sheryl Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Recently I organized a field trip to our local Christian radio station. We went this morning and we just got home. We met the on-air personalities in the studio, met with many more people and all had a good time. One of the younger Moms approached me with her 5 kids. She is pretty and so sweet. Maybe it was the top she was wearing and the position of bending over, but I asked pointing to her belly, "what's this?" The inference meaning a pregnancy. She answered, "oh no, not pregnant, or no baby" something like that. I FELT SO TERRIBLE! I apologized! I don't know what to do about this. She has a FANTASTIC figure....I'm telling you it was just the top and her bending over a little that revealed a little tummy. I'm overweight, she is not. When my dh and I were hiking in northern MI years ago (when we lived there) we were ascending and so hunched over a bit. Someone on the descent said, "when are you expecting?" That was 20 years ago and I felt so defeated. I'm constantly in need to watch food intake and keep my activity/exercise up, etc. "T" was so kind to me. Now this was UN intentional, but can still hurt. What can I say to her? I told her the same thing happened to me, but still. My heart is aching over this. I just do NOT ask women for this very reason, but she "did" "LOOK" prego. HELP? I'm beating myself up over this and don't know what to do. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Call her up and invite her to go to the park or something with the kids or just go out for coffee. Even though you are embarrassed.... It's easier to forgive a friend for sticking her foot in her mouth than to forgive someone you hardly know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Somebody said this to me three months after my 4th dc (it got harder and harder for me to lose the baby weight after my 3rd.) I laughed it off because I know she meant no malice and was obviously sorry she said anything. Hopefully she'll feel the same way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Call or e-mail her and apologize. She might be home agonizing over this and be so relieved to hear from you. Tell her everything you told us. Even if it feels a little awkward, you'll be doing the right thing. Plus, you can put it behind you and forget about it. You won't have to feel embarrassed to see this woman again because you'll have apologized and set the record straight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Someone once asked me when I was due. DD was small and I'm overweight. I just snickered and said oh, I'm not pregnant, just fat. Some people just let it roll off them. She may not be as devastated as you think. I'd still invite her out for coffee or a playdate and make friends. then you can laugh about it down the line when you're friends. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 I'll talk with her again. I did apologize 2 or 3 times to her face. She was so calm and peaceful about it that I know she's OK, but it can still hurt. As I said, I'm obviously bigger than she is, but you can tell it's overweight on me and not being prego. As I said she has a fine figure and just a little bulge in front so it truly looked like a baby pouch. I'll wait a couple of days and talk with her again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) This has happened to me before (a couple of times, actually). It happens but I am sure the people that have asked me were more careful the next time with the next woman. The only time it made me super uncormfortable is when the woman came back to me in the store to repeat her apology. She just could not let it go and kept reminding me of her mistake. I understand that she felt bad but it did not make me feel better to hear about it again and again. If your apology was geniune I would suggest you let it go and try to relate to her as if she forgave you. Eta: I am one of those people that has let it roll off my back as long as the person dosen't keep reminding me of it. If you think she is hurting still then my response might be different. Edited June 2, 2011 by Once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Did you explain it to her when it happened? If you apologized then, and she accepted your apology and seemed ok, then I would let it go. Not everyone would be horribly bothered by this (I wouldn't) so if she says she's ok (and looks like she's telling the truth) then take her at her word. Maybe this is a chance for you to also let go of beating yourself up over what happened to you 20 yrs ago. :grouphug: Sometimes people just step in it, and now you know from first hand experience that these types of assumptions and mishaps can happen for the funniest of reasons, and don't always mean more than just a person being confused by a trick of light or some such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Someone once asked me when I was due while I was in a hospital elevator holding my newborn daughter. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Someone once asked me when I was due while I was in a hospital elevator holding my newborn daughter. :lol: Oh Michelle, you are funny......:lol: Like I said I wasn't even prego and someone asked me years ago!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 That happened to me before. :glare: It has been several years, but I still remember. For me, apologizing again after the fact would not help. The apology given then would be enough. I like what Ma Ingalls said. "Least said, soonest mended." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Someone once asked me when I was due while I was in a hospital elevator holding my newborn daughter. :lol: My first was born in hospital and when she was just hours old I was sitting with her outside my room, holding the baby and visiting with my brother and his family. The man whose wife was sharing a room with me came up to congratulate me then nodded at the baby and asked if I was having twins. Yep, here I am taking a break from labour before I go in to push out the other one. Er... no, dude... it doesn't quite work that way! (We all thought it was quite funny and got a good laugh out of it after the fact.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Recently I organized a field trip to our local Christian radio station. We went this morning and we just got home. We met the on-air personalities in the studio, met with many more people and all had a good time. One of the younger Moms approached me with her 5 kids. She is pretty and so sweet. Maybe it was the top she was wearing and the position of bending over, but I asked pointing to her belly, "what's this?" The inference meaning a pregnancy. She answered, "oh no, not pregnant, or no baby" something like that. I FELT SO TERRIBLE! I apologized! I don't know what to do about this. She has a FANTASTIC figure....I'm telling you it was just the top and her bending over a little that revealed a little tummy. I'm overweight, she is not. When my dh and I were hiking in northern MI years ago (when we lived there) we were ascending and so hunched over a bit. Someone on the descent said, "when are you expecting?" That was 20 years ago and I felt so defeated. I'm constantly in need to watch food intake and keep my activity/exercise up, etc. "T" was so kind to me. Now this was UN intentional, but can still hurt. What can I say to her? I told her the same thing happened to me, but still. My heart is aching over this. I just do NOT ask women for this very reason, but she "did" "LOOK" prego. HELP? I'm beating myself up over this and don't know what to do. :confused: :grouphug: I'm not saying this about you directly, but I know I've thought, "I would never say or do (fill in the blank) and then been stunned by a situation like this. Sometimes humbling things like this happen to teach us that we all make a faux pas now and then. I used to judge others so harshly and it's not that people aren't sometimes thoughtless or rude. It's that sometimes I do and say things that make me wonder if I'd planned to put my brain in gear first. Not knowing this woman, I can't say for sure, but if you sincerely apologized and she accepted it, you might want to move on. If you can get together with her again, see how she is doing. She might not be as bothered or laughing that she can't believe anyone thought she was pregnant, if she really is in shape. Or she might be bothered, and one more apology might not hurt. But after that, let it go. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missiemick Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I would drop it -- you already apologized. IF she did get her feelings hurt, she might just be wanting to put it all behind her and bringing it up again might just rub salt in the wound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 She may have brushed it off, but a note or email would be fine if you still feel bad. I've had a roundish belly my whole life, even when I was extremely thin because of health problems. So I can't count how many times I've been asked that, even though at my age I could easily be a grandma several times over. Someone who hadn't seen me in several years asked me that in April when I was wearing a loose-ish dress on a hot day. It doesn't bother me at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I would drop it -- you already apologized. IF she did get her feelings hurt, she might just be wanting to put it all behind her and bringing it up again might just rub salt in the wound. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gswhitfield21 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 When my ds was 10 days old, we moved. I was standing in the doorway pointing out where to put furniture, and one of the movers asked, "When are you due?" I laughed and pointed down to the baby carrier sitting right at me feet! He blushed and apologized, but I laughed! I still looked about 6 months pregnant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I like what Ma Ingalls said. "Least said, soonest mended." I think Ma Ingalls is a wise, wise woman. If you apologized sincerely, and she accepted your apology, I would leave it alone. If it makes sense in your relationship with her family, I might invite them over a play date or something, but I wouldn't bring it up again. Yummy baked goods heal wounds. I've been asked when I'm due before, and it's not a big deal, especially if the person really is sorry and apologizes. Be easy on yourself, it was a mistake. I do hold a grudge about one time, see below if you would like. :) If we're sharing stories... I was a few days post-partum, and I had just been discharged from the hospital without my little man because he was in the NICU. I was a hormonal and emotional mess, and it was so. incredibly. hard. to leave that hospital without my baby. My DH and I went to Walgreens to get some Motrin (csection), and then we stopped at the Subway next door. A lady asked me when I was due, and when I replied that I had the baby a few days earlier, she replied in a somewhat snotty tone, "So where's the baby then?" I promise that I'm generally a sweet, peaceful person, but I'm pretty sure I almost punched her instead of walking away without saying anything like I somehow managed to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I read a book where a guy gets pulled over by a female officer who looked pregnant to him. So he comments on it...so dumb in THAT situation! (Not in yours, Sheryl!) She gave him the best possible advice; "If you don't see the head coming out, DON'T assume!" I once teased a teenage boy 'cause that's how I roll...I was walking down the street hugely pregnant and three boys were ambling along as only teenage boys can do. They moved aside and we exchanged pleasantries. One asked, "When are you gonna have your baby, ma'am?" I said, "Oh...I'm not pregnant!" Their jaws dropped and the two started giving the one a hard time as he started apologizing as quickly as he could! His mama would have been proud; he was SO sorry! :lol: I did tell him I was just teasing him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Right, I hear what you're saying here...don't assume. Most of us are women here and Moms!!! So, we "usually" know a pregnant belly has a "unique shape". Well, this is a first for me. I should have known better when it happened to me, BUT overall body fat is different than growing baby fat. See the other thing is, there are LARGE homeschooling families where I live. I do NOT fit the mold of having an only child and a homeschooling family at that. Most have multiples. T has 5 now and it would not be unusual for her to have a 6th or more. I will have to bite my tongue next time. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I like what Ma Ingalls said. "Least said, soonest mended." If you keep on apologizing, it just makes it more uncomfortable. People have said this to me so many times, it's not a big deal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Right, I hear what you're saying here...don't assume. Most of us are women here and Moms!!! So, we "usually" know a pregnant belly has a "unique shape". Well, this is a first for me. I should have known better when it happened to me, BUT overall body fat is different than growing baby fat. See the other thing is, there are LARGE homeschooling families where I live. I do NOT fit the mold of having an only child and a homeschooling family at that. Most have multiples. T has 5 now and it would not be unusual for her to have a 6th or more. I will have to bite my tongue next time. :tongue_smilie: Sheryl, don't try to explain your gaff like this to the woman you unintentionally offended. You will go from just sticking your foot in your mouth, to gnawing on it. . .:D It's ok - we all say things without thinking at times. All you can do is to apologize and go on. And I do mean go on. I've had people bring things like this up when they saw me again and it just embarrassed me all over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 It happened to me too. When my youngest dd was 5 years old, her sunday school teacher thought I was expecting. I know I looked stunned when she said something, but then I gushed out that no, I wasn't pregnant. She was so upset and absolutely apologetic. I hugged her and told her it was okay. We never spoke about it again and I was okay with that. I really wouldn't have wanted to talk about it again. You've apologized, IMHO, and it's over. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Someone once asked me when I was due while I was in a hospital elevator holding my newborn daughter. :lol: I had someone ask me when I was finally going to have that baby. The baby was a few dyas old LOL. He felt horrible. I laughed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 "So, when's the . . . BABY due?" "WHAT BABY?!" "Uh, the pandas at the zoo. I hear they're having a baby. I thought we could talk about that for a while!" ~Brian Regan ((and I agree with 'least said, soonest mended')) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would drop it -- you already apologized. IF she did get her feelings hurt, she might just be wanting to put it all behind her and bringing it up again might just rub salt in the wound. Yeah, I'd just let it drop. I had someone ask me years ago, when I wasn't expecting (having IF problems in fact. . . ) and it made me feel bad for a bit, but I tried to just let it roll off. Plus, everyone knows how horrifyingly embarrassing it is to mistakenly ask this question and be wrong. . . I'm sure she knows your first apology was heartfelt ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cortana Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I've made the same mistake myself. The wonderful lady who owns the local homeschool bookstore and I were chatting and I swear she had that perfect baby belly going. I honestly thought she was my age (mid 30s) and asked her "I hope this isn't too personal but are you expecting?" She laughed and said no it was just the style of shirt she was wearing. I apologized big time, she told me not to worry as she'd been asked that all day. If anything, she said she was deeply flattered that anyone thought she was still young enough to have more babies (she's in her late 40s, I can only hope I look as good as she does when I'm her age). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.