Jen500 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Just remembered a last name of friend and remembered he owns a business with his name. Called him. He is home and was not with my husband this weekend. Now I am wondering if he was with another friend of ours and I am mxed up. I am so confused! :confused: Are you sure this was one of the people he was going with? Did this guy even know about the trip? I know that my DH goes fishing twice a year with a big group of guys and who actually goes changes every time, so I could call someone thinking that he'd gone and be wrong. So I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, but I would be seriously concerned. Can you check your bank/credit card activity online? My DH almost always makes purchases while on a trip that give an address for where he is. Once you have a location, you know what authorities to call. Any transactions made over the weekend would have cleared by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Uhhh...I would be calling everyone your DH knows and asking if they know where he is.....friends, family, business associates... You have 7 kids and A BABY at home and he leaves no contact info or doesnt check in? :glare: We hunt and spend many a days in the woods, but there is always a way to reach my DH. :iagree: Please call the non-emergency number for the sherriff's office near where you think he is. They'll know the best way to proceed. Then, when he gets home safe and sound, send him here and we'll take care of the rest :D ;) :grouphug: Hang in there. I'm praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcurry Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I hope this doesn't come across as snarky in any way....I was in a similar situation a few years ago when my husband failed to communicate. It turned out fine (it was a case of failure to communicate, rather than something horrible happening). The good thing was that it "forced' us to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Since then, he is always careful to leave the cell phone numbers of those that he'll be hiking, backpacking or kayaking with, as well as their wives names & numbers. Since his trips usually involve moving (kayaking, hiking) rather than a set location, he leaves a map with his "planned route" in case I need it. I know that in the event of an emergency, someone could follow this map and most likely find him and his group of friends. I think that it's irresponsible for a parent/husband to leave and not give you the pertinent details. What if something happened to you or one of your kids at home while he was gone? No one would be able to reach him. I am praying for his safe return and for your nerves during this scary time. If you really think he was supposed to be home last night, I think you need to contact the authorities. :iagree: to all of the above. My husband went fishing with a friend (and ours & friend's teenagers) and was supposed to be back Sunday night or Monday morning and we waited until Tuesday afternoon to call someone. But I knew who he was with, license number, and the name & phone of the other guy's wife. We had a meeting on Tuesday to decide what to do, and we finally decided to file a "missing person's" report. We gave them all the info we had, and right after we did that, we got a call from a stranger who said he'd run into our husbands on the trail, that it was more difficult than expected, and they were on their way back out but were ok. Their cells didn't work in that remote area, so they'd given a message to someone to call once they got out. The police still went looking for them, because they said you can't take the word of a stranger once a report had been filed, even though it was probably what really had happened. It turned out ok, but now I make sure I have all the information before he leaves. And he knows that I panic if he's not back around the time he's supposed to be. It definitely opened up some lines of communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Oh My Word! I thought I'd be reading different responses by now! I'm SO SORRY for you!!! I wish there was something I could do to help!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Just remember: you DON'T KNOW what's going on yet. Try to remain calm. See if you can get anyone over there to help with the kids and to help keep you calm. When he returns, there has GOT to be new agreements on his hunting/fishing expeditions. This isn't fair to you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BBarnes Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: I've been there. I know it's upsetting & scary. :001_unsure: I sure hope he is okay. Remember sometimes no news is good news. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: My husband is a very poor communicator too. He's vague, thinks things will be fine so doesn't give details, forgets to tell me, etc. Our relationship could be a lot better than it is, but we stick it out. My heart goes out to you as I can only imagine your frustration, panic and annoyance that this is going on. I hope you'll discover that it was an unavoidable delay and that he couldn't reach you on your phone and couldn't remember anyone else's. That would be my dh situation. Checking in frequently to see how it's going :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Are you sure this was one of the people he was going with? Did this guy even know about the trip? I know that my DH goes fishing twice a year with a big group of guys and who actually goes changes every time, so I could call someone thinking that he'd gone and be wrong. So I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, but I would be seriously concerned. Can you check your bank/credit card activity online? My DH almost always makes purchases while on a trip that give an address for where he is. Once you have a location, you know what authorities to call. Any transactions made over the weekend would have cleared by now. I'd do this and I'd also be checking my cell phone bill to find the numbers of his friends. I know that seems like it would be a lot of numbers to go through but most of them you'll know right off hand so you'll only have to call the few you don't recognize. Those numbers will probably be in the few days before the trip because that's when he'd have been doing the last minute planning necessary for a fishing trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geek Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I say it's proper to freak out at this point. If everything is all right and you freak out and call all his friends and he feels embarrassed later, maybe he'll be far more considerate about keeping you in the loop next time. He can't complain about you caring. You're scared and alone with 7 kids. You have every right to be proactive and figure out where he is. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacie Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Praying for you. Hope everything is okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh.my.word. I will be praying hard for you. I havent a clue what I would do with that info. That is just horrible to be lied to like that. I am SO sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 wait, so your dad knew?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. :confused: Did your dad and uncle know? They supported this behavior? Ugh, what a mess. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. :glare: With YOUR dad and YOUR uncle..and they didn't think to call you?? At least he wasn't with another woman...... Faithe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. I'm sorry. :( The husband lying is bad enough, but where in the world did your dad get off allowing it to happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 He missed our children's dance competition to PARTY!!! I am devistated! I had such a hard weekend working (I am a dance studio owner.) I worked Friday 12pm-about 8pm. My dd2 got a nurse elbow right before bed (realized next day). She had trouble sleeping. I have a 3 month old. So I did not sleep. Out of bed at 518AM to start day. Check in at comp 630am. There with SEVEN CHILDREN plus working til 1140pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dd2 got arm popped back in in the am. In the evening she took a bad spill in which grandpa tried to catch her and fell and cut his head. Meanwhile, we are giving meds to my dog who we thought was dying to stop seizures. All of this ON MY OWN (thank God for my family and dance friends who help me) so my dh could enjoy fishing opener. I am heartbroken! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: I am sorry. I would be livid, too, but... I think this means you both need to sit down and have a real good heart to heart talk. I am praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. Wait...why didn't your DAD tell you that in the first place? What was all that stuff w/your Dad getting you a number? I have a feeling this thread is headed to the locksmith... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 wait, so your dad knew?? He thought I knew he was going with him. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Wait...why didn't your DAD tell you that in the first place? What was all that stuff w/your Dad getting you a number? I have a feeling this thread is headed to the locksmith... I didn't tell him about why I needed the number. The guy is our friend, so my dad would not question why I needed the info. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He missed our children's dance competition to PARTY!!! I am devistated! I had such a hard weekend working (I am a dance studio owner.) I worked Friday 12pm-about 8pm. My dd2 got a nurse elbow right before bed (realized next day). She had trouble sleeping. I have a 3 month old. So I did not sleep. Out of bed at 518AM to start day. Check in at comp 630am. There with SEVEN CHILDREN plus working til 1140pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dd2 got arm popped back in in the am. In the evening she took a bad spill in which grandpa tried to catch her and fell and cut his head. Meanwhile, we are giving meds to my dog who we thought was dying to stop seizures. All of this ON MY OWN (thank God for my family and dance friends who help me) so my dh could enjoy fishing opener. I am heartbroken! :crying: Oh gosh...yeah this thread is gonna get deleted feel free to PM me although I have no advice, just a shoulder to cry on. I hope you have some awesome friends and family to help you through this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I didn't tell him about why I needed the number. The guy is our friend, so my dad would not question why I needed the info. Ah. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hmmmmm.......:glare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :glare:With YOUR dad and YOUR uncle..and they didn't think to call you?? At least he wasn't with another woman...... Faithe Um, I wouldn't rule that out. The other woman part. Hopefully not the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 With 7 kids, I pray that you will cool down and talk to your dh before filing for divorce. I know what he did was inexcusable, but divorce is horrible for everyone involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: I am sorry. I would be livid, too, but... I think this means you both need to sit down and have a real good heart to heart talk. I am praying for you. I can not even talk to him. What he did is equal to me as sleeping with another woman. I can handle pretty much everything. My ONE rule??? NEVER LIE TO ME! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 With 7 kids, I pray that you will cool down and talk to your dh before filing for divorce. I know what he did was inexcusable, but divorce is horrible for everyone involved. I know. But right now I am lke a single mom with a teenage husband. This is so upsetting. crying.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Um, I wouldn't rule that out. The other woman part.Hopefully not the case. I know. Now I know he is capable of lying. I thought he couldn't. :( crying Now I am questioning everything about our life together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 With 7 kids, I pray that you will cool down and talk to your dh before filing for divorce. I know what he did was inexcusable, but divorce is horrible for everyone involved. :iagree: cool down...but not completely...and Mr. Angel Bee needs to bring cell phone with him and be available. This is not a matter of trust, it is a matter of safety...yours and your kids. And next time, if he needs a day or two off, he should just say so. Faithe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You are in my thoughts. I've known another situation like this, and know the heartache involved. Take some time to cool down before you hash this out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I know. Now I know he is capable of lying. I thought he couldn't. :( crying Now I am questioning everything about our life together. :grouphug: Whatever happens, you will be ok. Just take care of yourself. Do you have a good friend you can talk to? :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I know. Now I know he is capable of lying. I thought he couldn't. :( crying Now I am questioning everything about our life together. Oh, sweetie! :grouphug: I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Wait...why didn't your DAD tell you that in the first place? What was all that stuff w/your Dad getting you a number? I have a feeling this thread is headed to the locksmith... Well....I hope they don't lock it. I have purposely shared no names and such. I NEED support right now. Locking it would be a punishment to me. I am being punished enough right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug:Whatever happens, you will be ok. Just take care of yourself. Do you have a good friend you can talk to? :grouphug: I can't even speak outloud right now. Words will not come out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :iagree: cool down...but not completely...and Mr. Angel Bee needs to bring cell phone with him and be available. This is not a matter of trust, it is a matter of safety...yours and your kids. And next time, if he needs a day or two off, he should just say so.Faithe You know....he just went ice fishing in March. You know how many times I have been out of town for even one night? ZERO! He goes a minimum of 4 times a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Well, I would be questioning EVERYtime hes been out of town. And I would snoop his cell and your computer and bank records. EVERYTHING. If he lied once...... Not to make this worse, but please make sure you dig deep before you come to a final conclusion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Well, I would be questioning EVERYtime hes been out of town. And I would snoop his cell and your computer and bank records. EVERYTHING. If he lied once...... Not to make this worse, but please make sure you dig deep before you come to a final conclusion :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: You have every right to be livid! Is there someone who can give you a break today? You must be exhausted...:grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Were your father and brother unaware of everything that was going on at your house this weekend (the recital, your injured DD, the injured grandfather, your sick dog)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Oh sweetie!!!! If the thread gets locked you are welcome to pm me!!! :grouphug: I am so sorry. Ugggghhhh.... Take care of you!!!!! Thankfully, divorce is a pretty long process, gives you time to cool off. That doesn't mean you cannot use the emotions you are feeling right now to take some healthy steps. I know what I would be doing right now, but I am not you. I am so sorry. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: Edited May 16, 2011 by Perry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He lied to me. I can't believe it. :( He was with my dad and my uncle at a cabin. He neve went fishing. He just wanted to get away for the weekend. Then he stopped at a friends house on the way home and drank. Therefore didn't make it last night. I am filing for divorce. I would be beyond livid, but I think you need to take some time to calm down so you can hear your DH's side of the story. Obviously you're not going to like it, but at least hear him out without accusing him. Then express what you did over the weekend and how worried you were when he didn't show up--what you thought happened, assumed, etc. How this made you feel--ready to kick him out (this being a deal breaker incident). DH and I got to the point where I was packing to leave a few months ago. We ended up having a big fight/discussion that cleared the air and left us doing much better. I think this is what needs to happen in your house. I'm praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Were your father and brother unaware of everything that was going on at your house this weekend (the recital, your injured DD, the injured grandfather, your sick dog)? Dad knew about competition and dog. Dog was put on meds Wed. He has had seizures his whole life, so we are kind of used to it. They had gotten worse, but med change got them under control. Still...I was upset about dog and such, but was willing to cover it all so dh could go to fishing opener. He goes every year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Well, I would be questioning EVERYtime hes been out of town. And I would snoop his cell and your computer and bank records. EVERYTHING. If he lied once...... Not to make this worse, but please make sure you dig deep before you come to a final conclusion :iagree::iagree::iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 what a LOUSY thing for your dad, uncle, and HUSBAND to do. Your husband sounds selfish and immature, and to have him lie and your dad/uncle go along with it? I'm SO sorry your you. That's just NASTY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 And I would let your dh do most of the talking. IME liars NEVER tell you more than they think you already know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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