thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: Maybe both of you talking to a counselor will help him see that what he did was inexcusable and not befitting a father of 7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Has this been a consistent conflict between you? Him wanting time with the guys and you not allowing it? Why does he think you would have said yes to the fishing and no to the cabin? Is alcohol the underlying issue (ie, you thought fishing = no drinking but he wanted to drink)? Little bit of both. I just think it is selfsh for him to go so much or when kids have big events. They do 4 comps a year, but work all year for those 4 weekends. Boogles my mind how he can miss one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. Once again, Mrs Mungo, true. that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. Honestly, I don't want to go to jail. My kids need me home. Otherwise, I would pull a seen like in Waiting to Exhale. Was it Angela something....Bassette? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I am so sorry. But try and keep your cool, if you can. It might not be as terrible as you think. I mean, it was absolutely wrong what he did, and I'd be livid. But, the Lord can transform a marriage. Sounds like you two need some counseling. I hope he is open to it. I'll be praying for you! :iagree: :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezrabean2005 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your dh lied about where he was. He lied about who he was with. He came home a day late after spending the night drunk at a "friend's" house. He's still in the house? Breathing? His stuff isn't burning on the lawn? You're better than I am. :iagree: This is the reason I'm having some trouble with this thread. I get that you're tired, but his behavior has been outrageous. I wouldn't be able to be on the computer typing while this was going on. I would not be able to keep my mouth shut. I would want to hear what the heck he was thinking....and then calamity would ensue...:grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 blech. I cant even comment more for fear of killing this thread. But AMEN Mrs. Mungo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Honestly, I don't want to go to jail. My kids need me home. Otherwise, I would pull a seen like in Waiting to Exhale. Was it Angela something....Bassette? You won't go to jail for throwing his stuff out of the house. You just cannot *imagine* the scene that would be taking place at my house if I were in your shoes. I can't even imagine being in your shoes. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :iagree: Oh yeah. Although if my husband did that I would think he had lost his mind. It would be so out of character. Ya, this brings up a good point. Sometimes we live in something for so long, that we forget that not every marriage is like ours. I have know idea about Angelbee's perspective, but I know that can be very difficult. :grouphug: Angel, and sending you thoughts of strength and wisdom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Honestly, I don't want to go to jail. My kids need me home. Wow. I've been following this thread but at a loss for how to helpfully respond. :grouphug: You sound like a wonderful lady and I'm praying for your family. I'm one of those 'burn the clothes in the yard' wives and wish I had the kind of restraint and cool head you seem to have. If you have 7 kids with you in the house I think you're doing the right thing by not confronting him right away if you can handle it. Will be praying for you. Ally Edited May 16, 2011 by homeschoolally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Anyone trying to pm me, please email me. I would love to hear what you have to say. Thank you all for being here with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Little bit of both. I just think it is selfsh for him to go so much or when kids have big events. They do 4 comps a year, but work all year for those 4 weekends. Boogles my mind how he can miss one. I agree with you. He was wrong, he was selfish, and he lied. He has a lot of apologizing to do, and I hope he can see that those 4 weekends should be off limits for "guy time." I also hope he can see how deeply damaging it was to lie to you. I hope and pray this is not the end of your marriage. My hunch is that there is stuff that probably needs to come out on both sides. I hope you can find someone to help you (a counselor or pastor) and that you can come to a place of mutual respect and trust again (assuming it was once there). So sorry this happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 You won't go to jail for throwing his stuff out of the house. You just cannot *imagine* the scene that would be taking place at my house if I were in your shoes. I can't even imagine being in your shoes. :grouphug: How about a bonfire? :001_huh: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Angelbee, :grouphug:s. I can't imagine being in your shoes. Please know this is not a private board. By clicking on the link to your blog, one knows your name and your husband's name. Cathie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :iagree: This is the reason I'm having some trouble with this thread. I get that you're tired, but his behavior has been outrageous. I wouldn't be able to be on the computer typing while this was going on. I would not be able to keep my mouth shut. I would want to hear what the heck he was thinking....and then calamity would ensue...:grouphug: Honestly, there are kids playing and all around. They were scared enough when daddy didn't come home. Now he is home, they think he was rude, but do not understand the magnitude of what occurred. Well...ds19 and ds11 do. I am keeping calm for their sake. I can not talk to him calmly right now. I will start throwing/breaking things....so I am here getting the support and respect and love that I should be getting from my dh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Just feel like it needs to be said again, in this situation I think you're doing the right thing by not confronting him with your kids in the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Something stinks about all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Something stinks about all of this. :iagree: I would turn into super snoop asap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :iagree: This is the reason I'm having some trouble with this thread. I get that you're tired, but his behavior has been outrageous. I wouldn't be able to be on the computer typing while this was going on. I would not be able to keep my mouth shut. I would want to hear what the heck he was thinking....and then calamity would ensue...:grouphug: Until you've been there...or if you're a different personality...I think it can be hard to understand the ... numbness. What else is she going to do? If she's too mad to talk to him, if he's flippant about the whole thing, if there are kids all around--every option *I* see involves being emotionally available to someone else. I can barely talk to my dc when dh & I are having a medium-sized fight, so I clean house or something where I don't have to talk to anybody. If it's a big one...sometimes there's nothing to do but hide on the boards. Maybe that's an introvert response, I don't know. But when I *do* talk, I want to be really sure of what I say, because I'm only saying it once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Honestly, there are kids playing and all around. They were scared enough when daddy didn't come home. Now he is home, they think he was rude, but do not understand the magnitude of what occurred. Well...ds19 and ds11 do. I am keeping calm for their sake. I can not talk to him calmly right now. I will start throwing/breaking things....so I am here getting the support and respect and love that I should be getting from my dh. Can I make a suggestion, AngelBee? I see from your blog that you are a Christian. I think you need God more than you need a bunch of strangers who don't know you. We can pray, sympathize, give advice... but only He can give you real comfort and wisdom. Can you go for a walk or take a bath or just close your door and pray? I think you need time to clear your head before you talk to dh -- assuming that's your plan once the kids are down tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillary in KS Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (Kindly, but firmly) I am glad your dh finally came home, but why are you still on this forum updating the thread continually? You have seven children, and a husband who has behaved questionably this weekend, and a marriage with some serious issues right now. You need to be talking with him or, at the very least, engaging with the children who have *surely* picked up that something is very, very wrong, not hanging out on the computer updating this thread and asking for pm's. Please consider logging off for a while and working through this . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicagoshannon Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Can your mom watch the kids so you can have it out with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: The three of them together need to grow the bass up. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 3 month old is napping in swing, dd2 at feet eating. Others playing water balloons outside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (Kindly, but firmly) I am glad your dh finally came home, but why are you still on this forum updating the thread continually? You have seven children, and a husband who has behaved questionably this weekend, and a marriage with some serious issues right now. You need to be talking with him or, at the very least, engaging with the children who have *surely* picked up that something is very, very wrong, not hanging out on the computer updating this thread and asking for pm's. Please consider logging off for a while and working through this . Could *you* engage your children when you were going through something like this? At the moment, this is her way of dealing w/ her FEELINGS. Don't make her feel badly about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Just feel like it needs to be said again, in this situation I think you're doing the right thing by not confronting him with your kids in the house. Okay, but what arrangements can be made to get him alone to talk? :iagree: I would turn into super snoop asap. I agree. If I were in the situation described I would be checking credits cards, his cell phone, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 3 month old is napping in swing, dd2 at feet eating. Others playing water balloons outside. I would be dealing w/ this in a similar way, so don't feel like you have to explain what your kids are doing. I can imagine--playing, movie, whatever. I think that is absolutely the best thing for you & them both right now, but what I think doesn't matter a bit. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Plus I am eating a let lunch right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Can I make a suggestion, AngelBee? I see from your blog that you are a Christian. I think you need God more than you need a bunch of strangers who don't know you. We can pray, sympathize, give advice... but only He can give you real comfort and wisdom. Can you go for a walk or take a bath or just close your door and pray? I think you need time to clear your head before you talk to dh -- assuming that's your plan once the kids are down tonight. :iagree:And if the thread keeps moving in the direction pushing you to confront him, I think you should take the kids out and get off the computer. That attitude--though reasonable in different circumstances--is not helpful at this point because you are at home with all your children. I don't think anyone would want you to freak out on him with your kids in the home watching. Have to leave now but feel really burdened to say this before I go. I agree he needs to be confronted--just not while the kids are around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I have no advice for you, but loads of hugs and prayers. :grouphug::grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 {{AngelBee}} My heart goes out to you. You have every right to be angry and this is not your fault. I have steam coming out of me ears for you! I want to grab him by the throat and tell him to grow a pair and man-up to his responsibilities. The time for Peter Pan is long past. He is being a dishonest, petulant child and you need a trustworthy grown-up in the house. I would seriously be laying down the law and taking steps to protect my family financially just in case. had a similar episode with dh - he was on a camping/rafting trip w/ds for scouts. While they were gone, we had a family emergency - my mom fell, broke her pelvis and we thought she was going to die - she said she wanted to. While he had a cell-phone, coverage was unreliable in the wilderness. Plus, he was low on battery, so, while he would check in every day, he was not checking messages and kept it turned off the rest of the time. As I was at the hospital most of the day, I kept missing his calls. I had to call the wives of the other leaders on the trip to get their husband's cell numbers. I finally reached one of the other leaders, catching them on the 2-day drive home, and told him that if dh didn't call within the next 20 minutes, he'd better not come home. From then on, he has learned to 1. carry a backup battery for his phone and 2. give a detailed plan as to other contact numbers whenever he goes out of town and 3. CHECK MESSAGES. He was apologetic, but not nearly as contrite as I wanted him to be. He had no idea the strain I was under those 5 days. You are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Could *you* engage your children when you were going through something like this? At the moment, this is her way of dealing w/ her FEELINGS. Don't make her feel badly about that. :iagree: It's next to impossible to deal with something like this when you know you've got to be available for the little faces looking to you for everything. I'm glad you get to spend some time here, AB, collecting your thoughts and sorting them out, before you have to face the situation head on; it's much, much better than holding it in. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Plus I am eating a let lunch right now. :grouphug: I can't "discuss" a big important issue with DH in the heat of the moment or off the cuff either. I always get overwhelmed and either freeze up or I turn it into a huge fight about everything. I have to be calm enough to think and if I'm not, I make things worse. I can't present why I'm upset. I understand. Get your head where it needs to be(as best you can) and talk when you can. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I cleaned out some messages. Thank you all for the prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Could *you* engage your children when you were going through something like this? At the moment, this is her way of dealing w/ her FEELINGS. Don't make her feel badly about that. :iagree: It's next to impossible to deal with something like this when you know you've got to be available for the little faces looking to you for everything. I'm glad you get to spend some time here, AB, collecting your thoughts and sorting them out, before you have to face the situation head on; it's much, much better than holding it in. :grouphug: :iagree: As I said before, I would be spitting mad if this happened to me. I would be tempted to explode, throw things, curse like a drunken Sailor, basically all the bad things my kids do NOT need to see. I would have to take a break from the situation and cool the heck off before confronting dh. I think it is quite apparent that the OP WILL confront her dh, but she wants to process everything for a bit. Most of the people here are supportive and understanding. It probably helps the OP to know that she has every right to be spitting mad right now. And I think she is wise to calm down a tiny bit before laying in to her dh. Again AngelBee, :grouphug:. I hope your dh sees his behavior was ridiculous and changes his attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: I can't "discuss" a big important issue with DH in the heat of the moment or off the cuff either. I always get overwhelmed and either freeze up or I turn it into a huge fight about everything. I have to be calm enough to think and if I'm not, I make things worse. I can't present why I'm upset. I understand. Get your head where it needs to be(as best you can) and talk when you can. :grouphug: I would honesty start screaming and freaking out. It would not be healthy for me. I want to be an adult here, nit lower mysef to his standards. Trust me, he is gathering the seriousness but that fact I can literally barely speak. I am not know for being quiet and am teased for being chatty and loud. Though I am actually an introvert when it comes to emotional stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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