Is this normal?

[clarkacademy]

I have 4 children 14 12 (autism) 10 (adhd) and 6. My ten year old son plays with a variety of children. He can play with small children he can play with older children, it doesn't matter to him. I think I am being upset about some comments from my mother but she goes on and on how immature he is playing with his 6 year old sister.

 

They play dinosaurs, legos, make forts, go "hunting" for bugs whatever they just play. She keeps saying how my older brother would have never played with a little girl he is just so immature for his age. He will play with anyone who plays with him. I mean yes he is mostly around his sister, they live together duh! He will and has played with any kid.

 

He is very social, very friendly. He is very ADHD and behind in school. He is so busy it's hard to teach him but progress is there. She says put him in school he will learn to behave and be with kids his own age all the time. I guess I would like someone to say it's O.K. he can play with younger kids, that him liking action figures and legos are O.K. at his age.

[Kate CA]

I have 4 children 14 12 (autism) 10 (adhd) and 6. My ten year old son plays with a variety of children. He can play with small children he can play with older children, it doesn't matter to him. I think I am being upset about some comments from my mother but she goes on and on how immature he is playing with his 6 year old sister.

 

They play dinosaurs, legos, make forts, go "hunting" for bugs whatever they just play. She keeps saying how my older brother would have never played with a little girl he is just so immature for his age. He will play with anyone who plays with him. I mean yes he is mostly around his sister, they live together duh! He will and has played with any kid.

 

He is very social, very friendly. He is very ADHD and behind in school. He is so busy it's hard to teach him but progress is there. She says put him in school he will learn to behave and be with kids his own age all the time. I guess I would like someone to say it's O.K. he can play with younger kids, that him liking action figures and legos are O.K. at his age.

 

Your mother is wrong. You and your dh know what is right for your children - believe that. Your son plays with all ages - so do all the homeschooled children I know! That is a BENEFIT of homeschooling. Why would you want your son to only focus on one age group? I don't do that or my social circle would be rather small!

 

How you handle your mother's comments is something you will have to decide, but I would stop the discussion and say, "Thank you for your concern, but we have got it taken care of. I don't want to talk about this any further with you." You are doing the right thing and your son sounds perfectly normal to me. :001_smile:

[Goldilocks]

My 10 yo ds sounds like yours. He loves to play and can play with many ages (girls too!) I just think that it is part of his personality.

[clarkacademy]

Your mother is wrong. You and your dh know what is right for your children - believe that. Your son plays with all ages - so do all the homeschooled children I know! That is a BENEFIT of homeschooling. Why would you want your son to only focus on one age group? I don't do that or my social circle would be rather small!

 

How you handle your mother's comments is something you will have to decide, but I would stop the discussion and say, "Thank you for your concern, but we have got it taken care of. I don't want to talk about this any further with you." You are doing the right thing and your son sounds perfectly normal to me. :001_smile:

 

Thank you :grouphug:

[clarkacademy]

So, they playing with toys and all still normal for ten right?

[rootsnwings]

Sounds like your mom's the one with the problems! Not your son!! My ds10 played legos with ds3 and dd2 yesterday for over an hour... then they played outside building a "fort" for another hour. He can't wait til Caleb can ride a bike w/out training wheels so he can take him with him on bike rides... they are buddies and it doesn't matter their age. And honestly? I prefer my kids to be "immature" and just BE KIDS while they're young. I would feel better about my 10yo playing with a 6-7yo than I would about him playing with a 13-14yo, yk?

[Cindyz]

Put him in school and he will be placed in special ed with kids who have worse behaviors than your son and he can learn those wonderful behaviors and bring them home to teach your other children. :D I think it's wonderful that your son is still imaginative and playing with toys instead of sitting around playing video games all day long (what many kids who are no longer playing with toys are doing).

[Kate CA]

So, they playing with toys and all still normal for ten right?

 

Oh absolutely yes! To be honest, I still enjoy getting out the Playmobil and setting it up for the kids because I just think it is so cool! (And I am 40!) LOL!!

[clarkacademy]

Thank you guys sometimes I feel the world is against them cause they don't fit the mold.

[WishboneDawn]

My 10 yo ds sounds like yours. He loves to play and can play with many ages (girls too!) I just think that it is part of his personality.

 

Same with my 9 year old. He also seems to have a special connection to kids with autism. I think it's a sign that he has a generous and sensitive soul. I love that about him.

 

This should be a subject you refuse to discuss with her from now on.

Edited June 29, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[clarkacademy]

Same with my 9 year old. He also seems to have a special to kids with autism. I think it's a sign that he has a generous and sensitive soul. I love that about him.

 

This should be a subject you refuse to discuss with her from now on.

 

Almost everything is nowadays. We were so close. I moved from IN to be here in FL and it seems we are farther apart than ever.

[MamaSheep]

Are all of your mom's friends within 6 months of her age? Is she "playing" outside her age group by calling you up to criticize your parenting? Does she need to be taught to stop bullying the younger kids and only play with people her age and gender?

 

Just kidding.

 

Being able to play with people from a variety of age groups sounds like a more mature and well-adjusted approach to life than rigid insistance on only being nice to people who are your same age and gender to me, even if you're 10. Maybe especially if you're 10. Adult life is certainly not segregated by age and gender. Tell her it's sad that your brother was so narrow minded at that age. ;)

 

And action figures and legos are VERY normal playthings for boys that age.

[clarkacademy]

Put him in school and he will be placed in special ed with kids who have worse behaviors than your son and he can learn those wonderful behaviors and bring them home to teach your other children. :D I think it's wonderful that your son is still imaginative and playing with toys instead of sitting around playing video games all day long (what many kids who are no longer playing with toys are doing).

 

This was my thought. She says maybe he needs special ed.

[ereks mom]

Your mother is wrong. There's NOTHING wrong with a boy playing with his little sister. Like you, I have a son who is 4 years older than his little sister, and they played together too. They didn't always get along well, but since we live in a rural area, they were each other's only playmates most of the time. Now that they are older (he's 20 & she's 16), they LOVE being together and I am glad they are so close. When he's away at college, she can't wait for him to come home, and he looks forward to spending time with her as well. Both of them are perfectly normal academically, emotionally, socially, etc., and both are popular with their peers and also interact well with people of all ages, so I can assure you that it did them no harm at all to play together when they were kids.

[clarkacademy]

Are all of your mom's friends within 6 months of her age? Is she "playing" outside her age group by calling you up to criticize your parenting? Does she need to be taught to stop bullying the younger kids and only play with people her age and gender?

 

Just kidding.

 

Being able to play with people from a variety of age groups sounds like a more mature and well-adjusted approach to life than rigid insistance on only being nice to people who are your same age and gender to me, even if you're 10. Maybe especially if you're 10. Adult life is certainly not segregated by age and gender. Tell her it's sad that your brother was so narrow minded at that age. ;)

 

And action figures and legos are VERY normal playthings for boys that age.

 

Her answer to everything is he doesn't act like boys his age are suppose too. I am not judging anyone who hunts please don't think that but he would rather cut off his hand than hurt an animal. It is just who he is. She says he needs to toughen up. He catches butterflies just to look he doesn't hurt them or anything.

 

He loves babies! When my friends have babies he is right there to help with everything but diapers. His ADHD leads to anger sometimes but he is mostly a sweet little boy. He doesn't understand why people are mean to animals and yeah he cried when we moved. He cried when he saw a cat killed on the highway. She says that is babyish.

[clarkacademy]

Your mother is wrong. There's NOTHING wrong with a boy playing with his little sister. Like you, I have a son who is 4 years older than his little sister, and they played together too. They didn't always get along well, but since we live in a rural area, they were each other's only playmates most of the time. Now that they are older (he's 20 & she's 16), they LOVE being together and I am glad they are so close. When he's away at college, she can't wait for him to come home, and he looks forward to spending time with her as well. Both of them are perfectly normal academically, emotionally, socially, etc., and both are popular with their peers and also interact well with people of all ages, so I can assure you that it did them no harm at all to play together when they were kids.

 

Thank you for that. Nice to hear! I wish the relationship with my brother was better.

[EKS]

Two things--One, as I'm sure you know, homeschooled kids don't have the lovely socialization that causes ps kids to only want to play with agemates. Two, kids with ADHD tend to run a year or two behind in their social skills whether they're in school or not.

[MamaSheep]

Her answer to everything is he doesn't act like boys his age are suppose too. I am not judging anyone who hunts please don't think that but he would rather cut off his hand than hurt an animal. It is just who he is. She says he needs to toughen up. He catches butterflies just to look he doesn't hurt them or anything.

 

He loves babies! When my friends have babies he is right there to help with everything but diapers. His ADHD leads to anger sometimes but he is mostly a sweet little boy. He doesn't understand why people are mean to animals and yeah he cried when we moved. He cried when he saw a cat killed on the highway. She says that is babyish.

 

Sounds like a great kid to me. Sounds very normal.

 

And even if it weren't "normal", so what? What's so fabulous about normal? Pretty much all advances in every aspect of life from science to art have been made by people who weren't "normal" in some way or other. Different is not the same thing as defective. If your mother is Christian you could point out that Jesus wasn't exactly a "normal" little boy either. When he was twelve he was instructing the priests in the temple--not really what all the other boys his age were up to. And I would guess that Jesus didn't go around pulling wings off butterflies either. And the Bible clearly shows he was kind to little children, which I would guess means he liked babies too. Was Jesus "babyish" because he was soft-hearted? Whether she's Christian or not, surely she'd have to admit that 2000 years later people still remember Jesus as one of the greatest men in history. They don't remember the "normal" boy who lived next door. Seriously, should we all teach our kids to aspire to being "normal" and "average"? I don't think so. I think they can do better than that. But "better" than average is also "different" from average. "Different" is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

I think I agree with the others who have said that this may be an area where you need to draw a boundary with your mother and just not discuss it with her anymore. If she brings it up change the subject. I find that often asking people a question about THEM is a good subject changer. People love to talk about themselves. If she persists end the conversation. Gosh! Suddenly you need to use the bathroom. Talk to ya later mom.

[vonfirmath]

He is very social, very friendly. He is very ADHD and behind in school. He is so busy it's hard to teach him but progress is there. She says put him in school he will learn to behave and be with kids his own age all the time. I guess I would like someone to say it's O.K. he can play with younger kids, that him liking action figures and legos are O.K. at his age.

 

My 10 year old nephew (homeschooled, without any special challenges except stuttering) LOVES Legos. And stuffed animals. And plays great with his sister and brother (almost-12 and almost-8) and my son (almost-4)

 

He also loves his DS and computer games, of course

 

I LOVE that he plays so well with my son.

[twoforjoy]

One of my son's best friends is 11 (goes to ps, not special needs). When he comes over, they do 7-year-old kid things (DS's age). They hunt for bugs, they play Legos, they play with Hot Wheels cars, they have water gun fights.

 

I'm sure that when his friend is with other 11yo kids, he does other things, but he really likes playing with my DS and comes over a few times a week. He also likes watching "little kid shows" on TV with my kids.

 

My DS has a few friends who are 3. He loves getting into the sandbox with them and playing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Like others said, your son is totally normal - and sweet too. My 14 year old ds played peek-a-boo yesterday with a baby, he played tag at the park with kids much younger than he is, the day before he played nerf guns with his 9 year old sister. On his own, he still plays with legos. We have teens over - public school socialized teens. These kids are at first a bit at a loss at our no computer/video game policy but then they have a blast - playing! When they are with each other they don't play forts but they do play capture the flag, which requires a fort on each side;) And many of them bring over their own legos.

[Denisemomof4]

"You know what's really neat about being a homeschooler, Mom, is that kids don't learn age segregation. Homeschooled kids are known to be able to play with kids of all ages. I'm not concerned At All. He will only be a child for such a short period in time. Let him has his fun. Before you know it he will be in college with people his own age, or working a job and have friends of all ages. This isn't an issue and I CERTAINLY wouldn't want him to think it is."

[lmrich]

He sounds like a great kid and a fantastic brother.

 

Immaturity is not based on what they play or how they play. It is based on how they handle themselves. Is he pouting and whining because he doesn't have a ten year old boy to play with? NO he is mature enough to realize that he can adapt and play with who is available. Again he sounds like a smart guy.

[Jen+4dc]

Your mother is wrong. You and your dh know what is right for your children - believe that. Your son plays with all ages - so do all the homeschooled children I know! That is a BENEFIT of homeschooling. Why would you want your son to only focus on one age group? I don't do that or my social circle would be rather small!

 

How you handle your mother's comments is something you will have to decide, but I would stop the discussion and say, "Thank you for your concern, but we have got it taken care of. I don't want to talk about this any further with you." You are doing the right thing and your son sounds perfectly normal to me. :001_smile:

:iagree:

Sounds like your mom's the one with the problems! Not your son!! My ds10 played legos with ds3 and dd2 yesterday for over an hour... then they played outside building a "fort" for another hour. He can't wait til Caleb can ride a bike w/out training wheels so he can take him with him on bike rides... they are buddies and it doesn't matter their age. And honestly? I prefer my kids to be "immature" and just BE KIDS while they're young. I would feel better about my 10yo playing with a 6-7yo than I would about him playing with a 13-14yo, yk?

:iagree:

Sounds like a great kid to me. Sounds very normal.

 

And even if it weren't "normal", so what? What's so fabulous about normal? Pretty much all advances in every aspect of life from science to art have been made by people who weren't "normal" in some way or other. Different is not the same thing as defective.

I think I agree with the others who have said that this may be an area where you need to draw a boundary with your mother and just not discuss it with her anymore. If she brings it up change the subject. I find that often asking people a question about THEM is a good subject changer. People love to talk about themselves. If she persists end the conversation. Gosh! Suddenly you need to use the bathroom. Talk to ya later mom.

:iagree:

 

My ds12 (with no ADHD or other issues) still loves to play legos and plays with younger siblings. My dd14 (with ADHD) still on occasion plays dolls with dd6. I'm not at all worried. My kids' best friends are my kids. Yes, they have other friends, but they play with each other the most. I'm fine with their biggest influences being our own family!

 

Having had my daughter with ADHD in ps for the first 5 years, I can promised you, it won't be any better!! The social pressure will be worse and the peer group will bring issues and behavior into your son's life that will compound problem after problem. Plus, the lack of one-on-one attention will let the academics slide quickly!

 

Sitting still in a classroom is an over-rated skill.

 

 

JMHO

[Cindy in FL.]

I vote normal! My boys (15, 14, 12, 10) all still play with Legos and Playmobil. They can happily interact with children from newborn through late teens.

[Mom in High Heels]

I think your mom has the problem. Indy is 8 (9 next month!!!) and he plays with kids of all ages. I think it's fantastic that he knows how to act around older kids and younger kids. He adores little kids and is great with them. We have several little kids (ages 2-4) in our quad and all the moms have told me how sweet Indy is to play with them. A lot of times when the older kids are in school and we're on a break, he'll go outside and play with the littles. They all love him. Of course he prefers to play with kids his own age if they're available, but he's happy to be with the littles too. There is NOTHING wrong with that. I say let your ds play and tell your mom to back off.

[annlaura]

I think it's lovely that your son still plays with his sister. And perfectly normal. My 4.5yo DS played today with a 9yo boy, and they had a wonderful time. That boy's 12yo sister still plays in her play kitchen and with dolls. I would be more upset if your son didn't.

[Mommy22alyns]

Really?? :glare: Your mother thinks it's bad that he loves and plays with his younger sister? And what is the general fascination with kids playing "with kids their own age"? :tongue_smilie: Your mom has the problem, not your son. He sounds like a sweet and loving kid.

[JudoMom]

Your mother is wrong. You and your dh know what is right for your children - believe that. Your son plays with all ages - so do all the homeschooled children I know! That is a BENEFIT of homeschooling. Why would you want your son to only focus on one age group? I don't do that or my social circle would be rather small!

 

How you handle your mother's comments is something you will have to decide, but I would stop the discussion and say, "Thank you for your concern, but we have got it taken care of. I don't want to talk about this any further with you." You are doing the right thing and your son sounds perfectly normal to me. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[Mom0012]

If he is happy and his play is not just restricted to children considerably younger than him (which it sounds like it isn't), then I would not worry one bit.

 

Lisa

[RoundAbout]

So, they playing with toys and all still normal for ten right?

 

 

I know kids are more jaded these days but I remember toys still being very popular when I was in 5th and 6th grade (10-12) and this was an advanced TAG program where most of the kids were very mature. The girls had a day where they brought their dolls to school and the boys still collected Transformers and GI Joe.

 

I was at a cousin's baseball game last month and someone had brought a huge bag of action figures for the littles to keep entertained on the grass. It was funny, but there were quite a few older boys hanging out on the perimeter. You could just tell they wanted to dive right in and check out the toys but didn't want to be rude or uncool!

[clarkacademy]

That is all great to hear! I always thought it was great he played with her. I always thought it builds family bonds. I guess I will just have to watch everything I say or don't say to her from now on and have a basket of exuses when she starts the "school" talk! Thank you all very much

[twoforjoy]

I know kids are more jaded these days but I remember toys still being very popular when I was in 5th and 6th grade (10-12) and this was an advanced TAG program where most of the kids were very mature. The girls had a day where they brought their dolls to school and the boys still collected Transformers and GI Joe.

 

I was at a cousin's baseball game last month and someone had brought a huge bag of action figures for the littles to keep entertained on the grass. It was funny, but there were quite a few older boys hanging out on the perimeter. You could just tell they wanted to dive right in and check out the toys but didn't want to be rude or uncool!

 

My husband likes building with Legos and building Hot Wheels car tracks with DS. And having water gun fights. And playing with the walkie-talkies. I can't imagine there's anything odd about a 10 or 11 year old enjoying playing with toys.

[ereks mom]

So, they playing with toys and all still normal for ten right?

 

LOL! ER turned 21 last Saturday, and he STILL refuses to part with his LEGO sets. He occasionally takes them out of his closet and builds all kinds of things. NO ONE would accuse him of being childish or immature: he's a senior in college, respected by his professors and fellow students, popular among his peers, has a girlfriend (they've been dating more than 2 years), and has held a couple of part time jobs that require a fairly high level of responsibility. (He served as an intern in a criminal prosecutor's office, where he was required to document domestic violence cases, administer drug tests, and assist the prosecutor in court. Currently, he is serves as a church worship leader.)

[NanceXToo]

Your mom's nuts!

 

My 10 y/o spent K-most of 3rd grade in public school and has been homeschooled for the rest of 3rd, all of 4th, and all of 5th.

 

She's a bright, sociable, "normal" kid with no issues of any kind, active in several outside activities, has friends her own age etc.

 

She plays with her 5 1/2 year old brother. She plays with the 4 y/o girl next door. She plays with the kids her age on our block. She stops to chat with adult neighbors. Now and then at one of our homeschool group gatherings, she'll tag along after one of the teens chatting with them. My MIL has an elderly aunt who was there visiting when we visited MIL in Florida and the elderly aunt was my daughter's room-mate at night, and we could often hear the two of them chatting like schoolgirls in the other room. My daughter likes people of all ages. I think it's great!

 

Oh, and yes, she still plays with toys.

[Trish]

I have 4 children 14 12 (autism) 10 (adhd) and 6. My ten year old son plays with a variety of children. He can play with small children he can play with older children, it doesn't matter to him. I think I am being upset about some comments from my mother but she goes on and on how immature he is playing with his 6 year old sister.

 

They play dinosaurs, legos, make forts, go "hunting" for bugs whatever they just play. She keeps saying how my older brother would have never played with a little girl he is just so immature for his age. He will play with anyone who plays with him. I mean yes he is mostly around his sister, they live together duh! He will and has played with any kid.

 

He is very social, very friendly. He is very ADHD and behind in school. He is so busy it's hard to teach him but progress is there. She says put him in school he will learn to behave and be with kids his own age all the time. I guess I would like someone to say it's O.K. he can play with younger kids, that him liking action figures and legos are O.K. at his age.

 

Well, at age 10 I played with my 6, 5 and 4-year-old brothers. We had a lot of fun together. I did a lot of younger things with them and enjoyed them. I taught them a lot of games and things as they grew older and we all played them as they got better at them. That's what kids do.

 

It did not affect my college grades or maturity level. I did get a lot of babysitting jobs as a teenager.

[oneplustwoIdaho]

So, they playing with toys and all still normal for ten right?

 

I am having a hard time thinking of any boys I know who do not play with Legos, Nerf guns, or action figures, whether HS or PS. My nearly 11 DS also loves those things, plays with his little sisters, and loves babies. He does hunt with his Dad, but also loves to watch chipmunks and squirrels and says how cute they are. You DS sounds like a normal, sweet boy!

[clarkacademy]

I am having a hard time thinking of any boys I know who do not play with Legos, Nerf guns, or action figures, whether HS or PS. My nearly 11 DS also loves those things, plays with his little sisters, and loves babies. He does hunt with his Dad, but also loves to watch chipmunks and squirrels and says how cute they are. You DS sounds like a normal, sweet boy!

 

Thank you! I agree he is pretty sweet when he wants to be lol.