Already annoyed with local homeschooling group

[Tohru]

Don't be friends with the group or get over it and accept them the way they are.

Edited June 1, 2010 by jadedone80

[Krissi]

I would say if it's a huge inconvenience and going to raise your bp, don't meet with them. If running late is something you can't overlook, don't go. If you can, let it slide. But, being annoyed is not going to win you any friends there. Maybe there's another group you would find more to your liking?

[phathui5]

I do not know which is more rude-being late or leaving early.

 

 

 

I don't think it's rude at all to leave early if you have somewhere else you have to go.

 

I have a firm policy that as far as I'm concerned, if we aren't 10 minutes early then I'm already feel late.

 

Interesting. I think that for public events that's fine, but unless you're a really close friend, it would be rude for you to show up at my house 10 minutes before the planned time, cause at 8:50am, I'm still getting ready for what we have planned for 9am.

Edited May 31, 2010 by phathui5

[FlockOfSillies]

Is is really that hard to be on time??

 

Yes. As a matter of fact, it is.

 

I've always had a hard time being punctual. I probably had the most "tardies" at the end of the school year, every year. And I lived half a block from school. (Close proximity to a location tends to exacerbate the problem, ironically enough.) My parents didn't train it out of me, even though it frustrated my always-punctual father.

 

I still have a hard time with timeliness as an adult. If I show up late to a class or something formal, I do my best to slip in unobtrusively and listen in so I can get up to speed. I don't expect people to hold off starting the activity on my account. In fact, it helps me if they start on time. (It doesn't help my stress level in the 60 minutes prior to the event, though.)

 

If there's an event that has signups for setup/cleanup, I usually sign up for cleanup duty. If I'm asked to bring food to a potluck, I try to choose desserts or side dishes, rather than appetizers.

 

I'd like to think I've gotten a little better at being on time, but it's not one of my strengths. It has nothing to do with a lack of concern for others' feelings or schedules. It's not a reflection on the relative importance of an event. I'm just not good at estimating how long it takes to get out the door. Period.

 

There are some people who are gifted at keeping a spotlessly clean home, week in, week out. You are probably one of them. I am not. It's yet another area where my aspirations far outstretch my self-discipline.

 

Now, if you need someone to proofread your resume? I'm your gal. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at telling jokes, and I tend to be a cheerful giver. Waitresses love me.

 

But if I were in that group you just joined, you'd never discover any of those things about me, because the only things you'd notice would be my failings. And both of us would probably realize that you would consider my failings to be impassable barriers to our friendship. And both of us would breathe a sigh of relief the minute you left the group.

 

I guess all I'm saying is, "Don't take offense where none is intended," because most of these people aren't doing it for the express purpose of driving you nuts, even if they are being inconsiderate and careless; and, "Love other people more than you love being right." You have faults and weaknesses of your own, and friendships form when both parties are capable of acknowledging their own imperfections while overlooking them in the other person.

[Mom2J112903]

A lot of people consider SPD to be on the Autism Spectrum.

 

J is a Spectrum child, he has just made *so* much progress it is hard to know if he would be HFA or just "Autistic Tendancies" aka "quirky".

 

I am going to give this group a try, not only for J, but for myself. It will be nice to have a group of friends with our same intrests. Being late is just something that irks me, and if it is an every.time. sort of thing, then either (a) we find a new group or (b) learn, somehow, to deal with it.

[kwg]

May I gently suggest that you go back and read through some things that others have said as their reasons for being late? Perhaps that will help you be more understanding and less critical.

 

I always bring something along to do -our read aloud book or schoolwork or somehting. And I usually spin it as "looks like we are here first, let's go ahead and ...." instead of telling kiddos everyone else is late. Homeschool Will Travel :lol: (but it does help if you are in a situation where there is nothing to do).

 

ETA: Jus read through and I would like to point out that I am late a lot...not classes...but other social events. I try not to be, of course, but ..**sigh***.I didn't used to be this way- but kids and the homeschooling have made some challenges to being punctual. We are working on it though!

Edited May 31, 2010 by kwg

[Lizzie in Ma]

That's the way I was taught and that is what I teach. 15 minutes early for everything always. Being late indicates a lack of value for others time.

Not on my watch.

[Impish]

That's the way I was taught and that is what I teach. 15 minutes early for everything always. Being late indicates a lack of value for others time.

Not on my watch.

Everything? I was taught it was rude to show up at someone's home early, even if it meant circling the block, or stopping and parking for a bit.

 

I dislike being late, but I've learned that there's more important things to put my energy to, than worrying about others being on time.

[Haiku]

How can I nicely explain to them that being late is something that is un-acceptable to me and I do not want J thinking being late is ok.

 

I don't think you can. Honestly, your first post sounded very rigid. I am someone who likes to be on time, and I am rarely late. But not everyone else works the way I work, and I can't dictate to an entire group of people that they work on my timetable. Lateness is annoying, yes. But I think you need to decide whether it's more important to you that your son be able to be in the group or that you stand on your timeliness principle. I'm assuming that you would have allotted more than fifteen minutes for the end-of-the-year get-together, so it just seems a bit snarky that you would leave in disgust after 15 minutes. We showed up at our end-of-the-year gathering on time, and no one else showed up for 25 minutes. We ended up staying for 2 1/2 hours and the kids had a blast.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

15 minutes early for everything always.

 

Depending on the situation, I would consider that every bit as rude as being late. If you arrive fifteen minutes early to my house, you will likely find my kids not dressed, me still sweeping the floor, and the breakfast/lunch dishes not loaded into the dishwasher. If I wanted you there at 10:45 instead of 11:00, I'd have said 10:45.

 

If you know that class starts at 1 and you get there at 12:45, you run the risk of making the instructor/facilitator feel uncomfortable that you are hanging around.

 

For a park day? No big deal. Come when you want.

 

Tara

[Denisemomof4]

Depending on the situation, I would consider that every bit as rude as being late. If you arrive fifteen minutes early to my house, you will likely find my kids not dressed, me still sweeping the floor, and the breakfast/lunch dishes not loaded into the dishwasher. If I wanted you there at 10:45 instead of 11:00, I'd have said 10:45.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

We recently invited a couple over. They arrived an HOUR early. We didn't even let them come in. I was a sweaty mess, hadn't showered yet, and was scrubbing floors in my totally open concept house. I had oldest ds take them out to the barn to show them the animals.

 

I didn't care that I was rude by not letting them in. I was so annoyed at them showing up an hour early that I put aside my manners. I know it's not right, but still - an HOUR early??!!! I finished scrubbing, took a VERY quick shower, and threw myself together, getting to them in about 30 minutes, and they were in the house 30 minutes earlier than planned. I apologized, told them I needed the extra time to shower, and we had a nice night.

 

But I haven't invited them back. ;)

[Mom2J112903]

An HOUR?! Even *I* would be annoyed and would *never* do that to someone else. When invited to someone's home I *usually* show up 5 minutes before or *at* the scheduled start time. Being any earlier to someone's home is just un-acceptable and showing up more than 15 minutes late for a dinner is un-acceptable as well IMO.

 

 

We recently invited a couple over. They arrived an HOUR early. We didn't even let them come in. I was a sweaty mess, hadn't showered yet, and was scrubbing floors in my totally open concept house. I had oldest ds take them out to the barn to show them the animals.

 

I didn't care that I was rude by not letting them in. I was so annoyed at them showing up an hour early that I put aside my manners. I know it's not right, but still - an HOUR early??!!! I finished scrubbing, took a VERY quick shower, and threw myself together, getting to them in about 30 minutes, and they were in the house 30 minutes earlier than planned. I apologized, told them I needed the extra time to shower, and we had a nice night.

 

But I haven't invited them back. ;)

[Oney Jones]

.....But if I were in that group you just joined, you'd never discover any of those things about me, because the only things you'd notice would be my failings. And both of us would probably realize that you would consider my failings to be impassable barriers to our friendship. And both of us would breathe a sigh of relief the minute you left the group.

 

I guess all I'm saying is, "Don't take offense where none is intended," because most of these people aren't doing it for the express purpose of driving you nuts, even if they are being inconsiderate and careless; and, "Love other people more than you love being right." You have faults and weaknesses of your own, and friendships form when both parties are capable of acknowledging their own imperfections while overlooking them in the other person.

 

Awww... I think I like you. :) You have such a sweet heart. :grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

For your son's sake, I'd just look at the scheduled time and add half an hour. Then you won't be waiting around, and your son won't have to miss out. When in Rome ... :)

[CLHCO]

Depending on the situation, I would consider that every bit as rude as being late. If you arrive fifteen minutes early to my house, you will likely find my kids not dressed, me still sweeping the floor, and the breakfast/lunch dishes not loaded into the dishwasher. If I wanted you there at 10:45 instead of 11:00, I'd have said 10:45.

 

If you know that class starts at 1 and you get there at 12:45, you run the risk of making the instructor/facilitator feel uncomfortable that you are hanging around.

 

For a park day? No big deal. Come when you want.

 

Tara

:iagree:

 

My husband used to pride himself on early and that's how his family functioned until it was discussed how it can be equally rude.

 

I CANNOT handle early when I'm having something at my house. We are usually doing last minute preparations and having someone there watching you go about it is frustrating.

 

I also used to teach music classes for young children. I need some time to look through my notes and set up my items. People would show up early with their kids and I'd have to be "on" the moment they'd walk in because they'd want to chat and see what you're up to, etc. Hey, I was there anyway, right? :glare:

 

At a park or restaurant it's not a big deal to be that early. Other situations? Be ready to wait in the car.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

Yes. As a matter of fact, it is.

 

I've always had a hard time being punctual. I probably had the most "tardies" at the end of the school year, every year. And I lived half a block from school. (Close proximity to a location tends to exacerbate the problem, ironically enough.) My parents didn't train it out of me, even though it frustrated my always-punctual father.

 

I still have a hard time with timeliness as an adult. If I show up late to a class or something formal, I do my best to slip in unobtrusively and listen in so I can get up to speed. I don't expect people to hold off starting the activity on my account. In fact, it helps me if they start on time. (It doesn't help my stress level in the 60 minutes prior to the event, though.)

 

If there's an event that has signups for setup/cleanup, I usually sign up for cleanup duty. If I'm asked to bring food to a potluck, I try to choose desserts or side dishes, rather than appetizers.

 

I'd like to think I've gotten a little better at being on time, but it's not one of my strengths. It has nothing to do with a lack of concern for others' feelings or schedules. It's not a reflection on the relative importance of an event. I'm just not good at estimating how long it takes to get out the door. Period.

 

There are some people who are gifted at keeping a spotlessly clean home, week in, week out. You are probably one of them. I am not. It's yet another area where my aspirations far outstretch my self-discipline.

 

Now, if you need someone to proofread your resume? I'm your gal. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at telling jokes, and I tend to be a cheerful giver. Waitresses love me.

 

But if I were in that group you just joined, you'd never discover any of those things about me, because the only things you'd notice would be my failings. And both of us would probably realize that you would consider my failings to be impassable barriers to our friendship. And both of us would breathe a sigh of relief the minute you left the group.

 

I guess all I'm saying is, "Don't take offense where none is intended," because most of these people aren't doing it for the express purpose of driving you nuts, even if they are being inconsiderate and careless; and, "Love other people more than you love being right." You have faults and weaknesses of your own, and friendships form when both parties are capable of acknowledging their own imperfections while overlooking them in the other person.

 

 

Oh, Brenda, you are my soul sister :cheers2: Will you be my BFF? We can be late together and not judge each others messy homes, lol.

[cathmom]

Yes. As a matter of fact, it is.

 

I've always had a hard time being punctual. I probably had the most "tardies" at the end of the school year, every year. And I lived half a block from school. (Close proximity to a location tends to exacerbate the problem, ironically enough.) My parents didn't train it out of me, even though it frustrated my always-punctual father.

 

I still have a hard time with timeliness as an adult. If I show up late to a class or something formal, I do my best to slip in unobtrusively and listen in so I can get up to speed. I don't expect people to hold off starting the activity on my account. In fact, it helps me if they start on time. (It doesn't help my stress level in the 60 minutes prior to the event, though.)

 

If there's an event that has signups for setup/cleanup, I usually sign up for cleanup duty. If I'm asked to bring food to a potluck, I try to choose desserts or side dishes, rather than appetizers.

 

I'd like to think I've gotten a little better at being on time, but it's not one of my strengths. It has nothing to do with a lack of concern for others' feelings or schedules. It's not a reflection on the relative importance of an event. I'm just not good at estimating how long it takes to get out the door. Period.

 

There are some people who are gifted at keeping a spotlessly clean home, week in, week out. You are probably one of them. I am not. It's yet another area where my aspirations far outstretch my self-discipline.

 

Now, if you need someone to proofread your resume? I'm your gal. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at telling jokes, and I tend to be a cheerful giver. Waitresses love me.

 

But if I were in that group you just joined, you'd never discover any of those things about me, because the only things you'd notice would be my failings. And both of us would probably realize that you would consider my failings to be impassable barriers to our friendship. And both of us would breathe a sigh of relief the minute you left the group.

 

I guess all I'm saying is, "Don't take offense where none is intended," because most of these people aren't doing it for the express purpose of driving you nuts, even if they are being inconsiderate and careless; and, "Love other people more than you love being right." You have faults and weaknesses of your own, and friendships form when both parties are capable of acknowledging their own imperfections while overlooking them in the other person.

 

Great post! Thanks for sharing!

[FlockOfSillies]

OK, if I get to an event first, I'll save you a spot, and if you get there first, you save me a spot. :D

[Murphy101]

I am going to give this group a try, not only for J, but for myself. It will be nice to have a group of friends with our same intrests. Being late is just something that irks me, and if it is an every.time. sort of thing, then either (a) we find a new group or (b) learn, somehow, to deal with it.

 

This is entirely the proper way to handle it. And I think you should have been to a few more events before getting so annoyed. It appears you haven't been in this group enough to really know if this is a habit or not. I wouldn't base a decision on one casual event.

 

Everything? I was taught it was rude to show up at someone's home early, even if it meant circling the block, or stopping and parking for a bit.

 

:iagree:And that's exactly what I do. It allows time for traffic, talk to the kids in the car about what to expect and how to behave, finding the location, maybe even going thru a drive thru for coffee. By planning to be at least 10 minutes early, I give myself time arrive without stress or disruptions to our plans.

 

If you know that class starts at 1 and you get there at 12:45, you run the risk of making the instructor/facilitator feel uncomfortable that you are hanging around.

 

10 minutes early for music is a must, imho. It gives them time to put their instruments together, get their music ready and so forth so that their actual lesson time is used to actually learn music.

 

For other classes, it gives them time to pull their books out, turn in papers, ask questions or get help from the teacher. How to be a Super Star Student even encourages this for these reasons. And I've never met a decent college instructor who had a problem with it. Most in fact strongly urged it.

[Haiku]

10 minutes early for music is a must, imho. It gives them time to put their instruments together, get their music ready and so forth so that their actual lesson time is used to actually learn music.

 

For other classes, it gives them time to pull their books out, turn in papers, ask questions or get help from the teacher. How to be a Super Star Student even encourages this for these reasons. And I've never met a decent college instructor who had a problem with it. Most in fact strongly urged it.

 

I was thinking more of classes put on for homeschoolers or something like a class at the library or local museum. If everyone (or anyone) shows up a quarter-hour early, the instructor might not have the time she/he needs to finish last-minute preparations. I used to observe this when I worked at the library and people routinely showed up early for events. You'd think they'd just browse the stacks, but no, they just came right into the multi-purpose room and expected to be entertained until the event started.

 

Tara

[Murphy101]

I used to observe this when I worked at the library and people routinely showed up early for events. You'd think they'd just browse the stacks, but no, they just came right into the multi-purpose room and expected to be entertained until the event started.

 

Tara

 

oh. I suppose I can see that too. Altho one would think it would only happen once. After that, TPTB should have kept the door shut and said they weren't ready yet to please wait outside. That's what our library does.:)

[CLHCO]

I was thinking more of classes put on for homeschoolers or something like a class at the library or local museum. If everyone (or anyone) shows up a quarter-hour early, the instructor might not have the time she/he needs to finish last-minute preparations. I used to observe this when I worked at the library and people routinely showed up early for events. You'd think they'd just browse the stacks, but no, they just came right into the multi-purpose room and expected to be entertained until the event started.

 

Tara

:iagree:

 

Music lessons that require you to get out an instrument and tune up, or anything that is with older students independently responsible, is very different from activities with younger children, or something that doesn't require anything but sitting around waiting, or bugging the teacher, messing with the things in the classroom, etc.

 

The point is to consider the situation and the individuals involved. Flat rules on this issue are not considerate, but are often selfish. I'm sure people posting here are not being selfish and had a specific situation in their mind with their comments, but there are some out there who like life to conform to them. In the case where I used to teach at a recreation center, parents would drop off kids early so they could get in extra workout time, expecting me to babysit while preparing for class.

 

There are times when early is appropriate, on time is usually always fine, and sometimes even a touch late is fine. (Notice, I said "a touch". My mother's family's way of setting a gathering for 2pm then expecting most to not arrive until after 4pm is the nuttiest thing I ever heard!)

Edited May 31, 2010 by CLHCO

[manylilblessings]

It's funny. Reading this thread made me nervous. I can imagine myself being one of the 20 minute late moms. I would be afraid of what you would think of me, and it would prevent me from becoming a really vulnerable friend to you.

 

I used to be 99% punctual. When I had 1 child, it decreased, and it's been downhill from there. When I stress about being exactly on time, my kids end up being miserable, as I lose patience for childishness like my 3yo wanting to put his own shoes on; which takes 3 times as long if we're lucky.

 

The baby, of course, usually poops just as I'm putting him in his carseat. At least one child has trouble getting a seatbelt done because there are so many carseats to maneuver around and little fingers are clumsy.

 

My test of character has been to learn patience with so many little people, rather than trying to be on time so that I look good. I have learned to find friends who understand that test of character, and extend grace as I work it through.

 

Honestly, I think having 6 kids has taught me a lot more about my failings than my strengths. When I had only 1 child, I could do almost everything perfectly. It seems as though I needed 6 to find my own faults, and allow for my children and friends to have theirs too.

 

Maybe there's a tough spot here for you because it's an opportunity to grow and stretch. That's usually what my tough spots turn into.

[Dawn in OH]

I'm always late for everything lately. Somehow it always ends up taking longer than I expected to get all the kids loaded up and to our destination. But at the same time, I always tell everyone that we will be late. (Then again, I wouldn't be late if a certain person didn't keep planning everything for 10:00 AM. She plans events for 10:00 even though EVERYONE has told her that 11:00 would be better for everyone).

 

I should add that I HATE being late, and end up very stressed out and frazzled when we are late. Unfortunately, it seems to be out of my control for the time being.

Edited June 1, 2010 by Dawn in OH

[OrganicAnn]

It is one thing when it is a party and it is acceptable to arrive anytime after the start time, but a class is different. People should attempt to arrive on time for a class. I don't buy the idea that if you have kids that you can't arrive on time. I see people with kids arrive on time for church, for classes, for doctor/dentist appointments.

[Dandelion]

I agree that it can be very frustrating when everyone is always running late... As someone who organized a homeschool support group for over a year, I've been to many, many events where people showed up incredibly late or RSVP'd "yes" and didn't show up at all. So I know how it feels...

 

I haven't read through all the replies so I may be restating other advice here. I think you have to weigh the "good" against the "bad" in this situation. The "good" being the potential for connection and friendships for you and your son vs. the "bad" potential for frustration around lateness/no-shows. If you can find a way to work around the "bad" in order to benefit from the "good", then that's great. If not, and the punctuality problem is just too big of a turn-off for you, then I would continue the search for other groups that may be a better fit for you.

[TandLMommy28]

I've never been on time for anything in my entire life. I was born three weeks after my due date! My limo even got stuck in traffic on the way to my wedding and I was the last to arrive... I've ran through the airport to barely make a flight so many times I can't count and when i get to church on Sunday I usually have to go unstack a chair from the back because all the regular seats are taken. I pay $15/hour for gymnastics class for my daughter and we almost never make it for the first five minutes. At preschool last year, we had a car line to drop kids off and we were always last in line.

 

And the strange thing is, I always start getting ready 30 minutes earlier than I need to, fully intending to be early for once. It's yet to happen. And I end up so stressed out over it... Part of the appeal of HS for me is that I don't have to be ANYWHERE at any time if I don't want to be. So much less stress for me. I also work from home because getting to an office on time stressed me out to the point I'd feel sick!!!

[Pink Fairy]

It's funny. Reading this thread made me nervous. I can imagine myself being one of the 20 minute late moms. I would be afraid of what you would think of me, and it would prevent me from becoming a really vulnerable friend to you.

 

I used to be 99% punctual. When I had 1 child, it decreased, and it's been downhill from there. When I stress about being exactly on time, my kids end up being miserable, as I lose patience for childishness like my 3yo wanting to put his own shoes on; which takes 3 times as long if we're lucky.

 

The baby, of course, usually poops just as I'm putting him in his carseat. At least one child has trouble getting a seatbelt done because there are so many carseats to maneuver around and little fingers are clumsy.

 

My test of character has been to learn patience with so many little people, rather than trying to be on time so that I look good. I have learned to find friends who understand that test of character, and extend grace as I work it through.

 

Honestly, I think having 6 kids has taught me a lot more about my failings than my strengths. When I had only 1 child, I could do almost everything perfectly. It seems as though I needed 6 to find my own faults, and allow for my children and friends to have theirs too.

 

Maybe there's a tough spot here for you because it's an opportunity to grow and stretch. That's usually what my tough spots turn into.

 

Beautiful post. :001_smile: Especially the bolded part.

[SnowWhite]

I found myself nodding SO many times while reading this thread. I have been on both ends of the spectrum and I completely understand where everyone is coming from.

 

When I had 1 child, being on time was easy. No matter what we ran into, we could still be on time. When I had two children, being on time was harder, but we could still manage it most of the time. Now that I have 3 children, I can no longer "fake it". We are late almost as often as we are on time. Now, RARELY are we 15 min or more late, but just the same we are late. I even plan to leave 15 minutes earlier than we need to for punctual arrival.

 

I think part of this will improve somewhat when I no longer have a nurslng. Nursing a baby "on demand" can really put a wrench in the cogs when you are trying to get somewhere on time. Baby suddenly decides to nurse for 45 min instead of 20 (YES, this happens) and suddenly your 15 minutes of padding is gone, plus 10 more minutes. Only someone who has had that experience of trying to take a baby away from his milk and listened to him scream will understand why that 25 minute delay could not be prevented.

 

I've also been the organizer of hs events, with a group which has consistently late members. We sometimes had a start time and a *wink wink nudge nudge* start time so that we can be sure to actually start on time. Maybe you haven't become such a firm part of the group to pick up on the wink wink nudge nudge, or maybe that is so ingrained with your group that they no longer wink and nudge. It's also possible they reserved a pavilion for 4 hours, knowing they only needed 3 for the event, but with padding time for 30 min early arrivals and 30 min clean up time. I've been known to do that. I would never want to have my event "rushed out" by another reservation at the end.

[VBoulden]

"Homeschoolers are always late," that's what I was told by a mom who was twenty minutes late (but also the first one to show) for one of the group activities I put my blood, sweat, tears and money into...

 

I am new to this home school thing (have only done it for two years) and I have also been trying to connect with my local group.

 

I planned a field day for our group to start at 10am. I told people months in advance, sent out reminders, etc. Forty people signed up to come. Awesome, right?!

 

No one showed until 10:20... and that was only one minivan with one mom and three kids...

 

Another mini van pulled up five minutes later, a dad with a little girl, not even in our group, just there to play at the park...

 

Then, five to ten minutes after that, a couple of vans trickle in about the same time. But, no one was getting out of them in a hurry...

 

Finally, we had enough kids to start... but more than half those signed up were still "on the way." They were "picking up groceries first" and had told their friend over the cell phone that they'd be there.

 

Needless to day, I was very disappointed.

 

I couldn't start the games because I needed several kids to do them. They were team games, partner games, and relays, etc. You need more than a few kids for those.

 

But, when I did have enough kids, I actually felt wrong about starting with only half a dozen or so, since so many people were still signed up to come and would miss part of the fun...

 

I felt bad for the kids, especially. The ones who came (really) late were devastated. They ran across the field, almost in tears. Their moms didn't even notice. Some of the moms who came late actually joked about it to me, like I said above. One other person told me it was something... "I would just get used to."

 

What?!

 

I plan to do this field day again, every single year. I loved it. The kids loved. The parents raved. But, next year, I will just ask people to be early. But, unfortunately, I will also have to expect some measure of lateness and work with it and plan around it.

 

Homeschoolers seem to resent being lead, or told what to do, or when to be somewhere. I guess it goes with the territory. We're free spirits. :)

 

If I ever have a "class" at my house (and I hope to someday), I will start that on time, even with only one kid present... and we will end on time, even if several kids just walked in. If moms don't like it, they can just not come to my classes. Maybe I can, little by little, change the attitude that prevails, at least as far as the activities I am involved in go. Are people going to complain that I keep my word and start when I say I am going to?! :blushing: That makes no sense.

 

I really have tried to have grace for the people in my group over this offense. I believe nothing malicious was meant by it. We homeschoolers are all in this together... but, really, we could use a good kick in the pants over this issue, I think.

 

PS- I'm not coming down hard on the moms who had legitimate reasons for being late. I just think it's interesting that no one apologized, no one even acknowledge that they late, most people just strolled up more than half an hour after it was supposed to begin like nothing was amiss... Incredible.

Edited June 2, 2010 by VBoulden

[Parrothead]

PS- I'm not coming down hard on the moms who had legitimate reasons for being late. I just think it's interesting that no one apologized, no one even acknowledge that they late, most people just strolled up more than half an hour after it was supposed to begin like nothing was amiss... Incredible.

The bolded part is just rude. Dh drives me insane because he has to be every where 30 minutes early :glare:. I'm an on time kinda girl. More than 5 minutes late demands an apology.

 

My late people story: We invited a couple with their 2 kids to come to dinner - lasagna, salad, bread. The invitation was for 5:30 with dinner at 6. At 6:30 they still hadn't arrived. We ate. I cleaned up the kitchen and put the food away. They showed up at 8 pm. I thought at this late they would come in for conversation and the like thinking they all ready ate. Nope. He asked when we were going to eat.

[Carol in Cal.]

However, I don't feel casual about that. I feel like it's my job and no one has to accomodate me. I try to be punctual for classes, and certainly if I'm teaching a class I always am punctual.

 

For park meet ups, though, I don't worry about the timing.

 

For social functions, I think it's more polite to be just slightly late, like 15 minutes late for a dinner party, or 1/2 hour late for a long day at the beach.

 

Where I think things get interesting is in communication. When I entertain, I basically hope that people are having a good enough time to stay for quite a while. So I invite people to arrive at a certain time, and say that we will be eating at a certain later time. For instance, DD's birthday--arrive at 11, eat at 11:45. So that sends a certain signal, which is that people can drop off their children as early as 11, or as late as 11:45. I always have something for them to do in the interim, so if they are late they do miss out. And I figure that's their choice. No biggie. I don't stress about it, and I also don't get perturbed. I will literally say on the invitations, 'til whenever', and if pressed will say that we will be around until at least 2:30, for instance. Parents are always welcome to stay or leave, again, no biggie.

 

But every once in a while a parent will press me on ending time, and that really, really annoys me. They want to drop off their child, and they want to know when we are going to wrap up. I tell them that I'm not sure exactly, but that we will be there until at least 2:30, and so they can safely stay away until then. And they get mad. "I don't want my DD to miss anything! When are you going to be done?" I think that that is really rude and over the top. I've communicated my intention clearly, and welcomed them both for food and fun. They can either come for the whole thing, or come at 2:30 and pick up their child, or come at 2:30 and stay from then on, or get someone else to bring home their child. It's not my job to restrict myself to an endtime, changing the whole nature of the event, for them.

 

The other thing that really annoys me is when a parent decides to pull their child out of a commitment because 'he doesn't feel like doing this.' After having taken a spot away from someone else. But that one I just can't control. At least the good ones will let everyone know. If I'm organizing the class, I make it clear that I'm looking for a one semester commitment, and that I don't welcome people changing their minds back and forth after the introductory meeting. I'm forming a discussion group, and it needs to be fairly stable to function well. I also let 10-12 kids into the group, on the assumption that about 6 will then stick, and that works out pretty well. But I hate it when people just don't show up, or treat me like an employee when I'm offering serious organization and content for free.

 

Other than that, no big deal, ever.

[Pink Fairy]

 

My late people story: We invited a couple with their 2 kids to come to dinner - lasagna, salad, bread. The invitation was for 5:30 with dinner at 6. At 6:30 they still hadn't arrived. We ate. I cleaned up the kitchen and put the food away. They showed up at 8 pm. I thought at this late they would come in for conversation and the like thinking they all ready ate. Nope. He asked when we were going to eat.

 

:blink::svengo: So what did you say?