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mommama

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  • Website URL
    http://www.maybeonemore.com
  • Biography
    home is the "least restrictive environment" for our kids!
  • Location
    Moving to Seattle
  • Interests
    foster care &adoption, mensa, reading, travel (vicariously now), music, linguistics & language study
  • Occupation
    physician
  1. ...for different reasons (my kids were drug and alcohol exposed in utero; there is some association with partial or complete absence of the corpus callosum, but none of them have been imaged to date) After a frustrating year for my oldest, we stopped everything and are revamping, quite radically. We have decided to throw 'curriculum' out the window completely. We will read, read, read. When our kids are ready, we will teach them to read and write. We will use our content to learn the types of skills usually taught in workbooks and textbooks. This goes for math and science, too. We will use primary source materials, experimentation, and in the case of math, working together through problems of increasing difficulty, and using math as we live. I fully expect my kids to have difficulties with abstract thinking as well. For some kids with in utero exposure, the difficulties are not so much deficits as delays. They may not reach expected levels of abstract thinking until much later than is typical. I haven't read enough to know if this is the case with isolated PACC, but slowing down and really cementing the basics in a variety of ways may be an option for your daughter since you're homeschooling. Even if you're using a public charter, you should be able to do that w/ an IEP. As an overarching principle, I would suggest following your daughter's lead and progressing at her pace, regardless of which approach/curricula/etc you choose to follow. I love that homeschooling is allowing me to think in terms of longterm (ie lifelong) goals for my kids, as opposed to having to worry about whether they'll 'graduate' with their peers, and follow the (increasingly rare) typical school pattern K-8, four years of high school, four years of college, etc. We are free to be, well free. So long as we can let go of prescribed definitions of success. I think it's an exciting journey to begin.
  2. My aunt is using Starline Press for my cousins. It looks like somebody just stripped the Bible (and Ace, and Pudge, and the funny haircuts, too) out of ACE, lol! It's completely secular and runs from grade 3 through grade 12.
  3. http://www.signingonline.com is a web-based course in ASL (I assume that's the sign language your daughter is interested in learning.) The Bravo Family is a (pretty old) video series that's almost immersion. The learner follows the life of a Deaf family, learning ASL along the way. The outfits are pretty comical at this point, but the ASL is awesome. Books... Learning American Sign Language by Humphries et al and Fant's American Sign Language Phrase Book are two good sources. A fluent tutor (make sure they know ASL and not a pidgin or English-on-the-hands) or following a Deaf vlog would be good practice, too.
  4. Attached is a photo of me and my youngest. All of mine are adopted. Imagine the looks I get when little man joyfully screams "mama" when we're in public, LOL!
  5. I did finally get home to my desktop after working my 'real' job and then working in Haiti for a couple of weeks. I'd be more than happy to send the update to anyone interested via email. Unfortunately, it's too large to post as an attachment here. If you'd rather not use your private email, you can always set up a dummy free account to get the file if you're interested. mommama
  6. To the OP, I wonder if you've considered finding friends for your daughter around her interests, as opposed to kids her age? It can be hard to have interests beyond 'pop' at her age. I know from experience :-) My own mother gave me an incredible gift when she sought out activities for me in which I could meet people with similar interests. Granted, many of the participants in these activities were adults, but my mom was always a presence for safety reasons (even if that meant just sitting in the back of the room or in the car during a book group) and always discussed my participation with leaders in such groups. I was schooled, but these activities made it much easier to survive the 8 hour haze that was my school experience. In any case, let her know that adolescence doesn't last forever! Life does get better :-)
  7. I'm planning to wait until my children are reading fluently to introduce anything formal besides reading instruction, math and basic critical thinking skills. That being said, I'm a complete science geek, so we do experiments ("ooh, look at that", no instruction at all, just answering any questions), watch a lot of science shows, and go on a lot of science outings. My partner is a complete history geek, so the same sort of exposure is happening there too.
  8. Yes, but I got it pretty deep into a google search. I'll be home with my desktop in a week (need to make better use of that idisk) and I can get it to you if you'd like to pm/email me your contact info. The references are excellent paths to further info too!
  9. Goodness. I read everything I can get my hands on! I think the reading helps me to cope. Deborah Gray, Karyn Purvis and (believe it or not) a great blog called welcometomybrain . net are what I'm reading most right now. I return to 'the purple book' (Nancy Thomas' When Love is Not Enough,), Daniel Hughes and Keck/Kupecky often. I even re-read Bryan Post's book on occasion, though it's sometimes hard for me to hear his perspective. We have to switch things up frequently as far as our responses to behaviors go--revisiting these works helps us to keep coming up with ideas. I even read the new work on RAD for the DSM--very informative, if somewhat depressing, summary of the outcomes research available. I'm a bit of a science geek, so I enjoy reading some of the neurobiological stuff on these kids. How about yourself?
  10. How are you teaching your child with learning challenges? I have some compulsive tendencies, and so have been working on an ideal cumulative course of study for my children through the grammar, logic and rhetoric stages (My oldest is 5. Yes, I have a problem.) I've decided to try and do a modified, multiyear (if necessary) 'kindergarten' program with my kids to introduce them to the basics of phonics and math. It is my hope that I will then be able to proceed with a more classical course of study--grammar in all of its components; the great works; latin; greek; logic; math; basic sciences; history; geography; at least one modern language; art (not crafts, but art history and interpretation); music.... You get the idea. Now my children have a variety of learning and behavioral challenges, and some may not be able to eventually attend college or even live independently. My thinking, though, is that I'd rather spend 12 or 15 years exposing them (as slowly as need be) to the best education from which they can take what they're able, than to forego the rigorous path for a curriculum that they may complete, but is much less comprehensive in scope and depth. Does that make sense? This stuff literally keeps me up at night. Thanks for letting me think 'out loud' here. I can't wait to hear your thoughts and/or experiences. Perhaps you can help me to think more thoroughly through this issue.
  11. Unfortunately, (and this is what no one involved with adoption wants to really admit) there are children who simply are too damaged to ever live in a family. They do not need a family--they can't handle it. They need a highly structured, therapeutic setting that no functional family should have to provide. They need fresh staff every 8-12 hours who can handle all that these kids dish out and remain in a therapeutic mindset, they need more therapy than most families can afford to pay for, they need protection from themselves...
  12. AMEN!! Sister, my prayers are with you. I. know. what. you're. going. through. Youth is not protective. In fact the damage done during the first years is the MOST DAMAGING. I have two with RAD, both came home at age TWO YEARS. Both went through hell for the first two years of their lives. The result....violence toward animals, and younger children, and us, homicidal thoughts, hiding makeshift weapons, rages, lying (scary lying. makeyoufeellikeyoumightbecrazy-lying), willful destruction of property, smearing feces, vomiting in anger, telling perfect strangers 'i love you', telling me 'i hate you', etc etc, etc This is no joke y'all. Please ask yourself if you're willing to change your entire life--live as though you're in a residential treatment center 24-7, plan to pay for inpatient treatment instead of college, ask yourself if you'd do it even if all of your dreams about adoption fell apart. Would you stick with it if any of the above were happening with your child? If you can love a child who hates you, and protect the rest of your family, then proceed. Proceed with caution.
  13. Agreed! If you choose to proceed, you must parent as though he has all of the issues listed above--you will not likely get disclosure of said issues. This will mean line-of-sight supervision whenever he has access to your younger children. Ensuring limited movement at night while everyone's asleep (simple door and window alarms allow everyone to sleep safely) and therapeutic parenting (this is nothing like parenting your well-attached children, and can be incredibly draining). Read, read, read. Pray, pray, pray. I don't mean to frighten or discourage you. More therapeutic adoptive parents are needed. But there are way too many disruptions happening and way too many siblings getting victimized recently. Parenting traumatized kids is hard work. Unending. HARD. WORK. We need more to do it, but they need to be trained from day zero and committed to the very end. I'm raising (maybe 'managing' is a better word) two traumatized children and have fostered many more. I can point you to resources if you're interested. mommama
  14. We are foster parents who have adopted four so far from the system. We continue to foster, despite the myriad frustrations, because we have personally witnessed the effects of bad foster homes. (Our oldest two children were placed in the system, and abused in the system, until they came home to us. It it hard to both speak frankly about the experience and not terrify others who are considering it. A few quick bullet points, if I might: -Any foster child should be the youngest in your family (by a fair number of years) These kids need A LOT of attention; much more than typical children of the same age. -Social workers are either busy, naive, jaded, lazy, or excellent (these don't last long in the 'system') -Please, please, please be ready to adopt your foster child if reunification is not possible. Every single move a child has to make between caregivers is so damaging. Please don't accept a child that you wouldn't be willing to make 'forever' if that became necessary. -Read about attachment disorders (not just an orphanage problem), in utero drug exposure, fetal alcohol exposure (birthmom's don't always admit use--many don't think it really counts, what with the meth and the crack and all). Nobody wants to, and like me, you think "it can't be that bad". Read it anyway and just file the information away. It really can be that bad. -You cannot change or rush the system. You will have to take kids back to dangerous, neglectful birthfamilies. You will take care of kids who never should have been removed. There is nothing you can do about the capricious whims of the system as a foster parent. Save yourself the extra ulcer and just take care of the kids you have in front of you. -Birthparents will hate you at first. You represent the 'system' that 'stole' their kids. Whatever. Try to get to know them. Building them up genuinely (without allowing them to overstep boundaries) will either smooth the way for your foster child to go home, or allow you to gather valuable information to pass along to your child should you end up adopting him/her. -Can you love a child who will never love you? Who may in fact hate you (or at least seem to hate you)? The love of a foster parent is imho about as close to true agape as one can get. We have to love children who act as though they hate us, who do their best to push us away, who may be gone tomorrow or in a year. We have to love without any expectation of anything in return. We have to love because it's what they need. Many parents talk about loving their children unconditionally. But it's not until you parent traumatized children that you realize what unconditional love really looks like: love a child who uses bodily fluids as a weapon against you; love a child who will say "I hate you" everyday, but will never say "I love you"; love a child who seems to know all of your 'bottons' and who will push them every waking moment of every single day; love a child who (for your own sanity and parenting ability) you have to take respite from; love a child who has violated another child; love a child who tries to hurt your dog; love a child who tells horrible lies about you to anyone who will listen; love a child who tries to hurt you; love a child who's behind bars... then you will know what agape is. radmama -I'd be happy to answer further questions...
  15. Where do I begin.... All of our children are adopted from foster care, so "issues" sort of come with the territory. All were drug and alcohol exposed. The older two went through abuse and neglect for the first two years of life, before coming home to us. E-5yo son, home since age 2; diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, Autism (high-functioning), Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, so far; 'developmental age' can range from 5y to 18m depending on the day; He's the only one doing 'school' work now (see below). We schedule about 30-45 minutes of work each day. Some days it takes him 20, some days 3 hours, but we don't give up and just send him to a resource room (as was suggested in our local public school) so he's learning. Yay! J-3yo son, home since age 2; mild cp (motor skills issues mainly) same attachment and substance exposure issues as E, but no official diagnoses, mainly because we feel like we've BTDT....we're not looking for services so we're not really looking for any more labels either; fortunately for him we have our oldest and so know exactly how manage his behaviors and have skins thick enough to take everything he can dish out. and he can. dish. out! S-2yo daughter, home since birth (and what a difference good attachment makes!!) FASD; has a much lower frustration tolerance (and a much better right hook) than most two year olds; veeeeeeeeery delayed speech; N-1yo son, home since birth; screams, screams, screams; has the self-regulation of an angry wasp!; mild cp (mainly motor skills); did i mention that he screams? a lot; We do home OT, PT, ST; we are very, very structured; we will be schooling year round, starting kids when they're ready (J, for example probably won't start kindergarten until 7 or 8) and using what works. ps--I'm glad to have found the forums and this board in particular
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