Do you vacation without your kids?

[Marie463]

Here's the scenario:

 

We have an opportunity to take a 7-day cruise with some friends this winter and taking the kids is not an option (long story)...anyhow, I'm reluctant because I feel terrible even thinking about leaving our little guys for so long! We've left them alone with grandparents for 1-2 nights, but never for a week. My kids are little (ages 5 and 2) and don't have any separation issues...plus, they LOVE Gma & Gpa's house and I have absolutely no hesitation leaving my kids with them (and Gma & Gpa are more than willing to watch them for that long).

 

So, what's your input? Is it crazy selfish to even be thinking about this? Do you ever vacation without your kids?

[Lucy the Valiant]

Why feel guilty? I would take it as a blessing to be able to go, to have the place and people your children would love, and - you need time for renewal, too!

 

Given the scenario you just described (which sounds similar to my own family), I'd jump at the chance to go!

 

It won't hurt the children one tiny bit - you are modeling a loving marriage to them!

[Jennifer in MI]

AWww. That's a tough one. Is there any possibility that grandma and grandpa could come along on the cruise in a different room with your kids? I know you said they couldn't come along, but if they are spending the majority of the time not with you, maybe they could be there? Cruising with kids is LOTS of fun!!!

 

If not, personally, I wouldn't do it. I just couldn't. I love traveling with my kids. Dh and I will take trips alone like that when they're grown and out of the house, I figure.

 

Good luck with your decision!

[Kipling]

I think you should do it. This summer, my husband and I went away for 6 days to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, and we left the kids (ages 1, 4, & 6) with the grandparents. It was a wonderful experience for everyone.

[AuntieM]

Yes. Otherwise it's technically a field trip because I am still on Mom duty.

[NanceXToo]

I say go for it!! I went on a 9 night cruise when I was pregnant with my son. It was my husband and I, and his brother and sister-inlaw.

 

My daughter, then age 5, stayed with her grandma and one of her big (teen) cousins and had a blast. (My oldest was already a teen and was spending the summer with her dad in NY anyway).

 

I called my 5 y/o a couple of times from an international calling card while we were gone.

 

Before I left, I made her a "count down calendar" so she could cross the days off each night, to see when we'd be home. I put little messages to her on it.

 

I missed her like crazy, especially toward the end as I'd never left her anywhere near that long before- but I sort of saw it as a once in a lifetime opportunity- or close to it- and almost 5 years later, I don't regret that I went.

 

It was a great opportunity for my husband and I, and I'm glad we experienced it together and didn't pass it up. I wish I could do it again one of these days but it's hard to even be ABLE to leave your kids for any length of time (i.e. getting someone willing and able to watch them). For me, anyway! So who knows if or when we'll ever have another opportunity like that one!

 

Your kids have a loving grandparent willing to care for them while they are gone, they enjoy being there... enjoy your cruise :)

 

P.S. Most of the time we DO take our kids on vacations. That was a one time thing, other than a couple of random overnights here and there.

[QueenCat]

Go! Give the grandparents and children a week to build special memories!!!! Go! Go! Go!

[Parrothead]

I can not imagine a scenario where I would go if dd wasn't able to also.

 

I wouldn't go with people who do not like children.

 

I wouldn't go if I won a free trip for two. If I couldn't afford the extra cost for dd to accompany us, I couldn't afford to have a good time.

[flobee76]

Personally, I wouldn't do it. But, that's us.

 

If you have no hesitations, they GO! Have fun, build those memories!! The kids will have a blast with their gparents. :D

[LisaS]

I would go. I agree that it models a good marriage for your children. Now that's an incredible legacy.

 

(I might still feel guilty though.) :blushing: I mean after all I love my kids!

[VBoulden]

Your kids have no separation issues, they love and you trust who they will be with, I say... "Go for it!" :001_smile: The way life goes, with sickness and pregnancy/ nursing and finances... you may not have another chance to get-away like this in years. So, seize the day! Seize all seven of them! ;)

[StaceyinLA]

At that age for that long. We did leave him (well, all 4 of my kids) with my mom for our honeymoon for 4 nights. The kids were 2, 4, 6, and 8. I found that pretty tough, and they LOVED being with my mom. My dad had passed away and my kids always spent a LOT of time with her.

 

That being said, if your kids are very close to your parents, and comfortable being there, it could be a nice time away. I mean I LOVE my kids, but it doesn't mean I never want to do anything without them. It's really your call.

[Chris in VA]

Just spent a week with dh only. It has done wonders for us.

I love my kids, want to be with them, love taking them places, and all of that. Truly.

They are good company. I love sharing things and time and new places with them, building memories, etc. We go lots of places with them.

 

But I love my husband, too, and we renewed our marriage by spending time together without the kids.

 

As far as the idea that we can take trips without them when they are grown--well, my brother died when he was 46. He took one trip with just his wife, to Paris. It is a wonderful memory for her. I am glad they didn't wait--you never know how much time you have.

 

I agree that you should take trips with your hubby only AND with your kids. It's not "either/or." Build memories with both.

 

But also, show your kids that the marriage is more than the kids. It's the man and woman, the husband/wife relationship--when that is in good working order, a priority, then the parent/child(ren) relationship works, too--

[Jennifer in MI]

Just spent a week with dh only. It has done wonders for us.

I love my kids, want to be with them, love taking them places, and all of that. Truly.

They are good company. I love sharing things and time and new places with them, building memories, etc. We go lots of places with them.

 

But I love my husband, too, and we renewed our marriage by spending time together without the kids.

 

As far as the idea that we can take trips without them when they are grown--well, my brother died when he was 46. He took one trip with just his wife, to Paris. It is a wonderful memory for her. I am glad they didn't wait--you never know how much time you have.

 

I agree that you should take trips with your hubby only AND with your kids. It's not "either/or." Build memories with both.

 

But also, show your kids that the marriage is more than the kids. It's the man and woman, the husband/wife relationship--when that is in good working order, a priority, then the parent/child(ren) relationship works, too--

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. What a tragedy for your family. :grouphug:

 

For me, it's all about my comfort level. I feel more comfortable and happy when my kids are nearby. Not that we don't split up on a day to day basis. But, overnight, I want them close. We choose vacations where we can have both hubby/wife time AND family time. We've done a number of cruises. Perfect for families who want both! Kids go in their clubs, mom and dad go to dinner. Perfect. Or, we travel with my sister and her dh. We split time babysitting/going out. I think that my dh and I model a pretty good marriage for our kids without going on vacation alone.

 

I think it's all about comfort levels on both sides. If your kids would be fine without you and you really want to go, then by all means, go! If you and dh want/need a vacation without kids - that is important too. But, I don't think it's a necessity in a healthy marriage.

[*Jen*]

I would go! It's not often that you get the chance to get away. We went on a 7 night cruise (were gone 9 nights total with traveling to the port) when my DS#1 was 2 and I was PG with my DD. It was a wonderful experience and even though we missed him it was great to have a chance to get away with my husband. My DS had a wonderful time playing with Grandmommy all week (she stayed at our house) and talked about it for months afterwards. He kept asking when we would go away again so she could come and play with him!

 

We wanted to go again when I was PG with #3 but it didn't work out and #2 had separation issues so it would not have been a good time to go. We wanted to go to Hawaii with my parents this past winter but #3 had even worse separation issues than #2 so I couldn't leave him. Then I got PG with #4 and was too sick to travel.

 

Now we are just waiting until #4 is old enough (and crossing our fingers for no separation issues) for us to leave for 5-7 nights so we can go on another cruise. We need the time away - we never get a break from our kids because they don't do well being left with babysitters and all the grandparents live across the country. For us it is a time to concentrate on each other and enjoy some time alone.

[Hedgehog]

I would say.. go ahead and have a wonderful time. It's lovely to have grandparents who will have your kids occasionally and I'm sure your dc will really enjoy themselves. I think it's important to have special time with your dh and the relationship between your kids and their grandparents is important too.

 

Dh and I went to Dublin in May for a long weekend and it did us so much good. Extended periods of time for talking about everything and nothing :001_smile: and our dc had a fantastic time with my folks, who live right near a beach. :D

[Imprimis]

 

If not, personally, I wouldn't do it. I just couldn't. I love traveling with my kids. Dh and I will take trips alone like that when they're grown and out of the house, I figure.

 

 

 

My sentiments, exactly. I've always felt like this, even when they were younger.

 

The feeling is even stronger now because my oldest is a sohomore and I know I'll have only 3 years with her before she heads off to college.

 

I don't want to travel without my kids.

[Chris in VA]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. What a tragedy for your family. :grouphug:

 

For me, it's all about my comfort level. I feel more comfortable and happy when my kids are nearby. Not that we don't split up on a day to day basis. But, overnight, I want them close. We choose vacations where we can have both hubby/wife time AND family time. We've done a number of cruises. Perfect for families who want both! Kids go in their clubs, mom and dad go to dinner. Perfect. Or, we travel with my sister and her dh. We split time babysitting/going out. I think that my dh and I model a pretty good marriage for our kids without going on vacation alone.

 

I think it's all about comfort levels on both sides. If your kids would be fine without you and you really want to go, then by all means, go! If you and dh want/need a vacation without kids - that is important too. But, I don't think it's a necessity in a healthy marriage.

 

Thanks, Jennifer.

I actually agree with you. If it's going to cause all sorts of angst to be away, on either the kids or the parents part, then by all means, don't go alone.

We didn't go anywhere alone until the kids were 10, 12 and 2. That was just one night. We had a week away in Sweden 5 years ago, when the kids were 13, 15 and 5, and they stayed with my mil and had a great time (except the 5yo--she got sick--but now she's 10, and had a fabulous experience with Gramma this time around).

 

What I do think is unhealthy is the inability to separate from your kids for short periods of time without so much anxiety that you shut down and can't enjoy yourself at all (general "you," not you, Jennifer!:D). I have heard of folks who simply cannot BEAR, I mean really cannot bear it, to be away even for the evening.

I do think a couple should get away for at least a night every once in a while. There's intimacy and time to talk, and it's sort of the same quantity vs quality time arguement that folks have about child time. Sometimes, I think it's really healthy to have a large chunk of couple time, so that that intimacy has time to blossom.

[Pretty in Pink]

Yes! And guess what...the kids vacation without us, too!

 

We have a similar situation, with grandparents that we trust implicitly with the boys, and the boys just adore them. They have kept the children several times over the years so that dh and I can go out of town for several days or a week. Most summers they also take the kids for a few weeks. Some summers they just hang around their own home and some summers they go to Disney or to Baltimore to visit other relatives, etc. They have taken the kids to D.C. Heck, I've never even been to D.C.! I want to go on vacation with them, too!

 

The children do not go with them until they are potty trained and can be reasonably expected not to be a complete PITA while they are away.

[StephanieZ]

Do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dh & I have taken trips about every 5 years w/o the kids. They've been awesome trips. Carribean in 2000, Hawaii in 2005. . . and just spent a week in the Bahamas this June for our 15th and it was divine. I guess it has been *exactly* 5 years every time! (5th, 10th & 15th anniversaries) -- so that must be some magic time frame for us b/c we haven't really planned it that way. If we had more $$ and readily available sitters, we'd do it every year!

 

Your marriage is forever. You need to feed that relationship, and enjoy just-you time, so that when the kids move out you haven't forgotten what you loved doing together in your life Before Kids.

 

IMHO, I think just-you time is absolutely a great idea so long as your kids are all 2 or over. Younger than 2 is questionable, but can still be just fine depending on your kids and your options for caregivers.

[NanceXToo]

P.S. Do you think your parents might want to watch my kids, too? I'll go on that cruise with you!!

 

haha. Just kidding. But seriously, consider yourself lucky. Neither my mother nor my husband's is really in shape anymore to watch young kids for extended periods of time like that. They are older mothers, both unmarried, and for them to be on their own watching younger kids for that amount of time... it just wouldn't happen anymore. They don't have the energy or the stamina.

 

5 1/2 years ago it worked out that my MIL did it with my almost college-aged niece's help. 5 1/2 years later that MIL doesn't have the energy anymore and that niece IS away at college.

 

So the next time we'll get to go on something like a cruise without the kids will probably be, oh, 13 years from now or so, when the youngest is 18 lol.

 

Point being you never know when you might have this opportunity again so I definitely wouldn't let it go. The kids will survive quite happily without you, it's only one week. :) There's nothing to feel guilty about!

[MamaT]

We have taken vacations without our kids several times on our anniversaries. Never with one as young as 2 though. Our kids absolutely love staying with my sister and their cousins. The last time we left for 5 days and left them all at home with our oldest, who was 23 at the time. They had a blast. I always feel guilty at first and then realize how much dh and I needed the time away to be a "couple" again. If your kids are comfortable with the grandparents, I say go.

[Ellie]

Mr. Ellie and I went to Hawaii when our dc were about the ages of yours, maybe a little older. We were all fine.

 

I wouldn't do it often, but for us, the Hawaii trip was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. This cruise might be the same for you. Do it, especially since your dc will be staying with grandparents whom they love and who will take good care of them.

[Barb_]

Your kids are young, so it would have to depend on how you thought they'd handle it. But you say you think they will be fine, and it's a great opportunity for Grandma and Grandpa to get to know them on their own terms. I would do it in a heartbeat under the same circumstances.

 

Barb

[jenn-]

Dust off those passports and go have a blast! I've cruised without my kids. I've gone to Seattle without my kids. I've gone to DISNEY WORLD without my kids, twice (will be 3 times by end of Feb). Your kids are still very young. They will remember more about the fun week they spent with their grandparents than the fact you went somewhere without them.

[abbeyej]

For me? I wouldn't. Not at those ages. And it's not that I think it's *wrong* -- I just wouldn't do it. I'm not sure if you're asking for permission to go, or permission to say "this just isn't the time for me", but I think both can be totally okay.

 

From my perspective, 2 is just *very* little. But he won't be 2 for long. So putting off a trip now doesn't mean putting it off forever, or even for a terribly long time.

 

On the other hand, lol, now my kids are a little older, and I wouldn't want to go on vacation without them 'cause I'd feel like *I* was missing out! We just have so much *fun* traveling together, and I'd generally rather travel with my family than with friends anyway. :) But I recognize that this is just personality, not a moral issue. :)

[Ester Maria]

I would and I did.

 

Ever since my daughters were 5 and 6 years old - I still remember that summer - they have been spending entire summers in Italy, most of the time being without us (we would usually spend only some of that time with them, and the rest of it travelling on our own, or I would be by old friends, or some other combination if DH was working, but still, they started to spend entire weeks without us, and by now up to over two months in a row without us). From about the age of 9 we have been slowly daring to let them stay with other relatives in other countries, two weeks of organized skiing in Austria without us in the winter with their friends, and so on. They're only 12 and 13 at present, and they've been without us SO MUCH already. It's amazing how independent they become this way, how they mature away from parents, how we allow them to gain experiences out of our sight. Granted, we are still in contact with them during those periods, but those are also periods of our rest and peace and vacations together.

 

DH and I have been on cruises, mountain vacations, extended stays with friends (many of whose kids' were probably skiing somewhere with our kids :lol:)... and had a wonderful time as a couple, or as a group of friends, and time to bond as a couple and work on our relationship.

 

While I wouldn't drop a child younger than 5-6 for a few weeks or a whole summer away from me, if it's only a week or so and the child is comfortable and independent and with family, I would have absolutely no pains of remorse regarding that.

 

I grew up that way too, by the way. I can't fathom being physically with your parents ALL days of the years once you're school-aged. My parents also took vacations without me, and I was also sent to vacations without them, and it worked great for us. We were still loving and close family, just had a bit of personal space too.

[Alyce]

I would go but like you my kids loved my mom and dad and were very comfortable with them. My mom had been keeping my kids for an occasional weekend since my youngest was 6 months old. It made it so wonderful for Dh and I. It gave us a chance to renew ourselves. There were a couple of times when mom and dad kept them for a week during the summer. First time was odd for me but kids love it. Both my parents are dead now and both my kids just graduated college. My mom died when ds was about 11 and dad died 2 years ago. My kids are constantly talking about all the great memories they had with mom and dad. I am so happy that I had parents who wanted to be involved that much with my kids and it really left them with some wonderful memories of them. Unfortunately they do not have the same relationship with my Dh parents and sometimes it's hard to see that. My Dh dad died when Ds (they youngest by the way) was about 2 years old. His mom is still alive but she's never asked to have the kids overnight and didn't seem to really want them. As they became teens she would keep them for a night or two so they do have sort of a relationship with her but not the one they had with my parents. I think since our kids are around us 24/7 that not only do they need time to be around someone else so do we. It gives everyone a chance to get some new energy. We've always vacationed together but we have had times (like a week during summer) where they spent time with grandparents and we spent time renewing our relationship. If you feel confident and comfortable with grandparents watching them and they are comfortable at grandparents then I'd say go.

[HRAAB]

We've done it several times; the first time we left them for a week they were 5 and 3. They stayed with grandma and had a blast. Unless I was nursing, I would go. We've always tried to make sure we had adult dad and mom time. For us, it's important for our marriage, and I never saw it have a negative impact on our children. We are very family oriented; except for a few week long vacations and a couple of overnighters each year, we are with our children and include them with us. Those times my dh and I have alone are for us and our marriage. In fact, we're leaving Sunday for a few days alone. Of course, our youngest are now 9 yrs. now.

 

If there are no separation issues and you feel comfortable with the care they'd receive, I would say go and enjoy yourselves.