Will your teens be proud of you if you ...

[Ummto4]

work ?

 

A friend's post at fb this morning makes me think about this. This friend, who has two teenage sons, is now working out of necessity. To her surprise, her sons remarked that they're proud of her now that she's working. I suppose they viewed her as somebody who cleans the home and serves the family before, and now she has accomplished something by working.

 

A few years ago, a friend of mine also said the same thing. She chose not to work, and one day her teenage daughter told her that she should work and asked why she didn't. She explained to her daughter her reason, and she no longer bugged her mother to work.

 

It's kinda sad that mother is not being appreciated that much by staying at home.

 

Do you find that teens 'actually' love their mother to work (may be connecting work = accomplishment) ? Is it typical ?

Edited July 14, 2010 by mom2moon2

[Jean in Newcastle]

When I mentioned working outside of the home once recently, my teen asked me not to.

[katemary63]

Just because my child told me they were proud of me concerning my new job, does not mean they were not proud of me when I didn't work. I would not take it that way at all. I know my family is proud of any hard work that I do or new challenges I take on as well of being proud of me as a person in general and for being a great mom!

[Hen]

I would think my teens would be more proud, if I had to go work outside the home out of financial need- of me manning up and doing what needs to be done, even if not my preference or outside my comfort zone/ rather just that I am no longer a "house-wife"...but I don't think they would think to express it that way.

[lionfamily1999]

Just because my child told me they were proud of me concerning my new job, does not mean they were not proud of me when I didn't work. I would not take it that way at all. I know my family is proud of any hard work that I do or new challenges I take on as well of being proud of me as a person in general and for being a great mom!

:iagree: I think their pride is more based in Mom facing a new situation/challenge than in her 'actually doing' something.

[bluemongoose]

I know that when I was a teen and my mother worked, all I wanted was for her to SAH. I was proud that my family (including my mother) did what it took to keep our family afloat and not needing to ask for any help, but the longing for her to be home was still there.

 

My kids are not teens yet, but when they get there, I hope they are proud of me for taking good care of our family at home and for being there for them.

[OnTheBrink]

When I got my current job, my 22 yo son told me he was proud of me, but because the hospital is a difficult place to get a job, and because getting a job is not easy to begin with.

[KidsHappen]

My children currently wish that I would get a job but I really don't think that I am physically or mentally capable of holding a job due to my chronic pain and bi-polar issues. I would probably qualify for disability if I tried so yes, my children would be extremely proud of me just because they know how difficult it would be for me.

[elegantlion]

My mom went back to work when I was a teen. It was only part-time, but I would have preferred she stay at home. My dad worked 2nd shift and I missed her company.

 

I think my son would be miffed if I got a job and had to be out of the house. He will still call me sometimes if I'm gone for more than two hours, even if my dh is home. I'm working at building my writing skills and hope in the future to be a novelist, I devote a lot of time to that. That he doesn't mind because I'm still here if he needs me. I don't he's so needy, I think he just like to have people around. :D

[mcconnellboys]

I think that mine would see it as an accomplishment. The older doesn't really remember me working and I have never worked (for pay) since the younger was born....

[Rhondabee]

:iagree: I think their pride is more based in Mom facing a new situation/challenge than in her 'actually doing' something.

 

That is what has happened here, too.

 

My MIL was having health issues...Well, I *thought* she was having health issues, turns out she was just hitting the bottle 24 hours a day and ruining my DH's business - but either way, I was faced with homeschooling the kids at his office and training to take over her job (for free), or watch the family business be ruined.

 

Once your kids are teens, they are cognizant enough to know the sacrifice that a decision like that entails. Old enough to know that I would really rather not *have* to pack up lunch for four people and books and trudge us all over to the other side of town and answer the phone in the middle of lessons, and do invoicing for 2 hours a day, and sit and talk to my MIL for *who KNOWS* how long (she will tell you the same thing OVER and OVER again) and ...well, you get the picture. And, they know that I do it, and do it nicely, out of love. And they respect THAT, and have told me so.

 

My daughter, nah....she doesn't care.

[gingersmom]

I actually just had this conversation with my 13 year old daughter who wanted to know why I didn't work.

 

I went through all the reasons (I wanted to be home with her and her brother when they were young, I have health issues, their father died, etc).

 

Then I told her if I went back to work she would have to go back to public/private school.

 

She began to cry.

 

End of any thought of me working.

[AuntieM]

My children (and husband) like seeing me enjoying activities that I feel invested in. That doesn't necessarily mean working. It is more often my participation in volunteer service, interesting hobbies and continuing education classes. I don't think their "appreciation" is attached to my wage-earning capability/activities, but moreso that I am as involved and interested in life as I encourage them to be.

 

I do not believe that in any way diminishes my value as a homemaker. If I did get a paying job, they would probably feel the same way.

Edited July 14, 2010 by AuntieM

[lionfamily1999]

That is what has happened here, too.

 

My MIL was having health issues...Well, I *thought* she was having health issues, turns out she was just hitting the bottle 24 hours a day and ruining my DH's business - but either way, I was faced with homeschooling the kids at his office and training to take over her job (for free), or watch the family business be ruined.

 

Once your kids are teens, they are cognizant enough to know the sacrifice that a decision like that entails. Old enough to know that I would really rather not *have* to pack up lunch for four people and books and trudge us all over to the other side of town and answer the phone in the middle of lessons, and do invoicing for 2 hours a day, and sit and talk to my MIL for *who KNOWS* how long (she will tell you the same thing OVER and OVER again) and ...well, you get the picture. And, they know that I do it, and do it nicely, out of love. And they respect THAT, and have told me so.

 

My daughter, nah....she doesn't care.

:grouphug: I'm proud of you too Rhonda, I wanted to cry in frustration just reading your post.

[Joanne]

My children look at me differently now that I WOH and am a full time student as well. There is, quite honestly, more respect. There is also the realization that I *am* more than a "Mom".

 

The change in how they see/respond to/respect me is complicated and not completely defined by my WOH for pay status. The dynamic includes what they've learned from my marriage to their dad, cultural sanctions, their step-dad's perspective. However, I don't discount the reality that my working for pay = greater respect.

[Rhondabee]

I actually just had this conversation with my 13 year old daughter who wanted to know why I didn't work.

 

I went through all the reasons (I wanted to be home with her and her brother when they were young, I have health issues, their father died, etc).

 

Then I told her if I went back to work she would have to go back to public/private school.

 

She began to cry.

 

End of any thought of me working.

 

Yep - I meant to say somewhere in my post that it's not the working or not working.

 

It's the recognition of the parent's motivation.

 

(I wish I could say, "It's the recognition that the parent is motivated by love." Unfortunately, I think alot of problems today are caused by teens realizing that their parents are really quite immature and aren't motivated by love.)

[LibraryLover]

Yes. I do think older children can be very proud of the kind of work their parents do and/or how hard they work. Absoltuly been my experience. My oldest (when he was around 17) brough my dh to tears one day when he told him hoped he would be half the man his father is when he himself became a working adult with a family. When I was WOH, my kids seemed proud of the work I did. They asked me a lot of questions (Still do).

 

Conversly, I do not think many children are shamed by a parent who is working at home, such as in the case of having a SAHP who holds down the fort, who is welcoming to friends, and seems mostly satisfied as a SAHP. I think kids worry when their parents are miserable or ill...a resentful SAHP is probably not easy on older children who notice. Parents stuck in a job they hate or resent, or where they are treated poorly may worry/concern children as well.

Edited July 15, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Carrie12345]

My own mother worked on and off through most of my life, but she took on overtime and a second job when I was a teenager. While working two jobs, she also led two Girl Scout troops and taught Sunday School, in addition to some of the bigger parts of housekeeping (laundry- at the laundromat, grocery shopping, yard care, etc.).

 

At the same time, I was going to (high) school, working one job, and leading one Girl Scout troop while helping with general housekeeping (meals, cleaning, helping siblings, etc.).

 

While I would rather she could have been "just" a sahm, I absolutely had great respect for the load she was carrying, and I was (and am) proud of how much she was able to pull off. And it came from a place of understanding how hard an even lighter load could often be. It had/has nothing to do with looking down on staying home. (I've been sah for 9 years now!)