Is average ok?

[HerdingCats]

I have to confess, as I read some of these threads I feel a little queasy about high school. My dd is going into 8th grade and we are trying to make sure she is prepared for high school level work, but she is not taking high school or college level sciences yet, she has to do math all summer to be ready for pre-algebra, we have work to do in spelling and grammar. Arrrgh:confused: I feel like a failure because in most areas she is an average student! In some ways I blame myself. Inconsistencies that she had to endure as my oldest "guinea pig" student probably set her back some. I love the person she is becoming, and I am very proud of her. She is above-average in so many important ways. Don't get me wrong. I just hate feeling so inadequate when it seems everyone here has advanced students. Is there another board for people where average is ok? Maybe we could start a sub-group. Unless of course we are the only ones:tongue_smilie:

[jewellsmommy]

There is nothing wrong with you or your dd! I would much rather have a dd that I can be proud of than one who is considered above average. The young woman she is becoming will take her through her whole life. School is just a few more years!

When your dd is 35 yrs old who will know at what grade she took chemistry etc. But everyone she knows will be able to tell what kind of person she is.

Edited June 29, 2010 by jewellsmommy

[jld]

I hear you. The WTM boards can really enlighten us, but can also make us question ourselves unnecessarily, I think.

 

I'm sure you and your daughter will do fine!:)

[JennW in SoCal]

Don't forget that your dd has lots of growing and maturing to do over the next few years. It may seem by comparison that there are advanced kids here, but you can't compare what a 16 or 17yo is doing with what a 13 or 14yo is doing. Those few years make a huge difference in maturity and ability.

 

So don't be intimidated and don't worry about if your dd is "average" or struggling or that you are inconsistent. We've all been inconsistent but do the best we can, have moments of enormous self-doubt and are often ready to tear our hair out over our 14yo kiddos who seem to struggle with basics sometimes.

 

Lol ... we're you expecting someone to reply "NO! Average is not o.k. Be gone with you!!"?? Not gonna happen. ;)

[Grace is Sufficient]

I comfort myself sometimes with the suspicion that folks might be quicker to post about the areas their students excel in than about those in which they struggle... if for no other reason than one would feel more qualified to speak about a subject when your student is doing well.

[Erica in PA]

I have to confess, as I read some of these threads I feel a little queasy about high school. My dd is going into 8th grade and we are trying to make sure she is prepared for high school level work, but she is not taking high school or college level sciences yet, she has to do math all summer to be ready for pre-algebra, we have work to do in spelling and grammar. Arrrgh:confused: I feel like a failure because in most areas she is an average student! In some ways I blame myself. Inconsistencies that she had to endure as my oldest "guinea pig" student probably set her back some. I love the person she is becoming, and I am very proud of her. She is above-average in so many important ways. Don't get me wrong. I just hate feeling so inadequate when it seems everyone here has advanced students. Is there another board for people where average is ok? Maybe we could start a sub-group. Unless of course we are the only ones:tongue_smilie:

 

I hope it's okay, because I have three "average" students here! :) I think in homeschooling circles there are so many who are working above grade level, that it's easy to think that we're doing something wrong if our kids aren't. As long as my kids are on grade-level, or as close to it as they can be based on their ability, then I think we're okay!

[HerdingCats]

Lol ... we're you expecting someone to reply "NO! Average is not o.k. Be gone with you!!"?? Not gonna happen. ;)

 

You know this is just a thinly veiled plea for reassurance:D. Thank you all for playing...

[tampamommy]

We always remind our dc that in the end, we would rather have them be "good" students and "excellent" people, instead of "excellent" students and just "good" people. Of course, some children may be able to achieve both.

 

If they try their best and apply themselves, they'll be successful.

[rwjx2khsmj]

I love the idea of having average children. Well balanced, right in the middle, a single value that summarizes or represents the general significance of a set of unequal value. Average isn't a dirty word. It doesn't detract from value but assigns it.

Doesn't someone have to be average?

Because, like I learned from the Incredibles, if everyone is special, then no one is.

[Ailaena]

When your dd is 35 yrs old who will know at what grade she took chemistry etc. But everyone she knows will be able to tell what kind of person she is.

 

 

:iagree::001_wub:

[dragons in the flower bed]

If you start a subgroup I will join, because I too have an eldest guinea pig child who I definitely messed up by being so inconsistent with. He, like your daughter, is doing math all summer to be ready for pre-algebra when he starts eighth grade in September. He's a great kid in many ways. I do not worry in the least that he will fail to succeed. But he's not doing above average work in any area.

[chalkboard]

I could've written your post!

 

My soon to be junior in high school dd is a charm and I'm very proud of her. I can see the qualities that she is developing will be qualities of character and Christian living that will take her through her life well. She is a leg up in about every area of life as a person and student than I was at her age. I pinch myself to think that I've raised such a wonderful daughter!

 

No way is she perfect at all, trust me, but when I've had other moms tell me they want their daughters to spend more time with my daughter, and when my niece tells me she wants her young daughter to be like mine, when she grows up, well...that speaks volumes to me and is a confirmation that we are concentrating on the right things!

 

As a student she struggles with math, did pre-algebra in grade nine, is taking forever to complete Algebra 1. She loves history, though, and loves to read. Still, schoolwork isn't always her favorite thing to do.

 

She isn't interested in attending college for four years. I may not even have her take the ACT test. A couple of her peers have scored very high on that test, and we are very thrilled for them. But, plain and simple, academics aren't my daughter's passion. There are some subjects she does fairly well in and other subjects she really struggles with. I suppose it averages out to...well, average!

 

And, to point out another thing, I think family backgound puts things in perspective, too. My father grew up in the Great Depression Era in an extremely poor family of several children. He didn't even go to high school. Same of my husband's father. My mother did graduate from high school but wasn't very academically inclined. There were not books in my house growing up. My upbringing didn't place a value on education or reading at all. So, you can see that as a homeschooling family, we have come a long way!

 

Bless you for your efforts with your dd. Keep at it. She will 'get' what she needs to 'get'. She will probably happily surprise you at times and frustrate you at other times. She will find her niche.

 

I, too, have told my ds that I'm sorry he had to be the first born, homeschooled guinea pig! I totally understand!

 

Susan

[Alphabetika]

Don't forget that your dd has lots of growing and maturing to do over the next few years. It may seem by comparison that there are advanced kids here, but you can't compare what a 16 or 17yo is doing with what a 13 or 14yo is doing. Those few years make a huge difference in maturity and ability.

 

So don't be intimidated and don't worry about if your dd is "average" or struggling or that you are inconsistent. We've all been inconsistent but do the best we can, have moments of enormous self-doubt and are often ready to tear our hair out over our 14yo kiddos who seem to struggle with basics sometimes.

 

Lol ... we're you expecting someone to reply "NO! Average is not o.k. Be gone with you!!"?? Not gonna happen. ;)

 

:iagree:I'm amazed at how much my dd has changed between age 13 and age 16. Even so, "average" is nothing to be ashamed of. School, such as it is, is only a small part of life, no matter what we homeschooling moms like to tell ourselves.

[PollyOR]

We have average and below average students in our family.

 

There have been times when I've thought that maybe I shouldn't come here. It can be an intimidating place. But, I have also learned a great deal. There are so many good things that I wouldn't have known about if I hadn't come to read these boards. I believe the support of the online homeschool community (specifically the FIAR and WTM boards) is what has kept me in the homeschooling game.

[Ester Maria]

Academics are only one aspect of your life and certainly not the most important one. While I am deeply convinced that it would be a shame to provide a student with a great potential in this area with merely a substandard mainstream education, I believe that nearly all of us are doing our best with tailoring what we do to our children and that in nearly all of the cases our children "suffer less" from our choices than they would have suffered in a public school setting. We can meet them where they are and build it up from there, and ALL children profit from that, not only the highly gifted ones.

 

I would also like to point out to a, perhaps, neglected issue here - TWTM boards ARE about academics, primarily; most of us at home actively try to educate "the whole person" as opposed to that aspect only, but the impression you might be getting from the boards might be completely biased, because we do primarily talk about one single component of our lives here. As somebody with quite a rigorous academic approach, my MAIN focus with my daughters is to raise healthy, happy and emotionally stable persons, because I believe that pretty much everything else is negotiable, life-wise, but health and mental peace and feeling good with yourself and having mechanisms to cope with life are NOT. If you're successful in that aspect, if you have a good atmosphere in your home and a good relationship with your children, it really isn't as important where they are academically, if that's suitable for their abilities and if they advance at their pace. Having happy children is the most important thing here, and allowing them to grow in a good atmosphere.

[DH in Las Vegas]

I have learned so much from this forum! I feel like I have learned more about homeschooling in the last six months than the last six years. That said, there are times when I just have to take a break from reading these posts! It can be very intimidating and stressful because we naturally tend to compare our homeschooling experience with others. For example, although my ds is 13 and will be in 8th grade in the fall, I was getting so stressed reading about other kids' accomplishments and what other Mom's had done or were doing to get their kids ready for engineering school that I started to lose sight of what I need to do NOW. It's great to envision the future, but I know I need to spend more time providing a quality homeschool experience "in the moment" and that he will learn and grow at his own pace in each area. He might not be able to write an essay yet, but he reads at an advanced level, breezes through math, and can take apart an engine! Your child has many, many strengths! Others will develop in time. Learn from this board, enjoy your day-to-day homeschooling experiences, celebrate your successes, and be proud of what you have accomplished!!!

[creekland]

If one looks around this world they will see tons of niches that are filled with wonderful people. Some of those niches require advanced academics and some do not. People are gifted (talented) in areas that literally help our world proceed - some academically and some not.

 

My nephew is not average, he's way below average academically. He's an adult now, but never progressed enough in school to get a diploma especially since NY got rid of their non-regents diploma. Due to "issues" there was no way he could ever function academically at a college prep level for math, science or writing. However, he's an excellent mechanic and had a teen job working for the city removing trash prior to his mechanic job. Does that make him a lesser person? Not to me!

 

The Bible tells us to, "Train up a child in the way THEY should go." (emphasis mine, of course). It never tells us we have to train up a child the way we think they ought to go or in ways that are academically prestigious. Different people fit into different places in this world. One of the big fallacies out there is that what one does academically makes them "better" than anyone else. It's merely a way to find a niche - for some.

 

My middle son IS academically gifted (any subject) - and excellent in art, music, and almost literally anything he tries (sports included). Many of us envy his talent (myself, his peers and our evaluator included), but we work hard to be certain he's grounded in knowing that, as a person, he's got the same value as my nephew or anyone else. God has granted him the academic talent for a reason (yet to be found), but it's no different in value than the talent of anyone else. We need doctors. We need trash collectors. We need mechanics. People need to fit in where they happily fill a niche.

 

"I" know that. Most of us here will agree to it all. I just wish I could convince my youngest son of it all. He's caught up in the "trap" of thinking he's no good because he can't match up to older brother - who's off the charts high. It's frustrating, because he's a knowledgeable, talented kid (98% overall on 8th grade standardized tests!!!)- just not as talented (esp in math - 85%). His niche is the natural world (which he loves) and reading/writing (which he's not so in love with). This society we live in has convinced him that the values aren't the same (sigh). No matter what we say, it doesn't sink in.

 

So, I'll step off my soapbox, but realize society insists on trying to convince us otherwise (fairly effectively). We can't let it win.

[HerdingCats]

Even though I say I want my own subgroup, the reason I love this place is because there is such wisdom here. You all continue to challenge me to do better for my kids. I know not every child can be gifted academically, but part of the reason I homeschool is because I don't believe an average student should be relegated to an average education. You better believe I'll continue coming here to be inspired. It's so true that our kids lives are so much more than academics. Thanks for the reminder!

[ChemMommy]

We always remind our dc that in the end, we would rather have them be "good" students and "excellent" people, instead of "excellent" students and just "good" people. Of course, some children may be able to achieve both.

 

If they try their best and apply themselves, they'll be successful.

 

It is very, very easy to question our homeschooling when we read snippits of the schools other people are running.

 

Average is good!

[jld]

my MAIN focus with my daughters is to raise healthy, happy and emotionally stable persons, because I believe that pretty much everything else is negotiable, life-wise, but health and mental peace and feeling good with yourself and having mechanisms to cope with life are NOT. If you're successful in that aspect, if you have a good atmosphere in your home and a good relationship with your children, it really isn't as important where they are academically, if that's suitable for their abilities and if they advance at their pace. Having happy children is the most important thing here, and allowing them to grow in a good atmosphere.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I think this is why some of us feel so nervous when we read here about moms who are deeply concerned about academics, but who don't seem as concerned about their children's emotional state. Academics are not the most important thing when children are not well, physically or emotionally. First things first.

[G5052]

I always tell my kids that I want them to do their best and be kind to others. If they stay on that course, the rest will fall into place.

[lllll]

..

[bugs]

Even though I say I want my own subgroup, the reason I love this place is because there is such wisdom here. You all continue to challenge me to do better for my kids.

 

:iagree:

I know not every child can be gifted academically, but part of the reason I homeschool is because I don't believe an average student should be relegated to an average education. You better believe I'll continue coming here to be inspired. It's so true that our kids lives are so much more than academics. Thanks for the reminder!

My kids are proably in the same realm. I shudder to think how little their minds would be exercised at ps. So, they are with me.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Carrie,

 

I haven't read the other responses (yet), but....I have a child like yours who isn't ahead, is even a little behind. It is VERY hard sometimes because it does seem like most homeschoolers (online at least) are really academically capable (my dd was one of those).

 

The great thing about homeschooling is that we can individualize for our children. My dd could take college classes (even starting full time early). My son can take algebra AGAIN as a 10th grader. Thankfully our children, whether gifted or average or struggling, can get an appropriate education for them.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[krstbrwn]

I have to confess, as I read some of these threads I feel a little queasy about high school. My dd is going into 8th grade and we are trying to make sure she is prepared for high school level work, but she is not taking high school or college level sciences yet, she has to do math all summer to be ready for pre-algebra, we have work to do in spelling and grammar. Arrrgh:confused: I feel like a failure because in most areas she is an average student! In some ways I blame myself. Inconsistencies that she had to endure as my oldest "guinea pig" student probably set her back some. I love the person she is becoming, and I am very proud of her. She is above-average in so many important ways. Don't get me wrong. I just hate feeling so inadequate when it seems everyone here has advanced students. Is there another board for people where average is ok? Maybe we could start a sub-group. Unless of course we are the only ones:tongue_smilie:

THANK YOU so much for having the guts to say this. I, too, have a guinea pig daughter. I have learned so much with her, and my other two children have benefitted. I feel terrible about that, but I think her average grades would have been average no matter what I did. Thankfully, grades don't define a person, if we don't let them. My dd has many wonderful, special qualities, and homeschooling allows us to focus on those. What is average anyway? My guess is we would all fall into this category in some aspect of our lives.:) Thank goodness, there's too much pressure when you're perfect.:D

Kristi

[EKS]

I would hope average is ok, because the majority of people are.

[Jackie in AR]

I have to confess, as I read some of these threads I feel a little queasy about high school. My dd is going into 8th grade and we are trying to make sure she is prepared for high school level work, but she is not taking high school or college level sciences yet, she has to do math all summer to be ready for pre-algebra, we have work to do in spelling and grammar. Arrrgh:confused: I feel like a failure because in most areas she is an average student! In some ways I blame myself. Inconsistencies that she had to endure as my oldest "guinea pig" student probably set her back some. I love the person she is becoming, and I am very proud of her. She is above-average in so many important ways. Don't get me wrong. I just hate feeling so inadequate when it seems everyone here has advanced students. Is there another board for people where average is ok? Maybe we could start a sub-group. Unless of course we are the only ones:tongue_smilie:

 

My 4 dc run the gamut from slightly below average to slightly above, depending on the child and the subject matter. My two oldest have definitely had to endure some of my inconsistencies as my guinea pig students, so I know exactly what you mean about that.

 

Please don't feel inadequate, or that you shouldn't be here. I'm a firm believer that it is OK to develop high school level skills when you are . . . in high school! And college level skills when you are . . . in college! It can be nice if your dc reach those levels at a younger-than-normal age, but it really is OK if they don't.

Edited June 30, 2010 by Jackie in AR
typo

[Miss Marple]

Although there are some to whom academics come more easily, I'd rather have the average student who is a hard worker. My hard workers actually perform better than my more "gifted" students.

Edited July 1, 2010 by CynthiaOK
clarify

[smilesonly]

I actually have NO idea whether any of our dc are average, academically, or not. And I really don't care. They work hard and do their best and that's all I can really ask of them.

 

When I think of educating a child, I think - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically. The academics are only one-fourth of the overall picture.

 

www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055380491X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1277939134&sr=1-1

 

This book is an excellent read! It made me look at myself and my dc in a whole different way-a better way.;)

 

When I first joined TWTM boards, I was very turned off by peoples sig line that displayed their dc's "curricula resume." I purposefully leave mine out for this reason. Now don't get me wrong, I love! to read the various curricula listed, as it oftens sends me off researching:D, but having it listed next to the dc's online name and age has always rubbed me the wrong way. I realize that probably sounds nitpicky, so take it with a grain of salt.:)

[tex-mex]

There is nothing wrong with you or your dd! I would much rather have a dd that I can be proud of than one who is considered above average. The young woman she is becoming will take her through her whole life. School is just a few more years!

When your dd is 35 yrs old who will know at what grade she took chemistry etc. But everyone she knows will be able to tell what kind of person she is.

 

Exactly. Years from now... it will be more important to know my child is giving back to society and his character is not tarnished by society's moral dredges. (I'm not expecting my kid to be like Mother Teresa, either. ;)) You can be the most brilliant person in the world, but without love, you can be inhuman. I know of some brainiacs who go from high school to college and cannot figure out how to get along with a roommate, balance a checkbook, emotionally immature, or fix a flat tire. Yikes. :glare:

Edited June 30, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

I would hope average is ok, because the majority of people are.

:iagree:LOL - yup, bell curve. Tons of average and few gifted and low. Seems on these boards it is the opposite? :D I want to thank the OP for being brave enough to post this thread! A voice! :grouphug:

[tex-mex]

www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055380491X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1277939134&sr=1-1

 

This book is an excellent read! It made me look at myself and my dc in a whole different way-a better way.;)

 

 

Street smarts (EQ) sure do go a long way in life!

[Grace is Sufficient]

Yep! I've got a tortoise and a hare, and my tortoise is way ahead!

[Night Elf]

I would say my ds13 is average. However, I prefer to think of him as being where he is, good in some subjects and not so good in others. He doesn't have one subject that he excels in and is most certainly not one of the high achieving students we see mentioned on this board sometimes. Don't feel bad. Don't compare. I try to make sure my children always do their best, but that best doesn't always mean A+. I'm taking advantage of the opportunity that homeschooling affords us, the time to let our children learn the material and prepare for life beyond high school. I started my ds13 in two high school courses in his 8th grade year. We skipped 8th grade, not because he is smart, but because it seemed like a waste of time. He complains about school so I figured I might as well make school count for something. However, there is no way he'll graduate early or even in 4 years. I see him on the 5-year plan, and that's if we can even pull that off!