Question for Parents of Teenagers

[EKS]

My 15yo is periodically disrespectful, self-centered, and obnoxious but not all the time and in the scheme of things, not a whole lot.

 

I'm finding it fascinating to watch him grow into a man. Also as he is getting older, I'm finding that I'm enjoying our conversations more and more. This time between child and adult is actually quite magical.

[Lady Florida.]

Before I had kids, I always thought the teen years would be awful. I was not a pleasant teenager (I didn't get in trouble, but I was pretty sullen). Then I met my dh, who was raising his teenage boy. So, I helped "raise" a teenager before I ever had a baby. Dss was a fun teenager. Ds is too. Of course I love them both, but I also liked (and like) them as teens. Ds has his hormonal moments, but overall it's a fun age. You can have some great conversations with teens, and family fun becomes a bit more adult-like.

 

Maybe it helps that I taught in high school for 15 years, so I've been around teens quite a bit. While some teens can be horrible, for the most part it's an inaccurate stereotype.

[all4ramseys@msn.com]

I love them to distraction, and I have to physically restrain myself to not sit and stare at them all day and tell them how awesome they are.

 

Seriously, we had a number of minor behavior issues with our oldest and so far very few with my 13 year old twin boys. They are grumpy sometimes, eat a lot, sleep a good bit, and are capable of doing rude things like rolling their eyes. But they are smart, funny, kind, generous and resourceful. They make me laugh outloud every single day.

 

:iagree:

 

It helps that I actually "know" my teenager.

 

Holly

[Mommyfaithe]

I love my teens! They are wonderful and so are their friends! (FWIW, I wasn't really a "teen" kind of person before mine were teens). You grow with them and realize that it is another developmental stage--not so different than the other stages of parenting. Their needs and challenges change, but they don't essentially change just because a number of years changes. Like every stage, the teen years have their joys and challenges, but I've really enjoyed my teens. You'll still love them! My teens are 17, 16 and 14, just for reference.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: with everything you said. My 3 olders are not teens anymore, and I still love teens:D. They ate finally at a stage where we can talk, watch tv, share books, clothes( with the girls), go to concerts, movies and plays that do not include muppets, they can fix things, wash dishes, watch babies, get jobs, keep you company....I can go on and on.....

 

I now have 2 teens....and I still love this stage. I am always baffled by the bad rap teens get.....

Faithe

[Lilymax]

My son is 17 and just about perfect. He's got a wicked sense of humor that leaves his dad and me worn out at times from laughing. For some reason, older adults are drawn to him, so he calls himself an 'elder-whisperer'.

 

 

:lol: Elder-whisperer? I Love it! LOL

 

Well, as someone who grew up with a mother who made it obvious how much she hated our teenage years, and who constantly told me how horrible it would be to parent a teenager--even before I had children--I must say I've been pleasantly surprised by how much I'm enjoying my 13-year-old. :D

 

Granted, he is ONLY 13, but still...he's turning into a pretty cool teenager, and that gives me hope that he'll be an equally great adult.

 

And yes, when I tell my mom that, she just scowls and says, "Yeah, well...just wait...it gets worse!" :glare:

 

I've known enough great teens to know that it doesn't HAVE to get worse. Sure, there are challenges. But isn't that true of every stage of parenting?

[sparrow]

My son is 17 and just about perfect. He's got a wicked sense of humor that leaves his dad and me worn out at times from laughing. For some reason, older adults are drawn to him, so he calls himself an 'elder-whisperer'.

So far I haven't seen too much drama from him, but then again, this is the boy who had a total of 2 temper tantrums as a child.

 

:lol: Perfect! My son shares similar abilities.

 

As far as the original question, I don't have teens yet, but I'm acquainted with several. They're all pretty cool and definitely don't make me fear my own turning into teens. Maybe because they're all geeks? I tend to find geek teens (and adults :001_smile:) much more to my liking than "trendy" teens. Does that make sense?

[YLVD]

Do you like your teenagers? I have a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old, and another baby due in September, and I am having a crisis of thought. I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them. So is there hope for me? Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious? (Curse these pregnancy hormones!)

 

I'm going to brag on my teen for a bit. :001_smile:

 

My daughter is my favorite person to hang out with, hands down. She's 15, does not talk back, volunteers at our local senior center, no swearing, funny, sweet and just wonderful. People are always asking me how I got her, as in, what did I do to get her like this. I wish that I knew!

 

She's a bit atypical to me as she's not into most pop culture stuff. She prefers Indian music (she's not Indian), culture and Arabic stuff. She's always been that way. She's a bit of a prude and just doesn't care for most American pop culture.

 

I've only had to ground her one time, at age 10. Just that once was enough. If I feel like I don't like her tone or something she has said, a side eye look is plenty to stop it!

 

She's not disrespectful, self-centered or obnoxious. I'm always amazed as I was a really rough teen and I have a mood disorder. My own daughter is even-keeled and incredibly easy. I think that's one reason that I never wanted more kids. I knew I wouldn't have another that easy!

 

Her favorite television show is the Golden Girls, haha.

 

Anyways, it's possible. While my teen is a bit of an anomaly, I have family with really cool and interesting teens.

Edited June 26, 2011 by YLVD

[cathmom]

Yes, all my teens are/have been fabulous!

[BabyBre]

Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectul, self-centered, or obnoxious?

 

 

Yes, of course there are! Especially if you take extra precautions to make them that way. My oldest just graduated public high school (spent all 4 years of hs there) and still managed to become a respectful, kind, and thoughtful young man (and there certainly were times when we didn't think that was going to happen!).

 

It can be done and you can do it!

[2cents]

I love my teens! Every once in awhile they get grumpy and argue but that is just human. Most of the time they are fun to be around and I love their growing individuality. :D

[FrogMom5]

Yes! We absolutely adore our teen. He's interesting, funny, warm and helpful. He's a very nice young man.

 

The early teens are the hardest because of all the changes they are going through. If you understand that they are transitioning between childhood and adulthood, it helps to contend with some of their grumpiness. Let them sleep a bit more - sleep in and/or take naps.

 

Help them transition. Help them find outlets for their new interests or new level of interests. Help them understand that they are not alone. And, most of all, give them some respect. Most of the conflicts I had w/ds were due to my own lack of respect for his growing independence. Once I backed off and gave him some trust, things became more peaceful.

 

No, I'm not talking about staying out late trust or hanging out w/the wrong crowd trust. Things like letting him find his own ways of doing a task or solving a problem. Allowing him to choose some of his options and not reacting negatively when his choice is different from what I thought or wanted for him. Stuff like that. Trust your teen to be able to make some choices for themselves. If they fall, they learn. They need that and, in the end, they are happier.

 

You also have to begin to let them go. It's hard. Don't cry in front of them. Let them know you are confident in their abilities and proud of them. Teens are wonderful and exciting people.

Denise

[Joyofsixreboot]

My teens are people. That I love them is a given. I like talking deep with dd # 1, laughing and being snarky with ds#1 and going to movies and talking history with ds#2. They will all be individuals. Love them as such.

[Perry]

I was a miserable and horrid teen, and had a terrible relationship with my mother. I was terrified of having kids, and especially dreaded the teen years. I am surprised and thrilled to find that I really enjoy my teens. I have a much better relationship with them than I thought possible, and although it isn't all rainbows and puppies, so far it has been (mostly) smooth sailing.

[Wildiris]

Do you like your teenagers?

No, and I am not going to candy coat my reality of living with my teens --it is not fun. I love my kids, but I do not like them all the time. The teen years are the years I'd like to give my kids away to someone else to raise while they sort out the finer points of becoming a compassionate person and lose their narcissistic edge. Their evolution will test your compassion. I've been tested beyond what I thought I was capable before becoming a parent. Of course, all of this evolving into a person of good character takes time, sometimes a lifetime to sort through.

 

I am afraid that when my kids are grown that I will not like them.

Chance are great that you will not like your kids at some point in the child rearing process--this is part of the process. Life is messy.

So is there hope for me?

There is hope for everyone. Relax and enjoy where you are right now with your kids. So, if today was a day of the sour, resentful teen, tomorrow will be different, maybe.

Are there any teenagers out there that aren't disrespectful, self-centered, or obnoxious?

No. (Obviously I stand alone here on this thread; however, I concede there are more angelic teens than my bunch. There are teens who do not exhibit teenage disrespect, self-centeredness or obnoxious behavior.) As much as I loath teenage-hood, it is a necessary part of separating from parents. Remember the Roman God Janus, the two head God looking forward and looking backwards, symbolizes the conflicted nature of teens. Teens express this conflict by acting out like a two-year-old in the midst of a full-blown tantrum. I've hear from other parents that their child never rebelled. I think these parents are either deluded, lying or their child never grew-up residing in a state of arrested development.

Edited June 26, 2011 by Wildiris

[angela in ohio]

..Let them sleep a bit more - sleep in and/or take naps...

 

Help them transition. Help them find outlets for their new interests or new level of interests. Help them understand that they are not alone...

 

You also have to begin to let them go...

 

Wonderful advice.

 

I think making sure that my teens get enough sleep and a proper diet has probably made a huge difference. I remember being a grumpy teen because I was tired and ate poorly.

 

I think that working with them to make their transition to adulthood and independence, rather than making it a challenge or an insult, has also helped. (I think so many teens are longing to be meaningful and useful. I make sure that my girls are both of those things. They have REAL responsibilites that mark their movement toward adulthood.) We talk, talk, talk about the transition: about mistakes I made, about characters we read about and how they handled it well or poorly, about their hopes and dreams for their future. I think all those help.

[Night Elf]

I think my 3 teenagers are remarkable. They are funny, caring, generous and responsible. Yes, I like them very much. I truly have not had experience with any of the troubling behaviors that I hear are usual with teens. I guess someone might say I'm wearing rose colored glasses, but I just don't see it. They have done some typical things like experimented with style and hair color. They have become more independent and less family oriented. An example is my dd13 who just doesn't do a lot with me anymore. But none of these things bother me in the least. None of them are harmful. They all talk to me about all kinds of things, even very sensitive matters. I believe I have a wonderful relationship with each of them. I'm going to be so sad as they move out.

[Hikin' Mama]

I LOVE having teenagers. I currently have three. I loved having little ones, but it was so, so, so much more draining than having teenagers. And all of them are good kids, fun to be around, fun to talk to. One of mine is a harder kid than the others, but he's always been that way. Believe it or not, he's easier as a teen than he was as a younger child.

 

Enjoy each season, though, because you will regret not savoring each moment.

[hsmamainva]

I love my teenagers!

 

I love spending time with my oldest daughter. She turned 20 in April so she isn't technically a teen any longer though. She's always been very even tempered and level headed, so we didn't deal with the emotional mood swings that I've heard some parents have to deal with when their daughters hit the teen years. She's a full-time college student, and she works part-time, so the time I do get to spend with her is precious.

 

My oldest son is 17. He's sensitive and shy and he CAN be moody at times, but those a few and far between and have decreased a great deal over the past year or so. He's the one I turn to when something in the house doesn't work properly and he's a whiz at fixing my computer and other electronics. He's also well over 6' tall (I'm 5'4") so he's the one I turn to when I need something off a shelf in the kitchen! :)

[Susan in TX]

Yes, I genuinely enjoy (and like) my teenagers. And I enjoy my adult children even more!

 

Now we have had our moments and parenting teens has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it is worth it. And there are lots of good times too.

 

Susan in TX