How do you find your kid's "thing" they excel at?

[athena1277]

How do you decide which way to encourage your kids? Especially when you don't have $$ to let them try lots of things? Dd loves T-ball, but she is only a so-so player. I don't see her doing well in the more competitive leagues. I would like her to start music lessons of some sort in the fall, but I don't even know what instrument would be good. She likes to make crafts and can follow directions to make stuff, but is not very creative on her own. She would love to do something with animals, but we don't even have goldfish (nor the space for pets).

 

Sometimes I feel like there is a passion for something within her and I want to encourage it. I don't want her to wish as an adult that she had had a chance to do "X" as a kid when it's what she really loves.

 

Sorry if that's a little confusing. I just want to find that "thing" that she would excel at doing. Ideas? Thoughts?

[laughing lioness]

There have been a couple of threads on the high school board about helping your kids find their passions.

 

We've always tried to maximize opportunites that were in front of us: music lessons, Awanas, horseback riding lessons for mucking out stalls, making soap with a friend, etc. etc. Sometimes there were many, others not so much. We've done a lot of volunteer work to create opportunities (like bringing TeenPact to our state) when we could and we saw a need.

My oldest dd had the opportunity to travel internationally several times. She discovered a passion for languages and other cultures. Our 2nd dd loves teaparties and women's issues and has hosted high teas and etiquette classes. Same gene pool, same parents- totally different interests.

 

I think part of it is just create an environement that allows the kids to see various opportunities and possiblities. We also read voraciously, and that opens up worlds to kids. Books on tape are our friends and we listen to CD's each afternoon (memory work, poetry, hisory and books).

Regarding music lessons: A musical friend told me years ago to learn to play a "social" instrument- piano or guitar. That way, the musical training will always be appropriate. We can't afford private music lessons right now but our kids are getting fantastic voice training in our co-op. We sing in our house. It's very social ;). I thought that was a neat way to look at it.

[wapiti]

Just my two cents about T-ball, or similar sport - IMO, that would not be an activity for which excelling or not excelling is particularly relevant to deciding whether to continue. I would want to be careful not to be dismissive of activities just because a child isn't particularly talented in at area, so as not to encourage a desire to only participate in those things one is "good at.". Maybe that's the flip side of the original question.

 

Where funds are limited, I'd focus on whatever activity I deemed important for intellectual/physical/personal development.

 

As for excelling, sometimes that doesn't show up until after a good bit of time (and money) are spent.

[Carol in Cal.]

Exposure, exposure, exposure.

 

My view is that kids should not be channelled very early at all. They should have well-rounded educations that include sports and the arts in addition to the normal 'book learning' kinds of things. They should read lots of biographies so that they can 'try on' different careers. And then you watch for things to focus on, but keep all the other balls in the air at the same time.

 

I also think, just in general, that brief exposures do 'count'.

 

During my whole childhood, I only went skiing once, for a week, when I was 7 or so. I loved it, but my mom hated the cold so we never went again. This was enough exposure, though, to make me go back and try it again as an adult, and really go for it. Obviously this wouldn't qualify me for a ski team, but it did provide me the background to want to do this recreationally.

 

And lastly, I think it's important to pick one art and one sport to do for at least a few years in a row. That way the child develops proficiency in something, and has the experience of growth and persistance through difficulty. Then later on, maybe at the late middle school/early high school level, if they want to switch to something else to try it, that is fine.

 

I hate to hear people let their children not learn, for instance, algebra, on the assumption that 'well, she's going to be a writer anyway, so this doesn't matter.' Kids need to keep their options open, and they won't always do that on their own.

[Rosie_0801]

My parents were a touch "financially challenged" too and put us all in scouts. That one, comparatively inexpensive, activity gave us exposure to all sorts of different things and a lot of different people. Like anything, though, you get good leaders and bad ones. Look around until you find a troop that suits.

 

Rosie

[unsinkable]

How do you decide which way to encourage your kids? Especially when you don't have $$ to let them try lots of things? Dd loves T-ball, but she is only a so-so player. I don't see her doing well in the more competitive leagues. I would like her to start music lessons of some sort in the fall, but I don't even know what instrument would be good. She likes to make crafts and can follow directions to make stuff, but is not very creative on her own. She would love to do something with animals, but we don't even have goldfish (nor the space for pets).

 

Sometimes I feel like there is a passion for something within her and I want to encourage it. I don't want her to wish as an adult that she had had a chance to do "X" as a kid when it's what she really loves.

 

Sorry if that's a little confusing. I just want to find that "thing" that she would excel at doing. Ideas? Thoughts?

 

About T-ball, baseball & softball:

 

Practice, with mom or dad, at home, everyday, for short spurts of time. It makes a huge difference. I am convinced of it. I literally played ball for hours every week with now 15 yo DS. His glove hand is awesome in hockey (he catches pucks that seem unstoppable) and he is a solid 2nd baseman & catcher in baseball. I am certain the hours of catch with mom made a difference. ;)

 

You can help your DD become an awesome thrower & fielder with steady, consistent work.

[Mejane]

I don't think you do find it; I think they find it. The only thing you can do is expose them to different things and see what clicks. See if she can volunteer with animals somewhere. I used to run the dogs at our local humane society. Unfortunately, liability issues sometimes keep them from using volunteers, especially youngsters.

Edited February 14, 2011 by Mejane

[G5052]

Frankly I was pushed certain ways as child that I believe were wrong, i.e. my parents loved Z so I had to do Z from an early age until I left for college. I didn't do W because neither parent liked W. I missed things that I believe that I would have loved.

 

In grade school my goal was to have my own kids try a little of various things they were interested in without pressure from me, then in middle school and up focus on what they really love. I was very low key. The kid who had zero interest in piano did not take piano. When he wanted art lessons we did that until he wanted to stop. My crafty one was allowed to pursue anything that we can reasonably afford that way. Paid lessons had to be completed for a full season, session, or a year as was appropriate.

 

And yes, the interests have matured and they are THEIR interests, not mine.

[Greta]

When my dd was very little, I enrolled her in gymnastics for a short time (we left because I was unhappy with the school) and then in dance. I wouldn't ever tell her this, but dance did not appear to be her talent. Plus, she simply stopped enjoying it, so we left that as well. Then she told me she wanted to do martial arts. I was surprised. It's not something I ever would have imagined her doing. It's not something I would have particularly chosen for her. But she found her thing! She loved it so much that she is committed to getting her black belt, and she attends class five days a week and practices at home. She has competed in tournaments and done well. *She* found her passion. I couldn't have found it for her. We don't have the kind of money to allow our daughter to "dabble" in everything she might be interested in either. But your dd is old enough that if you talk to her about it, and explore some options with her, I bet she could figure out what would be best for her.

 

If your dd likes animals but you don't have or want pets, I bet you could find some fun things for her to do in your community. One of our local public libraries has a "read to the dogs" day once a month, where kids come and read to dogs that are being trained to assist the ill and disabled. It's great for the kids and for the dogs. If keeping a pet in your home on a temporary basis would be an option, I know there are organizations that use "foster homes" until they can find permanent homes for pets. If not, they also need volunteers to help at their big adoption promotions (for example, at the local Petsmart, they hold a big adoption once a month, and they need people to help with that). But it could also be something as simple as walking a dog for an elderly neighbor.

[justamouse]

it takes a long time of reading your kids. There's no rush, take your time and let it reveal itself to you.

[Pretty in Pink]

I try to find opportunities for them to try what interests them. Sometimes that takes more creativity than others, especially if money is tight.

 

If my child enjoyed baseball I would just let them play. I don't feel that it is really a sport that one must excel at to enjoy a great deal. My dh played little league through varsity and he was just an average player. Your dd may surprise you by practicing harder to improve her skills as she ages, if she sees that it is necessary to make the team. Who knows? Rec dept. ball is usually fairly inexpensive.

 

My eldest ds LOVES animals. I try to set up activities a few times per year where he can get some hands-on animal time -- 'volunteering' behind the scenes at the aquarium is under 20.00 for two to three hours, and they get to feed the animals, clean cages, etc. I'm always on the lookout for organized field trips to farms and stables where kids will get to ask questions and touch the animals.

 

Museums in larger cities will often host a few music-themed days per year in which children can try their hand at various instruments. That might be a way to find one that your daughter is interested in. You may also find an instructor or music store that is willing to let her try several types of mouthpieces and see if one is a good fit.

 

ETA: Some other activities that we have really enjoyed time and again are art/music in the park, various community festivals with free activities for children, community theatre (reduced tickets for groups, or you may be able to see about getting in to watch a rehersal if it's just one or two kids), community orchestras and high school band concerts, and various activities at community colleges (planetarium, lots of musical performances, film festivals, art shows, etc). These are all the sorts of events that older students particularly might enjoy, if they are interested in a particular area.

Edited February 14, 2011 by Pretty in Pink

[Joyofsixreboot]

My 9 yo asked me the other day how he could "find his calling." I told him to keep trying things that look fun until something clicks. He has many talents and things he enjoys (think Tom Sawyer) but those aren't the skills that are necessarily what society is currently looking for. I'm hoping he can translate what he likes into a life long passion (or a passion that leads to one).

[athena1277]

I don't think you do find it; I think they find it. The only thing you can do is expose them to different things and see what clicks. See if she can volunteer with animals somewhere. I used to run the dogs at our local humane society. Unfortunately, liability issues sometimes keep them from using volunteers, especially youngsters.

 

I did look into this, but you have to be 15 to work with the animals. Such a bummer, because it would be fun for her and the animals.

[Alenee]

I try to comment when I see a thing they're doing well or are enjoying. Simple things like my dd playing 'reporter'. She also writes little poems here and there. I made the comment to her recently that maybe she ought to consider becoming a writer/journalist when she grows up. IMO, they don't necessarily have to try many things that are programmed activities. Simply observing what they do with their free time is a great way to encourage them down a particular path.

 

On a more personal note, I tried many different activities growing up but other than being told I could be working harder, no one ever really steered me toward anything in particular. I couldn't have told you what I was good at. Looking back, I wonder what, if anything, would've changed had someone said, "Hey, do you know you're really good at baking?" Would I have possibly chosen culinary school? I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life when I entered college and only now after being away from college for fifteen years can I say I know what I want to be when my kids are grown.

[PiCO]

Just my two cents about T-ball, or similar sport - IMO, that would not be an activity for which excelling or not excelling is particularly relevant to deciding whether to continue. I would want to be careful not to be dismissive of activities just because a child isn't particularly talented in at area, so as not to encourage a desire to only participate in those things one is "good at."

 

I completely agree with this.

 

My older dd has done a lot of different activities in her young life, and could have excelled at a number of them. But she likes to do it all. In high school, she is doing 3 sports. She has the potential to be amazing at any one of them, but she has chosen to be pretty good at all 3.

 

Younger dd has chosen to specialize in one sport at a young age.

 

Another choice would be to participate in a number of activities purely for enjoyment, and not be especially good at any of them.

 

I don't think one choice is better than the other, they are just different choices.

[TechWife]

I haven't read all of the responses, so I don't know what else folks have said.

 

I can hear a true anxiety in your question - the big "what if." I hope I can encourage you to move away from that line of thought when it comes to the passions of your children.

 

How do you decide which way to encourage your kids? Especially when you don't have $$ to let them try lots of things?

I don't think spending $$ on kids is encouraging anything.

Sometimes I feel like there is a passion for something within her and I want to encourage it. I don't want her to wish as an adult that she had had a chance to do "X" as a kid when it's what she really loves.

The opportunity to try new things doesn't end when we reach adulthood. I wanted desperately to figure skate as a child, but I went no further than one set of group lessons because we moved and there was no ice rink in our new town. Additionally, there was no way my family could have afforded the expense. Early in our marriage, we lived down the street from an ice rink, dh was working on his MS, so I spent his study time learning how to ice dance - private lessons & all. Loved every minute of it, don't regret learning at all.

 

Last summer, I took my first tennis lessons. I don't have the time to take them during the other seasons, but I don't regret the summer at all & may take more this summer.

Sorry if that's a little confusing. I just want to find that "thing" that she would excel at doing. Ideas? Thoughts?

To be quite blunt, finding her passion is her responsibility, not yours. Passions will change over the years as we mature and our circumstances change. Don't rob her of this part of her life's journey.

 

I think the best thing you can do is to provide an environment where trying new things is an accepted part of life. I believe the best way to do that is by modeling it in your own life. When you can't do something she wants to do, just be honest about the reason and move on - no Mommy guilt allowed!

 

Enjoy life with her w/out rushing kids from activity to activity and going broke in the mean time. They'll be fine. As they age, they can get jobs to support their hobbies, or barter babysitting for lessons, etc. When that happens, you'll know your kiddo is really invested in learning about or participating in something.

[Peela]

My kids were very proactive about trying things they were interested in. ANd i couldn't say yes to them all.

 

I think I would just suggest to you to relax and trust that if she is exposed to a reasonable number of possiblities, something might jump out for her one day. You don't need to push too hard. Just do what you can do but let go of what you can't. If you cant have pets, she might be able to run a dog walking business when she is older- just as an example. Or volunteer at an animal rescue place.

 

But not everyone is motivated or inspired by activities. She might excel at being kind, writing poetry or any number of things that don't involve structured activiites.

[HSMom2One]

I don't think you do find it; I think they find it. The only thing you can do is expose them to different things and see what clicks.

 

:iagree:

I have raised three kids to adulthood and 11 yo dd is my fourth and last. I have to say that from my own experience that Mejane's point is solid. You don't find their "thing" or even really help them purposely find their "thing". Their "thing" will slowly emerge and become recognizable to you. It will hold their attention longer than other activities/persuits. They'll talk about it a lot, draw pictures and write stories about it...beg you for it, pay their own money for it, etc.

 

It may come along during adolescence, in fact, most likely will come at about that time. Trust me, you will know. There will be no doubt.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Donna]

I don't think you do find it; I think they find it. The only thing you can do is expose them to different things and see what clicks.

 

:iagree: I completely agree. I think you just expose them to as much as you can and see what happens.

 

Listen to different types of music or attend local concerts and they might decide they'd like to try a certain instrument. Not sure where you live but there is a lot of music in the city near us that is free or very inexpensive to go listen to.

 

Read biographies and other books as someone else said or allow them to shadow different people at work to see if there is something that appeals to them.

 

I've taken my kids to things like war reenactments, zoo, museums, living history museums, parks, plays, etc...where they can see people doing different arts (pottery, drawing, iron working, glass blowing, etc...), learn about history, see animals, etc...encourage them to talk to people about what they are doing and ask lots of questions.

 

Also allow them to try different sports or go see games (not talking professional but maybe see other kids playing). I also agree with not looking discouraging something just because she doesn't seem particularly talented at it. Some kids just peak at different ages and some don't peak at all but simply enjoy something.