Just a vent about my sister

[misidawnrn]

I love my sister and we have a great relationship but boy can she irritate me! Yesterday while talking on the phone she said to me "Sarah's (my little DD) is going to need a lot of help when she gets older for her delays"

I was so stunned I didn't know what to say?:confused: My DD is 18 months old and I have never once thought of her as delayed. Am I missing something??? She knows all of the following words in sign language...kitty, milk, more, I love you, please, thank you, cookie, cracker, cup, eat, candy, and I am sure a few more that I can't think of.

She can also say kitty, more, milk (chocolate milk sounds like nono ma) but she says it and we know what she means, ninny (our word for breastfeeding) cup, cookie, cracker, sissy, daddy, mommy, doggy, up, down, walk, spoon, icecream, candy write, NO!, please (sounds like peas), bite, diaper, Megan, Mary, Livie, Sarah, nigh-nigh for night night, byebye, and more.

 

She has been using signs regularly since about 12-13 months, started walking around furniture at 7 months and independently at 9 months, sat up unassisted at 4 months after only a few tries, feeds herself with a fork or spoon very well and knows what the potty is for, even if she doesn't want to go on it yet. We ask her when she is pooping and if she says no, we don't force her too.

 

She can follow simple directions like pick up your blocks and put them in the basket, give your baby kisses, give that to daddy, get your shoes, put that on the table, etc

 

I am at a loss why she thinks she is delayed? I have racked my brain and couldn't sleep last night because of it.

 

The only reasons I can think of is #1 Her DD who is 6 months older than Sarah is talking better and in sentences but my 6yo DD said literally 4 words at age 2, mom, dad, kitty and Skyla (her sister). She knew all of the above signs that little DD knows and just chose not to talk (now she doesn't shut up! :001_smile: But I know that kids develop at different levels but I don't think that DD is behind.

#2. DD doesn't talk to other people. She might wave byebye to someone if they are lucky but she chooses to do her talking at home to the people she knows. She doesn't get exposed much to other people except church.

#3. DD is adopted and the birthmom isn't exactly delayed as much as uneducated, from a (I hate to say this) poor background. Not that everyone that is poor is uneducated but in this case it is probably a main concern.

#4. Birthmom's almost 3 yo son's speech is not understandable. He was in speech therapy. I attribute that to 2 things, BM puts the child in daycare every single minute it is open, whether she works or not (she told me so) and she has very little interaction with him. We take the kids to the park alot to play together and she hardly talks to him at all unless it is to tell him NO. There isn't any interaction like "H, smell this flower, doesn't it smell pretty?" or "look, there is a doggy, it is wagging it's tail" only "no H, don't push!" It makes me sad but I am not the one to tell her how to parent. She lives with her mom who has the exact same pattern of talking to the little boy, so I can see where BM gets her parenting skills from.

 

So, yes, DD comes from less that "genius" genetics but I am a firm believer in Nature vs. Nurture and DD gets plenty of nurturing, talking, playing etc.

 

I am definately not an expert in child raising but I don't think that DD is behind. Now when 6yo DD was not talking at 2, I did think that she was either delayed or autistic but the doctor told me to wait and see and sure enough she talked when she wanted to.

 

OK, thanks for letting me vent. If anyone else has a child who is 18months (or been there done that) please reassure me that what I think is true. Thanks!

[CalicoKat]

I love my sister and we have a great relationship but boy can she irritate me! Yesterday while talking on the phone she said to me "Sarah's (my little DD) is going to need a lot of help when she gets older for her delays"

I was so stunned I didn't know what to say?:confused: My DD is 18 months old and I have never once thought of her as delayed. Am I missing something??? She knows all of the following words in sign language...kitty, milk, more, I love you, please, thank you, cookie, cracker, cup, eat, candy, and I am sure a few more that I can't think of.

She can also say kitty, more, milk (chocolate milk sounds like nono ma) but she says it and we know what she means, ninny (our word for breastfeeding) cup, cookie, cracker, sissy, daddy, mommy, doggy, up, down, walk, spoon, icecream, candy write, NO!, please (sounds like peas), bite, diaper, Megan, Mary, Livie, Sarah, nigh-nigh for night night, byebye, and more.

 

She has been using signs regularly since about 12-13 months, started walking around furniture at 7 months and independently at 9 months, sat up unassisted at 4 months after only a few tries, feeds herself with a fork or spoon very well and knows what the potty is for, even if she doesn't want to go on it yet. We ask her when she is pooping and if she says no, we don't force her too.

 

She can follow simple directions like pick up your blocks and put them in the basket, give your baby kisses, give that to daddy, get your shoes, put that on the table, etc

 

I am at a loss why she thinks she is delayed? I have racked my brain and couldn't sleep last night because of it.

 

The only reasons I can think of is #1 Her DD who is 6 months older than Sarah is talking better and in sentences but my 6yo DD said literally 4 words at age 2, mom, dad, kitty and Skyla (her sister). She knew all of the above signs that little DD knows and just chose not to talk (now she doesn't shut up! :001_smile: But I know that kids develop at different levels but I don't think that DD is behind.

#2. DD doesn't talk to other people. She might wave byebye to someone if they are lucky but she chooses to do her talking at home to the people she knows. She doesn't get exposed much to other people except church.

#3. DD is adopted and the birthmom isn't exactly delayed as much as uneducated, from a (I hate to say this) poor background. Not that everyone that is poor is uneducated but in this case it is probably a main concern.

#4. Birthmom's almost 3 yo son's speech is not understandable. He was in speech therapy. I attribute that to 2 things, BM puts the child in daycare every single minute it is open, whether she works or not (she told me so) and she has very little interaction with him. We take the kids to the park alot to play together and she hardly talks to him at all unless it is to tell him NO. There isn't any interaction like "H, smell this flower, doesn't it smell pretty?" or "look, there is a doggy, it is wagging it's tail" only "no H, don't push!" It makes me sad but I am not the one to tell her how to parent. She lives with her mom who has the exact same pattern of talking to the little boy, so I can see where BM gets her parenting skills from.

 

So, yes, DD comes from less that "genius" genetics but I am a firm believer in Nature vs. Nurture and DD gets plenty of nurturing, talking, playing etc.

 

I am definately not an expert in child raising but I don't think that DD is behind. Now when 6yo DD was not talking at 2, I did think that she was either delayed or autistic but the doctor told me to wait and see and sure enough she talked when she wanted to.

 

OK, thanks for letting me vent. If anyone else has a child who is 18months (or been there done that) please reassure me that what I think is true. Thanks!

 

your daughter sounds absolutely adorable and lovely. :001_smile:

 

Ignore your sister's comment for now. She's just trying to make herself feel better about her choices.

 

As an adoptive mom myself I'd wonder if there isn't some "genetics are better" thoughts your sister is nurturing.

 

Either way I'd be limiting and supervising the interaction for a long while.

[Jean in Newcastle]

She does not sound behind at all. Just roll your eyes privately at your sister. And do not start to play the comparison game. No one wins at that - even those who think they are ahead.

[Perry]

She sounds perfectly normal but if it were me I'd ask her what she was talking about. Otherwise I'd be worried that there was something I wasn't noticing. Which is unlikely, but still, I'd worry about it, because I'm like that. :001_huh:

[vonfirmath]

Your 18-mo old sounds much more advanced than my DS was at 18-mo old. And I didn't consider him delayed.

 

BTW for my son it was daycare that really helped him start talking. His verbal skills improved vastly after we put him in childcare with other children at about 21 months old.

 

--another Sarah.

[misidawnrn]

Your 18-mo old sounds much more advanced than my DS was at 18-mo old. And I didn't consider him delayed.

 

BTW for my son it was daycare that really helped him start talking. His verbal skills improved vastly after we put him in childcare with other children at about 21 months old.

 

--another Sarah.

Yes day cares can be good but the daycare she uses is basically a corral for kids... my other sisters stepDD used to work there...sad.

[Mommyof4ks]

You are so right, your dd does not sound delayed. My middle son did not say a word until 2, and he was 5 before anyone could really understand him. He is just different than my other kids. I guess you could say that everyone is 'delayed' in some ways, but most people are advanced in others. You mentioned that she sat up at 4 months, that is very early, so she is probably focusing more on her strength and motor skills at this point when many kids are working on language. No big deal, all of the kids start to even out in elementary school.

[Catwoman]

Why not just ask your sister what she meant?

 

Cat

[DesertDweller]

I wouldn't let a comment like that be tossed out at me without some explanation. That was a very unkind thing to say for whatever reason. I would ask her what she means by it.

[akmommy]

Your DD doesn't sound delayed at all to me. If she was sitting up at 4mo and walking at 9mo. Those are both on the early side of normal from what I understand. Verbal skills can develop at vastly different rates and still be well within normal. My oldest was using complete sentences around her first birthday, my middle was about where your DD is at 18mo, and DS didn't hardly say word until his 2nd birthday. I asked our Dr. about the younger two and was told they were well within the normal range of development.

[Laurie4b]

Doesn't your pediatrician assess development at each well child visit? If s/he isn't concerned, I wouldn't worry about it, but I would ask my sister what she was talking about and if it was baseless, I'd be....er...firm.

[kalanamak]

I love my sister and we have a great relationship but boy can she irritate me! Yesterday while talking on the phone she said to me "Sarah's (my little DD) is going to need a lot of help when she gets older for her delays"

 

I was so stunned I didn't know what to say?\

 

"Pass the bean dip, please". Your sister speaks from bias or a desire for drama. Gag.

[Brindee]

Why not just ask your sister what she meant?

 

Cat

 

Doesn't your pediatrician assess development at each well child visit? If s/he isn't concerned, I wouldn't worry about it, but I would ask my sister what she was talking about and if it was baseless, I'd be....er...firm.

 

"Pass the bean dip, please". Your sister speaks from bias or a desire for drama. Gag.

:iagree: with these!

[Love2teach0307]

We must have the same sister!!! LOL My niece is 10 weeks older than my dd, and my sister has talked my dad into questioning me on should I be worried about my dd's speech. The answer is NO! My youngest daughter does not talk as clearly as her older sister did as this age, and my niece talks very clearly, BUT she does not have the vocabulary my dd has. Yes, I'm the only one that understands it right now, but as long as their is incremental improvement in her speech, I'm happy. Each child develops at his or her own pace. Each one has gifts and strengths and will naturally excel in some areas and not in others. At times, kids will plateau on a certain skill while really grow in others. Let her keep her own timetable. I agree, as long as your pediatrician sees no reason for concern, just enjoy the parenting journey.

[DawnM]

Oh brother. Yeah, she is not delayed at all.

 

My now 10 year old didn't speak until he was almost 3.5 years old! I am not kidding.....and he is performing at a perfectly normal school rate academically.

 

Dawn

[FlockOfSillies]

If my sister had said that, I'd have laughed at her. Seriously. Then I would've gone over everything you said your dd can say. "What planet are you on, sis?"

[Rosie_0801]

Your sister is talking out of, uh, an unmentionable place. Your kiddo is linguistically FAAAAAAAR ahead of mine. Far ahead of my three year old, never mind the 18 month old, and neither of them are broken. They just have other priorities, you know, like climbing stuff. :rolleyes: Dd can out climb grade two kids and ds is well on his way.

 

 

Rosie

[Samiam]

Hmmm, sometimes I have noticed that families with only one child, um, don't seem to realize that not every child is supposed to be like THAT child. Those of us with more than one realize that each child will differ in their development and personalities because we experience first hand...and we know that it's okay.

 

I especially noticed this in in the mothers of one child, when the child is younger...and that child is just the "life of the room"....which is completely fine to love your child that much, but just seems they don't realize children will be different.........just a generalization...and probably what your sister is doing....and probably what I did with my first-born :).

 

ps...and wanted to mention that will probably take a 2nd child who is the POLAR opposite of your sister's first child before she realizes that 1. she's not the perfect parent and 2. child are all so different in from the same genetic pool.....again, that is what it took for me, oh, and a bit of maturity/aging :)

Edited July 28, 2010 by Samiam

[5LittleMonkeys]

Well, if you haven't been convinced thus far I will add to your appeasement. My dd is 19 months old and says ahmah for mommy, Abby (my oldest dd) and just recently said sto phit for stop it. Atleast I'm assuming that is what she is meaning because it is accompanied by furiously waving her arms in front of her. With 4 older siblings I don't know that she will talk until she is 5! Each of my dc has talked at a later time than the previous one. Tell your sister to get a clue.;)

[Carpe Diem]

At 18 months old a child should be saying approx. 30 words. I think I counted 29 verbal words and with all the signing she does she is well over 30 words.

 

Ask her what her concern is regarding. Then laugh at her. Just kidding. :D

[Garga]

She sounds perfectly normal but if it were me I'd ask her what she was talking about. Otherwise I'd be worried that there was something I wasn't noticing. Which is unlikely, but still, I'd worry about it, because I'm like that. :001_huh:

 

Yup. I would wonder the same thing. Just ask your sister to explain what she meant.

[WeeBeaks]

Sounds normal to me.

 

My 2nd child didn't talk until after 3. He WAS delayed and had some speech therapy, which honestly didn't help too terribly much, but honestly he enjoyed it quite a bit as they brought a round of toys to the house once a week for him to play with while they worked with him. His receptive was fine; he just didn't say anything. Then he suddenly had a very late word explosion that usually happens around 2 per the pediatrician. Now he does not shut up. :D

 

Kids are little individuals, most growing and developing on their very own schedules within the WIDE range of normal for the most part. I wouldn't worry.

[LibraryLover]

Yes day cares can be good but the daycare she uses is basically a corral for kids... my other sisters stepDD used to work there...sad.

 

 

You didn't tell her her kid was in a corral, right? 'cause that never goes over well. ;) Are you two engaged in a SAHM/WOHM battle?

[Angjune]

I will just reiterate what everyone else has said....she is doing great!

 

When my son was that age the pediatrician told me that kids that talk early are not more intelligent - its no different than kids that have a full head of hair early. The key is, as long as the child UNDERSTANDS what is being said, then he/she is ok.

 

My son did not talk early like others in his playgroup. However, we could just see the wheels turning in his mind. He understood a lot, and would often pantomine when he wanted something. If he wanted to know the name of something he would point, nod his head then (without him saying the word) point again until he moved on to the next object.

 

btw he is very smart and by 3 or 4 was easily putting together 400 piece puzzles......In a few years your sister might be eating her words.

[littleWMN]

You didn't tell her her kid was in a corral, right? 'cause that never goes over well. ;) Are you two engaged in a SAHM/WOHM battle?

 

I think she's talking about her daughter's birthmom's son not her sister's son (being in daycare).

 

OP, your daughter does not at all sound delayed. I have a daughter with delays - didn't sit until 9 months, walk at 18 months, talk late, at 4.5 she doesn't know her colors, etc.

 

I'm with the others... I would try the direct approach and ask her just exactly what concerns her.