Adopted twin newborns, first-time parents: need baby care book rec.

[Colleen in NS]

My sister and her husband adopted twin newborns (born June 11) this past Tuesday!!!! They found out about the twins just 8 days before receiving them, so it's been a whirlwind time for them. They don't have a baby care book (though they did go through baby care classes in their adoption process). I was wondering what recommendations are out there for newborn-first year baby care books. My favourite 10-13 years ago was "What to Expect the First Year," but it's also all I knew. It was comforting to me to have something to refer to each month. But I'm also looking to see if there is anything else that will give especially adoptive parents the ins and outs of new baby care, since they didn't have the experience of being in the hospital around all the nurses in the twins' first few days. The babies were also in foster care up til this past Tuesday. The foster Mom met my sister and gave her some advice, but I think that's all done now. The babies are borderline low-birth weight, hovering right around the 5 lb. mark right now. But they ate more yesterday than they did on Tuesday, and my sister is working towards establishing a feeding/sleeping routine for them, so that they will get more rest and take more formula in at each feeding. But I'm thinking she might like a newborn care book to refer to, as well. Esp. because of having two small babies.

 

So I guess I'm just looking for some type of new baby/medical reference that they can use. I already did order "What to Expect..." for them, but is there anything else out there that is better? If so, what and why? I'm having a hard time with discerning amazon reviews.

 

I'd esp. like to hear from Moms who have adopted newborns as their first child/children, or Moms with twins/other multiples!

 

Thanks!

[Meriwether]

No advice but CONGRATULATIONS to your sister.

[Dobela]

Congratulations! I didn't have a book as an adoptive mom either. We still talk about the drive home when we were thinking, "Really? They are just going to let us leave and we have NO IDEA what to do??" I knew how to change a diaper and mix formula, but that was it. I can remember a friend coming to my house and asking me if I knew what to do with the umbilical cord. I had no idea! And then the friend that introduced me to gas drops. To her I am eternally thankful LOL.

 

I would make sure they have a great understanding pediatrician most of all. Especially with low weight concerns in the beginning.

 

So sorry ,I don't have a recommendation. Maybe she can just put you on speed dial?

[plain jane]

I *really* like the Dr. Sears books, he's got several, including:

 

The Baby Book: Everything you need to know about your baby from birth to age 2 (This one is my fave and I used it a lot)

 

The Baby Sleep Book

 

The Attachment Parenting Book

 

The Portable Pediatrician: Everything You Need to Know About Your Child's Health

 

None of these are specific to twins though, so I'm no help in that area.

[misidawnrn]

I didn't adopt a newborn as my first but as my last 2. My youngest one was such a crabby baby you would have thought it was our first rodeo! No advice except I like the "having you on speed dial". They will figure it out with good help from friends and time!

[learningmama]

Love Dr. Sears books, as well! I'm sure there are several books somewhere out there related to multiples!

[Jen500]

As a first time mom (of twins) I thought the American Academy of Pediatrics' book Caring for Your Baby and Young Child was very helpful for an overview of ages and medical topics. I read some twins books, but didn't really find them helpful in a practical way. And IME she didn't miss any valuable info from anyone at the hospital. :tongue_smilie:

I would also suggest she look for a local twins club.

[Rose in BC]

Congratulations! I didn't have a book as an adoptive mom either. We still talk about the drive home when we were thinking, "Really? They are just going to let us leave and we have NO IDEA what to do??" I knew how to change a diaper and mix formula, but that was it. I can remember a friend coming to my house and asking me if I knew what to do with the umbilical cord. I had no idea! And then the friend that introduced me to gas drops. To her I am eternally thankful LOL.

 

I would make sure they have a great understanding pediatrician most of all. Especially with low weight concerns in the beginning.

 

So sorry ,I don't have a recommendation. Maybe she can just put you on speed dial?

 

I remember that feeling too. Leaving an office building with our newborn . . I kind of felt like we were stealing her . . . we have such wonderful memories of those first crazy days . . . almost surreal . . .even now and my dd is 15!

[Colleen in NS]

Congratulations! I didn't have a book as an adoptive mom either. We still talk about the drive home when we were thinking, "Really? They are just going to let us leave and we have NO IDEA what to do??" I knew how to change a diaper and mix formula, but that was it. I can remember a friend coming to my house and asking me if I knew what to do with the umbilical cord. I had no idea! And then the friend that introduced me to gas drops. To her I am eternally thankful LOL.

 

I would make sure they have a great understanding pediatrician most of all. Especially with low weight concerns in the beginning.

 

So sorry ,I don't have a recommendation. Maybe she can just put you on speed dial?

 

Oh boy, even as a Mom who gave birth, I still remember the feeling of "No!!! I can't leave this hospital! I have no idea how to do this!" lol I latched right onto my "What to Expect" and Babywise books.

 

She told me yesterday she found a highly recommended pediatrician, but can't get in to see him until some of the adoption papers are faxed? The babies are supposed to have a two-week checkup tomorrow or Monday, so her husband is going out somewhere to try and fax these papers today. I hope that all works out quickly. At least, as of last night, the babies were taking in quite a bit more formula in the previous 24 hours than they had been taking in before they got them (the foster mom, a nurse, kept meticulous records all week, so my sister is doing the same). And not spitting up. Apparently they didn't spit up all last week in foster care, either, which I think is a good thing. I just hope they can see a ped soon, so they can be weighed.

 

I wish I didn't live thousands of miles away from her. :( I told her to call anytime. I've been tentatively calling her every day (she says she doesn't mind). I am hoping we can go visit her soon.

 

I *really* like the Dr. Sears books, he's got several, including:

 

The Baby Book: Everything you need to know about your baby from birth to age 2 (This one is my fave and I used it a lot)

 

The Baby Sleep Book

 

The Attachment Parenting Book

 

The Portable Pediatrician: Everything You Need to Know About Your Child's Health

 

None of these are specific to twins though, so I'm no help in that area.

 

Thank you!

 

I didn't adopt a newborn as my first but as my last 2. My youngest one was such a crabby baby you would have thought it was our first rodeo! No advice except I like the "having you on speed dial". They will figure it out with good help from friends and time!

 

Yeah, they will. We did. And we did it without family helping, as she is now doing, too. They just don't really seem to have a super-close circle of friends right now, and four years ago she moved to the area where he was living, so she is newer, as I was when I first had babies. I was thinking that *at least* a book would be helpful, as it was to me. I love it when she calls, but a book for those middle-of-the night panics would be good. Although I did tell her she could call *anytime.*

 

I also posted a note on her Facebook wall, publicly asking her if she had any acquaintances who were going to be bringing meals to them over the next little while. That seemed to get some people going, and so now people are offering. She is VERY glad about that.

 

As a first time mom (of twins) I thought the American Academy of Pediatrics' book Caring for Your Baby and Young Child was very helpful for an overview of ages and medical topics. I read some twins books, but didn't really find them helpful in a practical way. And IME she didn't miss any valuable info from anyone at the hospital. :tongue_smilie:

I would also suggest she look for a local twins club.

 

Last week I did search online for her for a local twins club, and sent her a couple of links. She probably glazed right over it in her rush to finish up work, get some extra funds together (they didn't expect twins!!) within a week, sort a huge pile of stuff from TWO baby showers given last week, and washing 11 loads of laundry because of all the gifts, lol. But it's sitting there in her e-mail folder, to find later.

 

When I said hospital, I was thinking of my own experience of getting so much help from the nurses. I was in the hospital each time for 4-5 days (c-sections), so I observed a lot about how they cared for my babies. (I also had a nurse come visit me the day after my discharge, and for a few days/weeks afterwards whenever I needed it. But I realize the system is different here.)

 

I did look at that AAP book last night when I was searching online. Have you seen the "What to Expect the First Year" book? If so, how do you think it compares (I already ordered the WTEFY book, but would order another if it was significantly different, just so she has a couple of references)? I looked at the TOC, and it seems similar, but it's hard for me to tell without actually looking in the book.

 

Also, since you're a first-time Mom of twins, any advice for me? How can I best support her from thousands of miles away? Also, if we go visit them this summer - what was your life like when your twins were a couple of months old? I'd go with the mindset of helping (cooking, laundry, bottle-feeding while her husband is working, etc.), but I only know what two months is like with a singleton. And me still recovering from major surgery. Her life will be different in so many ways! And, her husband is returning to work after three weeks.

 

I remember that feeling too. Leaving an office building with our newborn . . I kind of felt like we were stealing her . . . we have such wonderful memories of those first crazy days . . . almost surreal . . .even now and my dd is 15!

 

:lol:

 

Oh, she did have a question for me that I didn't know the answer to, because I nursed my babies. Can you use plain boiled tap water to mix up formula? The foster Mom told her she boiled water and kept it at room temp. in a container. But my sister said she panicked in the middle of the night and sent her dh out to buy 8 gallons (gallons? not sure if she said gallons) of bottled water. She didn't feel comfortable with the boiled water, because it would be in a container that was not completely sealed (I guess one of those juice jugs that has a rotating cover to let the liquid flow out?). But I pointed out that once you open a bottled water bottle, it's the same idea - it's not completely sealed. Anyway, she said she just felt better getting the bottled water at that point, and I said "It's perfectly fine to give in to your middle-of-the-night panics and err on the side of caution!" :D But if she asks me again, what's the scientific logic about this? Is using boiled tap water, kept in jugs, OK for formula feeding these new babies?

[Tarreymere]

I *really* like the Dr. Sears books, he's got several, including:

 

The Baby Book: Everything you need to know about your baby from birth to age 2 (This one is my fave and I used it a lot)

 

The Baby Sleep Book

 

The Attachment Parenting Book

 

The Portable Pediatrician: Everything You Need to Know About Your Child's Health

 

None of these are specific to twins though, so I'm no help in that area.

 

 

:iagree: I love Dr Sears.

 

Congrats to your family!

[dsmama]

I found the Baby Whisperer books very helpful as an adoptive mom to an infant. The BW has a way to set a schedule and is supportive of bottle or breast feeding, and so it can be more inclusive to adoptive parents.

 

Congrats to your sister!

[Tarreymere]

I know a lot of bottle-feeding moms who do use bottled water just because it is more convenient to throw a few bottles of water into a diaper bad with a can of formula and just mix it all together when needed and just pick up more at any convenience store if you run out. I guess you could throw a container of boiled water in the diaper bag also. I am also thinking that the bottled water/boiled water thing is more of a precaution since our tap water supplies these days are at least a little bit safer than they were years ago.

 

I don't have any twins myself but I have a friend who did. She said that the worst part for her that she remembers (her twins are grown now) was that she was just starving for a decent meal for a long time after they were born since she had so little time for meal preparation in the first couple of years. Maybe that is something you could do for her long distance, order a nice meal delivery now and then over the first couple years. Most moms do get help with meals in the first few weeks, but with twins you really need help with meals for a lot longer, according to my friend. I imagine (with your sister's agreement of course) that if you have the means maybe giving her a gift of a day's housekeeping service from a service in her area would probably be appreciated.

[Colleen in NS]

I found the Baby Whisperer books very helpful as an adoptive mom to an infant. The BW has a way to set a schedule and is supportive of bottle or breast feeding, and so it can be more inclusive to adoptive parents.

 

Congrats to your sister!

 

Is it mostly about scheduling sleeping and feeding? I'm looking for a book about a wide range of aspects of baby care.

 

I know a lot of bottle-feeding moms who do use bottled water just because it is more convenient to throw a few bottles of water into a diaper bad with a can of formula and just mix it all together when needed and just pick up more at any convenience store if you run out. I guess you could throw a container of boiled water in the diaper bag also. I am also thinking that the bottled water/boiled water thing is more of a precaution since our tap water supplies these days are at least a little bit safer than they were years ago.

 

She is concerned about costs. But in her panic she had her dh go buy the bottled water, even though the nurse/foster Mom had used boiled tap water last week. So I'm just wondering about the science behind it, so I can explain it to her, in case she wants to go back to cost-saving boiled tap water if it's safe.

 

...she was just starving for a decent meal for a long time after they were born since she had so little time for meal preparation in the first couple of years. Maybe that is something you could do for her long distance, order a nice meal delivery now and then over the first couple years. Most moms do get help with meals in the first few weeks, but with twins you really need help with meals for a lot longer, according to my friend. I imagine (with your sister's agreement of course) that if you have the means maybe giving her a gift of a day's housekeeping service from a service in her area would probably be appreciated.

 

Thank you for the ideas. Unfortunately, I do not have the means to do this, and neither does she. It's good to hear, though, what I thought might be the case: that meals would be needed for far longer than the initial few weeks after the babies are born. With her permission, I might post again on her FB wall in a few weeks, asking if any of her local contacts can bring over some more meals. Or I might do what another of her friends did, and ask her for e-mail addresses of some of her local contacts, and send a nice e-mail describing her plight and asking for help? I'll have to ask my sister, though. Culturally, things are a little different where she lives than where I live. Oooo, and maybe if she contacts that twin club, she might find some Moms of older twins who would be able to help her out, too. I'll suggest that to her at some point.

 

I'm just so excited for her! She has waited for so long to be married and have children, and now both of her dreams have come true. She'll be 37 this summer. Did I mention they are boy/girl twins? Little cutie pies! And funnily, she's an Irish-American girl, married to a Bulgarian man, raising African-American babies! Too cool! (And I'm Irish-American, married to a Canadian, raising Canadians; and my brother was married to an Indonesian/Chinese girl, and is raising Indo-Chinese daughters! It's fun having an international extended family)

[Alicia64]

As a first time mom (of twins) I thought the American Academy of Pediatrics' book Caring for Your Baby and Young Child was very helpful for an overview of ages and medical topics. I read some twins books, but didn't really find them helpful in a practical way. And IME she didn't miss any valuable info from anyone at the hospital. :tongue_smilie:

I would also suggest she look for a local twins club.

 

:iagree: I was also a first time mom w/ twins. Let your sister know that twins are hard. Period. And it won't have anything to do w/ adopting vs. biological babies. I hope that if she finds twins difficult she'll know that she's officially in the twin's club.

 

Mine are 8 now and I'm deliriously happy w/ them.

 

It was the first 18 mo. for me that were really rough.

 

Alley

[wapiti]

As a first time mom (of twins) I thought the American Academy of Pediatrics' book Caring for Your Baby and Young Child was very helpful for an overview of ages and medical topics. I read some twins books, but didn't really find them helpful in a practical way. And IME she didn't miss any valuable info from anyone at the hospital. :tongue_smilie:

I would also suggest she look for a local twins club.

:iagree:

 

ETA: we used bottled water for a little while but then switched to tap water. Also: Costco for formula and diapers/wipes.

 

Were they full term (i.e., 37w or later)? For premies, there may be additional things to consider.

Edited June 23, 2011 by wapiti

[swellmomma]

I also vote for any of the Dr. Sears books. I have most of them and have referred back to them often since my first was born.

[Rose in BC]

We used boiled tap water. I think I made up enough bottles for the day in the morning and stored them in the fridge and then just warmed them up. Each day I made a new batch. (That seems like one hundred years ago :). Sometimes, during stressful times or vacation times, we bought the pre-mixed liquid stuff.

[Colleen in NS]

:iagree: I was also a first time mom w/ twins. Let your sister know that twins are hard. Period. And it won't have anything to do w/ adopting vs. biological babies. I hope that if she finds twins difficult she'll know that she's officially in the twin's club.

 

Mine are 8 now and I'm deliriously happy w/ them.

 

It was the first 18 mo. for me that were really rough.

 

Alley

 

:iagree:

 

ETA: we used bottled water for a little while but then switched to tap water. Also: Costco for formula and diapers/wipes.

 

Were they full term (i.e., 37w or later)? For premies, there may be additional things to consider.

 

Thanks! Since several people agreed with the AAP book, I looked at the TOC more closely. It looks like it is quite different than the "What to Expect" book - it has more specific common childhood medical issues info. in it, too. I told my sister about it, in case she wants to buy it.

 

She is looking into Costco for diapers and formula. Esp. formula. She said she bought enough formula for 4 days, and it cost $23!!!!!! :svengo::svengo: It was a brand name, though, that the foster Mom had recommended. Yikes. My sister is not going to be able to do that! She's really hoping to keep being a SAHM after her first three months of maternity leave and (I think) 9 months leave of absence from her job. So I think she's going to try pretty hard to get frugal. I think she said a friend of hers told her that the brand name (Enfamil?) has a generic cousin at Costco. But she also realizes she may have to test out different brands, in case of allergies.

 

I also vote for any of the Dr. Sears books. I have most of them and have referred back to them often since my first was born.

 

Thanks! I think I'm going to skip the Sears books - they all look like they are strongly AP, which I don't think she will be into to that extent.

 

We used boiled tap water. I think I made up enough bottles for the day in the morning and stored them in the fridge and then just warmed them up. Each day I made a new batch. (That seems like one hundred years ago :). Sometimes, during stressful times or vacation times, we bought the pre-mixed liquid stuff.

 

OK, I'll have to tell her that there are people using boiled tap water. Hopefully she'll feel better about that. :D

 

She was going to make up daily batches, but right now she is still trying to figure out how to make just enough that the babies content themselves fully, but not waste much formula at the end of each feeding. She also asked me if I knew if it was OK to reheat leftover formula and use it again in 2-3 hours? I'm thinking it's not, but I don't know. Do you know? Would it be dangerous because of bacteria growth? Or would reheating make the chemicals break down too much?

[OrdinaryTime]

Congratulations to your sister! How exciting!

 

No, do not reheat old formula. Bacteria can grow in it. Also, generic formula is fine, imho, as long as the babies are doing well. It's all regulated by the FDA.

[MeaganS]

Generic formula is totally fine. I actually bought a ton the other day on clearance for $3 each (for the big cans!). It was the best deal I've ever seen and I bought enough for the rest of the formula I'm going to need for my daughter. I've never boiled water, either. I just use plain tap water, and I've never had issues or anything

 

That AAP book is great! My pediatrician gave it to me at our first visit. I like it for sickness stuff and prefer the "What to Expect" book for generals.

 

A few tips: I would check Amazon for diapers, because lately they've had the best deals, plus they're delivered!

 

Congrats on becoming an Aunt!

[sbgrace]

It's been a while since my twins were newborns so I'll come back and read this thread after dinner to see if it reminds me of something to add.

 

Congratulations to all!! That's so exciting!

 

Twin newborns are hard. Does she have any help at all? Sleep is so tough with two. Often they don't sleep at the same time and that means, if there is one primary caregiver, that person doesn't get hardly any sleep. Our pediatrician had twins herself and she told me you need 5 uninterrupted hours to function. My husband and I really tried hard to make sure each of us got 5 hours though I was pumping and so it didn't work out. Your sister, if she has help, might be able to do that. Sleeping in the room with the babies helped too here.

 

Swaddling (special blankets for that--I saw a new one raved about here just recently--back when we used Miracle Blankets and I really loved them) helps many babies sleep.

 

Eating can be tough with small babies. One of mine was under 5 pounds at birth. Keeping him warm was actually tough and he wanted to sleep rather than eat. It was hard until he gained some weight. I drank those meal replacement shake things a lot because I just didn't have time to actually sit and eat when I was alone with them.

 

As my small baby "woke up" he become colicky. His twin was just a normal newborn. But there was a lot of crying. It's so hard when there is one parent at home and two infants. There is crying and that breaks mommy heart. That was the hardest thing for me. I used to moderate a twins board and I know that someone would cry while you helped the other baby really upset a lot of moms. Our pediatrician told us crying ramps up as you approach six weeks and then goes downward toward the 12 week mark if I remember. I guess I'm telling you this just because it and the sleep was the hardest thing for me so maybe if she mentions it you can support her or encourage her. It was, of course, easier when someone was with me. We used to tell moms who came on the forum upset that often it's survival for a while and that twins get fun around 4-6 months or so from the due date depending on the baby. It's often hard at first in other words but as they age--twins are so wonderful!

 

I liked Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child though I think it would be better a little older.

 

If someone (a parent? a friend with kids?) could come and help her some that would probably be the best thing for her. Someone else could hold a baby, let her sleep, and also give her confidence as she does this and that for the first time.

 

How very exciting!!

Edited June 23, 2011 by sbgrace

[mom4him]

No recommendations here but Congratulations Aunty!:party:

[ZooRho]

Congratulations! I didn't have a book as an adoptive mom either. We still talk about the drive home when we were thinking, "Really? They are just going to let us leave and we have NO IDEA what to do??" I knew how to change a diaper and mix formula, but that was it. I can remember a friend coming to my house and asking me if I knew what to do with the umbilical cord. I had no idea! And then the friend that introduced me to gas drops. To her I am eternally thankful LOL.

 

I would make sure they have a great understanding pediatrician most of all. Especially with low weight concerns in the beginning.

 

So sorry ,I don't have a recommendation. Maybe she can just put you on speed dial?

BWHAHAHAHAAHAHAH I think we felt this way too. We were at my mom's so that helped a tiny bit. AND that they were both 3months. I am so well it was hard not to have them those first months, but dang lots of things got worked out with them. It was nice to get kids with INSTUCTIONS. although those instructions only lasted a week or so.

 

I too had the what to expect book. Also tell her to trust her instincts. I do feel that God gave us parent knowledge with both our boys that we just knew that it was a right thing to do.

 

And tell her to enjoy the moments they go by too fast

[Oakblossoms]

I love DR Sears. She needs a moby and an Ergo. She can wear one and take care of the other.

 

Do they not have WIC there?

[Colleen in NS]

Were they full term (i.e., 37w or later)? For premies, there may be additional things to consider.

 

I forgot to answer this before - they were born at 38 weeks. Each a little over five pounds, but at a one week checkup, one of them had gone down to 4 something. I told her weight loss is normal in the first ten days or so, but she'd want to keep watch on it, esp. with below five pounds. I hope she is able to get to the dr. tomorrow with them. The good thing is, they are feeding better than previously, and they are having lots of wet diapers. And are awake and alert.

 

Congratulations to your sister! How exciting!

 

No, do not reheat old formula. Bacteria can grow in it. Also, generic formula is fine, imho, as long as the babies are doing well. It's all regulated by the FDA.

 

Thanks! I thought so. I'll tell her also about the FDA regulation (she is in the States).

 

Generic formula is totally fine. I actually bought a ton the other day on clearance for $3 each (for the big cans!). It was the best deal I've ever seen and I bought enough for the rest of the formula I'm going to need for my daughter. I've never boiled water, either. I just use plain tap water, and I've never had issues or anything

 

That AAP book is great! My pediatrician gave it to me at our first visit. I like it for sickness stuff and prefer the "What to Expect" book for generals.

 

A few tips: I would check Amazon for diapers, because lately they've had the best deals, plus they're delivered!

 

Congrats on becoming an Aunt!

 

OK, thanks for all this info.!!! And for the congrats. I'm excited! Hoping we can go meet them soon.

 

Is $3/can a good price? How many feedings do you get from that?

 

Oooo, and I'll mention the amazon diapers, too!

 

It's been a while since my twins were newborns so I'll come back and read this thread after dinner to see if it reminds me of something to add.

 

Congratulations to all!! That's so exciting!

 

Twin newborns are hard. Does she have any help at all? Sleep is so tough with two. Often they don't sleep at the same time and that means, if there is one primary caregiver, that person doesn't get hardly any sleep. Our pediatrician had twins herself and she told me you need 5 uninterrupted hours to function. My husband and I really tried hard to make sure each of us got 5 hours though I was pumping and so it didn't work out. Your sister, if she has help, might be able to do that. Sleeping in the room with the babies helped too here.

 

Her husband is home for three weeks. But after that, she is on her own. I did just e-mail her a link to a twin Moms' support club that is in her town. Their membership includes two weeks of meals provided by other members!! More than worth the $26 dues!! They also seem to offer coordinated visits by other members, for support? And they have monthly support meetings and outings. I mentioned to her that she might give them a call to see if someone could come visit her after her husband goes back to work, just so she can start connecting with other like-minded Moms.

 

I think they are working towards a regular feeding/sleeping routine, so that hopefully they will be sleeping for at least five hour stretches at night in a few more weeks. And trying to get them on the same routine.

 

Swaddling (special blankets for that--I saw a new one raved about here just recently--back when we used Miracle Blankets and I really loved them) helps many babies sleep.

 

I saw pics of them swaddled. I know this helped my babies, too. Only, the blankets didn't go up around their necks/back of head - just shoulders. I'm wondering if I should mention that they might be warmer/feel more comfy/sleep better if they just put the blanket up a little higher. I'm trying to figure out how much to say and what not to say. :D

 

Eating can be tough with small babies. One of mine was under 5 pounds at birth. Keeping him warm was actually tough and he wanted to sleep rather than eat. It was hard until he gained some weight.

 

I might mention this to her, too. My babies were 9 lb. plus, so we didn't have this issue at all! :lol: But I can see how trying to keep warm would cause a baby to just want to sleep instead of eat. Not a cycle to get into.

 

Our pediatrician told us crying ramps up as you approach six weeks and then goes downward toward the 12 week mark if I remember. I guess I'm telling you this just because it and the sleep was the hardest thing for me so maybe if she mentions it you can support her or encourage her.

 

Great! Thanks. It's weird that I have forgotten so many of these little aspects of babyhood! And thus, my wanting to buy her a book.

 

If someone (a parent? a friend with kids?) could come and help her some that would probably be the best thing for her. Someone else could hold a baby, let her sleep, and also give her confidence as she does this and that for the first time.

 

How very exciting!!

 

Well, his parents live in Bulgaria, my mother is having heart surgery next week, and I live really far away. Though I am hoping to go visit in a month or two. I'm hoping she will reach out to find some other twin Moms in her area.

 

No recommendations here but Congratulations Aunty!:party:

 

Thanks!

 

BWHAHAHAHAAHAHAH I think we felt this way too. We were at my mom's so that helped a tiny bit. AND that they were both 3months. I am so well it was hard not to have them those first months, but dang lots of things got worked out with them. It was nice to get kids with INSTUCTIONS. although those instructions only lasted a week or so.

 

She was a little worried about "trauma" - that they would be going through trauma as they came to live with her. But, she got them when they were 10 days old - they went from birth Mom in the hospital to foster Mom to my sister. I wonder how much trauma they would have had? I wouldn't think it would be very much.

 

Also tell her to trust her instincts. I do feel that God gave us parent knowledge with both our boys that we just knew that it was a right thing to do.

 

I do, too. And I think I told her that. Still, I remember it being really helpful to have a book to look things up in. I know she'll do a good job, though, with dealing with the unexpected. Just trying to help her get a confident start with small babies.

 

Do they not have WIC there?

 

For formula? Is that why you ask? I don't know....they probably do in her state. I can mention it. Although they might not qualify. But I will mention it, thanks!!

[ZooRho]

I

 

 

She was a little worried about "trauma" - that they would be going through trauma as they came to live with her. But, she got them when they were 10 days old - they went from birth Mom in the hospital to foster Mom to my sister. I wonder how much trauma they would have had? I wouldn't think it would be very much.

 

I don't think she will have to worry about trauma, I will say my oldest really had grief issues even as a 3month old. he would go into crying jags and the only thing that settled him was the lovey that the foster family gave him. He still has it. (check out the siggy :0) If they were in loving places that held them and loved on them they will be fine. mine was old enough that the foster family had given him a name to call him. We used that name and our name for him interchangeable in the begining. Usually calling him both names, DId it make a difference to him we'll never know but it made me feel that it was the right thing.

 

 

I do, too. And I think I told her that. Still, I remember it being really helpful to have a book to look things up in. I know she'll do a good job, though, with dealing with the unexpected. Just trying to help her get a confident start with small babies.

!

Oh yeah use a book I definately had a book, and friends, no internet back then. but she can also trust those mom feelings.

 

 

our boys are the best thing that ever happened to us

[Denisemomof4]

Hold, love, touch and nueture. Hold, love, touch and nurture as much as humanly possible. My adopted dd has serious issues that will likely plague her the rest of her life because she never fot this the first 14. Months so she learned not only not to trust adults but she learned she had to care for herself.

 

Those babies attached to their birthmom in utero. They knew her heartbeat, emotions and voice. Your sister has a wonderful opportunity to have them bond to her early on. She needs to do every form of attachment parenting NOW. It will be hard work with two but will make it soooooooooo worrh it. What a blessing!!!

[samba2nite]

As a mom to two sets of 2, what saved me was babywize. Keeping the twins on a schedule---I know I know---flame me.... but with multiples, a schedule is helpful for parents and the babies.

 

I got a lot of flack from moms that were horrifed I put my babies on schedules, but as I have always said, as a mom of multiples, we play by a different set of rules.

 

Congratulations!!!!

[Colleen in NS]

Oh yeah use a book I definately had a book, and friends, no internet back then. but she can also trust those mom feelings.

 

 

our boys are the best thing that ever happened to us

 

Thanks for the info. on trauma! I passed that on to her. I'm also guessing the Mom feelings are kicking in pretty quickly. She has wanted children for so long, and has always been good with kids.

 

Hold, love, touch and nueture. Hold, love, touch and nurture as much as humanly possible.

 

I'm sure she's getting a lot of this in right now! I think they are holding them a lot when they are awake in between feedings and naps. Who wouldn't. Wish I could be there to help with the snuggling. :D

 

As a mom to two sets of 2, what saved me was babywize. Keeping the twins on a schedule---I know I know---flame me.... but with multiples, a schedule is helpful for parents and the babies.

 

I got a lot of flack from moms that were horrifed I put my babies on schedules, but as I have always said, as a mom of multiples, we play by a different set of rules.

 

Congratulations!!!!

 

No flames from me! (and please, don't anyone start the Babywise debate here - I've read it a million times and lurkers can do a search for past threads if they want to know more) I (with my singletons) used Babywise, and it was a blessed relief for all of us, and we all thrived (babies grew well, babies were happy and rested after we got things established) by having a routine. I gave my sis a copy of it, and she likes it. So now I just wanted to know about other more daily-infant care type books.

 

TWO set of twins - WOW!! Cool!

[Strawberry Queen]

Congratulations Colleen! and Colleen's sister:)

 

I have twin nieces that are 4 months younger than my #2. I wasn't much help as I was trying to keep my head above water:) I think my sis-in-law found that the practical aspects were the hardest to keep under control. Having someone to push laundry through, hold babies, and make meals were the most helpful things. It was pretty tough for the first 2 years and she had two older dd's that were big enough to help (10 and 8).

 

My advice to new moms is to consider what habits you start. If you want to keep your baby happy by holding him all the time then don't be surprised that the baby wants to be held all the time a year later. I have no personal problems with holding babies but parents should be aware that choices have consequences. I know everything will be about just getting by for the first while and that's normal. I hope she has a wonderful time with her babies and remembers more than the feeding and trying to sleep.

 

Take care and let your sister know that we're praying for her.:D

[bookfiend]

An oldie but a goodie. It is the first in a series of books that follows the child through adolescence. What I really appreciate about them is that they just present the developmental information and leave the parenting decisions up to you. It is very different from Sears and others who espouse a certain parenting philosophy, typically the information is given from that perspective. I recall reading both Sears and Babywise simultaneously and they contradicted each other on several points.

 

These books are often available on Paperback Swap.

 

The First Twelve Months of Life: Your Baby's Growth Month by Month by Frank Caplan and Theresa Caplan

Edited June 24, 2011 by bookfiend

[Colleen in NS]

Congratulations Colleen! and Colleen's sister:)

 

I have twin nieces that are 4 months younger than my #2. I wasn't much help as I was trying to keep my head above water:) I think my sis-in-law found that the practical aspects were the hardest to keep under control. Having someone to push laundry through, hold babies, and make meals were the most helpful things. It was pretty tough for the first 2 years and she had two older dd's that were big enough to help (10 and 8).

 

My advice to new moms is to consider what habits you start. If you want to keep your baby happy by holding him all the time then don't be surprised that the baby wants to be held all the time a year later. I have no personal problems with holding babies but parents should be aware that choices have consequences. I know everything will be about just getting by for the first while and that's normal. I hope she has a wonderful time with her babies and remembers more than the feeding and trying to sleep.

 

Take care and let your sister know that we're praying for her.:D

 

Aw, she will appreciate hearing that. Thank you, SQ.

 

I talked with her this afternoon, after talking with a friend of mine who has twins. I pumped my friend with questions, and then passed on some info. to my sis. My sis said the babies slept for 3 hours, and then 2 hours, both at the same time, a couple of nights ago. And then after a mostly sleepless night last night, my sis was able to have a short nap to revive herself today. She was telling me about some things she is figuring out to do, to cope. I'm so happy for her.

 

What I really appreciate about them is that they just present the developmental information and leave the parenting decisions up to you.

 

Yes, this is along the lines of what I was looking for - thanks! Wish I'd asked here before I ordered the What to Expect book. Oh well, it's still a pretty good one - anything is better than nothing, and my sister was glad to hear it was on its way. I will also tell her about this one - thank you!

[Recovering Sociopath]

I *really* like the Dr. Sears books, he's got several, including:

 

The Baby Book: Everything you need to know about your baby from birth to age 2 (This one is my fave and I used it a lot)

 

The Baby Sleep Book

 

The Attachment Parenting Book

 

The Portable Pediatrician: Everything You Need to Know About Your Child's Health

 

None of these are specific to twins though, so I'm no help in that area.

 

:iagree: Dr. Sears is wonderful!

[Recovering Sociopath]

I love DR Sears. She needs a moby and an Ergo. She can wear one and take care of the other./QUOTE]

:iagree: Babywearing will save her sanity.

[Recovering Sociopath]

Another feeding option, not as expensive as formula, is Human Milk for Human Babies, and informal breastmilk sharing (meaning it's free!) network. If there is a momma with a stash in her freezer nearby, that will go a long way towards keeping those little darlings healthy and happy!

 

Not everyone is comfortable with milk sharing, of course, but I just thought I'd throw that option out there. In any case, congratulations to your sister! What a rich, rich blessing.

[Colleen in NS]

:iagree: Babywearing will save her sanity.

 

I don't think this will be her mothering style. But she is figuring out how to manage. Today, while her husband had to go out, she fed both of them at the same time, by setting them up in their carseats and holding bottles with both hands. The babies are getting plenty of cuddling time during feedings with both parents, and in between feeds and naps. I can't see her doing babywearing, esp. with her back problems.

 

Not everyone is comfortable with milk sharing, of course, but I just thought I'd throw that option out there. In any case, congratulations to your sister! What a rich, rich blessing.

 

Thank you for the congrats to her! She is VERY blessed. She has waited a long time for this.

 

Thanks for the milk suggestion. I am thinking, though, that this would be "way out there" for her.