Falling into the trap of over-scheduling

[GWOB]

Do you think homeschoolers are susceptible to this? I know I am.:glare:

 

Right now we are in a sports lull. Fall sports have ended and winter sports haven't started. We are still busy! Mondays dd10 and ds7 have karate. Luckily, they are in the same class, so no juggling there. Tuesday mornings ds7 has piano at 9:30 and dd10 has it at 10:00. Soon this will take up a whole hour and a half, not to mention the fact that I essentially have to stay in town and waste time since I cannot come home. Wednesday nights dd10 has confirmation at church from 6:30-8:00. Thursday we have PE from 1:00-2:20. Sundays we usually go to church. This is the easy time.

 

During the early fall, we were doing all of this PLUS soccer. Sometimes I would be stuck at the fields for 3 hours. We rarely got to see dh, who works rotating 12-hour shifts. Lots of rotating 12-hour shifts.

 

So winter sports sign-up are Tuesday. For the last 2 years, ds has been involved in wrestling. It is a huge time committment, with 2-3 practices a week, plus tournaments on weekends. These tournaments are usually at least 45 minutes away, often close to 2 hours away. We usually have to be there before 8:00am, making for extremely early mornings. AND all this driving is done during nice snowy Nebraska winters. Dd10 wants to play basketball this winter. Again, 2-3 practices a week with games on weekends. Games to which we have to travel 45 minutes to an hour and a half away, usually occurring at the same time (but of course in a different location) as wrestling tournaments. Did I mention dh works rotating 12-hour shifts, often on weekends?

 

I don't want to sign them up. Well, I don't mind them doing this, but I really just.don't.wanna.do.it. It is too much! We rarely get to spend time together as a family. We are constantly going here, there, and everywhere. Part of the reason we decided to homeschool was to build a strong family foundation. Kinda hard to do if you're constantly in the car.

 

Why do I even consider doing this? Well, because of "socialization". I feel pressure to get my kids out and involved. I feel like I need to provide all these extra activities to make up for the lack of interaction during our school days. And yes, I feel some guilt because I should be "Supermom" and juggle all these things effortlessly. I mean, we homeschool moms are Saints, right? I also acknowledge the fact that I am likely over-compensating for my own mother's laziness. I was never involved in anything because she would refuse to interupt her TV-watching schedule for me. I never did any sort of extra-curricular activity. None. No clubs, sports, lessons, nothing. She would never even bring me to a library if I needed to do research. So, there may be some over-compensating going on here.

 

Ok. That got a little long and whiney. Sorry. I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I want someone to say it's ok if I don't run myself into the ground trying to get my kids involved in every activity known to man. I need assurance that my kids won't grow hunchbacks and become social rejects if I don't sign them up for wrestling and basketball. I want a hug!

[Halcyon]

You are me! I hear you and could have written your post, seriously. My oldest would do sports or activities every. single. day. if he could. Right now, we've limited him to TKD twice a week, basketball twice a week, and homeschool fitness twice a week (!!!) My youngest is more of a homebody and does yoga once a week and drama/dance/music class once a week. I need at least one and preferably two days where there are no outside requirements on me, and we did switch TKD places because the old one had classes from 6-7 pm which really cut into our evening time. Right now, I'm putting my foot down on activities that go past 6. And early morning activites? Two words: No. Way. My youngest had the opportunity to take inexpensive violin classes nearby, but we said no because they started at 7 am (hahahahaha!)

 

Good luck. I'll be listening in to hear other advice. (Oh, and I worry my children will be social rejects too. I know they're not, but I still worry).

[GWOB]

You are me! I hear you and could have written your post, seriously. My oldest would do sports or activities every. single. day. if he could. Right now, we've limited him to TKD twice a week, basketball twice a week, and homeschool fitness twice a week (!!!) My youngest is more of a homebody and does yoga once a week and drama/dance/music class once a week. I need at least one and preferably two days where there are no outside requirements on me, and we did switch TKD places because the old one had classes from 6-7 pm which really cut into our evening time. Right now, I'm putting my foot down on activities that go past 6. And early morning activites? Two words: No. Way. My youngest had the opportunity to take inexpensive violin classes nearby, but we said no because they started at 7 am (hahahahaha!)

 

Good luck. I'll be listening in to hear other advice. (Oh, and I worry my children will be social rejects too. I know they're not, but I still worry).

 

I know my kids will be weird. Their parents are weird. They really have little chance of being "normal".:lol:

 

Thanks for your response! I would die if I had to be anywhere at 7am! Getting to piano at 9:30 kills me. We usually start school somewhere around 8am, but mom is usually still in pjs;). There is no way I could get enough caffeine in my system to be nice at 7am.

[mcconnellboys]

I will just say that while I might have answered differently if your children were teens, they are so little! I would definitely not be doing all this at their ages! Plus, in your area, it sounds like it can be really dangerous to be doing so much traveling during the winter....

[Jan in SC]

Well, we would drop the PE and karate classes, but keep the basketball and wrestling. Of course, we are a strange sports loving family. (In fact we are really strange as my guys equally love music, theatre and art!)

 

At seven, I wouldn't worry about skipping a wrestling season! Maybe he could play basketball in the same league as his sister.

 

As for driving in the Nebraska winter...I couldn't do it. If there is a 10% chance of snow here, everything closes!!!

[NanceXToo]

lol of course it's okay! Don't do any more than is comfortable for you!

 

Right now things are pretty busy for us, too!

 

MONDAY

 

Monday mornings, my husband and I go to the gym and work out for 1 1/2 hours while the kids go in the "child watch" program.

 

Every 2-3 Mondays Alexa has a library book club meeting from 4 PM to 5 PM (this is a temporary thing, not something that lasts all year).

 

 

TUESDAY

 

At certain times throughout the school year, my oldest is involved in a Special Olympics sport that involves me having to pick her up at school (a half hour round trip)

 

Tuesday evenings starting next week and lasting for a couple of months, Alexa and Ben will be doing an "indoor youth soccer league" at the Y from 5:30 to 6:30. While they do that, I'll be taking an adult fitness class there at the Y.

 

 

WEDNESDAY

 

Wednesday mornings, my husband and I go to the gym and work out for 1 1/2 hours while the kids go in the "child watch" program.

 

The first Wednesday of each month, Alexa and Ben go to a "homeschool PE" class at the Y starting a half hour after that (so I wait around, because childcare ends at 10:30 and PE starts at 11:00). This is once a month from October-April.

 

 

THURSDAY

 

My husband and I go to our TOPS (weight loss support) meeting in the morning, while Grandma watches the kids.

 

At certain times throughout the year, my oldest is involved in a Special Olympics sport that involves me having to pick her up at school (a half hour round trip)

 

Alexa goes to Girl Scouts in the evening.

 

 

FRIDAY

 

No regular scheduled activities. Yay!

 

 

SATURDAY

 

Alexa will be starting "Youth Judo" classes at the Y next week from 10:30 AM to 11:30 AM.

 

 

SUNDAY

 

No regular scheduled activities. Yay!

 

 

...of course, throughout each month, there are also various field trips, tours and get togethers with our homeschool group. And errands. And various doctor and dentist and eye doctor appointments for somebody or other. And I might do a "homeschool bowling league" with them again this year which runs for...I forget, maybe 8 weeks or so, over the late winter/early spring. There's always something!

 

Sometimes I like being that busy.

 

Sometimes I even get antsy on that one day I DON'T have to go do something, and start feeling like I WANT to go do something.

 

Other times I cancel on field trips and need to just hole up and not do anything for a day.

 

It varies!

[AK_Mom4]

If it were me, I would "take off the winter - just this once".

 

I totally understand about the winter driving thing. And the "going all the time" thing. And the "Never get to see your hubby" thing.

 

I would just keep going witht the schedule you have now and not sign up for basketball or wrestling this winter. In the spring, when your batteries are all recharged, then you can look at spring sports - soccer or whatever.

 

I think seeing Daddy is more important than wrestling or basketball, too!

[m0mmaBuck]

I know my kids will be weird. Their parents are weird. They really have little chance of being "normal".:lol: (snip) .

 

Amen sista!

 

I try to keep our (the littles' and my) schedule light but when I look at the entire family's schedule it gets a little crazy sometimes. DH's work schedule is here and there as is mine and DSS is working 6 days/wk from now until mid-January.

 

Monday: Cubs Den Meeting (DH is Cubmaster and usually goes taking DS with him event though it's not DS's den)

Tuesday: Library day, DD dance, another Cubs Den meeting (same scenario as Monday), Venture Scouts

Wednesday: Noon D&D game time at comic book store for DS and DH, AWANAS

Thursday: Oh sweet day of respite

Friday: Cub Scouts (DS's den and/or Pack Meeting)

 

There are things we try to fit in weekly (bowling, minigolf, swimming, park days, etc.) that fall where they may in our week.

[GWOB]

Thanks guys! I know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I'm just trying to find a balance between providing extra opportunities and spending quality time with the family. It gets hard! I was wondering if anyone else felt like they HAD to participate in lots of extra activities because they homeschooled.

[JudoMom]

Do you think homeschoolers are susceptible to this? I know I am.:glare:

 

Right now we are in a sports lull. Fall sports have ended and winter sports haven't started. We are still busy! Mondays dd10 and ds7 have karate. Luckily, they are in the same class, so no juggling there. Tuesday mornings ds7 has piano at 9:30 and dd10 has it at 10:00. Soon this will take up a whole hour and a half, not to mention the fact that I essentially have to stay in town and waste time since I cannot come home. Wednesday nights dd10 has confirmation at church from 6:30-8:00. Thursday we have PE from 1:00-2:20. Sundays we usually go to church. This is the easy time.

 

During the early fall, we were doing all of this PLUS soccer. Sometimes I would be stuck at the fields for 3 hours. We rarely got to see dh, who works rotating 12-hour shifts. Lots of rotating 12-hour shifts.

 

So winter sports sign-up are Tuesday. For the last 2 years, ds has been involved in wrestling. It is a huge time committment, with 2-3 practices a week, plus tournaments on weekends. These tournaments are usually at least 45 minutes away, often close to 2 hours away. We usually have to be there before 8:00am, making for extremely early mornings. AND all this driving is done during nice snowy Nebraska winters. Dd10 wants to play basketball this winter. Again, 2-3 practices a week with games on weekends. Games to which we have to travel 45 minutes to an hour and a half away, usually occurring at the same time (but of course in a different location) as wrestling tournaments. Did I mention dh works rotating 12-hour shifts, often on weekends?

 

I don't want to sign them up. Well, I don't mind them doing this, but I really just.don't.wanna.do.it. It is too much! We rarely get to spend time together as a family. We are constantly going here, there, and everywhere. Part of the reason we decided to homeschool was to build a strong family foundation. Kinda hard to do if you're constantly in the car.

 

Why do I even consider doing this? Well, because of "socialization". I feel pressure to get my kids out and involved. I feel like I need to provide all these extra activities to make up for the lack of interaction during our school days. And yes, I feel some guilt because I should be "Supermom" and juggle all these things effortlessly. I mean, we homeschool moms are Saints, right? I also acknowledge the fact that I am likely over-compensating for my own mother's laziness. I was never involved in anything because she would refuse to interupt her TV-watching schedule for me. I never did any sort of extra-curricular activity. None. No clubs, sports, lessons, nothing. She would never even bring me to a library if I needed to do research. So, there may be some over-compensating going on here.

 

Ok. That got a little long and whiney. Sorry. I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I want someone to say it's ok if I don't run myself into the ground trying to get my kids involved in every activity known to man. I need assurance that my kids won't grow hunchbacks and become social rejects if I don't sign them up for wrestling and basketball. I want a hug!

 

Take the season off! You must! You absolutely must! Take time this season to enjoy your family. There will be benefits there that will outweigh any social benefits of basketball & wrestling. :grouphug:

[snickelfritz]

We do participate in more than they would if they were in school. But I always find a balance of activity/my sanity.

 

For *me*.... your schedule is overly heavy on sports. Starting this winter, we will be doing soccer year-round. So, I'm not anti-sports. If you keep wrestling and basketball, I would drop karate and PE. With multiple practices for each, plus games, that's plenty.

 

It might be preferable to keep karate and PE and drop the basketball/wrestling. Can you even drive them to all the games/practices if your dh has to work? That's a personal decision. My dd's LOVE soccer, so it would be hard for that to be the dropped sport for us. An alternative might be to find less intensive leagues? Luckily, indoor soccer has 1 game a week and no practices. So, we're still getting a breather from outdoor.

[jujsky]

You're not the only one struggling with this. It's ok if you don't run yourself into the ground trying to get your kids involved in every activity known to man. Your kids won't grow hunchbacks and become social rejects if you don't sign them up for wrestling and basketball. :grouphug:

 

Do you feel better now? :D I go through this too -- believe me, I do. You want to know what makes me feel the most guilty? I really, really want DS to find his "thing" because DD found hers (dance) and has a whole circle of friends because of it. DS is in his 2nd year of a learn-to-play hockey program. We're not 100% sure it's his thing, and even though I want him to find his thing, I'm so hoping hockey isn't it!!!! The time commitment is one that makes me cringe, even though DH does it with him and I don't have to do much/any of the running around for it. I know once he's in a real league he will be at hockey 3-4 times/week and the schedule isn't a set one -- it's very unpredictable.

 

Just do what you can do. If you have to limit them and make them choose what they want to do most, do it and don't feel guilty.

[Farrar]

I feel like I've had this conversation with nearly everyone we know in the last few weeks. We all are feeling overscheduled, but we all love the stuff we do, the kids love the stuff and even chose a lot of it... it's just... overwhelming.

 

Bleh. I wish I had deeper thoughts. If we didn't do anything, that wouldn't be any good either.

[Halcyon]

I was wondering if anyone else felt like they HAD to participate in lots of extra activities because they homeschooled.

 

 

Me.

[Halcyon]

I really, really want DS to find his "thing" because DD found hers (dance) and has a whole circle of friends because of it. DS is in his 2nd year of a learn-to-play hockey program.

 

Ii hear you on this! My youngest seems to have just found his "thing". Turns out he loves yoga, and LOVES a new drama/dance/music class he joined. Kids are just like him, arty and funky, and I ma so happy. I hope your son finds his "thing" too :) It does make me breathe easier. He's not at all a sporty kid and I was/am worried he wouldn't find his tribe.

[Pretty in Pink]

We are busy, too.

 

I have class 4 days per week.

 

Dh has class two nights per week. He just started taking ds12 to scouts on Tuesday night.

 

Oldest ds has band on Wednesday afternoon.

 

All 3 of the older boys just began martial arts 2 afternoons per week. They also attend AWANAs on Friday evenings.

 

We have some other monthly commitments as well, like art lessons, park days, bowling, etc.

[MaMa2005]

I know my kids will be weird. Their parents are weird. They really have little chance of being "normal".:lol:

 

 

Same in this household! :D

[myfunnybunch]

I'm just trying to find a balance between providing extra opportunities and spending quality time with the family. It gets hard! I was wondering if anyone else felt like they HAD to participate in lots of extra activities because they homeschooled.

 

Yes.

 

I feel like this too, finding the balance and wanting to make sure my kids get social opportunities.

 

Two things that really helped us are limiting the kids to one sport and one social/extra, and finding activities that more than one child can do at the same time. My boys do a family karate class with dh (sport) and are in the same choir (social/extra). We also have a regular weekly play time with friends, and piano lessons as a part of school, so our time is filled.

 

It's SO hard to say no to more. Two of my boys wanted to sign up for Awana. I said yes. Another wants to join the swim team and try out for a musical. I don't want to squash their interests, and I know they enjoy the time with other kids. But I want more nights when we can say, "Let's play cards and eat popcorn!" instead of rushing to and from and getting everyone in bed so that they can be rested for the next day's activities!

 

Cat

[mktkcb]

Maybe you could choose between Karate, PE, or Soccer. Or maybe just drop PE. I wouldn't give up church or piano. I don't think my kids were quite that busy at that age, but then we aren't very sports oriented in our family either. High school age is a lot busier for us. We don't do much sports wise except for our homeschool sports program which does swimming 1x per week in the fall and spring, and volleyball 1x per week during the winter. But with my 19yo (2nd year cc), 17yr old (sr), and 14yo (8th), we do 2 different music lessons/wk, musical theater 1x/wk with all 3, art, choir, orchestra, coop Am Lit for 17yo, AWANA for younger 2, Boyscouts & writing class for youngest. Believe it or not, it all works out. My 2 younger kids are VERY artsy (can you tell?), and my middle child is getting Performing arts credit for her choir, orchestra, violin, and theater. Most of everything is withing a 5 mile radius, so I'm not going very far. Dad is totally in charge of boyscouts, so I don't concern myself with that. There is no wiggle room for any other activities period, but thats ok. This is a season of life, and everything I have each child doing is with adults that are having significant positive input into their lives, and are activities that they need to challenge and stretch them right now in ways that I cannot. Anyway...I digress. Bottom line. Don't run yourself into the ground, or feel guilty for not doing so. I sure didn't when my kids were that age. My kids are "purposefully" busy at this stage of their life, and I facilitate that. But at the age of your kids, they ran around, played, built forts, scootered...to their hearts content. Just make sure there is plenty of time for that and all will be well.

Kayleen

[Peela]

We did what you are doing, for a few years. My kids loved all teh activities. FOr me, I woudl burn out rather easily, but I coudl see how happy it made them.

I just got wiser with them. I didnt schedule any mornings if I coudl help it, so we had mornigns at home.

I tried to keep one or two days a week with no activities.

I basically kept weekends free.

It was still a lot.

But it does pass. Now my kids are almost15 and 16 and we do much less. Just a piano lesson, gymnastics (which is a great social outlet- its social gymnastics) and Venturers (the 14-17yo Scouts). We do not do any specifically homeschooling activities any more, although they have homeschool friends at gym and Vents.

 

Take care of yourself. It is ok to say no. I did find my kids got more specific as they got older, and happily dropped things. I dont regret the busy-ness for those few years, but it was hard.

[alpidarkomama]

My kids are 7, 5, 4, and 3. We do our learning time, go out to parks and natural areas, and have friends over to play or go to friends' houses. I do a music class for DD7 and friends. It's very relaxed, and they get plenty of playtime with other friends. Happily social little kids. We did t-ball once, but all the practices and games were at dinner time, and I thought 3x/week was too much (and "games" too) for the ages they were. Mellow's good. :)

[Ellie]

I want someone to say it's ok if I don't run myself into the ground trying to get my kids involved in every activity known to man. I need assurance that my kids won't grow hunchbacks and become social rejects if I don't sign them up for wrestling and basketball. I want a hug!

YES!!! It's ok not to run yourself into the ground trying to get your kids invovled in every activity known to man! Stay home!!!

 

My rule of thumb: NO outside activities that take place before 3 in the afternoon. Not ever. Turns out there are plenty of community activities that happen then. No, they aren't homeschool groups. That's ok. Homeschool park days or occasional field trips are enough to meet with other hsers. Really.

[Elizabeth in WA]

Me too. I am so tired today. :p Ds12 has gymnastics from 3:20 - 9 every weeknight. Dd8 goes to gymnastics 4-6M and 4-8WF. I do drop them off together ~3:30. Ds14, ds10, and d8 go to TKD just a block from the gym from 6-8 TR. The gym and do jang are only about 6 miles away - we moved closer because the schedule was impossible when we were further away. But still, the 8 PM pickup every night especially is draining. In theory we should go to TKD on saturday morning as well, but we almost never do. Tuesdays from 10am - 12noon we do Biology labs with another family in town. Once a month I have to fit in visits to the orthodontist where we used to live, so 35 minutes away with normal traffic. Almost every weekend there is some event, especially since we are moving into meet season for the young gymnasts.

 

I'm so glad time is changing tonight!