busymama7 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 My 14 year old son has been having an attitude with family read aloud time. He comes and listens, but whines if I start another chapter, asks me not too etc. We have been trying to finish the current book before my daughter leaves for camp tommorrow so yesterday after church I called for reading time(we normally only read on school afternoons, right after lunch). He complained and said he wanted to nap(he is growing like crazy right now so I understand). I didnt want to make an issue of it and have a negative association with what has been one of our favorite times together. He slept, we read. I asked him to catch up this morning and he did so we could finish this afternoon. He wasnt excited about me making him do so, but didnt complain really either. This is the first time I have read aloud with someone missing and it really bummed me out. But I really didnt want to fight him. He also didnt want to play a game with us last night(Settlers of Catan) but when I asked him if he please would, he did. I know some of this is normal, but it just makes me so sad! I want us to enjoy family time together. Part of it is also that he doesnt love the book, although the rest of us a really liking it(Just David) and the game is not a favorite either. The last book was Little Britches and he did everything in his power to get me to keep reading, including doing extra chores so I would have time to read more.:) So, maybe it is just the book. Basically I guess Im asking if there is a time when teens grow out of being read to? I really, really dont want that to be true! I have 7 children ages 1 to 14. Should I split them and cater different books to 2 groups? Everyone except the 1 and 3 year old are listening right now since its during nap time. That is the best time to read since the house is quiet. I do read picture books to the youngers at other times. It seems as if I was reading to the "older" kids my youngers would likely gather and listen anyways. I do try to mix up the books as far as topic, length, boy/girl main character etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I don't make my 12yo (nearly 13) participate in read aloud time because he no longer enjoys it. He does like reading aloud to his little brothers but doesn't like being read to so much anymore. That's okay with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I see. With the age spread you have that doesnt surprise me too much. But I have 14, almost 13, 11, 9 and 5 and I dont pick books with the 5 year old in mind. Shes there by default. The books really are/should be of interest to the older ones. And as an aside, I think one of the best things of having older and younger kids is them reading to each other. it is so, so sweet! My 12 year old daughter brought home Superfudge from the library this week just for fun and when i saw it I asked me 11 year old if he had read them. He said my oldest had read the whole series to him when he was about 6.:D He was a late reader too, so my oldest would want him to be able to enjoy certain books so would read them to him. This same 11 year was found in bed last week with the 3 year old and a huge stack of Curious George/Berstain Bears and Dr Suess! Love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Our teens (17 & almost 15) are allowed to choose as much as possible about family activities. For me, it would defeat the purpose if they ate forced and then felt hostile. It is sad. I always feel a little deflated when one or both opt out. I hope in the grander scheme, it is building a stronger, longer relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 This thread makes me sad! I guess I was under the illusion that my kids would NEVER tire of this! Reading together is one of my favorite parts of the day! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I don't really have much to say other than the fact that I still miss my mum reading aloud. I used to love it.:001_smile: My parents would divide and conquer and one would read to me and the other two my two younger siblings once we were older (we weren't homeschooled so read-a-louds were in the evening). I think it might just be the book. Maybe offer to have him choose the next one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Maybe I'm odd, but if my parents had wanted me to participate in "read-aloud" time at 14 yo, I think I would have looked sideways at them. And rebelled. Hard. (And I was not a rebellious teen.) I was devouring books by the fourth grade, and so for me, reading was a very personal thing. I enjoyed it immensely, but I would not have liked being forced to share that with others. I enjoyed read-aloud stories when I was in elementary school, but by middle school, nope. That would have just been weird for me. My reactions and emotions to the stories I read were personal, like when I cried reading "Where the Red Ferm Grows" in fifth grade. Maybe your ds is trying to establish new boundaries. Teens start to distance themselves in myriad ways because they are becoming independent adults. They don't just outgrow "kid" things overnight. They do it in increments, and maybe this is his way of saying to give him a bit more space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Good point, Aelwydd. I read voraciously and didn't (still don't) have the patience for reading aloud. I needed to be able to lose myself in my books and being read to wasn't conducive to getting lost in a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 My teenage son has been "excused" from family-time activities since he was about 12 years old. The one exception is church attendance and sit down dinner with extended family (the latter happens rarely). It does make me sad that he doesn't wish to participate, but on the other hand I don't want to breed resentment or fight battles that might not be important in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I would have hated read alouds too, way before 14yo. My son has not done a single read-aloud since the age of 7 or 8. He's a faster reader without me ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 OP, it sounds like he enjoyed a previous read aloud, right? What about just allowing him to decide if he wants to participate in the current read aloud and take it book by book? If you miss having him around, ask him to pick a book once in awhile. I would have been baffled at being asked to join in a family read aloud session at any age past 6, but that's because my family never did them. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 We still do read-alouds, it's one of ds's favorite activities. However, as an only the book is picked with him in mind. He's also a slow reader. I usually rotate fun books with deeper titles. So it is possible for a teen to like to be read to. Have you considered asking him to read to the others? I would probably give him an option to participate with each book. I see RA time as a bonding activity, not something to grumble through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you everyone for your thoughts! I was surprised at how many said they didnt do read alouds anymore after such a young age. My older kids have always enjoyed it. And we do lots of audio books too, especially in the car. Today I just announced it was time to read aloud and all came. He knew we were trying to finish it before his sister left. After the first chapter he fussed about going on(there were 2 more chapters) and I gave him the option of leaving. But if he stayed he couldnt complain. he stayed. And discussed the book with us after. So who knows? I am considering doing an older read aloud before bed and keeping the after lunch one for the middle kids. My good friend who I really respect(is on the school board, very active PS parent) still reads aloud every night to her kids, ages 11-17. I really didnt think it strange. It did bring up some thoughts about how to handle teens. i dont want to fight them and cause rebellion etc. But I also dont want to raise teens with little respect for those around them, who hide out in their rooms or have ear buds in their ears 24/7. its a hard line for sure and one we are still figuring out. Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Good point, Aelwydd. I read voraciously and didn't (still don't) have the patience for reading aloud. I needed to be able to lose myself in my books and being read to wasn't conducive to getting lost in a book. I feel exactly the same. I haven't had any patience for read-alouds since I was 8 and snuck The Hobbit away from my mom to finish it on my own much faster than she could read it. So I'm kind of amazed that a 14yo is still doing it! That's very nice for your family, but I wouldn't force it; what you did today sounds perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 My heart broke when it happened here, also. But I did continue reading during school time because it was either read aloud time, or do some other schoolwork. A nap wasn't the other option because it was definitely a part of school. I also did get attitude about it and did change my choices around it. We all struggled through the last book I read to them, last year- they were 14 and 15- and there was negativity- then by halfway through the book- it took that long- we were all hooked. But some other books I did drop along the way. However...now that my kids are at school/college, neither of them reads voluntarily. Reading aloud to them, and getting them to enjoy reading themselves, was really one of the most wonderful parts of parenting for me, and a major part of our homeschooling journey. I am bummed that they don't read, and can only hope that it is something that comes back to them later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you everyone for your thoughts! I was surprised at how many said they didnt do read alouds anymore after such a young age. My older kids have always enjoyed it. And we do lots of audio books too, especially in the car.[/Quote] Yeah, it was surprising to me that your family does so with a teen. None of my friends' families, either at ps or at church, did read alouds like that as teens. Anecdotal, for sure. I just figured that most teens had outgrown appreciation for that sort of thing. Huh. It did bring up some thoughts about how to handle teens. i dont want to fight them and cause rebellion etc. But I also dont want to raise teens with little respect for those around them, who hide out in their rooms or have ear buds in their ears 24/7. its a hard line for sure and one we are still figuring out. You don't seem like you are pushing this really hard either, but taking your ds' interests and feelings into consideration. I think you'll definitely find a good balance that respects everybody. I don't think it's an either/or situation though. Where, if he decided that he just doesn't want to do read-aloud anymore, because it seems too "elementary," for want of a better term, doesn't mean the alternative is being locked in his room listening to music. That certainly wasn't me! (If I was holed up in my room, it was because I was reading a book, and didn't want to be interrupted. :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Would he like to be the one doing the reading? He picks and reads to the others? Sort of passing the reading mantle onto him. Or would that intimidate or irritate him? If he doesn't want to read, and if he doesn't want to pick the books, or if he doesn't want to listen, I guess I'd tell him that he's welcome to listen if he wants to, but no whining. He is free to go when he's done listening and can catch up before the next reading, if he wants to. It might be time for him to not be a part of story time as part of his growing up. You might request that during read time he reads his own books in a nearby room, and isn't holed up alone with the earbuds or computer. But secretly, I'd have myself a good cry over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 But secretly, I'd have myself a good cry over it. Thank you for that! I appreciate you understanding that this is a hard transition. I feel like Im starting all over again in the parenting department with teenagehood. This is new territory for sure. Tonight while I was telling my husband about the book at dinner(it really has become a very favorite book for me, I LOVED it) he chimed in several times with details and such. He didnt LOVE it as much as I did, but it didnt seem like he really hated it either. I think he just would rather be doing something else(like reading a book of his own choosing, or texting etc) Thats where Im trying to figure out if I will require him to participate or not. Interesting that when given the choice he stayed though. I am trying to be hurt by so many posters making it sound as if Im doing something wrong, calling it juvenille and "story time". Its not like that at all. I choose high quality literature and read with feeling and emotion. My kids really like to listen to me read, and even I as an adult like audio books, so I just dont see how its different. One of the next books I was going to do was Great Expectations. Its not as if the books are beneath him. Its family bonding and a chance to expose them to Literature that they might not choose on their own. That is the reason I hesitate to allow him to choose the books. Tonight even, he suggested I read Fablehaven aloud. I probably wont because they all choose to devour those types of books on their own time. This is my time, which I use for other purposes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I believe I would excuse a teenager from readaloud tme if he is not interested in the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 What if you ask him to help pick the next book, maybe ask his opinion of a couple, to show respect for his opinion? It might make him feel like you see him as more mature, and therefore more willing to participate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Today I just announced it was time to read aloud and all came. He knew we were trying to finish it before his sister left. After the first chapter he fussed about going on(there were 2 more chapters) and I gave him the option of leaving. But if he stayed he couldnt complain. he stayed. And discussed the book with us after. So who knows? See, this is good, because it takes away the power struggle. He probaby enjoys the time together, but also feels like he is too old according to societal standards. It is so hard to find that balance at that age. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I am trying to be hurt by so many posters making it sound as if Im doing something wrong, calling it juvenille and "story time". Its not like that at all. I choose high quality literature and read with feeling and emotion. My kids really like to listen to me read, and even I as an adult like audio books, so I just dont see how its different. I'm not trying to say that you're doing something wrong, and I don't think it is different. I can't listen to audiobooks either! I'm just saying what my experience was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Can he do something with his hands while you're reading? If he could work on a hobby in the vicinity he might feel more positive about the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I am trying to be hurt by so many posters making it sound as if Im doing something wrong, calling it juvenille and "story time". Its not like that at all. I choose high quality literature and read with feeling and emotion. My kids really like to listen to me read, and even I as an adult like audio books, so I just dont see how its different. One of the next books I was going to do was Great Expectations. Its not as if the books are beneath him. Its family bonding and a chance to expose them to Literature that they might not choose on their own. That is the reason I hesitate to allow him to choose the books. I'm sorry! I'm blunt, I know, but I didn't mean to offend. Your read-aloud time sounds like going to a book signing, when the author reads his or her work aloud to an audience. Very enriching, and not juvenile at all. You'll have to forgive me for my earlier confusion and hesitation. My parents, while having many positive attributes, are not and never were big readers. So, having them read aloud to my 14 year old self would have seemed annoying and insulting, because neither one would have picked high literature, or even read at my level. They would doubtlessly have picked something that would have bored me to tears. Your kids are lucky to have a mom who is such a great reader. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you everyone for your thoughts! I was surprised at how many said they didnt do read alouds anymore after such a young age. My older kids have always enjoyed it. And we do lots of audio books too, especially in the car. Today I just announced it was time to read aloud and all came. He knew we were trying to finish it before his sister left. After the first chapter he fussed about going on(there were 2 more chapters) and I gave him the option of leaving. But if he stayed he couldnt complain. he stayed. And discussed the book with us after. So who knows? I am considering doing an older read aloud before bed and keeping the after lunch one for the middle kids. My good friend who I really respect(is on the school board, very active PS parent) still reads aloud every night to her kids, ages 11-17. I really didnt think it strange. It did bring up some thoughts about how to handle teens. i dont want to fight them and cause rebellion etc. But I also dont want to raise teens with little respect for those around them, who hide out in their rooms or have ear buds in their ears 24/7. its a hard line for sure and one we are still figuring out. Thanks again! I think it's fine to require that families read aloud together. So what if the book isn't his favorite. And I do not think he'll be scarred for life by being forced to listen to a high-quality story with his family for a short time each day, nor do I think such time is a breeding ground for rebellion. I still read to my 14yo, and will do so until she's no longer under my roof. It's a warm, snuggly, happy time for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 We read aloud a lot here, and my olders still love it. My oldest is severely dyslexic, and although he reads to himself as well, it's much less laborious to listen.;) We also read tons of action/science fiction-type stuff. My oldest DD loves that type of book as well, so it all works out. Maybe it's the book, maybe he's just tired. Here, I read specifically to the older two, without the littles, also. I think DS would feel differently about it if every book I read included the 3 and 4 y.o. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Can he do something with his hands while you're reading? If he could work on a hobby in the vicinity he might feel more positive about the time. Yes, he can! And all the other kids choose to draw, knit or build legos or anything quiet. He doesnt, I dont know why. Maybe next week when it doesnt seem connected to this instance, I will ask him if there is something he's like to learn that would work well at reading time. Any suggestions? Girls are easier, although he was the first one to learn to knit when I was learning and he knit a scarf for my mom for christmas, in less than a week, for his very first project. He did a few other smaller things, but hasnt really wanted to since(3 or so years). I dont know what else might work for him. Thanks for the reminder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 I'm sorry! I'm blunt, I know, but I didn't mean to offend. Your read-aloud time sounds like going to a book signing, when the author reads his or her work aloud to an audience. Very enriching, and not juvenile at all. You'll have to forgive me for my earlier confusion and hesitation. My parents, while having many positive attributes, are not and never were big readers. So, having them read aloud to my 14 year old self would have seemed annoying and insulting, because neither one would have picked high literature, or even read at my level. They would doubtlessly have picked something that would have bored me to tears. Your kids are lucky to have a mom who is such a great reader. Aww, thanks! Its okay. There is just a lot of emotion tied up in this for me. I dont want to let it go:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you for that! I appreciate you understanding that this is a hard transition. I feel like Im starting all over again in the parenting department with teenagehood. This is new territory for sure. Tonight while I was telling my husband about the book at dinner(it really has become a very favorite book for me, I LOVED it) he chimed in several times with details and such. He didnt LOVE it as much as I did, but it didnt seem like he really hated it either. I think he just would rather be doing something else(like reading a book of his own choosing, or texting etc) Thats where Im trying to figure out if I will require him to participate or not. Interesting that when given the choice he stayed though. I am trying to be hurt by so many posters making it sound as if Im doing something wrong, calling it juvenille and "story time". Its not like that at all. I choose high quality literature and read with feeling and emotion. My kids really like to listen to me read, and even I as an adult like audio books, so I just dont see how its different. One of the next books I was going to do was Great Expectations. Its not as if the books are beneath him. Its family bonding and a chance to expose them to Literature that they might not choose on their own. That is the reason I hesitate to allow him to choose the books. Tonight even, he suggested I read Fablehaven aloud. I probably wont because they all choose to devour those types of books on their own time. This is my time, which I use for other purposes. Don't feel bad! It's not juvenile and many families continue to read to their teens. I sure hope to be reading to my kids until they leave home. Reading together is the heart of our homeschool and what brings us all together and there are many, many people who do it. I can see where it would be alien to someone who has not experienced that, but for those of us that have, it couldn't be more normal. It's a great way to bond together as a family and reading to your child above their reading level has benefits as well. I think the way you handled it the other day -- allowing him to leave if he wanted to -- was perfect. And he chose to stay! I agree with asking him for input on your next read-aloud. If you want to select books that he wouldn't read on his own, maybe you could pick a few and let him choose from those. Clearly, if he was so engaged in the last book you read, it is unlikely he has "outgrown" this time with you. It just may not have been his favorite book. Another thought is that maybe you could have him do some of the reading. If he's feeling at all like he's too old to be doing this with his siblings, it might make him feel more grown up to be the reader. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Yes, he can! And all the other kids choose to draw, knit or build legos or anything quiet. He doesnt, I dont know why. Maybe next week when it doesnt seem connected to this instance, I will ask him if there is something he's like to learn that would work well at reading time. Any suggestions? Girls are easier, although he was the first one to learn to knit when I was learning and he knit a scarf for my mom for christmas, in less than a week, for his very first project. He did a few other smaller things, but hasnt really wanted to since(3 or so years). I dont know what else might work for him. Thanks for the reminder. One thought is to consider his hands-activity as an official contribution to his education. Sometimes in kids need to feel Really Official about something to work at it in a detailed way. On the other hand, some people might prefer the Relaxing, Purely-for-Fun Hobby approach. Just off the top of my head: Drawing Painting Sculpture Whittling (with gloves on) (Boys do love to work with a knife . . . ) Assembling/painting models of some sort Scrapbooking Origami Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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