Would you.....

[Pamela H in Texas]

If you had five (or more) very young children (mine are 5 under 5), would you take them all with you when you had to take one or two to the doctor, dentist, etc? Or would you leave some of them with an older sibling or a babysitter you trusted?

[Caitilin]

If I don't HAVE to take all of mine somewhere that involves sitting in a waiting room, I definitely don't, and wouldn't recommend it. IME&O, it's just a losing proposition for everyone.:001_smile:

[regentrude]

I only have two - and I would not even take the one sibling to Dr.'s appointments if I had an alternative. What good should that do? I could not focus on the child who is being treated, and the others would have an opportunity to pick up extra germs.

[Pink Fairy]

I had four under four at one point, and I tried like the dickens to avoid bringing them all to each other's doctor's appointments. Besides the inconvenience and chaos, I think it made us more likely to bring home some nasty virus.

[myfunnybunch]

I would if I had to, but only if there wasn't another alternative.

 

Cat

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks y'all.

 

Obviously I have a situation. I do NOT think that someone is an idiot for doing so, but I do think MOST people would not choose to do so for a variety of reasons.

 

We take our kids a LOT of places. They are wonderful going out to supper, for example. But I *really* hate the idea of having to take all five of them. I don't think it's fair to THEM. Seriously, the ones that need to go to the doctor (Thurs, the babies have an appointment) can get my individual attention and the ones that don't need to go could be having a good time at home, not being locked up in a tiny room with too many other people for no good reason.

 

Anyway, blah! Glad to see that at least so far, most people agree with me on the question.

[Barb_]

So let me get this straight...your agency thinks it's safer, better, whatever...to drag along five small children to the doctor than to leave them with your (legally adult) child? That is insane. What does the doctor think? Can s/he run interference for you?

 

Barb

[Mommyfaithe]

No, I wouldn't if I didn't have to. I like to be able to concentrate on what the doctor is doing and talking about. I like to be able to focus on the child who is being examined, especially if they are nervous or scared, getting an immunization, etc. If I have other children with me, I get too distracted.

Faithe

[kwickimom]

I take all mine everywhere. I cant see paying a sitter for something like that. They all come to my appointments too. I let the office know ahead of time and a nurse will usually watch them in the hall if I am getting an exam. My oldest 2 where at every prenatal appt for baby 3 :)

[petepie2]

I've taken all four of mine many times. Of course, if I can find someone to watch them, then I prefer that route. However, they all enjoy going! I have no family nearby, so my choices for childcare are limited....

[kchara]

I have, but if I don't have to, I don't. It's definitely not my first choice, although when my oldest two had teeth pulled on the same day, we were ALL there. Wasn't fun. Luckily, my DH has a job where we're able to arrange his schedule if I give him enough notice. Doesn't always work, though.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, we now have more issues...

 

First, the issue was that ANY babysitter can only babysit for up to four hours twice per month. Due to odd circumstances this month, we really need more. We have never needed to, before this month, leave them more than that. This week, I need more than that in order to take care of their needs. But that isn't allowed. So I cancelled an appointment today and tomorrow's and Wednesday's appointments are cancelled also. That leaves Thursday's....

 

So that was the first issue. That is agency related.

 

But now it's gotten even more complicated. The rule in Texas is that the babysitter is to be over 21 OR the caseworker must approve it. The three older children's caseworker have never met the children, me, or my daughter; but she repeatedly said that she could not allow an 18year old to be responsible for their care because of how they are (btw, these same children were denied being raised to a level higher than basic care just last week despite their behavior, medical, and developmental needs). Honestly, I would NEVER put any of them (I love them!) in harms way and I find it MUCH more problematic to leave them with someone other than my daughter (who is the 2nd most capable person of their care!). For example, my home's agency worker has proven able to be played by the 5 year old and she is completely incapable of controlling the 3 year old (definitely a challenge) for even a few minutes to interview him each month (to make sure he's happy here, being treated well, etc). We are not allowed to be with the children during this so I can't help him gain control of himself (or discipline if he chooses not to). But I'm supposed to leave them with her for a couple hours? Or if not her, possibly another agency worker, one I barely know, if I know them at all? I can't leave MY children not knowing the person and their ability to deal with my kiddos!

 

I'm just frustrated...really frustrated. Our car situation doesn't allow for me to take all five of them at this time. And I can't fix that situation until late September or October. But even once I *do* have that situation fixed, I don't want to drag five children to a dental appointment for one. Of course, school will help by that time. But....every summer, I am going to have this situation, I guess. And a dumb one at that.

 

As soon as my daughter turns 21, she plans to be licensed so she can help when necessary. She is more responsible and capable than most. I'd much rather leave these kiddos with her than any other person I know. Not to say there aren't those who could care for them, but I *know* she can AND I think there are benefits to them being in THEIR home with THEIR "big sister."

 

ETA: My hubby has been taking off once every other week, basically, to make this work. Though his boss is very supportive of us fostering, it is costing us at this point. We have gotten to the point that hubby has to be very careful about leaving work early or taking off for the rest of this year. And in this economy, he probably needs to be even more careful despite his boss' respect for what we're doing. My hubby also gets home pretty early which gives us some freedom, but for example, I have an appointment at 2:45 tomorrow afternoon and hubby won't be home til 3. A therapist will also be at the home during that time. But my daughter can't watch them even that long which is nuts...again, decided by someone who has never met any of the children or adults involved.

 

ETA2: Thanks for letting me vent. I'm pretty frustrated this evening as it looks like I'm going to have to ask them to put the youngest two in another home afterall (we originally were going to have them only two weeks and I think we're going to have to go back to that in order that their needs, as well as my preschoolers' needs are able to be met). I had said we weren't going to take any more kids this summer because of the car situation and I should have stuck to that; I just didn't know about the additional requirements as no one told me....now the babies have to pay the price :(

 

Thanks again for letting me vent.

Edited June 21, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[mom4him]

If you had five (or more) very young children (mine are 5 under 5), would you take them all with you when you had to take one or two to the doctor, dentist, etc? Or would you leave some of them with an older sibling or a babysitter you trusted?

I did at one time have 5 foster children in our home 5 and under. One was in a wheel chair with a body cast and one was 6-7 months old. Yes, I took them ALL to a lot of appointments. It really did depend on what it was. Two of the children had play therapy a couple of times a week and I always took all of them. It was an hr appointment and there were things in the waiting room to entertain them. At times I could get my daughter in law to watch them. Other times my oldest daughter watched them but DSS NEVER paid for day care in those cases. I was told that was what I was getting the monthly check for. ????

 

It is a lot of work, a lot of stress, but can be very rewarding. Two of those five are the ones that we were eventually allowed to adopt. Well worth all the other stuff.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks Sandy.

 

We also have a LOT of appointments. We have 60 regular ones (they come to us!) and will be adding physical therapy for two kiddos (will be here eventually but we may have to go to Children's temporarily for the one kiddo). Then add doctors, specialists, CASA, GALs, caseworkers, agency workers, etc. I totally think it is worth it most of the time. On a day to day basis, we love love love having so many children and have even thought of having more one day.

 

And in the fall, this wouldn't be an issue most of the time because we have school to help with "babysitting" the three older ones. And I will have a big enough vehicle then anyway. But this summer is a problem. A big problem.

[lmrich]

I Hate taking the kids to the dr. they are more likely to pick up a bug there.

[Tarreymere]

Trying to find a sitter usually meant I got stuck watching HER kids when she had somewhere to go...ugh....plus it was also too much trouble to drive over to her house and drop them off and pick them up. "Her" usually being one of my adult daughters.

 

My kids and my two little grandkids who live with me listen pretty well and I don't have much trouble taking them places. The trick is to know their limits and to make sure everyone has eaten, drunk, and used the potty before you go and that no one will be missing a nap. I also tend to have some peanut butter crackers or other snack on hand if someone does get cranky from being hungry, and some short stories to read and that kind of thing. I do get some funny looks, but really the kids are quiet and behaved so why not?

[sewingmama]

Not if I had a choice but I usually don't so I do take my three everywhere. I had to take my 1yo to the doctor and we sat in the crowded waiting room for over an hour. It's winter here so you can guess why most people were there. A few days later my DD has a stomach virus and I and the baby have nasty colds :glare:

 

So I avoid it when I can.

 

When I do have to take them I bribe. You will often see my 3 sitting lined up against the wall sucking a lollipop :)

[ndseward]

I really try not to take my four with me when I have to take one to the doctor, but it has definitely happened more than I would have liked.

It sounds like in your situation you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think it is completely unreasonable for your 18 year old (adult!) daughter to not be "allowed" to take care of the children. That is crazy. It sounds like another rule in our legal system that only hurts the people who doing everything right rather than the ones who are always causing trouble.

I hope you are able to get things worked out. I truly admire you and your husband for what you are doing for the kids!

[twoforjoy]

Not if I could help it. For my own appointments, I try to schedule them so DH can be home for them whenever possible, because I don't even like bringing the two.

 

I do bring my two to the doctor's together when one of them has an appointment most of the time, but with five, I'd definitely prefer to have somebody else watch them.

[Denisemomof4]

I always brought all of my kids with me everywhere. Now I only have the two girls I tote around. :sad:

 

I must have missed something. You have five new additions? FIVE??!!!:bigear:

 

It's good to see you here!!!

[BamaTanya]

Is it possible for your dd to accompany you on the appts to watch the dc? I may not be fully understanding your transportation situation. Is there ANY way to get everyone there (2 cars)?

Sorry for your frustration.

[silliness7]

If you had five (or more) very young children (mine are 5 under 5), would you take them all with you when you had to take one or two to the doctor, dentist, etc? Or would you leave some of them with an older sibling or a babysitter you trusted?

 

Not if I could help it. But when I had 5 (7 and under) I *couldn't* help it. They all had to come. It was a chore but there was nothing to be done about it. I now leave them with an older sibling. Live-in babysitters are sooooo dreamy. :D

[happypamama]

I don't necessarily like to have to take all of them if only one needs the appointment, but I also really don't have a choice (no sitters, can't afford a sitter even if we had one nearby, no family nearby, DH works long hours and far away), so they all come everywhere with me. For an emergency or a really major sort of appointment (I mean like specialist sort of thing), DH would take off work, or I'd try to work something out with one of the other co-op moms, but for regular appointments, those aren't feasible options. The dentist is actually really easy, since they put all three in chairs next to each other, each with his/her own hygienist, so it's very simple (and fast). But with 5 under 5, that would be harder. I'm sorry they are making it so hard for you! Can you bring one of your older children along to help with the little ones?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks y'all.

 

I was just so frustrated because what we were told originally versus what is the case is so different. We never would have taken in five at this time had it not seemed do-able 100%.

 

I will have to decide whether I'm willing to leave them with agency workers (since I don't have a car big enough to transport at this time) or if I just need to let them put the babies in another home (if they don't go to a family member next week) and not take another set of kids until the car situation is fixed. And then I'll have to take them all when school is not in session to babysit for me (the 3, 4, and 5 year olds are all going to be in school this fall).

 

I'd rather not take all the kids to appointments but I certainly am capable.

 

And one of my big kids will accompany me most of the time (as they do now).

 

Thanks again for letting me vent. It's really the CHANGE in rules that is the problem. Just frustrating....

[BlsdMama]

If you had five (or more) very young children (mine are 5 under 5), would you take them all with you when you had to take one or two to the doctor, dentist, etc? Or would you leave some of them with an older sibling or a babysitter you trusted?

 

Generally speaking a pediatrician being a child doctor and good with kids ;) can cope with many littles. Our former pediatrician (we miss her very much) was the mother of eight. We scheduled all of the children's annual physicals all at the same time.

 

It is rare for me to not take all the children to a pediatric appointment. Now, if we're talking about something long & drawn out or intensive (such as can be for a serious medical issue, etc) then no, I don't take all of them because I would need total concentration more than just "mmhmm" to their age appropriate questionaire.