Vent: I am not the right kind of homeschooler!

[JenneinCA]

I hate being the only non-unschooler in my park day group. It claims to be inclusive but that appears to be a misnomer. It really means unschoolers welcome but anything else.... expect to be told the evils of your ways and be the 'project' to get converted to the 'one true way of unschooling.' We attend because my boys love playing lightsabers and running around like crazy people. My daughter was alright with her group, but they went boy and tv crazy recently and now that isn't working either.

 

I am working on figuring out a plan for dd12 (tomorrow!) for high school. She is currently a seventh grader and I am feeling the need to figure out what we are going to do. I am looking at our options. Do we want to do a charter school? Or the local public school? Or Mommy classes? Or community college classes? Or something else? And for my trying to talk about these things, I was told I was a bad parent. I was given all sorts of "Why do you even want your child to go to college?" commentary. That is what I get for mentioning school work in the presence of unschoolers. It was icky. I did get some good information from one of the Moms with an older son who is in a private Catholic high school. She is unschooling her daughter (age 12) but accepts that the same thing doesn't work for all kids.

 

And add to that my dd12 is having issues with the other girls her age. Amanda doesn't watch tv and doesn't want to. She is happier with her books. The other girls only want to talk tv and boys. Amanda wants to talk about the Illiad and whatever other book she is reading at the moment. She is feeling left out and alone. They aren't being mean. They are just not interested in any of the same things. That unschooler vs. classical schooler thing is hard when you are a tween too.

 

And then as I look for options for her for high school I find a couple of places that offer classes for homeschoolers that are classical and look good. They are Christian, but I am willing to see if it would be a good fit. Until I see the spot on the application for Pastoral Recommendation. We can't do that. We don't and won't go to a church.

 

And so the unschoolers don't want us. And the Classical Christian community doesn't want us. And today I am feeling very alone. Wahhhh!

[dangermom]

Bummer!

 

I guess I'm in a bit of a similar place--our group is mostly unschoolers, but they do accept my strange classical ways and are good folks. My 10yo daughter doesn't often have someone to play with there. We wouldn't fit into a Classical Christian mold either--we're LDS and would never be allowed into a group with an SOF or anything like that. I do know that slipping-between-the-cracks feeling, but we're OK.

 

(As far as community college classes go, I would wait until at least 14. I work at a CC and that's my feeling. Though sometimes I think my 10yo has more of a clue than some of those students! :p)

[i.love.lucy]

Is there a WTM/Classical yahoo group in your area? I know there's one in mine but they don't meet much. I think that's because most people on it are in other groups, but I would guess there are a few out there like you who don't have other groups and would like to come out to get to know others. Maybe you can check into that on the Yahoo groups page to see if you can find a way to create your own group.

 

:grouphug: Sorry. Especially for your daughters sake. 12 is a hard age to feel like you don't fit in with other people. Even just finding one or two friends she can connect with would help. What about a book club? You could post it through your library. Tween girls only. Just a thought.

[Cindyz]

We are in a very similar situation. The co-ops in this area are all either religion based or unschoolers. It's very difficult to find a place to fit when you're a secular (mostly) classical home schooler so I understand how you feel!

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

When my son was younger and we were planning to homeschool, I thought it would be great because there are so many groups in our area. I had no idea how closed they actually are.

[JenneinCA]

Thanks for the hugs. I haven't found any WTM groups in the area. It is really heavily unschooler here.

 

My dd12 was doing alright until this summer and then these last few weeks everything fell apart. She didn't even want to have a birthday party.

 

Classical and Secular is a hard mix. It is nice to know we aren't really alone.

:001_smile:

 

Anyone in the San Jose, CA area with kids around my kids' ages? We would love to meet up!

[hsbaby]

I grew up in San Jose!! None of the friends I grew up with hs though. It's not a cheap place to live, so most of them work! Wish I could help:grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would contact the classical schools in writing (mail or e-mail) and tell them upfront that you are not a Christian but wonder if the school would be a good fit for your family. Explain that you don't have a pastor (obviously) but wonder if you could use another respected person as a recommendation. It may be that their school has a Christian slant that would come out in assignments. Ask if that is the case and let them know what would be a good fit for you (some Christian content on certain subjects but not others?) Be clear so that they really can evaluate whether they would be a good fit for you and your kids. The worst that would happen is that they would tell you that their school doesn't want you. But hopefully it wouldn't hurt so much because you don't know them personally, if that were to happen. The best, is that you might find that you have some options that you didn't know that you had.

[Daisy]

Our homeschool group must be unusual. We NEVER talk about curriculum, methodology, etc. The only way I ever even know what people are using (or what they are NOT using) it at our twice yearly yard sale.

 

I know most of the ladies are more laid back than I am (from comments I get about my blog) but for the most part conversations of that nature are avoided.

[IsabelC]

I think, as with any group activity, it's just a matter of weighing up the pros and cons. Is the social interaction and fun that your children are getting worth the disadvantages, such as you not feeling that comfortable with the parents? Is there another option to get the fun stuff? Is there any way of changing the situation? Could you find a group that is a better fit for your family? Could you tell the moms that you are doing more structured home schooling, and could they please be mindful of this when mentioning various home ed approaches as you're not feeling as though they respect your choices? Could you select one or two families who are not being judgmental towards you and invite them to spend time with your children?

 

I have often felt that I don't fit in anywhere since I'm too mainstream for the feral hippies and too hippie for the normal folks, too unschooly for the classical people and too structured for the unschoolers, don't follow a religion but am not a militant atheist either, etc etc. I have found it helps to try and change the paradigm. Instead of thinking I don't fit in anywhere, I try to change my internal dialog to say that since I am neither this nor that, I can get along with either side, how lucky. It makes a lot of difference thinking in a more positive way. (Really!) Plus if I only associated with people who were 100% like-minded on every topic, I would have zero friends and acquaintances :lol:

Edited October 27, 2010 by Hotdrink

[dangermom]

Our homeschool group must be unusual. We NEVER talk about curriculum, methodology, etc. The only way I ever even know what people are using (or what they are NOT using) it at our twice yearly yard sale.

 

 

We don't do it that much. We're much more likely to be talking about other stuff.

 

Jenne, I used to live in Campbell and went to SJSU for grad school. So if you go into any of the Santa Clara County libraries, say hi for me! :) But we don't get down to the Bay Area much these days. I'll message you if we do?

[LibraryLover]

I am following you today it appears, but agreeing with you. I hope you don't consider that stalking. ;) I have had the same exeprience you're describing. We don't talk all that much about specific curric, and nobody here has ever said they have the perfect curric. When we do talk books, it's very supportive, with good thoughts and discussion. Nobody is thinking they have all the answers.

 

Further, the unschooler kids are very creative, and have lots of interests. They appear thoughtful and seem to respect their own freedom. The park days are fun. I've discussed ideas with radical unschoolers and we are all open to good reads on various subjects.

 

Maybe our own preconcieved notions about what we think is going on is not actually what is going on. SOF notwithstanding. That is not my cup of tea and I have never seen a group with a SOF in my neck of the woods. (Which is not to say they are not common. I just have not had any experience with that).

 

Our homeschool group must be unusual. We NEVER talk about curriculum, methodology, etc. The only way I ever even know what people are using (or what they are NOT using) it at our twice yearly yard sale.

 

I know most of the ladies are more laid back than I am (from comments I get about my blog) but for the most part conversations of that nature are avoided.

Edited October 27, 2010 by LibraryLover

[HeathenMom]

try being a tattooed, Heathen homeschooler. talk about a square peg. :glare:

 

my kids fit in pretty well with everyone, but their mom...well, she's a bit of a freak. :tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

You could join us. :)

 

try being a tattooed, Heathen homeschooler. talk about a square peg. :glare:

 

my kids fit in pretty well with everyone, but their mom...well, she's a bit of a freak. :tongue_smilie:

Edited October 27, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Allearia]

Thanks for the hugs. I haven't found any WTM groups in the area. It is really heavily unschooler here.

 

My dd12 was doing alright until this summer and then these last few weeks everything fell apart. She didn't even want to have a birthday party.

 

Classical and Secular is a hard mix. It is nice to know we aren't really alone.

:001_smile:

 

Anyone in the San Jose, CA area with kids around my kids' ages? We would love to meet up!

 

Wish we were a little closer! We are up near Berkeley though. I have found a surprising number of more academic schoolers up here, though unschooling seems to be the norm. We do occasionally go down that way for some group activities.

[Catherine]

I'm not much of a joiner, to be honest, I simply don't have enough time. But when I did join an "inclusive" group, it included only people who did not use any curriculum, and to be honest mostly had children under the age of 10. I'm not going to sign a statement of faith. And now to top it off, the virtual private school I've used as an umbrella for our transcripts is changing completely to be more of a "school" with some pretty onerous reporting and record-keeping requirements. Argh. One thought Jenne-have you joined WTMS-it's the Well Trained Mind Secular yahoogroup? I've found some very helpful people and resources there and there is NO attempt to persuade posters to adopt a particular schooling method. Like this board, there seems to be a variety of schooling approaches and an openness to listening respectfully.

[JenneinCA]

To dangerMom: We will be in the Santa Clara Library tomorrow afternoon. I'll say hi then. :001_smile:

 

Thank you for commiseriation. It usually isn't so bad at the park. I was having a moment when I was looking for all the options for high school and that was what set off the 'Unschooling is the only way.' stuff. Usually it isn't so obvious.

 

The unschooled kids are nice kids. They do have wide and varied interests. Chickens, rabbits, duct tape creations, and fantasy swords are just some of the things they are into. They however don't get the idea of doing anything that isn't of their own choosing. And the parents totally agree with them.

 

I will try to remember where I am when I am thinking about school choices and come here instead of there. It is just hard to not have any in-person people to talk shop with.

 

And I will send an email to the Classical Christian folks. The worst they can do is say go away and that wouldn't be the end of the world.

 

Thank you.

[FlockOfSillies]

Carol in Cal. is up there.

[Maverick_Mom]

We are in a very similar situation. The co-ops in this area are all either religion based or unschoolers.

 

Same here. I figured that the unschoolers would be a more easygoing group -- but they're more intolerant than the religious group.

[Starr]

I found that activities, college classes, even a ps activity became available as my dd got a little older. Maybe you could look for a class she would enjoy, art or something and hang on for a couple more years.

[mommama]

To the OP,

 

I wonder if you've considered finding friends for your daughter around her interests, as opposed to kids her age? It can be hard to have interests beyond 'pop' at her age. I know from experience :-) My own mother gave me an incredible gift when she sought out activities for me in which I could meet people with similar interests. Granted, many of the participants in these activities were adults, but my mom was always a presence for safety reasons (even if that meant just sitting in the back of the room or in the car during a book group) and always discussed my participation with leaders in such groups. I was schooled, but these activities made it much easier to survive the 8 hour haze that was my school experience.

 

In any case, let her know that adolescence doesn't last forever! Life does get better :-)

[stephanier.1765]

We are in a very similar situation. The co-ops in this area are all either religion based or unschoolers. It's very difficult to find a place to fit when you're a secular (mostly) classical home schooler so I understand how you feel!

 

 

Us too. I always thought that was strange that the unschoolers are (around here) a non religious group while all the other homeschoolers are. It finally pushed us out of the homeschool community and my son's peers were all public/private school kids. Now that he's in high school all the school kids are too busy to hang out with anyone they aren't in school with leaving my son alone and lonely. I am having a hard time figuring out what to do to find him a group of peers.

 

:grouphug: to the OP. I can picture your conversation in the park perfectly in my mind because I have been there done that. It's a horrible feeling. I hope you are able to find some girls for your dd soon. Poor thing. :(

[radiobrain]

I don't fit anywhere either.

 

:D

[Farrar]

You could also try popping over to the Secular Homeschool boards and seeing if anyone over there is in your area or knows of groups. What you're talking about is a very common lament or topic of conversation there.

 

We're super lucky to live in an area with lots of genuinely inclusive-minded homeschoolers, but I think it's rare. Most people seem to want to find their tribe and stick to the party line.

[stephanier.1765]

You could also try popping over to the Secular Homeschool boards

 

Thank you for that link. I didn't know that board existed.

[JenneinCA]

Thank you ladies!

 

I didn't realize how common it was to feel this isolated.

 

I am looking for groups for Amanda's interests. I signed her up for Japanese school and there usually are other tweens and teens there, but this year due to political things that happened at the end of last year none signed up this year. We just stopped with girl scouts, they were being clique-ish and she wasn't fitting in there either.

 

I am looking into Civil Air Patrol but she isn't that into airplanes. I will keep looking for other options.

 

Jennefer

[stephanier.1765]

I so know that feeling. It's like I'm a freak among freaks. :glare:

 

:lol::lol::lol: How funny but oh so true. :lol::lol::lol:

[jplain]

I am looking into Civil Air Patrol but she isn't that into airplanes. I will keep looking for other options.

She's not quite old enough yet, but you might start looking for Exploring or Venturing groups in the Bay Area. The Exploring and Venturing groups are co-ed offshoots of Boy Scouts for high schoolers.

 

My youngest sister quit Girl Scouts because of bratty girls in her troop. Then she joined an Explorer Scout Troop (or maybe they called it a Post?) and loved it. This was about 10 years ago, and they did meet somewhere in the San Jose area.

[JenneinCA]

I know about the Venturing and Explorer Scout groups.

 

Unfortunately they have the same God issues that Boy Scouts have. I don't want my kids to be faced with swearing an oath to God to be truthful when they don't believe in God. It just doesn't make sense.

 

I will keep looking.

[Carol in Cal.]

Carol in Cal. is up there.

 

Yes, here I am!

 

I love Santa Clara Library! It's the best one around! (The one on Homestead, right?)

 

But I am not homeschooling this year. My DD is at a Catholic girls' high school (although we are not Catholic).

 

Do you know about the Academic Antics group that is meeting in South San Jose? Or the group at the Grange in Morgan Hill? Those are both what you're looking for, I think--a mix of approaches, but serious about homeschooling, few or no unschoolers. And there are all ages represented at AA--through high school. And the Grange group goes through middle school and I think they are offering some high school activities, but not coop classes just yet--it's an active group, so maybe next year!

 

Also, there is a Waldorfy homeschooling group that I participated in last year in San Carlos one day a week--again eclectic, but kids who do like books and science and other cultures and such--a very nice group. It's called Lupines, and I think that your older child would fit in extremely well, and maybe the younger one too--I'm not positive what their youngest age is right now. It's in someone's house, and it's set up very well.

 

These are all secular groups with a mix of faiths represented.

[JenneinCA]

I found Academic Antics yesterday! It looks really really good.

 

I haven't tried out the Grange yet. They seem to have mostly dances and we aren't interested in that yet.

 

San Carlos is kind of far for us. I will see if I can find the Lupine group though, at this point I am willing to look farther than I would have three weeks ago.

 

 

It is nice to 'see' you!

[Carol in Cal.]

I found Academic Antics yesterday! It looks really really good.

 

I haven't tried out the Grange yet. They seem to have mostly dances and we aren't interested in that yet.

 

San Carlos is kind of far for us. I will see if I can find the Lupine group though, at this point I am willing to look farther than I would have three weeks ago.

 

 

It is nice to 'see' you!

 

AA IS really good--I attended the preview lecture of their history teacher and was very impressed. Of the three it is probably the closest to you (if I'm remembering correctly that you live near Valley Fair?). I know the organizers and they are very effective people. And Stephanie Hood tutors high school level math nearby, and I think that they have coordinated their schedule with her classes. This is a brandnew program so I don't know for sure how it will coelesce, but more than most I would say that these moms are committed to homeschooling into or through the high school years, so they definitely have the long view.

 

The Grange actually has coop classes for ages toddler through 8th grade, all on the same day, so entire families can attend. The dances are just extras and are not a major part of the offerings. Michele Price is in charge of the Grange coops, and she is wonderful. I don't know whether they have any openings, though. My recollection is that last year they were full. It is pretty new--just starting its third year. However, there is a lot of experience involved with the start up as some of the originators were involved with LPIHS and Vista, so they have that longterm vision for what did and did not work in those former, venerable organizations. (OK, Vista did not last very long. But as the 'heir' to Loma, it gets the 'venerable' moniker nonetheless.)

 

The San Carlos trek is not bad because they don't start until 10:30, so you're missing all the commute traffic. What was nice for me about that group is that they did all the Waldorfy holiday/seasonal celebration stuff that I never seem to actually accomplish--naturally dyed Easter eggs, May baskets, pykansky--the kind of thing that I know how to do but for which the activation energy has been too high for me to get it off the ground. Last year they built a solar water heater and hooked it up to an above ground pool, studied one country per month and celebrated with indigenous foods and cultural sharing, and did a general chemistry minicourse (I taught that one) for 6 weeks that was pretty hands on, among other things. I liked all the people very much and thought that it was a very worthwhile use of our time. It was not supremely academic, but certainly academically supportive.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Carol in Cal.