Unrealistic Expectations

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm starting to think that much of my daily stress is from having unrealistic expectations for myself, my dh, my kids and on how much time it takes to do things. Even my ideal of my life is unrealistic because it entails a clean house with everything having a place, a perfect English garden and long long days in which we take meaningful field trips, frolic with the dogs, and still have time left over to have the most interesting people in our city over for dinner! So do you have realistic expectations for yourself? And how did you get them?

[swimmermom3]

My perfectionist tendencies and unrealistic expectations are a direct inheritance from my mother who has spent much of her life concerned with the way things look vs, the way things are. Thank goodness for my dh and kids who keep me real if not always realistic.

[Denisemomof4]

I hope you will at least reach a little higher and serve home-made pasta w/beef you raised and butchered yourself, salad from your own organic veggies when you have those important people over.

 

Seriously, BTDT. I don't know how to give advice to change things, though. I used to be highly organized and driven, I *did* expect too much of myself, my dh and my kids, etc. I worked my boys HARD when I home schooled them. I did keep a spotless and organized house but my kids were younger and we didn't have many outside activities. I've done it all. But my head injury left me different. I can't suggest that for you.......

 

One thing I can say is that you have to be realistic about everything you've been through. Nobody who has suffered the health issues you have is going to have the perfect home, school, and family. Actually, nobody does anyway.

 

Maybe look at what you want, and then realize what's realistic and shoot from there? My dh would be good at guiding with this. Can your dh see your impossible desires? Maybe he could talk you down? Also, prioritize what's most important to you. Hands down time with the kids is more important than a spotless house. I was heavily convicted once when I had a spotless house 24/7, stressed at the kids for making a mess (let me remind you, we have a farm and you get DIRTY sometimes!) and realized I spent a LOT more time tending to a house than I did tending to my kids. I changed that QUICKLY. I realize how short my time with my kids is (I can't BELIEVE my oldest is starting college tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!) and I've learned to lighten up. I'll be honest, some days I feel I just can't WAIT to have the kids gone so that I can have everything perfect. But then I quickly change my tune and thank my lucky stars for my GREAT, AWESOME kids.

 

BTW, please tell me you give your dogs home made food after frolicking in the field of lilies with them. ;););) Oh, and how many miles do you walk them per day?:D

[cin]

My perfectionist tendencies and unrealistic expectations are a direct inheritance from my mother who has spent much of her life concerned with the way things look vs, the way things are. Thank goodness for my dh and kids who keep me real if not always realistic.

 

 

Awesome book that helped me and my friend work through some of this stuff:

 

Will I Ever be Good Enough; Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Do I have realistic expectations?? No! Wholly unrealistic.

 

How do I deal with them? Poorly.

 

I tend to judge myself with a perfect yardstick. I also believe everyone else in the world uses that selfsame yardstick to measure me. So, when I know things don't measure up, I tend to open my mouth and let everyone know that I know that things aren't perfect. I guess it's my way of coping. Kind of like getting the jump on everyone else. If I put myself down first then no one else can say anything I don't already acknowledge.

 

Where did I get them?

I grew up quite poor. I lived 90% of my first 17 years within a 5 mile radius. My exposure to the world was in books, TV and through hearsay. Most TV shows depict perfect families, homes, social lives, etc. Most people only talk about the good stuff (family vacations, music lessons, fun family get togethers, etc). That exposure is what I thought real life was like.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My perfectionist tendencies and unrealistic expectations are a direct inheritance from my mother who has spent much of her life concerned with the way things look vs, the way things are. Thank goodness for my dh and kids who keep me real if not always realistic.

 

See, sometimes I will be ok with how things are because "I've done my best". And my dh will come in ask me how come things aren't better! Once I've given him an itemized list of exactly why things aren't better, he backs down. . .:lol:

[Chris in VA]

I learned the truth of this quote:

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having or thought I had the right to have." Katy Butler

 

I spent way too much time wishing life were different, and thinking that the next best thing/experience/belief/vision or whatever, would make me happy. I lived the "if only" life--which is no life at all.

 

Then I noticed--I noticed time slipping away, lines on my face forming (and other effects of aging!lol), and most of all, children growing. My brother died, and I realized--Time spent does not come back. I decided I didn't want to waste any more time wishing things were more perfect.

 

I remember looking out at the rain from my porch one night, holding my infant daughter in my arms. The rain poured like silver from the edge of the roof, reflecting the light from my home in the most beautiful way--and I knew--THESE are the "good old days," as Carly Simon says.

 

Now, right NOW, is the best time, even if it's a hard time, a disappointing time, a time filled with things I hope don't continue. It's the best time because it IS--it is HERE, and it is all I have.

 

I just don't want to spoil one more moment of NOW wishing it away.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I hope you will at least reach a little higher and serve home-made pasta w/beef you raised and butchered yourself, salad from your own organic veggies when you have those important people over.

 

But my head injury left me different. I can't suggest that for you.......

 

BTW, please tell me you give your dogs home made food after frolicking in the field of lilies with them. ;););) Oh, and how many miles do you walk them per day?:D

 

Oh no! I knew my perfect dream wasn't good enough! How could I have set my sights so low:banghead::lol::D

 

As far as the head injury goes, I'm glad that you're not suggesting that for me.:smash: I have enough memory issues without it!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I learned the truth of this quote:

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having or thought I had the right to have." Katy Butler

 

I spent way too much time wishing life were different, and thinking that the next best thing/experience/belief/vision or whatever, would make me happy. I lived the "if only" life--which is no life at all.

 

Then I noticed--I noticed time slipping away, lines on my face forming (and other effects of aging!lol), and most of all, children growing. My brother died, and I realized--Time spent does not come back. I decided I didn't want to waste any more time wishing things were more perfect.

 

I remember looking out at the rain from my porch one night, holding my infant daughter in my arms. The rain poured like silver from the edge of the roof, reflecting the light from my home in the most beautiful way--and I knew--THESE are the "good old days," as Carly Simon says.

 

Now, right NOW, is the best time, even if it's a hard time, a disappointing time, a time filled with things I hope don't continue. It's the best time because it IS--it is HERE, and it is all I have.

 

I just don't want to spoil one more moment of NOW wishing it away.

 

I love this post! Thank you for sharing.

 

This is where I am now! It has taken me awhile to get here - including years of studying Psychology - but I am here.

[MamaT]

I learned the truth of this quote:

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having or thought I had the right to have." Katy Butler

 

I spent way too much time wishing life were different, and thinking that the next best thing/experience/belief/vision or whatever, would make me happy. I lived the "if only" life--which is no life at all.

 

Then I noticed--I noticed time slipping away, lines on my face forming (and other effects of aging!lol), and most of all, children growing. My brother died, and I realized--Time spent does not come back. I decided I didn't want to waste any more time wishing things were more perfect.

 

I remember looking out at the rain from my porch one night, holding my infant daughter in my arms. The rain poured like silver from the edge of the roof, reflecting the light from my home in the most beautiful way--and I knew--THESE are the "good old days," as Carly Simon says.

 

Now, right NOW, is the best time, even if it's a hard time, a disappointing time, a time filled with things I hope don't continue. It's the best time because it IS--it is HERE, and it is all I have.

 

I just don't want to spoil one more moment of NOW wishing it away.

 

My dh and I had a conversation about these very thoughts today. I am not quite there unless I stop and remind myself. It is so hard to let go of perfectionist tendancies, even when they make me miserable.

[Rosie_0801]

I try to have unrealistic goals because I know it is unrealistic to expect to reach them. It cuts down on the amount of things I have to feel bad about not being unable to achieve.

 

I feel bad about being unable to reach unrealistic goals

 

OR

 

I feel bad about not having a really clean house

I feel bad about not wanting to put the effort in to have a clean house

I feel bad about not baking bread

I feel bad about not reading Margery Kempe at a faster rate than three paragraphs per week.

.

.

.

.

.

Etc.

 

 

The first category is more comfortable because it is so much smaller :D

 

I'm like this because my desire to be productive is much bigger than my abilities to be. Ah well, it keeps me trying and trying is better than not.

 

Rosie

Edited August 30, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Jean in Newcastle]

Awesome book that helped me and my friend work through some of this stuff:

 

Will I Ever be Good Enough; Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

 

Thanks, Cin. I'll look for this book.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My exposure to the world was in books, TV and through hearsay. Most TV shows depict perfect families, homes, social lives, etc. Most people only talk about the good stuff (family vacations, music lessons, fun family get togethers, etc). That exposure is what I thought real life was like.

 

Yes! I grew up overseas and my only real picture of American life was through books. I guess I'm still trying to achieve that American dream. . .

[Jean in Newcastle]

I learned the truth of this quote:

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having or thought I had the right to have." Katy Butler

 

I spent way too much time wishing life were different, and thinking that the next best thing/experience/belief/vision or whatever, would make me happy. I lived the "if only" life--which is no life at all.

 

Then I noticed--I noticed time slipping away, lines on my face forming (and other effects of aging!lol), and most of all, children growing. My brother died, and I realized--Time spent does not come back. I decided I didn't want to waste any more time wishing things were more perfect.

 

I remember looking out at the rain from my porch one night, holding my infant daughter in my arms. The rain poured like silver from the edge of the roof, reflecting the light from my home in the most beautiful way--and I knew--THESE are the "good old days," as Carly Simon says.

 

Now, right NOW, is the best time, even if it's a hard time, a disappointing time, a time filled with things I hope don't continue. It's the best time because it IS--it is HERE, and it is all I have.

 

I just don't want to spoil one more moment of NOW wishing it away.

 

Beautiful, Chris.

[LibraryLover]

I like my who my kids are. I think they have unique gifts. I don't think I have a Bill Gates or a DaVinci, but they are really loving and interesting. If I focuse on the end, or wish for a certain outcome, I might miss the journey, the becoming.

 

I would rather err on the side of accepting the quirks and messiness of others. I am not sure i am ready for a world where everything is tidy and neat and all the children are brain surgeons. ;) That seems more scary than the reality. The reality to me is that living a life, in and of itself, is a bit of a messy proposition. My artsy kids won't remember the eraser crumbs that aggravated me, but they might remember the constant complaints of them. (If I were to constandly complain...lol)

Edited August 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[eternalknot]

I'm starting to think that much of my daily stress is from having unrealistic expectations for myself, my dh, my kids and on how much time it takes to do things. Even my ideal of my life is unrealistic because it entails a clean house with everything having a place, a perfect English garden and long long days in which we take meaningful field trips, frolic with the dogs, and still have time left over to have the most interesting people in our city over for dinner! So do you have realistic expectations for yourself? And how did you get them?

 

It's like your attachment to perfectionism is keeping you from achieving it. Sounds familiar :D and it's something I have worked on for years.

 

I remind myself every day that perfectionism is an illusion; it's my ego exposing past experiences and social conditioning. It's not reality. Or realistic, for that matter. We have to let go of the empty illusion and instead be mindful and open to the idea that *OUR* ideas of how something should be/go aren't the end all, be all. That's my struggle, any how -- trusting the universe instead of trying to control it. Same general principle as "let go, and let God" if you're Christian (I'm Buddhist).

 

Further, if we're always worried about doing x perfectly, we're not focused on the experience -- in the moment. Looking back, there were times in my life where I've robbed myself of enjoying an experience or event because I was so focused on how imperfect it was going. I make a conscious decision every day to not repeat that mistake; rather, to learn from it. I don't want to look back on my kids' childhood (or worse - have them look back on it) and feel like I robbed myself of enjoying or at least fully experiencing them. Us.

 

Be perfect in your imperfections!

Edited August 30, 2010 by eternalknot

[Jean in Newcastle]

While I've appreciated all the comments to date, I realized that I think I've left a little bit of misconception in my first post. The unrealistic expectations (for the most part) are more of the "I have an extra hour and I've decided that we could get the whole house clean and once reality hits I'm frustrated" variety! And that causes stress.

[eternalknot]

While I've appreciated all the comments to date, I realized that I think I've left a little bit of misconception in my first post. The unrealistic expectations (for the most part) are more of the "I have an extra hour and I've decided that we could get the whole house clean and once reality hits I'm frustrated" variety! And that causes stress.

 

It's funny - just today I was wondering what I'd do if I had an extra two hours a day. I had been complaining to my mom that "it" never let up -- dishes, schoolwork, work work, chauffering kids around, laundry, the daily grind that keeps me from having those beautiful magazine-quality gardens and an exciting hobby or time to finish up that great novel I put down a week ago and haven't gotten back around to just yet ...

 

She laughed, as usual. I have a mini-breakdown once every few months usually right at the start of school or sports season, when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff that needs to be done or otherwise addressed. By me. Alone.

 

But she reminds me that not all of it needs to be done (culling extracurriculars or social obligations); not all of it has to be done by me (chores); not anything I do need be alone (kids!) I've had to learn to not care that the towels were perfectly folded and stored (attachment to MY idea of how it should be done) and instead to accept that the kids had their own really bad way of folding the towels -- and so long as they were stored acceptably, I had to let it go and let it be LOL. Perfectionism was killing me; "good enough" had to be acceptable if I were to alleviate the stress.

 

IIRC, you have adrenal issues. I'm recovering from the same, and it literally became a matter of physical health (nevermind the emotional health that is sometimes easier to ignore or put off) for me to alleviate the self-perpetuated stress. I started small (see above about the horrible folding of the towels) and worked up from there. It's been so freeing, on so many levels.

[Chris in VA]

While I've appreciated all the comments to date, I realized that I think I've left a little bit of misconception in my first post. The unrealistic expectations (for the most part) are more of the "I have an extra hour and I've decided that we could get the whole house clean and once reality hits I'm frustrated" variety! And that causes stress.

 

ROFL--

Ok then, maybe time a few activities so you can really see how long they take to do, then remember that when you have a few minutes and choose something that fits the time?

[Peela]

I guess as I have aged my expectations have become more realistic.

One of the things that really helped me a few years back was breaking my day down to 15 minute increments and planning. I saw I was literally trying t stuff way too many things into each day, and it was literally impossible. That was the beginning of letting go of trying to do TWTM as written, plus keep a beautiful house AND a part time job AND cook for everyone. Just not doable.

 

I think the key is just be aware of it and not value yourself through what you do. The Flylady system helps me keep my housework to a reasonable amount and if I get in and do it at the beginning of the day- before I get on the computer- it is done. I guess I have learned to become more and organised and efficient, and at the same time, let go of unrealistic expectations. I am not a beleiver in workaholism or perfectionsim and I actually fight against those tendencies in myself. I believe in time to smell the roses, appreciate my garden and teh birds singing in the morning, and a job half done is acutally a job half done and a lot better than not done at all!

 

Flylady was probably the key for me to let go of trying to do too much at once.

[cathmom]

I spent way too much time wishing life were different, and thinking that the next best thing/experience/belief/vision or whatever, would make me happy. I lived the "if only" life--which is no life at all.

 

 

I just don't want to spoil one more moment of NOW wishing it away.

 

this reminded me - I used to really not like being cold. When I was about 18-20, I had a really good way of dealing with it. I just thought about the next time I would be warm. I would imagine it, like if I was walking my dog through the snow, I would imagine being at home on the sofa curled up under a blanket. But then one day I realized suddenly that by doing that, I was missing what was happening now! I decided I'd rather feel the cold than miss whole parts of my life imagining something else.

 

When you have grown children and still have little ones like I do, I think it's easier to appreciate just how fast time slips away. I mean, wasn't my oldest just a little boy? And now here he is, about to be able to legally purchase alcohol, living over a day's drive away from me. How does that happen?

 

It's definitely one of the reasons I homeschool, so I can have all this time with my children. Why should the school get their time? I want to enjoy the special people they are before they grow up!

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

IIRC, you have adrenal issues. I'm recovering from the same, and it literally became a matter of physical health (nevermind the emotional health that is sometimes easier to ignore or put off) for me to alleviate the self-perpetuated stress. I started small (see above about the horrible folding of the towels) and worked up from there. It's been so freeing, on so many levels.

 

Yes, it is self perpetuated. And also - I am gearing up right now to start school . . !

[Jean in Newcastle]

ROFL--

Ok then, maybe time a few activities so you can really see how long they take to do, then remember that when you have a few minutes and choose something that fits the time?

 

Good suggestion (though your other post was so beautiful I almost didn't put my later post clarifying what I was asking!)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I guess as I have aged my expectations have become more realistic.

One of the things that really helped me a few years back was breaking my day down to 15 minute increments and planning. I saw I was literally trying t stuff way too many things into each day, and it was literally impossible. That was the beginning of letting go of trying to do TWTM as written, plus keep a beautiful house AND a part time job AND cook for everyone. Just not doable.

 

I think the key is just be aware of it and not value yourself through what you do. The Flylady system helps me keep my housework to a reasonable amount and if I get in and do it at the beginning of the day- before I get on the computer- it is done. I guess I have learned to become more and organised and efficient, and at the same time, let go of unrealistic expectations. I am not a beleiver in workaholism or perfectionsim and I actually fight against those tendencies in myself. I believe in time to smell the roses, appreciate my garden and teh birds singing in the morning, and a job half done is acutally a job half done and a lot better than not done at all!

 

Flylady was probably the key for me to let go of trying to do too much at once.

 

I'll have to give Flylady another look. I looked once before and got scared off!

 

The 15 min. increments sounds good to me:)

[LibraryLover]

I see no point in trying to 'complete' such chores as laundry or barn cleaning. It's ongoing and will always be there...unless animals stop pooping or all of my family members go naked.

 

So, I cannot say that I look at two hours at the end of a day as a time to do even more laundry or shovel the pens again. No how , no way. :lurk5: I do think about reading to someone, checking my email, or playing Bananagrams. but doing more of something that has no end after I've already done it? No. lol Might insanity and perfection be two sides of the same coin... :)

Edited August 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Jean in Newcastle]

So, I cannot say that I look at two hours at the end of a day as a time to do even more laundry or shovel the pens again. No how , no way. :lurk5: I do think about reading to someone, checking my email, or playing Bananagrams. but doing more of something that has no end after I've already done it? No. lol Might insanity and perfection be two sides of the same coin... :)

 

That's true. Of course, you notice that I do find time to come check the boards here. . .;)

[LibraryLover]

That's true. Of course, you notice that I do find time to come check the boards here. . .;)

 

 

LOL Oh, I find myself averting my eyes to my post count. How could that have happened? lol

 

You can see I suffer from no perfectionsit tendanacies. lol :auto:

[texasmama]

Well, for one, I have stopped apologizing to people if the house is a mess. I am thinking that I might always be 20 pounds "overweight" and deciding that it might just be okay. My husband thinks I am attractive, I have clothes that fit so what really is the big deal about being a little chubby in middle age?:tongue_smilie:

 

I picked up scrapbooking again today after an eight year gap of not doing it. It was spontaneous. Other things "needed" to be done. But instead I started scrapbooking my almost eight year old's birth/first year album.:D

 

My advice is the next time you try to make yourself do something that you feel is your "duty", ignore it and do something fun instead. Very freeing.:lol:

[Peela]

I'll have to give Flylady another look. I looked once before and got scared off!

 

The 15 min. increments sounds good to me:)

 

Yes, she has a lot of little helpful sayings and recommendations. For me, it helps to prioritise- I would have a tendency to deep clean one section of the house while the laundry rotted in the machine and the surface stuff never got done. I didnt have a system that worked.

I joined years ago when the emails were fewer and there was far less advertising. I remember when it hit 10,000 people. It is still a free service, but I cant blame her for making a decent business out of it as well, and her products are good quality and I own a few.

The book can be helpful just for getting the basics of the system. I use the emails as triggers. I delete most after reading the subject line. You are not meant to let them bog you down.

Here are some Flylady quotes:

 

"None of us have enough time, yet we all have the same amount. It is time that we quit whining about this and accept that we can't get it all done and just do what we can." ~ Flylady

"Life is too short to dwell on what doesn't get done. Celebrate what you do every day and start fresh each morning." ~ Flylady

"Not every paper is a keepsake, believe it or not. If you save everything, that diminishes the value of those special ones. They get lost in the clutter." ~ Flylady

"Your attitude has to change from 'Why do I have to do this!' to 'This is my home and I deserve to have a wonderful place to live, this blesses my home, and my family and most of all me!'" ~ Flylady

"I have watched the people in my life that are born organized and what I have noticed is they tend to do the same thing in the same order every single morning." ~ Flylady

"You can't organize clutter; you can only get rid of it!" ~ Flylady

"How much does your clutter cost in peace of mind or missed opportunities?" ~ Flylady

"Many of you are searching for the magic pill that is going to change your life and your home...The trouble with a magic pill is that it doesn't work unless you take it." ~ Flylady

“It didn't get this way overnight and it's not going to get better in a dayâ€. “Baby Steps!â€

"Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family."

 

She is no nonsense but she gets you moving. No whining allowed. But its all babysteps and I always feel so good about myself. Flylady is all about healing from perfectionism instead trying to get it all done then collapsing, and always feeling guilty. You build routines on 15 minute increments and really, I spend way under an hour a day cleaning and my house is pretty picked up most of the time. You rotate zones for deep cleaning, so when you vacuum weekly, you just vacuum the middles.

It has definitely been my cure for procrastination and perfectionism. Trust the process (go shine your sink, put your shoes on, get dressed) and tweak it later.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Oh no! I knew my perfect dream wasn't good enough! How could I have set my sights so low:banghead::lol::D

 

As far as the head injury goes, I'm glad that you're not suggesting that for me.:smash: I have enough memory issues without it!

 

Did you forget to mention that the long fieldtrips were lovingly recorded with watercolor and pen & ink sketches in handbound journals or that the lazy hours taking tea in the garden were spent in cool hand smocked dresses (of course hand ironed and then stored folded with sprigs of lavender). And I'm sure you meant to include the home baked bread and the collection of hand pieced quilts that you tuck your children into.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Did you forget to mention that the long fieldtrips were lovingly recorded with watercolor and pen & ink sketches in handbound journals or that the lazy hours taking tea in the garden were spent in cool hand smocked dresses (of course hand ironed and then stored folded with sprigs of lavender). And I'm sure you meant to include the home baked bread and the collection of hand pieced quilts that you tuck your children into.

 

Of course! A lot of these "dreams" were started when I read Charlotte Mason books. I remember being introduced to a water color nature journal that some woman (Edwardian perhaps?) had made long ago. Then I started to realize that these Edwardian ladies all had multiple maids, a cook, a butler, and even a nanny! But being a true American I pushed aside that thought and remembered Ma Ingalls who did it all herself (except that I don't remember the books talking about hand colored nature journals . . .).

[fairfarmhand]

I spent a full year recovering from depression before I realized I was making myself crazy. I have learned to let things go.

[jujsky]

Jean, I could have written this post! In fact, part of my first blog focused on this topic. I don't know how I got like this for sure, but I think it's hereditary. After doing some research on some nutty family traits, I've come to believe that I have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (not the same thing as OCD). That's why I think I have these traits. I have much, much higher expectations of myself than anyone else has of me, and they're totally unrealistic. My problem is the more stressed I get, the more out-of-hand this obsession becomes. It totally snow-balls. It's something I'm working on.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

While I've appreciated all the comments to date, I realized that I think I've left a little bit of misconception in my first post. The unrealistic expectations (for the most part) are more of the "I have an extra hour and I've decided that we could get the whole house clean and once reality hits I'm frustrated" variety! And that causes stress.

 

I read this thread right after reading the children, parents and regrets threads so my train of thought was along those lines.

 

Thanks for the clarification.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Back when I only had 2 dc (they were 14 months apart), and they were little, I would write out a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish during the day. Then I would work like a mad women to get them all done. I never got them all done and at the end of the day I would feel like a failure. My mom was over one day and saw my list and asked if that was my to do list for the week. I said it was for the day and she told me I was crazy.:tongue_smilie: She said it was no wonder I was always crabby.:confused: That was my first indication that I had unrealistic expectations.

 

I still struggled over the years with this problem, but the more children I've had the lower my expectations of what I can accomplish in a day have been. I think the thing that helped me the most is scheduling things. For example, we clean on Saturday when I know we won't be doing school or running to extra activities. I don't ever decide to mop the floor in the middle of the week just because I have an extra hour because I KNOW I will be interrupted by someone. My dh used to come home and say why didn't you do xyz today and I would say because it wasn't xyz day. He knows not to ask anymore. I have a mental list of absolute musts for any given day. I will do extra little things if I have time but I have the attitude that they are pure gravy. That way if I don't get them done I don't feel so bad.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have a mental list of absolute musts for any given day. I will do extra little things if I have time but I have the attitude that they are pure gravy. That way if I don't get them done I don't feel so bad.

 

What a good suggestion!