Eleni Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 Anyone else have one? Mine is gone about 60- 80 hours a week. What are your best tips for functioning well? Mine has had this schedule (self imposed I might add) for several years. One thing I have always done is early bedtime for kids so I can decompress for a couple hours at night. Now that they are older it isn't working so well. We used to do family breakfasts but I stopped. Lately doing all the outdoor and indoor and maintenance jobs has been wearing on me. I'm also in college and while the kids were in school this year they will be coming bck to hsing in the fall- but i worry thy might just make me more crazy. Lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleni Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 My title is bugging me. I typed my op out on my phone.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasmommy Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 :bigear: We are possibly facing this issue in the very near future. After 5 years of working from home DH has a job offer that would require him to not only work out of the home but add a 2+ hour round trip commute. I'm very very concerned about how I will be able to function without his help and will be listening in on how you all handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahbobeara Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My husband is out of the house about 90 hours a week (I'm counting his work hours and commute hours as well). The yucky part is that his commute is an hour each way, so even if there is an emergency, he would still be delayed. He goes in on Saturdays and Sundays, although tries to go in a little later & come home around 5. It's a little easier for me since he's doing training right now before he goes back to sea duty (Navy), and I know it won't last forever. It is hard however when the kids miss him and I miss him and we end up grating on each other's nerves...it's definitely a learning process as the kids get older and need their daddy time. We used to do the early bedtime as well, but now that DH comes home at 7:30, I do let the kids stay up later so that we can have family time. I keep hoping that they'll sleep in later as a result, but that hasn't started yet.:glare: So HSing is awesome that it's flexible enough to make time when our family needs it. One other thing I do is I really limit extracurriculars. DD8 & DS6 are in scouts, then they're active in Wednesday night church (sometimes Sunday activities there as well) and then random playdates and that is it at this age. It may change a few years down the road, but I'm a homebody and I just cannot handle being a taxi driver!!! :auto: Hate traffic, hate being "scheduled", hate being busy every night. Alright, I got that off my chest! lol I hope someone else has suggestions, I'm certainly listening!:bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 Dh works 40 hours and goes to school pretty much all afternoon and evening, every weekday & most of Saturday. I'm still not clear on the functional part :lol:. I'm decluttering like mad since I can't keep up with junk now!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 DH frequently works more than 100 hours a week. He does that about 3 weeks a month and then sleeps for a 5 day stretch. Here's what I do for sanity: I have a handyman do all the "man" stuff for the house. I don't even bother asking DH anymore. If I can't do it, it goes on a list, and every month or two the handyman comes out. Every Sunday afternoon, the babysitter comes and gets the kids for 5-6 hours. I use that time for housekeeping or doing something for myself. Last week, I cleaned the living room from top to bottom. Tomorrow, I'm doing the basement. Next Sunday, I am getting a massage. I check in with my homeschooling mama friend over breakfast everyday. We talk about the kids and school and do the other stuff we should get to do with spouses but don't. We co-sleep so at 10:00 or so, I hit the sack and the kids follow. We either watch old episodes of Seinfeld, The Office, or David Attenborough. About half the time, I get back up and half the time I collpapse. I do my own stuff throughout the day. Today, I am making browned butter brownies for a treat tray for DH to take into work on Monday and I'm making these Thai barbeque ribs that need 24 hours to cook. And my sourdough bread. :) I love it when my kitchen is "busy" and there are lots of different things going on in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My husband works 7 days a week and during the weekdays, he's gone until about 8 or 9 pm. My homeschooling BFF says that that's why we're able to get so much schoolwork accomplished. :lol: OK, but on a serious note, it is hard. I'm the Lone Ranger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 :bigear: We are possibly facing this issue in the very near future. After 5 years of working from home DH has a job offer that would require him to not only work out of the home but add a 2+ hour round trip commute. I'm very very concerned about how I will be able to function without his help and will be listening in on how you all handle it. You just get very, very used to it. We were separated for 8 months (for work) and you just get used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You just get very, very used to it. We were separated for 8 months (for work) and you just get used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :glare: :lol: It's a bit weird, anyway. I started going to more playgroups where I can destress & talk to my friends while the kids burn off some energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 :lol: It's a bit weird, anyway. I started going to more playgroups where I can destress & talk to my friends while the kids burn off some energy. Yes, before we moved, we were actually spending one day a week homeschooling with another family and it was a huge highlight to our week. The other mom said that her kid was crying because we hadn't come over in a couple of weeks. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 When he is home - 12-14 hour days, plus weeks gone here and there. Then gone/deployed about 6 months out of the year... So - yeah :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You just get very, very used to it. We were separated for 8 months (for work) and you just get used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :glare: It does sometimes feel like I've got another sudden kid when DH is home. Because then we have to take HIM into account as well. It can be harder to have him home at this point, than at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You just get very, very used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You just get very, very used to it. We were separated for 8 months (for work) and you just get used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :glare: :iagree: My dh works A LOT and I find this to be true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4ofus Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I agree you do just get very very used to it. Sad but true. I have nearly stopped trying to keep up with dh schedule. Sometimes he calls & says he'll be home from wherever in the country he's been that week & I have to readjust & figure out dinner plans & such "normal" family stuff. We get so used to eating simple~eggs, tortillas, salads, that I think "oh, gosh, what am I going to cook?" I do simple home maint & outside work, but I hire the occasional handyman as well. We're on a path we never expected to be on...his job is more of a blessing than a burden by a lot, so we both try to remember that when either of us starts to get bothered by it. It's actually a primary reason we chose to try hs this coming year. To salvage our time together. I have growing BOYS & they miss their dad. And their dad misses them. We intend to travel some with dh. That way we can at least share dinners & evenings together. We can work around dad, but we can't work around dad & 2 kids in ps. Everyone is on board. DH is most excited of all I think :). Good luck. My thoughts are with you. It's a difficult transition to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happygrrl Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My dh, who used to work from home, bought a business last month. We have not had a decent conversation since! I am in the process of remembering that I can do minor repairs (!!) and trying to figure out how to make dinner so that I am not disappointed when he is late. So, no advice really as I am starting out on this phase. Just :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scmama Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 The only advice I can offer up is to find you a really great friend. LOL My husbands work is heavy during the months from January to June. He can be gone for 16 hours a day and then still work 7 days a week. At first it was really hard on me. But like the other posters say, you just get use to it. I can do the things he would do if he was here..like minor repairs, upkeep on the vehicles, and lawn and home maintenance. I find it harder when his days get shorter, and there's still not a real set schedule, and I'm trying to figure out dinner times and such. Summer is nice because it's usually a straight 10 hour day, so I know where I'm going. :) The friend advice is because when I first started, I did a ton of research on homeschooling, and I still don't know my area well since we've only been here for about 3 yrs. So, I found a great woman that I can get along with, who understands what I go through, and who's there when I need to whine or complain. We do get-togethers and field trips with each other. It's nice to have an out when the house seems to be closing in. (Just Thursday, we took a field trip to the Farmer's Market, and a nice organic store. We are growing our own garden this year, so it kinda was an extra to go out. It didn't count for school, since we are done and on summer break, but it was nice to get out and do something. ) So find a good friend. Find simple menus to make your evenings easier, and keep in touch with your husband either through short text or emails, if you can't always talk on the phone. Just to keep him involved with the kids, and keep you guys connected. That's really helped here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You just get very, very used to it. We were separated for 8 months (for work) and you just get used to it. Actually, when they're around the house, it kinda feels like they're in the way because you get so used to running the show (which is a bad thing, but I'm being honest). :glare: It does sometimes feel like I've got another sudden kid when DH is home. Because then we have to take HIM into account as well. It can be harder to have him home at this point, than at work. This and this. Sad, but true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 That was us a few years ago. The kids were about under or around 1, 6 and almost 8. It was also during summer, so it was seriously intruding on our fun months. (We don't do winter, and we have about 8 months of it here). It was rough on me. We had one car, living in an apartment, with my husband working 12 hour shifts, sometimes more, 5-6 days a week. Luckily Grandma had a big car, and a big yard, and came and picked us up many Saturdays for a day at her house. We also had a play date that came to us once a week. Those two things really helped my sanity. I used to describe it as being a stay-at-home single mom with a nice child support check, and a boyfriend that dropped by for teA, laundry, and meals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My dh is gone 12 hours a day or more. It's always been this way. In the past, I kept busy around town with the kids, we had a lot of activities and stayed busy. This year, finances are tighter and I have a high-needs baby so I just feel stuck in the house most of the time. I can't do repairs with a baby in tow and feel like the house looks terrible and I have no control over it. I am bitter, frankly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 Dh doesn't work near as much as some here but more than most anyone I know. He generally works 6-7 days a week but generally gets off early- he goes in early- so we don't see him in the am. He hasn't had a day off in 3 weeks now I think but will have a day off Mon due to the HOliday. Part of it is the way it is and partially of his/our choosing. I do find it harder to do things with him home now. I do find it extremely difficult in that getting all we want to get done is an impossiblity. Some things I cannot physically do, especially with 3 small kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My husband works out of town right now - flies out on Monday morning and back on Thursday night. I agree that you get used to it. It didn't take long for it to feel normal. Some things that have helped me: *Make sure your kids have chore routines and do them consistently. This keeps the house tidy and neat and makes sure all those nagging things (ie watering plants, cleaning toilets, changing out towels, picking up toys) get done. *Get rid of as much "stuff" as you can. Fewer things mean less picking up and less breakage. *Have convenient foods for those long days. I buy whole wheat pizza crusts in bulk, have burgers on hand in the freezer, and try to make a few "make-ahead" things over the weekend such as chili, soup, or BBQ chicken to grab when I am tired. *We skype, text, and call my hubby frequently. It helps us feel connected. I also email him lots of pictures throughout the day so he can be an active part of our lives even when he is far away. HTH, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I used to describe it as being a stay-at-home single mom with a nice child support check, and a boyfriend that dropped by for teA, laundry, and meals. :lol::lol::lol: Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 Yup, mine's gone 60-80 hours a week. Weekends are *sacred*. I don't plan anything. We keep things tight-family occasions first, then we'll consider time out with friends. We all focus on eachother on weekends and just all enjoy eachother's company. Even if he's off on Monday/Tuesday, keep those days clear on your calendar and school the kids on Sat/Sun if you have to. That's the beauty of homeschooling. You work your schedule around your family's needs. Not what the calendar says. Otherwise I run the house and he runs everything else. :001_smile: We're used to it. Believe me, I have plenty of projects to do so I'm not bored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 You know, I was having a little pity party earlier today - a bit overwhelmed at the amount of work piling up, etc. Then I looked at a calendar and realized that if I count the months from January 3rd of this year, to around the first week of August of this year (when I think I'll have my DH home), he will have only been home for 9 weeks out of the 7 months. I wish I could say that I am in the "used to it" crowd. 13 deployments and I still am not used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt_Uhura Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I used to describe it as being a stay-at-home single mom with a nice child support check, and a boyfriend that dropped by for teA, laundry, and meals. :lol: :iagree: My Dh leaves about 7:30am and returns about 8:30pm. He also works about an hour at home once he's home. For about a year he was also working on the weekends as well so I had all the yard work to do. Now he's not working on the weekend as much. For about 8 months, he was gone a week almost out of every month as well. it's tough. I did get used to it. It no longer bothers me when he's not here when I go to bed. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 My dh is gone 12 hours a day or more. It's always been this way. In the past, I kept busy around town with the kids, we had a lot of activities and stayed busy. This year, finances are tighter and I have a high-needs baby so I just feel stuck in the house most of the time. I can't do repairs with a baby in tow and feel like the house looks terrible and I have no control over it. I am bitter, frankly. I soooooo hear you. Babywearing is the only way I get a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. done. Add in the fact that I act ADD (might be, never tested, lol), and this place is usually a disaster, every single room of it! Sometimes I keep us out all day so I don't have to look at it. I'm reading a book that seems to be helping, as it's about changing your mindset about the house/clutter, not just trying to clean & then sinking back into the old routines (of no routines :tongue_smilie:). "It's All Too Much" by Peter Walsh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 I soooooo hear you. Babywearing is the only way I get a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. done. Add in the fact that I act ADD (might be, never tested, lol), and this place is usually a disaster, every single room of it! Sometimes I keep us out all day so I don't have to look at it. I'm reading a book that seems to be helping, as it's about changing your mindset about the house/clutter, not just trying to clean & then sinking back into the old routines (of no routines :tongue_smilie:). "It's All Too Much" by Peter Walsh. I'll have to see if my library has it, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Yes. Sunday afternoons for a few hours is basically all I get. This Tuesday I got 3.5 hours cause it was my birthday half of which was our boys soccer game. The only time he takes off some is when his mom comes. :glare: Tonight he will be done early (10:30) and I was so excited, but he invited our old roomy to stay over as he had been helping on the farm today/tonight and didn't have the sense to tell him no. I'm :cursing:. Edited May 29, 2011 by JENinOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) .... Edited December 19, 2012 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satori Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 That would be my DH. He travels almost every week, gone Sunday afternoon and back Friday. I used to be computer consultant too when I met him, flying everywhere for clients. So I'm used to it and don't mind it. I also am a slight introvert. It isn't too hard as I only have one easy-to-care-for child. I did babywear all the time when she was little though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 My title is bugging me. I typed my op out on my phone.:glare: Click on "edit" and then "go advanced" to fix the title. My husband now works out of state. He's home every other weekend and we are spending the summer with him out here in Chicago. I think we see more of him now than when he lived with us due to his long hours. His schedule was self-imposed as well. Speaking from experience, it sounds like you guys may need counseling. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 I used to describe it as being a stay-at-home single mom with a nice child support check, and a boyfriend that dropped by for teA, laundry, and meals. Sounds familiar! I just totaled up the hours dh is out of the house from about 5 AM to 7:30 PM. I knew it's been bad lately, but it's worse than I had realized. That's over 100 hrs/week. That's 2 1/2 full weeks + in one week. :sad: Just yesterday he was saying "We can pave part of the barn to make a place to organize tools & set up a workshop. I'll start on the east side.." and I interrupted him and asked when he thought that was going to happen? I need to give up and call that handyman too. I do a lot of man type jobs around here, but I'm not mixing cement. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Oh yes, this my dh too. Honestly, it's been so hard being alone with my two extremely active boys. One with sensory seeking SPD and multiple dietary issues. But you know what, it is what it is. My neighbor several moves ago was a good friend and we would go out once a week for breakfast. That really helped. I wish I had someone like that here, but I've kind of gotten used to it. I carry on and do my things, but I agree with the some of the other posters that now when dh is home it throws a curve ball into our routine and can sometimes actually be harder when he is home! I like this idea of making a list and having a handyman come over every now and then. I'm going to start doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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