5KidzRUs Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Wives who want to honor their husbands don't seek comfort from people via facebook (even people they are family - it's not about FB)....I just think she needs to hire a professional and work with her husband or work on whether she wants to be with him, not display her dirty laundry for her friends or family to inspect. This is OT - but there are many people on my FB friends list who post personal anecdotes, issues and even MOODS several times a day. It seems to me that in ways, it is like a blog or open air diary - with hourly updated - to many. Maybe it is therapeutic ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 But, the OP's family member clearly does not have a sweet, sheparding husband. Apples and oranges. Mostly I am, lol, but I have my moments. I am not trying to be super critical. I don't know these people, and I am sorry if I sound harsh. But I think that if he's really that bad, she needs counseling about leaving. And if she's not going to leave - if it's not really that bad and she loves him and doesn't see that happening, she could still get counseling, but she needs to treat the relationship carefully. I wouldn't want to damage it further by talking about my husband in a way that would make him feel betrayed or violated. Maybe he has full access to her FB and has not problem with the discussions. I can't know. But I would be careful as the confidant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I am catholic. Fairly certain she either isn't or is an ignorant one. She isn't. Her father formed this church when he splintered off from a group he disagreed with, who had splintered off from a group that they disagreed with, who had splintered off . . . Well you get the picture. No. It is based on just authority to guide and to rule, not domination. My dh has just authority over the work of his employees. His boss has just authority over my dh's work. This line of authority is seen in all areas of life. Work, family, even recreation (a coach over players for example and even further a team captain and so forth). Yet most coaches would not feel that their players have less worth as humans. In fact, good coaches see and cultivate the tremendous worth of their players.I'm sorry I wasn't clear. My comment wasn't meant to apply to the whole concept of authority, but to authoritarianism, which is (at least in my mind!) something different. Someone in a position of authority is still held accountable, still has rules that they must follow. Your dh would be called to task if he mistreated his employees. Not so in authoritarianism. In an authoritarian mindset, the authority is beyond reproach, not held accountable. As in, a parent who would *never* be required to apologize to a child, because they are incapable of doing anything wrong enough to justify lowering themselves like that. Or as in a government which allows no criticism by its people, because it is incapable of doing anything wrong, and so any and all criticism would by definition be sedition. That sort of thing. Believe me, I'm not against the idea of authority. I am an authority to my daughter (and I try to be a good one), and I am working always on subjecting my will to God's, in recognition of His authority. I guess I'm just saying that there's only one authority that's beyond reproach and accountability. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I don't apologize over every little thing, but all my children have received truly penitent apologies from this mom. As humans, they deserved them. As a human, I needed to. Yes! This! This is what I was trying to get at exactly. Martha, I hope you catch this. :) Saying that children don't deserve apologies is denying their humanity. Saying that we parents don't owe them is denying ours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I'm sorry I wasn't clear. My comment wasn't meant to apply to the whole concept of authority, but to authoritarianism, which is (at least in my mind!) something different. Someone in a position of authority is still held accountable, still has rules that they must follow. Your dh would be called to task if he mistreated his employees. Not so in authoritarianism. In an authoritarian mindset, the authority is beyond reproach, not held accountable. As in, a parent who would *never* be required to apologize to a child, because they are incapable of doing anything wrong enough to justify lowering themselves like that. Or as in a government which allows no criticism by its people, because it is incapable of doing anything wrong, and so any and all criticism would by definition be sedition. That sort of thing. Nope. That is not authority, just or otherwise. Politicly that is a dictatorship. At best. Not sure what the proper polite term would be for a family situation. Believe me, I'm not against the idea of authority. I am an authority to my daughter (and I try to be a good one), and I am working always on subjecting my will to God's, in recognition of His authority. I guess I'm just saying that there's only one authority that's beyond reproach and accountability. :001_smile: And I have not disagreed with that, have I? Yes! This! This is what I was trying to get at exactly. Martha, I hope you catch this. :) Saying that children don't deserve apologies is denying their humanity. Saying that we parents don't owe them is denying ours. And again, I have not disagreed with that either, have I? All I said was that I don't think a parent always has to apologize. That does not equal that I think they never should, which I thought I made clear. Good grief. I say excuse me or sorry when I toot even if no one is in the room. I'm not anti-apologies for parents. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, I try to always apologize to my kids if I feel I am in the wrong. I want them to see that people who are "in charge" should always be willing to apologize too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Is this really even a question?? We apologize to our kids even now and they aren't nearly that old and we haven't had nearly as stupid an episode as that. Any mature, logical person should apologize for acting like that. Really, this isn't a question. Nobody treats anybody like that without a massive apology. I think the cat deserves a big treat too. :) P.S. I don't blame the daughter for finding another place to live. It sounds like it might be time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Absolutely. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Should parents apologize when they are in the wrong too?A relative's husband and live at home (college student) 18 year old daughter are not talking. He overheard her talking to her sister and yelled at her for being upset. I guess she tried to defend her point (with too much emotion I guess) and he kicked her cat to express his insistence that she not raise her voice. She was upset and from what I heard told him he was behaving like an as*h*le. Now they are not speaking and they are avoiding each other. She is trying to find another place to live. I am so sad I am not there for them - just able to comfort her and her mom via FaceBook. I personally think the dad should apologize first. Maybe there is more to it that what I gleaned. From my personal standpoint we have always apologized when we were in the wrong - even though it sometimes felt foreign to do so. What do you all think? I think that humans that kick cats are jackas---. I think people in general should apologize when in the wrong and most especially to family. People who don't apologize to family members,children or adults, IMHO, are also jackas----. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Of course parents should apologize. But this really isn't what the thread is about is it? This thread is for everyone to get up in arms over the guy kicking the cat...if he actually even did. This is information you got off of facebook?? Seriously? Who puts this stuff on FB for all the world to read? I question if this is even true. I would even question the person/s that did. What's the motivation behind someone airing this kind of dirty laundry on FB? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Of course. If not, I'm a hypocrite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo2 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yes. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Only if the parent wants to teach the kids to do so. But it seems there are bigger issues here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverMoonlight Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 He kicked her cat?! I'm sorry you lost me there. What kind of a person kicks a cat to show his daughter how angry he is? He doesn't just need to apologize, he needs therapy. :iagree: And yes, we apologize to our children when we are in the wrong. I can't imagine not doing so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 And I have not disagreed with that, have I? No, I only thought that *I* had been unclear and was trying to correct it. And again, I have not disagreed with that either, have I? Same as above. I thought that she had done a better job of saying what I was trying to say than I had. :) I never thought you were saying parents shouldn't apologize. I thought our only point of disagreement was that I said the belief that parents shouldn't apologize seemed based on an unspoken belief that parents are inherently "better" or "above" children, and you disagreed with that. Right? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I thought our only point of disagreement was that I said the belief that parents shouldn't apologize seemed based on an unspoken belief that parents are inherently "better" or "above" children, and you disagreed with that. Right? :confused: Yes. I would disagree with that. But I don't know anyone who refuses to ever apologize, much less claim to do so for religious reasons. Tho I'm sure every type of nutter exists. Including that type. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Always apologize, not just to your own children, but to everyone and yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Should parents apologize when they are in the wrong too?A relative's husband and live at home (college student) 18 year old daughter are not talking. He overheard her talking to her sister and yelled at her for being upset. I guess she tried to defend her point (with too much emotion I guess) and he kicked her cat to express his insistence that she not raise her voice. She was upset and from what I heard told him he was behaving like an as*h*le. Now they are not speaking and they are avoiding each other. She is trying to find another place to live. I am so sad I am not there for them - just able to comfort her and her mom via FaceBook. I personally think the dad should apologize first. Maybe there is more to it that what I gleaned. From my personal standpoint we have always apologized when we were in the wrong - even though it sometimes felt foreign to do so. What do you all think? He kicked the cat? Sounds like he has more issues than being unable to apologize. But, yes, I apologize all the time, just because I think when you're in the wrong it's a great way to put yourself back in the right. Why wouldn't you want to apologize? I also think it models healthy behavior for the kids. He kicked. The. Cat? Dude has issues. I don't even see why a parent WOULD have trouble apologizing. It's a most basic skill. You can't really teach it without knowing how to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yes. I would disagree with that. But I don't know anyone who refuses to ever apologize, much less claim to do so for religious reasons. Tho I'm sure every type of nutter exists. Including that type. ;) Like I said, I was stunned. And obviously I could be wrong about their underlying assumptions and motivations. That's just the way it looks to me from the outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I'm thinking the dd might want to get a pull out couch for her new place...just in case Mom wants/needs to 'visit' for a while...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yes, parents should apologize. Why wouldn't they? Let's see: abusing an animal versus raising your voice.....hmmm... is there any question which is the more egregious wrongdoing? Whatever was going on was not a justification for abusing an animal. Even if the dd had hit him, it doesn't justify abusing an animal--but raising her voice? Who is the one with no self-control? What an assanine, juvenile, wicked thing to do. I would be trying to find another place to live, too, if I were the dd and it would be for good. If I were the mom, the husband would be on the HOT seat big time, 24/7. It would not be a minor deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 He kicked her cat?! I'm sorry you lost me there. What kind of a person kicks a cat to show his daughter how angry he is? I know someone who, when he got sober via AA, "made amends" to the cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I apologize to my kids. Sometimes more than I should lol. I want them to see that it's ok to admit when you're wrong and ask to be forgiven. I want them to see that as their mother, I too make mistakes. They are sooo good about it too. My oldest will usually hug me and say, "It's ok mom". He means that he accepts my apology, not that what I did/said was ok. I know because we've had that talk a few times :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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