How do you help a 5yo declutter, when EVERYTHING is important?

[lotsofpumpkins]

I let each of my children have a "treasure drawer", where they can keep anything they want. (For a couple of them, this is one of their dresser drawers, for the 3 and 5 year olds, it's a drawer in a nightstand). The rule is that they have to fit all of their treasures in their drawer. If it gets too full, they have to clean it out. My 5yo seems to have a problem with this. His drawer is mainly papers, but also has seashells, little toys, etc. When it's overflowing and I tell him it's time to clean it out, he has so much trouble even throwing away a paper with a scribbled drawing on it. I know that he feels that this stuff is important, but I also don't want him growing up into a hoarder. I try to gently help him decide what to keep and what to get rid of, but it's hard! If it were my stuff, I'd probably toss most of it. But that's because I'm getting more and more simplistic in my thinking and I'm tired of seeing so much STUFF around here!

 

In addition to the treasure drawers, they also have project drawers in the kitchen, for papers, stickers, etc. Those are usually overflowing too. That's starting to become a problem because the toddler gets into them. Then they also have quite a few toys in the playroom, which are for all of them to share.

 

Anyway, there are so many "hot spots" that get messy, and I need advice on teaching the children to clean up after themselves!

[charmama4]

if it's broke or missing parts... it's OUT!!!

[Aubrey]

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

[lotsofpumpkins]

if it's broke or missing parts... it's OUT!!!

 

I do follow that rule, but such a big part of the 5yo's clutter is PAPER. If he's drawn on it, he wants to keep it because he likes the drawing. If it's not drawn on yet, he might want to in the future. I do tell him that he needs to get rid of any ripped papers.

 

BTW, I do keep really nice drawings in my own file for each child, so I'm not trying to get rid of absolutely everything!

[lotsofpumpkins]

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

 

I'll probably have to do that again soon. A few months ago I cleaned out the playroom while the children were outside. I got some black trashbags so I could sneak a bunch of broken stuff to the dumpster. I also put all the Goodwill donations into black bags. They didn't even notice what was missing.

 

My main concern with doing it for them is that they'll grow up thinking, "I can't wait to move out when I'm grown up so I can keep all the stuff I want." (And then they start hoarding). BUT, I guess what you are saying is, as they get older, they can emotionally handle throwing out stuff, so I can train them then. Even my 8yo gets upset if I suggest cleaning out her stuffed animals, though she is a bit more reasonable about decluttering than her brothers are. One of her little stuffed animals ended up in a Goodwill bag a couple of months ago, and one of her brothers could see it through the bag, and went and told her. She got SO upset, even though it's not one she even plays with, and there's no sentimental attachment or anything. I ended up digging it out of the bag to give to her, and promised myself that next time I'd make sure I get the black trash bags!

[Parrothead]

I do follow that rule, but such a big part of the 5yo's clutter is PAPER. If he's drawn on it, he wants to keep it because he likes the drawing. If it's not drawn on yet, he might want to in the future. I do tell him that he needs to get rid of any ripped papers.

 

BTW, I do keep really nice drawings in my own file for each child, so I'm not trying to get rid of absolutely everything!

Get him a 3-inch binder and a 3-hole punch. Several binders if necessary, and some space on a bookshelf.

[Hathersage]

If its paper, try the recycle approach, helping the environment.

 

Or toys, someone else can use these toys. We like to give to others who can use them.

 

Or store in tub away for awhile, to see if they won't miss it. If my kid doesn't after awhile, it gets tossed.

 

It also might be helpful to do secretly, but again if they really are attached, it can backfire.

[Parrothead]

Oh, and I really think that hoarders are born not made. It runs in our family on my dh's side. Hopefully your hoarders will marry someone who thinks the trash can is where most stuff needs to be hoarded.

[MelanieM]

I think early is better than late in this regard, so I would keep on gently encouraging decluttering with him. I also think there's a danger with throwing away things on behalf of a child that thinks everything is special, because there's a chance he'll figure out that you're throwing away his "treasures" and become even more fearful and want to hang on harder.

 

What about taking photos of his artwork so he can look at them on the computer whenever he wants, but let go of the actual papers and make room in his treasure drawer? Maybe you could make photo-taking a weekly or monthly event for him to look forward to. Perhaps turn his pictures into a slideshow, or even print some of the absolute favourites for a special photo album.

[lotsofpumpkins]

What about taking photos of his artwork so he can look at them on the computer whenever he wants, but let go of the actual papers and make room in his treasure drawer? Maybe you could make photo-taking a weekly or monthly event for him to look forward to. Perhaps turn his pictures into a slideshow, or even print some of the absolute favourites for a special photo album.

 

I like the idea of taking pictures. He'd love watching a slideshow!

[abreakfromlife]

 

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

:iagree: As he gets older, he will be able to see that he has 100 scribbled drawings, so 50 of them can be thrown out :D My dd was like that when she was younger, but now that she's 9, and I've given her a couple of boxes to hold stuff, she can see the point of cleaning them out when they're overflowing and limiting her collection. She knows that she will have more drawings the next day to hang onto for awhile. I also let her hang whatever she wants on her walls, so a lot of drawings will go on the walls until she gets sick of them and replaces them. I also try to make a point of when her room is really clean and decluttered to say that to her and get her to notice how peaceful and relaxing it is to have a nice room and the freedom to draw and not have piles of things falling down on top of her.

[LibraryLover]

Zippered portfolios that slip under the bed or against the back wall of a closet. They come in various sizes, keep the dust out and are slender.

 

LL, mother to a sentimental artist.

[milovany]

Instead of having the little one decide what to throw out (gasp!), have them go and choose the things they want to KEEP. Put everything in a box or on the floor in their bedroom, then say, "Go and get me one thing you LOVE and want to keep." Then they look through for their favorites, right? You can do this 20 times (or however many). Then rejoice over the keepers but don't talk about the non-keepers. Later, box the non-keepers up and store them away. Later still, YOU go through it one last time to see if there are any things YOU want to keep. Otherwise give/trash it.

[Stacia]

Instead of having the little one decide what to throw out (gasp!), have them go and choose the things they want to KEEP. Put everything in a box or on the floor in their bedroom, then say, "Go and get me one thing you LOVE and want to keep." Then they look through for their favorites, right? You can do this 20 times (or however many). Then rejoice over the keepers but don't talk about the non-keepers. Later, box the non-keepers up and store them away. Later still, YOU go through it one last time to see if there are any things YOU want to keep. Otherwise give/trash it.

 

Similar to this.... I read an idea in Conquering Chronic Disorganization (which is great because it has a variety of techniques to use based on the personality of the person -- auditory, visual, etc...):

 

Create areas for sorting, but label them as 'best friends', 'friends/acquaintances' and 'strangers' (or similar labels). Then, sort according to the ranking. Best friends are kept, others are open for departure, lol. This system may work for those who have an emotional attachment/connection to items. It helps them rank which ones are most important.

[teamturner]

you do it for them when they are not around. ;)

[Amira]

We have several paper-lovers in our house, so we started scanning papers that people didn't want to part with (I think scanning is easier than taking a photo and makes a better image). Since my husband can't let go of our children's artwork, this has been a life-saver.

[chubbyhugs]

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

 

That was my dd14 too until almost recently. Then she saw me do the declutter dance and decided that she could do it too. I have taken photos of her early artwork/choice papers. I like the idea of scanning the items, as another poster mentioned. Tried to toss things secretly when she was younger, but when she asked "but where is such and such" over and over and over . . . I'd just shrug my shoulders and said I didn't know what happened to it, and inwardly decided that I couldn't do that anymore because I wouldn't want anybody to do that to me. I have to say this here, I spent many hours (took me a month) cleaning mortar off of recycled brick that a neighbor had given me, and I was going to use them to make a path (dh calls me to scavenger queen); I had stacked them on the side of the house, and they sat because my Dad had a stroke and I was taking care of him. Well, one by one, dh threw (without asking me!!!) those cleaned bricks, along with some others that I was going to work on, into the trash barrel. I didn't find out until I went to dump something into the trash - was I mad!

 

So now I give dd about three boxes or bags at a time, ask her to keep what she wants. It turns out she can discard most things that just two years ago she "couldn't live without." She's growing up.

 

About the bricks . . . yeah, I'm still upset, but at least the heavy mallet built my arm muscles.

Edited July 15, 2010 by chubbyhugs
This was my first attempt at including a quote - it doesn't look right.

[Gooblink]

you do it for them when they are not around. ;)

 

:iagree:Or sleeping. I've worked under cloak of night, armed with my flashlight and a Hefty.

[Karis]

I let each of my children have a "treasure drawer", where they can keep anything they want. (For a couple of them, this is one of their dresser drawers, for the 3 and 5 year olds, it's a drawer in a nightstand). The rule is that they have to fit all of their treasures in their drawer. If it gets too full, they have to clean it out. My 5yo seems to have a problem with this. His drawer is mainly papers, but also has seashells, little toys, etc. When it's overflowing and I tell him it's time to clean it out, he has so much trouble even throwing away a paper with a scribbled drawing on it. I know that he feels that this stuff is important, but I also don't want him growing up into a hoarder. I try to gently help him decide what to keep and what to get rid of, but it's hard! If it were my stuff, I'd probably toss most of it. But that's because I'm getting more and more simplistic in my thinking and I'm tired of seeing so much STUFF around here!

 

In addition to the treasure drawers, they also have project drawers in the kitchen, for papers, stickers, etc. Those are usually overflowing too. That's starting to become a problem because the toddler gets into them. Then they also have quite a few toys in the playroom, which are for all of them to share.

 

Anyway, there are so many "hot spots" that get messy, and I need advice on teaching the children to clean up after themselves!

 

kill two birds w/ one stone.

 

Get a bunch of nickels.

 

he gets 5 cents for every discarded item.

 

He gets to de-clutter & do math.

 

If it's a lot - do a "bundle" of stuff for 5 cents.

 

My daughter is a clothes hog couldn't get rid of anything.

 

I offered her 25 cents for every article of clothing she's willing to pass on - good towards a trip to the consignment store for new stuff.

 

 

After literally weeks of "but, I LOVE this skirt!!" AND

 

"What ?!?!? I was looking for this top!! I CAN NOT get rid of this!!"

 

One day I made her a proposition and (honest truth) had two baskets of stuff ready to go in MINUTES.

 

be creative make it a game.

[Karis]

:iagree:Or sleeping. I've worked under cloak of night, armed with my flashlight and a Hefty.

 

 

:lol:

[Beach Mom]

What works with my boys is keep 2, throw 1 away. They somehow feel that they are keeping lots of important things, and I feel we declutter.

[lotsofpumpkins]

Thanks for all the tips!

[Dawn in OH]

I do follow that rule, but such a big part of the 5yo's clutter is PAPER. If he's drawn on it, he wants to keep it because he likes the drawing. If it's not drawn on yet, he might want to in the future. I do tell him that he needs to get rid of any ripped papers.

 

BTW, I do keep really nice drawings in my own file for each child, so I'm not trying to get rid of absolutely everything!

 

My children are very attached to their artwork. When I got tired of stepping on (on sliding and nearly killing myself) on their art that had to be saved by them I went out and bought them each a large binder. We call them the "Art Binders". Any artwork, or other paper item like birthday cards, valentines, etc. MUST go into the binder. Any paper item found on the floor becomes property of Mom, and goes into the trashcan. OK, I do give them an opportunity to put the paper into the binder after I find it, I'm not heartless.

 

The Art Binder's are working out very nicely. When the binders get too full we sit down together and attempt to clean them out. As their drawing skill improves some of the scribble pictures get tossed out, by their own decision. We've been doing this for about 3 years now. Sometimes they find that a picture they "loved" last year really just isn't so spectacular anymore. A few times I had to request that a picture not be discarded because it really was too nice to just be thrown away.

[kalanamak]

I put a hold on anything new....not even a marble new, and I tell him the old stuff with go to a "nice, younger child who is poor". Plenty of people at work have grown kids struggling to provide for young kids. My son likes being charitable. Lucky me.

[creekmom]

Definitely do it when they aren't around. I have a secret "holding spot" for papers, drawings, etc. that they might ask me about. They rarely do, and after a month or so, I toss it.

[texasmama]

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

 

:iagree:This is what I do.

[texasmama]

My main concern with doing it for them is that they'll grow up thinking, "I can't wait to move out when I'm grown up so I can keep all the stuff I want." (And then they start hoarding).

 

True hoarding is related to anxiety and is a pretty complex disorder. Most young kids "hoard" things but very few grow up to have an actual pathological disorder.

[ScoutTN]

I don't think most kids have the emotional capacity to throw stuff out until they're older. Do it for him, do it secretly, & do it gently.

 

 

:iagree:

[bairnmama]

I think early is better than late in this regard, so I would keep on gently encouraging decluttering with him. I also think there's a danger with throwing away things on behalf of a child that thinks everything is special, because there's a chance he'll figure out that you're throwing away his "treasures" and become even more fearful and want to hang on harder.

 

 

:iagree: I really struggle with this and my dd. Her room has WAY too many toys that she doesn't really play with anymore, but is severely attached to them. I let them stay because for the longest time it was a battle just to get obvious trash thrown away. She came to tears over a brown paper towel from a store bathroom!!! :001_huh:

 

I tried the get rid of it in secret route and that caused a LOT more problems because she missed every.single.item and would cry about missing it and it being lost. Thankfully, now that she's 9, she's starting to see the value in a little bit of decluttering.... but it's coming VERY slowly. She still has papers she did in preschool that she won't part with. She has a paper drawer and we have the same rule about when it gets full, but somehow she manages to cram even more stuff in there.

 

Oh, one thing we do with artwork and such is to send it to family whenever the piles get too much to handle. We spread it between 2 sets of grandparents and one great-grandparent.

[Greta Lea]

.

[Narnian]

I still go through my 8-year-old's stuff for him when he's not home. He would have been buried alive in his room years ago if I didn't deal with his paper hoarding--he keeps every scrap of paper his fingers touch, and I'm afraid that's no exaggeration. So when things get out of hand, I sort through the detritus, filing away his nice drawings and stories and getting rid of the rest. Long-neglected play things I throw into an empty plastic container in the garage--one that is not transparent--and keep for a couple of months. If nothing is missed for that length of time (and nothing ever has been), it's off to the local Goodwill.

 

Only recently have I been able to get him to do a little decluttering on his own, and to get him started I provided several large binders with dividers, which we labeled together. He still has a hard time deciding what to keep and what to toss, but small progress is still progress.

[happi duck]

Both my kiddos grew out of the keep everything phase. I'm glad I kept so many drawings. At the time I thought the flow of "I drew this for you" drawings would never slow down but it did.