How free are you with how you let your kids spend their own money?

[melissel]

Both girls tend to want to spend their own accumulated money on things I don't think are a good value for the money. I reserve the right to prohibit them from spending their money of inappropriate food items and stuffed animals (they love buying them but never, ever play with them, and I'm always the one trying to find ways to contain them :glare:). Beyond things like that, how much control would you/do you exert over their spending?

 

Right now, DD5 wants to spend $30 of her $75 on a 6-month subscription to PBS Kids Play. She does play on the computer a bit most days, but I still think this is a waste of money. She disagrees. I'm torn and think $30 is a lot to blow on it, but it IS her money. WWYD?

 

TIA!

Edited July 27, 2011 by melissel
typo

[Running the race]

At 5yo I would veto the purchase. Once they're older, they can learn from their mistakes easier.

[Dmmetler]

I actually prefer my DD to spend her money on website subscriptions or virtual extras for sites she'll use rather than physical items. I veto toys frequently because she doesn't need more, but if she really, really wants to buy electronic clothes so she can dress up a cartoony dragon on Neopets.com, and she knows that it doesn't mean she gets extra computer time, it's not going to hurt me or clutter up the house for her to do so. If she realizes a month later that this was a waste of her money, because she really wants something and can't get it, that's a valuable lesson, too.

[Plucky]

I let my kids blow their money, but we talked a lot about it. I know my oldest told me that he learned to be more frugal from spending his money unwisely. We didn't give big allowances and so spending it was a big deal. It depends on the kid though. I do try to sway my more impulsive kids in the right direction and they are very happy when they spend their money on something that has staying power. My musician likes to spend money but also wants to save it to buy instruments. He is very impulsive so I have to redirect his spending so he can save up for it.

 

At your kids ages I'd probably let them blow it. How else will they learn?

 

ETA: I didn't realize she was 5. I might try to guide her into something else. It is harder to learn about money at that age.

Edited July 27, 2011 by True Blue

[kokotg]

I strongly advise against purchases that I think are a waste of money, but I don't outright tell them they can't make them. My oldest is kind of a miser, and is very slow to part with his money anyway, so no problems with him. Middle DS made a few unwise impulse buys, and has learned from this to be much more careful with his money and to really think about what he wants before he parts with any. I think actually wasting the money was the only way he could have learned the lesson; otherwise he'd probably still be pining for the cheap piece of junk I wouldn't let him buy.

[TXBeth]

If it's her money and not designated for a college fund, I would let her spend it on whatever she wants, with a few caveats: 1) Just because she buys it, doesn't mean she gets to use it (e.g. she buys 3 lbs. of candy, mom can still dictate how much she can eat each day). 2) Buying a stuffed animal = getting rid of another stuffed animal from home.

 

I think it's important to let kids make mistakes and poor choices with money while they are young so they learn to self-regulate. When she comes to you in a few months wanting an AG doll (or something), you can gently remind her that she could have bought one if she hadn't spent her money on PBS kids.

 

In a way, I wish my DD5 would spend some of her money. She is saving for a car ($30 down, $5000 or so to go :)), which is commendable, but I really want her to have a chance to make some mistakes and really learn the value of a dollar while the "price tag" for mistakes is low.

[JennyD]

My oldest is 6 and I find it *very* hard to resist vetoing purchases that strike me as a waste of money. But I don't think it's the right strategy, and in retrospect always regret not letting him learn on his own. I am trying harder to be more hands-off about this.

[JennyD]

She is saving for a car ($30 down, $5000 or so to go :))

 

Awesome. :D

[ourjourneys]

I talk to them a lot about the value of how much they have and what they could do with it in different circumstances. We go to the thrift stores A LOT. As long as they do not buy stuffed animals, I am flexible with what they get there. We bought a woody and wendy for .99 each (with pull strings in good condition). Then I took them to Toys R Us and let them compare. They realized that if they had bought them at a regular store they would have spent well over $50!! Thrift stores are great for a lot of lessons and then if they buy something and do not like it, it is not such a waste to donate it or put it in the garbage :)

I think it is important for them to learn once the hard way by doing. I would probably let her get the subscription if I talked to her and she insists. Then when she wants something big later, you could remind her that she once had that much but bought the subscription. Ask at that time if it was worth it. Then encourage her that she can save again, but next time you hope she will think more before spending.

I guess every child is different and will learn differently, but this is what we have done with our children and they LOVE the thrift stores and when we are in Target or other stores they will look at the toys, but hardly ever ask for anything. They always say they will watch for that at the goodwill ;)

[laurad1125]

I let my kids spend their money on pretty much whatever they want (as long as it's allowed in the house) I give them allowance so they can learn to manage money, and they have to make the choices (and live with the consequences) in order to learn. I might suggest that "That seems like a lot to pay for what you get..." but beyond that, it's their money and their decision. Better to mess it up now with $10 a week than later with a credit card....

[swellmomma]

When it comes to their own money I mostly stay out of it. I do discuss the value of something ($$ store carp rather than something better quality), etc but over all it is their money and I leave them to the consequences of spending it. For example, dd had $40 saved between babysitting, chores etc. SHe spent all $40 on little pet shops. Gramma flipped. My thoughts were a) she plays with them every day, b) she saved up specifically on those things and c) if she decides later that it was a foolish way to spend her money lesson learned for future.

 

I do have some rules like only 1 candy/treat item not $40 of candy, but over all I don't care. DS12 is really starting to "get" it. He was my one to spend every penny on carp and then be upset when he didn't have enough for something he really wanted. In the last couple months he has been actually saving $$ on his own without me having to harp him. He is working towards saving $100 for us to go to the dinosaur museum that his auntie took him to this summer. He knows that until he saves it we will not go.

 

THrough experience of wasting his money and seeing the consequences (candy gone, toy broken etc) he has learned to monitor his own spending. That in the end is my goal for my kids. That as they become adults they are able to regulate their own money, and not fritter it all away. Better to learn those lessons now as a kid imo.

 

As for your dd and the computer game. I would be completely okay with spending it that way. If she rarely plays the game she will learn the lesson of wasted money, if she plays is regularily than it becomes a good investment kwim.

[TXBeth]

Awesome. :D

 

Yeah, it helps stop whining, too. DD really wanted to participate in a Karate tournament recently where "everyone gets a trophy!" It cost $15. I said "Do you want to spend $15 of your car money to do the tournament?" She said "No way!" I said "Me either!" and smiled. I didn't hear any more about it. :lol:

[ChristusG]

When they have money, I talk to them about how to spend it wisely. DD7 is very willing to listen and has always been like that. DD4 does not listen to my advice quite as well. I will try to steer them away from particular things.

[RahRah]

When it comes to money, I am in the camp of those who think it's important to allow poor decisions now while they're young, so I do let DS use his money for purchases I don't necessarily think are a good idea. That said, when he is looking to buy something, we will talk about the value of something and why it is or isn't a good value for the money - but ultimately, it is DS's decision whether to use his money to buy it or not. As he's getting older, he's definitely more careful with his money now than he was when he was five and I think part of that is due to his being able to buy some utter cr%p only to realize afterward it wasn't a good deal.

[Annie Anne]

I try to find out if the desired item is worth the $ to the child.

If it is, and it is not too expensive, and is approved, I will let the child buy.

[melissel]

Yeah, it helps stop whining, too. DD really wanted to participate in a Karate tournament recently where "everyone gets a trophy!" It cost $15. I said "Do you want to spend $15 of your car money to do the tournament?" She said "No way!" I said "Me either!" and smiled. I didn't hear any more about it. :lol:

 

I agree that that is completely awesome!

 

 

Thanks everyone, you have some great ideas for me to think about and discuss with her. I realized that there's a $10/one month option, so I just asked her if she'd like to start with that and see how much she actually plays the games. Then she could reconsider the six-month cost. She agreed it was a good idea! I also like the idea of comparing the money she has or is wanting to spend to something more concrete, like an AG doll. $30 doesn't mean a lot to her, but being able to buy an AG outfit does. It's a good way to help her gain some perspective.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Pretty in Pink]

The only things that I have flat out said no to are multiple junk food purchases in one day (as in, a soda here, a candy bar at the next stop, a bag of jelly beans at the next, and so on). I pretty much let them choose aside from that. I have asked them to wait a few days and really consider a large purchase during that time just to make sure that is what they want.

[elegantlion]

At 5 we would guide. I called it toy aisle economics. You want x today, but you wanted y yesterday. Tell me why you changed your mind? (Great for critical thinking skills,btw) I think an online subscription to a site you allow would be a good investment. Six months was it? Maybe discuss your limitations on online time, make sure she realizes she's not buying being able to be online all the time.

 

By about 7 or 8 we stopped guiding, but still discussed.

 

I also agree about letting them make mistakes. Ds wishes he hadn't spent so much on Pokemon cards, but now he's knows better and he's saving for a Mac.

[Donna]

My kids make a bit of money with their music throughout the year. I put the majority in their bank accounts but feel they should get a small bit to spend as they see fit.

 

That being said, there has always been a lot of talk in our house about saving money and value of purchases. I don't see them "waste" money very often and will advise against or try to steer them another direction if I feel it is a significant waste of money though they are allowed to make the final decision.

 

I was proud of my 9yo a couple weeks ago when she saw a necklace she wanted to purchase at camp. (a girl was making and selling them) I told dd the necklaces were a bit too long and a bit too expensive ($20 when dd only had $10 to spend) On her own, dd went back to the girl and asked if she could make her a smaller necklace for half the price and the girl agreed so the next day dd got herself a necklace that fit for half the price. I thought that was smart thinking.

[OrganicAnn]

I'm in the learn from your mistakes camp. I do put away money that comes in at Birthdays and Christmas, so what there is to spend/waste/loose is age appropriate.

 

Nothing like being disappointed to help make a better choice.

[PiCO]

For me, it depends on their age and maturity level with money. I did let them make mistakes, but not big ones. As they get older, I give them more freedom to spend and save as they wish.

 

I would also veto stuffed animals and junk food at your girls' ages, but I might allow the subscription.

[myfatherslily]

In a way, I wish my DD5 would spend some of her money. She is saving for a car ($30 down, $5000 or so to go :))

 

LOL:) My DD7 is saving to buy a horse when she's 17.

 

As for the OP, how long has your DD been wanting this? That would play into my decision. If she just thought of it today or even this week, I would have her wait a bit longer to be sure. If she still wanted it after a few weeks, I would consider it.

[Ginevra]

I pretty much never veto their purchases unless they against our values. (ie., son wanted to get a video game that is too violent). OTOH, my 6yo would not have that much money. The most he's likely to have at any given time is maybe $15 or so and by then, he's planning to spend it. I would not want my youngest to subscribe to a website, so it is possible that I would veto it, but I'm just saying that on the whole, I don't much care what they choose to buy. My ds11 only bought a junk toy one time and realized immediately that that was a total waste. That is exactly the type of experience I do want them to have, so I let them find out (however, I may warn them).

[lilacii]

I also have a 5 yr. old. I would also discourage such a purchase; however, the product isn't "inappropriate" in any way, so I would allow it. She will quickly learn the "economics" of now I have money...now I do not...

[K&Rs Mom]

As for the OP, how long has your DD been wanting this? That would play into my decision. If she just thought of it today or even this week, I would have her wait a bit longer to be sure. If she still wanted it after a few weeks, I would consider it.

 

:iagree: I've started doing this with my 6yo, because she wants anything that catches her eye that day. So if she sees something at Target, I tell her she can get it on the next visit (usually several weeks) if she still wants it. She was determined to get a pillow pet at the mall, because her cousin has one, but on the way there she saw something else (which is now on the "waiting period"), and decided she wanted that more, so she didn't buy the pillow pet because she understood that she couldn't afford both - this is big progress. For something online, I'd probably mark it on her calendar, or more likely tell her we'll talk about it again in two weeks and then hope she forgets.... :o

 

As far as whether I approve of a purchase, I do reserve the right to veto but mostly I advise. I can't count the number of times I've said, "I think it's a bad idea, but it's your money." They've learned through some mistakes, and sometimes I've been surprised something was actually worth it.

 

My 8yo never really had this problem - she's been saving for several years already so she can someday buy our house. :lol:

Edited July 28, 2011 by K&Rs Mom

[MamaCoop04]

I didn't read through all the replies, so forgive me if someone already posted something similar...

 

My daughter has quite a lot of money from birthday, Christmas, Easter (my grandmother lavishes my kids on every holiday with lovely cards). We go through and calculate what she must save and tithe (whether that's to the church/missionary/organization is up to her). The rest is to spend. So she went a little nuts buying just about everything that came into sight, so we figured we'd make her work a bit before she can spend. This is what we do. She made up a bunch of paper dollars and has them in an envelope marked "The Bank". She has a bunch of things she can earn dollars for, extra chores (not the regulars, but extras), piano practice, math practice, typing practice, scripture memory, devotion time, reading (1/2 hour earns $1), etc. When she does stated objectives she gets "paid". She then can spend her money on what she desires. $1 can get her 15 minutes of TV time or when she wants a new video game which costs $40 (which she has the actual money for) she has to save up $40 in play money first then exchange it for the real money which then she can in turn buy the game. She has a spending envelope and saving envelope (for the play money). It makes her think twice about playing video games or using her money for random purchases b/c she's worked so hard at saving them. But, now realize, my daughter is 10, a 5 year old would need different guide lines and such. Wow, I'm not sure if that makes sense. I have a tendancy to overexplain...did that make sense?? lol Well I hope that helped some!