So WHEN does self-motivation kick in?

[Lynn in Caribbean]

My 8th grade ds has about as much motivation as a slug. Well, take that back...he is plenty motivated to do things that are important to him (running, weight-lifting, doodling around with techy stuff, spouting random bits of trivia about everything under the sun). But he just can't seem to "get" that school IS important to him, and that what he does this year affects his future.

 

He is poking along, taking his time, stretching out minor assignments into hours, literally hours to do the simplest things. He seems to spend a large part of his time just sitting at the table, with his brain and intellect apparently frozen or temporarily sucked out by aliens. If I sit down with him, and walk him through everything, then sure, he will do it with me. But, I have other children to teach, and one lil' dd with special needs who desperately needs all I can give her. I cannot walk him through everything he needs to do!

 

I am just so weary of pushing and pulling him. I need him to pick up and take ownership somehow. I am thinking of doing all online classes for him next year - Keystone or Florida Virtual School. Just signing him up and handing it all over to him, saying "here's your classes," letting him sink or swim. Outside accountability might wake him up.

 

He is basically a good kid. And I think that when he surfaces on the other side of puberty, he will be an awesome young man. But I just have no idea how to plan next year, when he has absolutely no interest and his eyes glaze over when I mention "credits" and "college requirements." At this point, I am not even going to think past the high school basics.

 

I don't even know if I have a real question here. More of a vent, I guess.

 

Well, maybe a question - at some point, do your high schoolers realize that they have to complete X, Y, and Z in order to get into college, and are they then self-motivated to complete X, Y, and Z of their own accord? Do they get past completing schoolwork because Mommy said to do it, and begin completing work because it gives them some satisfaction and knowledge, and because they see that it leads to high school credits, college admission, a future career?

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Lynn

[Halftime Hope]

I have one that is the same way. The things that are important to this child get done, nothing else does. I don't know if FVS will help or not--depends how "hard core" his procrastination is. My kids have always found reserves of self-discipline for impressing strangers and for not embarrassing themselves in front of classmates...

 

I agree with the sink or swim method, i.e. making him accountable to someone besides mom. I wish we had gone there much sooner, because in my child's case, there are academic skills that would have been much better developed and interpersonal wounds that we might have avoided. Sigh.

 

Eighth grade is a good time to learn the lesson. If he fails, and needs to pick himself up and repeat the grade, it won't be on his highschool transcript. For that reason, you might inquire to make sure an outside school/service won't carry the grades forward onto his high school transcript.

 

If your dh is up to the challenge, you might be able to arrange something else, along the lines of man-to-man accountability and man-to-man consequences. (A Caribbean island sounds like a wonderful place for hot, sweaty physical labor.)

 

hth

[Gwen in VA]

I sympathize completely with your weariness -- trying to motivate an unmotivated child is exhausting!At age 14 my older son was also a "slug." He was very motivated to do what he wanted to do, but he was NOT motivated at all to do what I wanted him to do.

 

In absolute despair I started signing him up for online classes -- 2 his freshman year, 4 the remaining years (in addition to cc classes and 4-year college classes). He responded VERY well to other people's requirements and deadlines, and actually has been a top student in almost all of his outside classes.

 

I found that passing the academics on to outside people allowed us to regain our mother/son relationship, which had been seriously hurt by the teacher/student relationship. Also, ds1 is extremely competitive and having him in outside classes really motivated him to do well. (I can teach my other three kids with much less friction for whatever reason -- ds1 is just a challenge!)

 

In summary, I would investigate having him take one or two outside classes. This may help him realize that you aren't being overly demanding, and he may enjoy the challenge of meeting outside expectations. In any case, the outside classes would allow you to wear your "mommy hat" more often, which might help your relationship.

[Sophia]

my oldest sounds like your son.

Extremely frustrating and I am wiped out trying to light a fire under his b*tt.

I signed him up for two classes in Potters School in the fall, and he will go to a local co-op for other subjects.

Only health and Latin will continue at home.

 

I can already tell there will be a difference in his work ethic.

To prepare him for one of his fall classes, I am having him do an online summer writing course.

He had to submit a writing sample to be placed in the correct class.

When the instructor emailed back saying she would accept him and assume his many mistakes were typos and not a lack of knowledge in basic grammar (!!)

he had the decency to be embarrassed.

Trust me, if I had pointed out those same errors, he would have responded with a careless shrug, and "Sorry, I'll do better next time."

 

I really wanted to keep him at home for all his classes, but I'm hoping being around others will bring out some healthy competition and grades will start to matter more.

[Miss Marple]

Both are wonderful boys! Both are very responsible, but only for those "important" things (which we don't always agree on level of importance).

 

Years ago, when my oldest was in 8th grade, we began a co-op. Our main purpose was to have the students accountable to someone other than mom. All the mothers felt that their kids were doing mediocre work at home and were hoping that impressing someone other than mom would become important to the kids.

 

It is hard to be a nagging mom-teacher. Sometimes I just want to be a mom - and I think that our kids sometimes want us to be just "mom". So the co-op helped my sons learn accountability as well as to do their best work (my sons did not want their friends' moms to think they were slouches!). And, for my boys, the added competition was a great motivator.

 

Once my oldest reached 11th grade we were able to do concurrent college level courses which was a huge motivator! My son was consistently the top of his class and received a lot of kudos from his professors. I think this was the best motivator for my son to learn self-motivation. And an added bonus is that I can just be mom to him now.

 

I think that what you are experiencing is rather normal. But each kid will be motivated differently. For my kids, it was the opportunity to shine in a group, other kids might be motivated by some type of reward (big end of the year reward?). Some kids thrive on competition, others wilt. I think the idea of out-sourcing some of his classes is a great idea, particularly classes where he will shine (is he gifted in writing, math, etc?).

[Brenda in MA]

because I have a ds like this, too. He's now a junior and finally starting to see "where this all is going". We've also found that on-line classes have been really helpful to put someone else's deadlines in front of him.

 

I would caution you to start slowly with the on-line classes, though. I don't know about your son's personality, but I know that if we went from 100% taught at home to 100% online, my son would have seen that as my rejection of him, and that would not have been motivating. I'd suggest starting with a couple of classes, and try to find at least one that is in an area that interests him. Then I'd choose another one in an area that he needs to be stretched. Then add possibly one more. Given your location, I don't know if there is a coop or "live" class he could take. If he's a people-person, just being out with a class of others might also motivate him.

 

As Gwen said, it is exhausting trying to motivate an uninterested child, but I think it's worth it in the long run.

 

Brenda

[Jane in NC]

Lynn,

 

The wise women of the board have given you advice that I should have followed this year. In retrospect, I wish I had outsourced a writing course since that is the rough patch in my relationship with my otherwise charming son. Ahem.

 

I will add one other thing though. Throughout my son's growth spurts and hormonal phases (in which an otherwise bright and articulate boy resembles a sloth), he performed better when regular physical activity was a part of his life. This might mean a bike ride, roller blading, throwing a cast net in the estuary...anything to release some energy. He returns with focus. Lately he has been exercising with small weights while watching Teaching Company lectures.

 

My son can sit and read for hours on end, but he is not capable of writing and doing math without some sort of physical break between tasks.

 

Jane

[LisaNY]

I heartily agree w/Jane here. Teenagers, especially boys, need regular physical activity. Listlessness and inability to focus can be sure signs of lack of exercise.

 

My younger dd has been hitting some rough spots at home. I was speaking to my older dd about this, and the first thing she said to me was, "Mom - Sarah *has to* exercise every day."

 

I also feel that the slumps can be due to boredom. Boredom can stem from lack of outside stimulation. I think teenagers need regular time out of the house via sports activities, getting together with friends, etc. I think outsourcing of a few subjects also helps.

 

I am wrestling with this myself right now. I have two more years until my younger dd goes to ps in 10th gr. I am really feeling the need to get her out of the house and involved in outside activities. I don't want to lose her any sooner. :001_unsure:

[Laura K (NC)]

I need a deadline or I can hardly get things done. I create artificial deadlines for myself if none exist. Right now I have to write a paper that has no deadline... it's for an online course that I must finish by mid-June. For 3 weeks now I've done yard work, done sudoku, played on the internet, and done a million other things that if added together would have equalled the time I need to finish this.

 

I was at the YMCA yesterday as my children practiced soccer. I walked around the track that encircled the field and noticed several soccer teams practicing. One team was kind of small and the players were about 8 or 9yo. They were doing exercises like jumping jacks. Most kids were doing them just fine but there were two who were just going through the motions. I was thinking how difficult it would be to motivate kids like that on a rec. league team if I was just a volunteer coach, then I was thinking how I would have motivated them if I was teaching a class. Then I lost motivation to solve the problem... :D

 

I think some kids are self-driven by creating deadlines or other rewards for themselves for getting things done. Maybe if your son saw some people patterning motivated behavior he'd get inspired. Read Cheaper by the Dozen... the dad is constantly looking for ways to do things better and faster and more efficiently. For me in high school, I was plenty motivated to do the things I enjoyed. I think it took a job in a fast-paced environment that showed me how to be efficient, and that included the ability to see some role models of people who got positive reenforcement to do a job quickly and well.

 

Until a child takes that over for himself (more or less :001_unsure: ), we have to be pretty creative to motivate him, or else resort to haranguing, which is not a motivation that has good long-term fruit.

[Ms. Riding Hood]

I've been wondering about this for a couple of years, and could have written your post. This year I've been emphasizing the possibility of him going to public school, telling him honestly how horrible it is for me to always nag him, speaking about how he has to care to educate himself, etc. Somehow, I think it's all starting to sink in. At least he is maturing and able to feel a little more of the pressure of permanent grades on his transcript, future college plans, etc. This has been helped along by older ds (senior next year) talking about SAT's, AP's and college. Suddenly younger ds sees that he is behind where his older brother was at the same age (I've never pointed this out; he just realized it on his own.) That bothers him a lot, and has helped his motivation. He needs someone to compete with to do his best, I think--and as some others have mentioned. He's having to learn to compete against himself, so to speak.

 

I've tried really complimenting him on his progress this year. I think he'll continue to struggle and grow. It's just been nice seeing a little progress to give me hope!

[Jenn in CA]

He seems to spend a large part of his time just sitting at the table, with his brain and intellect apparently frozen or temporarily sucked out by aliens.

 

Yeah, I got two of those too, and funny, they're boys also (14 & 15)!

 

What works for us: Reasonable time deadlines with consequences. They have until 2pm to finish their school (and it's plenty of time, but not enough time for piddling either). They earn their video game time for the following week based on how many days they finished at 2.

 

If there is no internal motivation, then external motivation works great!

[Ailaena]

Im 30 years old... Im hoping some sort of motivation to do something meaningful will kick in at 31... :smilielol5:

 

 

 

But seriously, I never do anything until the very last possible second because I work so well under pressure. (At least, thats what I have come to tell myself...) Im so glad dd is not like that!

 

 

Sorry I can't help...:lol:

[Brindee]

I'm going through that with my 14yo ds right now too! I was wondering where his brain went, now I know it's been sucked out by aliens! Whew, what a relief to at least know what happened to it! :lol:

 

He's always done so well before this. It started building through this year, and now he's sooo hard to get through to! He has 4 English chapters to go, and 5 math chapters to go! Aaarrrgh!

 

But he's a good kid when he's doing what HE wants to do! And sometimes what he wants to do is GOOD, EVERY good! Take yesterday for example: He talked with dd and they cleaned the kitchen and made me a snack. The dishwasher was started, the counters wiped off, the floor swept. My snack was cheese, crackers, and garlic-stuffed olives! So see, he's a great young man!!!

 

I wish I could get his enthusiasm for finishing things up! It's good to see we're not the only ones going through this!

[Kareni]

... a question - at some point, do your high schoolers realize that they have to complete X, Y, and Z in order to get into college, and are they then self-motivated to complete X, Y, and Z of their own accord? Do they get past completing schoolwork because Mommy said to do it, and begin completing work because it gives them some satisfaction and knowledge, and because they see that it leads to high school credits, college admission, a future career?

 

Lynn, I'm curious ... does your son express an interest in going to college?

 

When my daughter was an 8th grader and not overly interested in doing all the tasks I set her, I asked her if she was interested in going to college. When she said "Yes," I asked her to write to six colleges to find out what their admissions requirements were.

 

To help her find the six colleges, I checked some books out of the library such as Colleges That Change Lives and a mega-tome put out by one of the big publishers. She wrote to the six she found interesting in the summer before 9th grade. I could have had her do this search via the internet, but she loved getting the mail!

 

Once she read through the college literature, she saw that all those requirements I'd been harassing her with were actually the same subjects that the colleges were requiring. Suddenly, we were on the same page rather than at odds.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Laura R (FL)]

You know what? I'm a slug! I didn't really know I was a slug until high school. It was soooo boring! I went to Marine Biology, listened for 5 minutes, literally fell asleep, but made an A on every test. I couldn't quite do that in math, LOL, but I tried! But if there was a subject I was interested in, like life science, I would pull a chair up to the shelf in the library and read every book. I never could motivate myself to learn what others said I had to do, but when I was interested (I'm still like this), then I couldn't turn it off. I still have the hardest time getting housework or anything done that I don't really want to do.

 

Fast forward to the present and I have a dd going into 9th grade. She is me reincarnated. It drives me insane!! This year, for 8th grade, I outsourced her for science and Latin on-line. Science was great because it's a subject we both love and now we weren't so competitive about it. Latin made her accountable to someone else. For 9th grade, all her classes are outsourced except for Bible and I bought her LifePacs for that one. I have found that 1) I'm not her motivator. 2) She doesn't like to be taught by me any longer. 3) When I'm her cheerleader rather than her teacher/boss all the time, we get along better. Now we're on the same side working toward a common goal instead of her working for me 24/7. Latin was a high school credit for her. If I had to 'nag' her, I just said, "Hey, it counts now."

 

So she has two live classes, Biology and English I. Latin II will be on-line. Alg I, and two computer classes are going through FLVS. Bible will be at home, independent study. I'm looking forward to this season of life (high school) and a new way of homeschooling for us.

 

By the way, if my husband could live on a Carribean isle, he would be in ecstasy!! As it is, we just drag our boat down to the Keys every summer!

[Kim in Appalachia]

and I tried to outsource to see if it would help. It did not. :glare: She just doesn't feel the need to try. Right now I'm at the point of trying to enjoy her positive traits, and not focus on the fact that she is not as focused as I am. ;)

 

I have lighted her load (a bit) for next year, and I am going to provide a detailed check list for each day. I have to stay on top of all of her work. You can not force a person to be motivated, or focused.

 

I do think that because of all of the hormones teenagers can have trouble finding their focus. I think most teenagers should probably spend their years doing physical labor and take up book study in their 20's.:tongue_smilie:

[Jan P.]

LOL!! Is that word in a teen's vocabulary??? My ds is just kicking in with the self motivation because he is in college now, and I'm not dragging him along. I'm out of the picture except to remind him once in a while that he better get up or he'll miss a class. I do think that being in a class with his peers and having to meet deadlines has helped him be more on top of things. It's kind of been "sink or swim" here.

 

Blessings,

[Melissa in Australia]

[quote name=Jenn in CA;

 

What works for us: Reasonable time deadlines with consequences. They have until 2pm to finish their school (and it's plenty of time' date=' but not enough time for piddling either). They earn their video game time for the following week based on how many days they finished at 2.

 

If there is no internal motivation, then external motivation works great![/quote]

 

we do something similar here with computer time.;)

 

When I was at school, the girls all were self motivated, but the boys didn't settle down until they were 16. they just took school to be a big social outing. now that doesn't happen at home, but I have noticed that boys seem to be a bit of a slug, and not self motivated until about 16. I am generalising here.

 

I have often wondered if it has something to do with their growing, and it taking sooo much energy to grow. my son has been growing 1 inch every 2 months for the past 2 years, he is now 6'3''.

 

I am going to continue pushing my son along for a few more years. I can see the progress happening. I am more interested in the long term goal, and not stressing out about the getting there:001_smile:

[Gwen in VA]

I have found that 1) I'm not her motivator. 2) She doesn't like to be taught by me any longer. 3) When I'm her cheerleader rather than her teacher/boss all the time, we get along better. Now we're on the same side working toward a common goal instead of her working for me 24/7. Latin was a high school credit for her. If I had to 'nag' her, I just said, "Hey, it counts now."

 

 

 

Laura, You have stated your three points so well! I agree completely with all of them.

 

My son, now 18 and off to college in the fall, laugh together about how hard his early high school years were. He and I were at loggerheads so much of the time! But online classes changed that -- I could be his mother instead of his taskmaster -- and our relationship improved dramatically.

 

My ds loves me in the cheerleader role, and when we are on the same side working toward a common goal (as you say) our relationship is SO good.

[Lynn in Caribbean]

Thank you ladies for your wisdom and insight! It is good to know that the online classes have worked out for so many of you, and for the same reasons.

I have made some decisions about next year, and I feel that a load has been lifted from my shoulders.

Decision # 1:

I decided that he is going to take:

1) Math: Algebra 1 with FLVS

2) Science: Biology with FLVS

3) Social studies: BJU Geography

4) English: either FLVS or BJU

5) Foreign language: French with BJU DVD’s (French is his choice)

and probably as an elective keep a journal of his running etc. and count it as PE

Decision # 2:

It is my responsibility to see that the basics are covered, that he has a solid education. So I will make sure the 5 main areas (above) are covered each year, as well as any other legal requirements. If he wants to go above and beyond with a more competitive courseload in the future, that will have to be his desire, not my pushing and prodding.

Decision # 3:

I will not be the teacher next year. His teachers will be FLVS staff or Dvd’s. I will be the conscientious record-keeper and enthusiastic cheerleader. :)

Decision # 4:

My attempts to pull together an eclectic/WTM mix have not really been in his best interest. He, quite honestly, does better with a cut-n-dried approach, i.e. textbooks. I am going to forget about my WTM plans for him for high school, and keep it simple – online classes, or textbook courses (but keep hangin’ out on this board anyway!).

Decision # 5:

Let go of Latin. He has completed LCI and we are finishing up (slogging through?) LCII, along with 5th grade dd. I had hoped to continue Latin through high school, as well as a modern language, but cannot make that happen if he is not interested. He wants to take French, so I am thrilled that he has opinion about that! (5th grade dd absolutely loves Latin, so she and I will continue with Henle next year. By the way, my completely self-motivated, very organized dd is his academic opposite in EVERY way, although puberty hasn’t hit yet...:tongue_smilie:)

Thanks so much for your input. It has been very helpful! I am responding to a few individual comments below.

From Valerie (TX): Eighth grade is a good time to learn the lesson.

He is finishing up 8th grade now (or supposed to be finishing up). Yes, I wish I had had him do an online class this past year. I will consider that with younger siblings, because it would be better to make that adjustment (to taking a class that it not mom-taught) before it counts on their transcript.

From Brenda in MA: I would caution you to start slowly with the on-line classes, though.

Yes, I think we will start out this year with 2 online classes. I agree that going from completely mom-taught be completely online would be just really difficult for him.

From LisaNY: Boredom can stem from lack of outside stimulation. I think teenagers need regular time out of the house via sports activities, getting together with friends, etc.

It has been really difficult here to set up activities as they get older. For that reason, we are considering returning to the states, hopefully soon!!! There IS a lovely beach here, but…that’s about it - there is so much more that they are missing. There are a few homeschool families with very young children, but nobody his age. It has been harder and harder to give him any kind of social life, and I know that is a big part of the problem.

From Kareni: Lynn, I'm curious ... does your son express an interest in going to college?

When my daughter was an 8th grader and not overly interested in doing all the tasks I set her, I asked her if she was interested in going to college. When she said "Yes," I asked her to write to six colleges to find out what their admissions requirements were.

Yes, he is interested in going to college, most definitely. It’s just that he doesn’t seem to make the connection between his current behavior, and getting into college. I have shown him various college websites, but your idea is better, having him write and get actual brochures to hold in his hand. I think it just seems so far away to him right now.

From Laura R (FL): I have found that 1) I'm not her motivator. 2) She doesn't like to be taught by me any longer. 3) When I'm her cheerleader rather than her teacher/boss all the time, we get along better.

That pretty much sums it up!

From Kim in Appalachia: I think most teenagers should probably spend their years doing physical labor and take up book study in their 20's.

Hear, hear!!

From melissaL: I have often wondered if it has something to do with their growing, and it taking sooo much energy to grow.

Yes!! He is growing like crazy this year – good point. He is 5’10†now, and still growing.

Thanks again, all!

[Kareni]

I have made some decisions about next year, and I feel that a load has been lifted from my shoulders.

 

So glad to hear that!

 

I am going to forget about my WTM plans for him for high school, and keep it simple – online classes, or textbook courses (but keep hangin’ out on this board anyway!).

 

Definitely stick around; this is such a great place for ideas, support and commiseration!

 

Yes, he is interested in going to college, most definitely. It’s just that he doesn’t seem to make the connection between his current behavior, and getting into college. I have shown him various college websites, but your idea is better, having him write and get actual brochures to hold in his hand. I think it just seems so far away to him right now.

 

I can appreciate how far away it must seem to him; after all, four years is a quarter of his life. Four years is however only (ahem) one twelfth of my life!

 

Best wishes for a good year to come.

Regards,

Kareni

[Anne]

I heartily second the idea of having your son write away to various colleges for acceptance criteria!! I didn't have my dc do that, but it made a huge difference to my younger dd to watch her older sister go through the whole college application process.

 

Anne

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

As a mother of 6 sons, this hits close to home for me. One thing that I've realized, teaching self-motivation has not been one of my strong points. However, my dh is a master.

 

The emotional relationship that a mother has with her son (in most cases) can be a hindrance to teaching a young person to be self-motivated. It sounds as if you are expecting your son to be motivated from within, by his own effort. Though our oldest sons are only 14 (twins), we have not yet seen one of our children be automatically self -motivated. They have needed our help.

 

We set up opportunities to be self-motivated. This means no nagging by mom for sons to complete their work, chores, etc. A task or responsibility is administered, and then the young person is expected to finish it of their own accord. When privileges or other rewards come about, they may be denied these things in order to prove a point.

 

This likely sounds a lot simpler than it is. It first starts w/ a relationship between you and your son which keeps in mind that he is now a young man and not toddler who still needs to hold on to his momma's hand. This is not meant to be offensive, so please forgive me if it comes across that way. Perhaps you and dh should sit down w/ young man and ask him what his future goals are as well as his current interests, and how you can help him create short-term targets to meet the long term goals. It is important to speak to him respectfully, like you would a coworker. Don't say, "Well, you're such a slacker. HOw are you going to get into Harvard? Harvard doesn't have a PhD in video game mastery.

 

It really helps if you take an interest in what he likes to do. In our family, my boys are huge sports fans and listen to ESPN radio as well as follow all of the Michigan pro sports teams. They are very athletic and physical. I keep up with this info. myself and we have some very interesting conversations. They like this a lot! They will also go on speedwalks with me (after I beg them w/ a tongue in cheek approach: "Hey, losers...you don't want to walk with me because you can't hang w/ your momma? Too afraid to get put in the dust by the old lady?") This is all done in humor, but does reinforce our bond.

 

I do expect my boys to respect me. If they are not receiving or completing my directives, I would talk w/ my husband about it. This way, either he or the two of you could talk w/ him. Sometimes this is a great occasion for a father/son talk.

 

Your brainstorming about outside motivators (like online school and such) is a great idea, too. It's amazing how motivated young people get by this. They also get energized by being w/ peers or participating in competition. It sounds like your son is this way. Does he have these opportunities outside the home?

 

That's all I will ramble about. I pray you will get through this time with your son and you will both come out the other side as closer, yet in an older son/mom relationship sort of way. Look at your son w/ respect, and he will appreciate it and rise to the challenge. Just don't allow him to slack off.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

 

(We often harrass our sons w/ that line from Spiderman: "With great power comes great responsibility"...yet our rendition of this is "With great privileges, comes great responsibilities." They must fulfill their responsibilities or they will not be given privileges.)

[PollyOR]

Lynn, for what it is worth, I don't have any boys.

 

I was a poor student ©. My mother made sure that I went to college, and again, I wasn't motivated. My poor ($) parents!

 

What finally motivated me was getting out and getting a low paying job. Actually I had to work both a full time and part time job to make ends meet. I found myself sitting on the side of the bed every evening and morning wondering if this was all there was to life. I made a beeline back to college and was an A student for the remainder.

 

Good luck!

[Lisa in TN]

My dh says he woke up to reality and started becoming self-motivated in his junior year of high school. Our ds has almost reached that age. I hope it happens soon.

[Robin in Tx]

Thank you for this thread. I am struggling with a lot of what is discussed here... unmotivated child, my constant pushing and prodding... I am so worried (and weary) about the relationship issues - I just want to be my dd's mom and cheerleader again, instead of this barking drill sergeant!! In another thread on the gen board, I asked people what they thought about the need for homeschoolers to keep a tight structure re: schedules, deadlines, etc., (to properly prepare their children for the realities of life beyond homeschooling), and how on earth you balance that structure and discipline with the various flexibilities that homeschooling affords... I think I realize now what I really wanted to know is how do you balance all that with the inherent relationship problem that being a constant nag can cause.

 

I've been asking these sort of questions lately for real reasons... I am seriously thinking about putting my dd in school next year and this is part of the reason why. I would love to be her cheerleader for a change and not the meanie who forced her to forego a fun activity to complete an assignment on time. The fact that we are facing some financial issues right now and could use the extra income is another reason, too... it's not all because of the relationship issues, but I'm tellin' ya... the idea of being able to work a little bit and help my husband out with income, and being able to greet dd when she gets home from school with a smile and plenty of emotional energy left over to just be her loving mom.... it's really, really tempting.

 

I don't know what I want right now... encouragement to keep the homeschool going or encouragement to make a change if necessary, but I just wanted to thank you all for this thread because it articulated some of the problems I've been having and it has made me realize that I an not completely off base here for thinking that accountability to someone else besides me might be exactly what my dd needs to thrive and be more motivated. Reading this thread has been kind of an "aha" moment.

 

Robin

[Lynn in Caribbean]

for these responses and for sharing your hearts!

[sarah in tenn]

I held my son back a year going into high school, one of the reasons being he was not motivated to get his work done. It was not an intelligence problem. Now he is motivated and asks what he needs to do and by when. My thinking after the fact is that he was not mature enough; he needed an extra year. He also needed to learn there are consequences to his actions. I do not regret it at all.

sarah