Quick to judge, slow to speak.

[Celia]

Okay, I'm frustrated.

 

My youngest is 21 months, and he doesn't talk. He has occasionally said a word, but has no words that he uses regularly. He did have multiple ear infections up until last March or so when he had tubes put in, so that likely has contributed to a delay in speech. But, on the other hand, his older brother was slow to begin speaking as well, and apparantly my husband didn't speak very much at all until he was 3, then pretty much started using full sentences, so maybe this is just normal for him.

 

Whatever the reason, I don't think my parenting has a heck of a lot to do with it, but other people seem to and it's driving me nuts! It's uncanny how many people have been commenting on the fact that he doesn't talk yet. Today, it was some well-meaning ladies at my church. They were saying that he doesn't talk because he has no need to - that I don't require it. I think I'm doing as much as is reasonable. I repeat things often, sing songs and play little games to teach him body parts, do a little bit of sign language. And still, just nothing.

 

He's on a waiting list for speech therapy (which I put him on because it's a huge waitlist, so if he's still not talking in a year or two he might actually have a chance of being seen). I've talked with the speech therapist about how to do exampling for him, and other tips to help his speech along.

 

His comprehension is fine, he's been checked out medically and is fine, and I'm not really highly concerned. He's a very active boy, so I think he's just been putting his energy elsewhere. Or maybe there is a problem that's been overlooked. I hope not.

 

Why is it that a person never feels more judged than when they're parenting?

[StephanieF]

:grouphug:

 

It seems as soon as you give birth it is somehow socially acceptable for people to start commenting on your personal life. Before birth it is considered to be rude:confused:

 

I'm sure you are right about the ear problems but now they've been sorted you are doing exactly the right thing. In fact I really don't see what else you could do?

Stephanie

[bluemongoose]

:grouphug: My brother didnt talk until he turned 3. Not a single word, then he started full sentences. His son also didnt talk much until 3yo. For some kids, and especially boys it seems, this is normal and OK!

 

The only time I roll my eyes (judgmental I'll admit it) at a mom, especially one with a kid that is not talking or not talking well, is when they babble at their kid in baby language instead of talking normally with full sentences. I would never say anything though-not my place!

[extendedforecast]

:grouphug:

I have a 24mo old who isn't talking very much either. When I took him for his 2 year check up, his dr. made me feel like a failure of a mom, though I know she really didn't mean to make me feel so bad. There were other issues, such as him falling off his growth curve, that contributed to me feeling like a worthless parent. We too are on a waiting list for a speech therapist evaluation. DH has said that he was a late talker, and even had speech therapy in school.

On one hand, I am not too worried because all the boys on DH's side of the family are late talkers (my girls were stringing 3-4 word sentences at 18mo), and because my son is very sharp; he amazes me all the time. On the other hand, what if something is truly wrong. His dr. ordered a cbc and lead blood test. The cbc came back normal, except that he was slightly anemic. The lead test hasn't come in yet. I worry whether he's been exposed to lead and this is why he is delayed.

And we get the same comments you are hearing. My least favorite is, "Why would he want to talk if he has his older sisters to talk for him?"

What words does your son say? It helps me to list all the words he's said, even if only once or twice. If you want, we can share accomplishments as they come. Here is one for today: We were at Toys'RUs today walking toward the front of the store, when my son said, "Boon!!" He led me by the hand to the customer service area and pointed at a balloon that was tied to the register. I was so proud of him.

[KellieMI]

My son will be 2 in January and he doesn't talk much at all. His cousin, who is a girl, is 12 days older and talks in complete sentences and has been for at least a month. If he were my first, I would be concerned, but he's my third with 2 older brothers, 10 and 8. He probably doesn't talk because they are incessant talkers. I know it's hard, but it sounds like you are doing what you need to be doing, so keep it up. Sometimes, people are too forthcoming with opinions when they are not wanted:glare:

[Heather in Neverland]

Ignore them.

 

Ds #2 was the same way and because I listened to everyone else I dragged him to all kinds of speech therapy he didn't need. He started talking late...about age 3 or so. He is now nearly 7 yo and won't shut up so trust me, unless you see something really unusual going on, everything is going to be fine.

 

These are the same people who told me the reason my ds was taking so long to potty-train was because he is a SINNER. Seriously. :glare:

 

It will all work out.

 

ignore them

[Sophia]

Why is it that a person never feels more judged than when they're parenting?

 

Because you know nothing matters more to you than your children, and for someone to imply you don't know what you're doing is just insulting.

 

Take heart, the more opinions you get, the thicker your skin will grow, and the easier it will be to ignore know it alls who don't know it all about your dc.

[Mom-ninja.]

My 25 month old says maybe 4 words.

 

My mom, of course, is the expert and has all sorts of advice for me as to why he doesn't speak. :glare:

 

Did you see my post about toddlers writing on walls?

 

My mom is FULL of expert advice on raising my dc.

 

The short version of all her advice is that all shortcomings my dc show are directly related to the fact that I home school.

 

You see, my 2 yr doesn't talk because I don't spend enough time with him because I home school his older brothers. He's not potty trained yet because I home school. He doesn't take long enough naps because I home school. He eats with his fingers because I home school.

 

I could go on.

 

 

All I can say is that people make comments just smile and nod, and completely ignore what's coming out of their mouths.

[bunnyvirus]

Not a doctor here, but my son did this too. We found out his tonsils and adenoids were HUGE and apparently it hurt him to talk. All those tedious well baby checks and all those ear infections and not a single person looked in his mouth...we had horrible insurance. Once he healed from the tonsils and adenoid removal, he started talking. Not sure if this is your issue, but if I could help just one other person it is worth it. For the record, everybody had an opinion on why he wasn't talking, including one pediatrician claiming he was autistic. He is now a huge popular almost 13 year old boy who won't shut up. :lol:

[angela in ohio]

I'd say: "I've spoken to a speech therapist about him, and while I do appreciate your concern for him, I'm going to trust their professional opinion intead." :001_smile: I'd repeat it often. If they persisted, I'd ask if they know how hurtful their comments are.

[wapiti]

As a mom of three late talkers, I share your frustration. I remember my own mother telling me all the big words my similar-aged nephews were saying, while mine had none. And she would tell me about TV shows she saw on autism, and relate them to one or more of my kids, like I never thought of that.

 

But I knew in my heart that, while a struggle, everything would be all right. One, who was "severely developmentally delayed" according to a school psych at 3 y.o., is still getting speech therapy at 7 y.o., but is a couple grade levels ahead in math, and I could go on and on about that (but then I'd be bragging :D and academic bragging isn't allowed, but developmental bragging is :confused:). At least I get to brag to Grandma ;)

 

You know in your heart who your child is; it's unfortunate the rest of the world won't know what you know just yet. :grouphug: You're doing the best that you can. It isn't easy, but I promise, this too shall pass. :)

 

(BTW, while you're on the waiting list, there's also the option of calling EI; while it may take a little time to get the evaluations done and therapy started, there's no actual waiting list. EI isn't always the greatest - quality varies - but it might be something to try while you're waiting for someone else

 

Also, BTW, my late talker who got the tubes around 24 months started talking at 3 y.o., and he's NOT the one still in speech therapy; I wish I had demanded tubes for his twin brother - long story...)

[Nicole M]

"He'll talk when he's ready." That was my mantra. Or, "He'll talk when he has something to say. More of us should be so selective with our words."

 

To one old lady from church, I once said, "I'm sorry this is so concerning for you." And to one most annoying man, who was constantly trying to pry words out of my son, I even said, gently, "Well. Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you."

 

Yes, ignore them.

[Dawn in OH]

My first child, a boy, was speaking in complete sentences well before age 2.

 

My second child, a girl, was also. She proudly exclaimed on her second birthday, "Ohhh panties for me!"

 

My third child, a boy, now 39 months old was not speaking more than a few words until just a few months before his third birthday. His biggest sentence was 2 to 3 words. Right before turning three his speech totally took off. The child now speaks in complete sentences, no longer uses baby words like "mook" and "nank oo", in fact, he now says things like actually (using it correctly) and can pronounce things like Dimetradon and other dinosaur names. He also rarely stops talking.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't be concerned just yet.

[AngieW in Texas]

My middle dd was very slow to speak and when she did start to speak, it was obvious that her speech was delayed. In my dd's case, it was obvious that there were also a lot of other issues. She was late for every developmental milestone, not tremendously late, but late all the same. She sat at 8.5mo, crawled at 9mo, walked at 17mo, ... She couldn't directionalize sound and sometimes seemed unable to hear us, but hearing tests were normal.

 

I was very concerned, but dh's relatives all repeatedly told me that dh was a late talker who then blossomed into full speech with no problems at all.

 

I finally determined to get a speech evaluation despite my dh's objection when dd was 4yo. She had the receptive and expressive language of a 2yo (she'd just turned 4yo) and also had an articulation delay. The ST determined that it was primarily due to an auditory processing delay. She wasn't processing sound at the speed that people usually speak.

 

Our insurance wouldn't cover ST, so we got on the waiting list (6 month wait) for speech therapy through the ps. I posted about my dd's issues eveywhere and got several posts telling me to try Reading Reflex. I could see a difference in my dd's understanding and speech within weeks of starting RR with her. When we finally got to the initial eval appointment 6 months later, she was at the low end of normal for speech. They told me to keep using whatever I'd been using, because it was obviously working.

[Jenn in Mo]

"He'll talk when he's ready." That was my mantra. Or, "He'll talk when he has something to say. More of us should be so selective with our words."

 

To one old lady from church, I once said, "I'm sorry this is so concerning for you." And to one most annoying man, who was constantly trying to pry words out of my son, I even said, gently, "Well. Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you."

 

Yes, ignore them.

 

You, my dear, are awesome. I love these responses.

 

My now seven year old barely spoke before 2 1/2 years old. When her younger sister was born, my mom drove her to the hospital and worked with her for the hour long drive to help her say "Sarah" (her baby sis' name.) I cried with joy when I heard her say it because I so rarely heard her say anything (and there were probably some hormones involved there, too, lol.)

 

My dd also had many ear infections, but she grew out of them and started speaking well around three years old. She is seven now and will. not. shut. up.

 

You're doing fine, mama! You might just say something along the lines of, "Thank you for your concern, but I think she's doing rather well for a child who couldn't hear for most of her life."

[myfunnybunch]

Today, it was some well-meaning ladies at my church. They were saying that he doesn't talk because he has no need to - that I don't require it.

 

Oh for heaven's sake. That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. As if a momma could somehow force a child to speak. Where is the eye-rolling icon when we need it?

 

Sometimes people try to point fingers because it makes problems seem easily solveable and life much more under human control than it really is. If only you *made* him talk everything would be dandy...wouldn't it be nice if it was that easy?

 

You're doing exactly the right things for your boy. Ignore the "advice."

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

[Nicole M]

 

You're doing fine, mama! You might just say something along the lines of, "Thank you for your concern, but I think she's doing rather well for a child who couldn't hear for most of her life."

 

Nice.

[Pretty in Pink]

Because people are boneheads, that's why. It's none of their business and furthermore it's rude for people to offer their unsolicited opinions/advice about your children.

 

FWIW I have four boys and none of them uttered much before their second birthday. They are all perfectly healthy. :grouphug:

[Hedgehog]

DD11 was talking in sentences at just over 2yo; DD9 had a few words at that age and wasn't really communicating until 2.5yo. DS5 just seemed to repeat anything anyone said until he was 3yo. DD2 (who will be 3 at the end of the month) spoke complete gobbledegook until about 3 months ago, when she suddenly became comprehensible and now speaks very clearly in LONG sentences. In fact it's almost impossible to shut her up (luckily for her, she's our cute baby still, so everyone is very patient!!). She is also my shy one, who falls silent around people she doesn't know, and even takes a looooong time to warm up to someone visiting with us.

 

All kids are so different. There are people who love to play the "my kid/little relative is better than yours" game, and I can't be bothered with it; it's just an ego trip. I am also developing a thick skin for people who love to criticize. Bean-dip time... :D

[keptwoman]

None of my children spoke much, if at all before 3 years old. Both boys were pretty much silent until 3, J was very advanced by 4 both in vocab and sentence structure and C was right on track by 4. M took a bit to get some sounds, so I remediated it myself at about 4.5 I did an assignment once for University on baby talk and the effect it had on childrens speech development. It seems that the children whose parents speak only proper adult speech to children can be delayed in starting to talk, but are fine by about 4. I didn't do baby talk, it felt stupid to me to speak to my children like they were idiots (not saying that's what it is, but that's how it felt to me) so I didn't. I'm sure that contributed to J's late speaking, but also to his fast progression once he started. C just took a bit longer with most things.

 

I'm sorry the nosy parkers are making you feel bad. I love some of the responses above, if I still had a non-speaker, I'd be writing them down and using them on all the stupid people who butt their noses in where they don't belong.

[cjzimmer1]

Okay, I'm frustrated.

 

My youngest is 21 months, and he doesn't talk. He has occasionally said a word, but has no words that he uses regularly. He did have multiple ear infections up until last March or so when he had tubes put in, so that likely has contributed to a delay in speech. But, on the other hand, his older brother was slow to begin speaking as well, and apparantly my husband didn't speak very much at all until he was 3, then pretty much started using full sentences, so maybe this is just normal for him.

 

Whatever the reason, I don't think my parenting has a heck of a lot to do with it, but other people seem to and it's driving me nuts! It's uncanny how many people have been commenting on the fact that he doesn't talk yet. Today, it was some well-meaning ladies at my church. They were saying that he doesn't talk because he has no need to - that I don't require it. I think I'm doing as much as is reasonable. I repeat things often, sing songs and play little games to teach him body parts, do a little bit of sign language. And still, just nothing.

 

He's on a waiting list for speech therapy (which I put him on because it's a huge waitlist, so if he's still not talking in a year or two he might actually have a chance of being seen). I've talked with the speech therapist about how to do exampling for him, and other tips to help his speech along.

 

His comprehension is fine, he's been checked out medically and is fine, and I'm not really highly concerned. He's a very active boy, so I think he's just been putting his energy elsewhere. Or maybe there is a problem that's been overlooked. I hope not.

 

Why is it that a person never feels more judged than when they're parenting?

 

I tell you about my oldest in the hopes it will make you feel better. When he was 2 went for his well checkup visit. Dr. wanted to know how many words he said. His was about 10 (including made up words like de-de for blankie). Dr. immediately got on my about how he wasn't talking because he was home with me all day and not around enough other kids and I needed to take him to play groups etc so he could learn how to talk. I pointed out to Dr. that his father didn't talk until 3 and then spoke in sentences and his grandfather didn't speak until 4 (again with complete sentences). Dr. blew me off and I promptly blew him off because I knew from working with my son it wasn't a case of unable to talk but unwillingness to talk (I also had them repeat words after me during diaper changes and he would only attempt words he good already speak, the rest he just watched me).

 

At 2 1/4 with a vocabulary of 15 words or so, he taught himself the names of all the letters of the alphabet from an electronic book. He came out of his room way day and sat down with me to look at a book and promptly started naming all the letters he saw. (I had never told him those and we don't have a TV for him to learn it from).

 

Shortly after that as we were eating supper one night, he finished his plate and clearly said "More Quesadillas". Just as clear as you or I would say it. My husband and I just stared at each other in shock.

 

I could tell you more stories but the point is, with him he didn't talk because he chose not to talk until he could speak a word clearly. My husband and I use to joke that he would sit in his room and practice saying words and then when he got them right he would share them with us. He NEVER spoke baby talk other than a couple of made up words we he was very little and really needed to share with us (like de-de because that was his comfort object) and when he did speak everyone knew what he was saying.

 

At 21 months I definitely wouldn't be worrying about speech problems simply because he doesn't talk much. At least in our case in was a family trait, that they all outgrew.

 

Also I will mention that my son is an extreme perfectionist and I think part of his lack of talking was simply his perfectionist side showing. He was unwilling to do it until he could do it right.

[zaichiki]

I've had a super early talker, an "on time" bilingual talker, a late talker, and one who looks like she's also working on late. Because I've had 4 different experiences, I'm not an easy target for those who'd like to share their opinions.

 

Seriously? Smile real big and say "I'm not worried. Thanks."

 

You've been the responsible Mama: you've followed up on your concern. There's no hearing loss. There are no medical issues. There are no neurological issues. He understands what you say. You've considered a genetic tendency to late-talking. You are confident that you have done your part and your child is fine.

 

Don't let them get to you. Just smile and think about how nosy and rude they're being with their opinion which *must be right 'cause they know everything.* :tongue_smilie:

[Tylianna]

My first DD was the same way. When she went in for her 2 year check up the dr commented on how she was not talking and referred me to a speech therapist. By the time they came out to do an evaluation and get her into speech therapy she was almost 3.

 

She had a total of 2-3 months therapy and was moved on to the public school system. She was talking by then, but would not talk TO THEM, because of how shy she was.

 

Anyways, my dr told me to STOP teaching her sign. She knew over 100 words and would use them. He thought it was what made her not talk.

 

Then, fast forward to my other kids... He encouraged me to teach them sign since I knew how... :001_huh:

[Hedgehog]

Drs... changing their advice like fashions!

 

And - speech therapy referrals for 2yo.s?! :blink: