pay for your own internet.

[mom31257]

We have 2 computers. I use Norton's Online Family service, which is free. Each child has their own account that they sign in to on the computers. I'm able to control the hours spent on the computer because it will log them off at the end of their use for that day. I'm also able to block times of day that they are not allowed to sign in on the computers. It tracks both computers as well. It allows you to block different kinds of websites, too.

 

During the week, I don't allow them to sign in until after lunch time to get school work done first. I also don't allow them to sign in after 9:00. I allow more time and hours on the weekends.