Julie in CA Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 My oldest ds (almost 17) just got a speeding ticket. Although I'm highly disappointed, I can't say I'm highly surprised. My dh husband (who is an excellent driver, tho with a heavy foot) is not as phased as I am about ds exceeding the speed limit. I have 5 dc, all of them born within 7 years. We will have a *lot* of teen drivers in the next 5 years. I am considering a "black box" for my car. I don't know how to post a link here, but the one I'm looking at is manufactured by Road Safety (RS-1000 model). I'm quite open with my dc about the fact that they have no expectation of privacy until I am no longer personally responsible for their safety and well-being. Though in general, I trust my kids, I make it very clear to them that I freely check to "confirm that they're doing the right thing". I like the idea of knowing how fast my dc are going, and how quickly they're accellerating/braking, and how quick they're taking the corners, etc. As a mom of 3 teenage boys (and 2 pre-teen girls), isn't it worth the $300? Would it be worth $300 to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JWSJ Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Yes, I would do it. Plus, the GPS locator unit as well... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 If you feel it is needed....then get one! I would definitely let them know it is there...though, LOL! If they don't want you knowing anything about their driving....then tell them to get their own car, LOL! Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GothicGyrl Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 While in theory, this box might sound good, for me it's all about taking the responsibility away from them--the responsibility that they should be doing the right thing. You can only harp on them so much and if he gets a speeding ticket, accident, arrested, etc... it is HIS fault, not yours and I think the box is more counter-productive than productive because of this. I understand insurance costs, but in my house, if you are driving you are also working or you don't drive. If you are working, you are contributing to the cost of insurance/gas/car maintenance or else you don't drive. And while I understand the part about "no expectation of privacy until you are no longer responsible for them", a box like this is too much like "helicopter parenting" to me and I could not justify the cost. I'm sorry, but I do feel it is a bit much to spend just to check how fast they are driving, taking corners, accelerating, etc... way too "big brother" for my tastes and I'm not a believer in big brother, so there you have it. I just would not and could not justify losing my child's trust, or even losing my child(in general) because I wanted to be obsessive about how they drive. If I trust them enough to give them the keys to my car, I gotta cut the cord at some point and trust them to make the right decisions. And if they fail at that, they will be the ones paying for it not me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Sure would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieAir Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I agree with Toni. I have three teens and one pre-teen and I won't do it. Oldest ds has already gotten his first speeding ticket. He was going far too fast. I don't remember his exact speed, but I think the ticket cost between $150 and $200. Having to pay that himself sent a pretty clear message and I know he has been much more careful ever since. I'm sure he'll screw up again at some point, but overall I do think he's a pretty responsible driver. I can't be standing over his shoulder for the rest of his life and he has got to learn to do the right thing without someone making sure he does. Same thing goes for all of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Perhaps you can forewarn them that if they get more than one speeding ticket, they get their own insurance policy. This should be more pricey because they won't get the benefit of a multi-car discount. You can also tell them that if they do anything to result in your insurance going up, they must get their own policy. BTW -- When first I saw your post, I thought you were talking about a radar detector. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I'm quite open with my dc about the fact that they have no expectation of privacy until I am no longer personally responsible for their safety and well-being. Though in general, I trust my kids, I make it very clear to them that I freely check to "confirm that they're doing the right thing". No, I would not do this and that doesn't sound like trust to me.:001_smile: A black box speaks of the opposite of trust. It sounds like you want to micromanage their lives and they may end up resenting that. You may not get honesty and forthrightness when you police them like that. Let them make their mistakes but make them responsible for those mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen_Zarga Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I'm just glad I don't have to think about this for many years yet. And I'll admit I'm secretly hoping black boxes are standard equipment by then. :tongue_smilie: I agree with the need for personal responsibility of the driver and trust of the parents; however, speed kills. Teen speed kills more. (I'm being lazy and not looking up the stats right now, so please excuse me or just ignore me. :tongue_smilie: ) Just because a teen speeds, it does not mean s/he will get a ticket. I have heard too many stories of teens killed by speed, whether racing or showing off or just using poor judgment. Teens' brains aren't mature enough to always make good decisions (again, I'm too lazy to look up those studies, but I think we are all aware of them). As a parent, it is my job to help them make those decisions. And we're talking about a 2000lb object here. If my teen were to be seriously injured or killed, I would, of course, be devastated. If my teen injured or killed someone else, not only would I be devastated emotionally, I could be devastated financially as well. A black box is not a guarantee that my teen will obey all traffic laws and be a good driver, but I believe it would help. Boy, I'm really glad I don't have to think about this for many years yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Trust -- and verify. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted March 30, 2008 Author Share Posted March 30, 2008 I'm not asking whether *I* should do this...just whether you would or not. I've already decided for my dc, and I'm fairly confident about my decision, though I find it edifying to hear the viewpoints of others. I try to give my dc freedom to make mistakes (or not) and learn to be mature adults, but some things are just too important for half-measures. As long as those teen drivers are my responsibility, I'm going to do everything within my power to prevent them from killing themselves, or anyone else. As someone else mentioned, "Trust, but verify." There will (Lord willing) be plenty of years for them to drive without anyone looking over their shoulders, but it won't be happening on my watch. The stakes are just too high. Thanks so much for the ongoing discussion. :) ~Julie~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 For myself, I would not let my dc drive until I felt like they had the maturity to follow the rules of the road. If my ds (or dd) got a speeding ticket a lot would depend on how much they were speeding. If it were 5 miles over the limit (or something like that) I wouldn't blink an eye but if it were a speed that put himself and others in danger, I would do a lot more than a black box! I would take away the keys. But as you can see from my sig. line, this is all theoretical for me at this point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I try to give my dc freedom to make mistakes (or not) and learn to be mature adults, but some things are just too important for half-measures. As long as those teen drivers are my responsibility, I'm going to do everything within my power to prevent them from killing themselves, or anyone else. I really agree with you here. I am a big believer in personal responsibility -- but that just doesn't apply to the kids. If kids did everything right, we wouldn't need to be here. We've got responsibilities, too -- to our children and to others. My friend's daughter was in a horrific accident right after she got her license. She was not where she was supposed to be (actually, she was so far from home, her mother wasn't even sure how to get there -- off in another county an hour away instead of at her friend's house where she was supposed to be). She ran a stop sign and was broadsided by a car going over 55 miles per hour -- with her friend in the car with her. How those girls weren't hurt, I just have no idea. The people in the other car suffered minor injuries. It was truly amazing. Even though the girl (16) has a job and had to pay the tickets, insurance and all the rest of it -- and it's taken her a year to do it -- the impact on her Mom was just devastating, including having to buy a new car -- the other was totaled. Not to mention the people in the other car. A month later she got a very expensive speeding ticket. I'm all for "learning experiences" and they *are* important. But there's more involved here than a kid's privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I also think by the teen knowing the black box is there....will prevent them from doing things they might have been talked into by their friends.... I agree with you all the way....it isn't a privacy issue.....it is a prevention one. Teens have to learn good driving skills.... Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura K (NC) Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 That how I feel also. My oldest son is almost 15. We have a monitoring system on the computer, and he knows about that. He doesn't seem to mind that too much, and we presented it to all our boys as a way to protect them, not a way to spy on them. Monitoring their driving is exactly what we do when they get their driver's permit. It's not like our presence in the passenger seat infringes on their privacy. I see nothing wrong with installing a black box, maybe at least for a year after they get their license, or as long as they drive a family car, to help remind them of the seriousness of getting behind the wheel. The statistics are too high for teenage boys, and my teenage boys are all too flighty. I have considered forbidding my boys from getting a license at 16 because of ADD-like inattentiveness that could prove costly at best, deadly at worst. A black box might actually give them the freedom to drive. My husband and I will be thinking about it over the next year. And since both my husband and I tend to be inattentive lead-foots on the road, the black box results might prove to be interesting dinner-table conversation. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 AB- SO - LUTELY! And thanks for posting this info as I have one getting his driver permit this summer! I think trust works best when it's not blind, LOL..... Regena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valerie in Chicago Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 In a heartbeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I don't have teen drivers yet, but I would not hesitate to install one and let my dc know it's there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Julie, I guess I would ask myself, What will I do with the information the Black Box would give me? If I found out something was happening that shouldn't be, what would the consequences be? (Because--just b/c someone is speeding doesn't mean the police will catch them--so what would YOU do if you found out?) I probably wouldn't put a bb in my car, but I'll tell ya what I would like--one of those breathalizer things where you breath into it, and the car won't start if there's alcohol in the exhaled breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 DH and I would consider it. More importantly, though, we really hope we can afford to send our kids to a Skip Barber or similar defensive driving course when they get their license. The skills they will learn in that sort of course will far exceed what they learn in drivers ed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 In your situation, I would do it and think it would be very worthwhile. The cost of just one speeding ticket (plus the increased cost of insurance for the teen) would more than make up for the $300 investment. Plus, as long as the teen is living in my home, I feel the need to provide pre-emptive protection for them. I think of this as prevention of stupid mistakes through judicious monitoring and apply it to areas such as dating (knowing who dd is going out with, where she will be, and setting limits for time to come home), the internet (she is old enough to have a MySpace, but we have the password so we can monitor the site), etc. I actually think the dangers associated with cars are even greater than those associated with dating and the internet, so I would have no problem installing a black box. I have seen teen drivers do really reckless things with their cars, so I know it can happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Two reasons why I wouldn't. First, is that if I didn't trust my teen's driving then he shouldn't be driving. And, my dad put a governor or something like that on my car when I was a teen. It restricted how fast I could drive. It did nothing to control the fact that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. My teen and I have an understanding. If he gets a ticket, he not only will pay for the ticket but will also start paying for his own insurance. Simple. Simple rule and simple adult consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 My boys are still young yet, but I would do it in a minute. To me, this isn't a matter of trust-it's a matter of reminding them to use good judgment when driving. Since one lapse in judgment could kill or maim them or someone else, I think using a black box might just remind them to be more conscientious--even if they think they are invincible. Heck--after watching them drive their Little Tykes Hummer around the backyard, I'm tempted to not let them get their licenses until they are married :sneaky2:. It would only become a trust issue if I was sneaky about the whole thing. And Julie--you'll have to let me know how you survive the coming years. My 5 boys were born in a little over 6 years, and they all seem to have an inborn need for speed :ohmy:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Two reasons why I wouldn't. First, is that if I didn't trust my teen's driving then he shouldn't be driving. And, my dad put a governor or something like that on my car when I was a teen. It restricted how fast I could drive. It did nothing to control the fact that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. My teen and I have an understanding. If he gets a ticket, he not only will pay for the ticket but will also start paying for his own insurance. Simple. Simple rule and simple adult consequences. Well said. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 It did nothing to control the fact that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Simple rule and simple adult consequences. So very true! I have found that with teens, speeding is only one of many, many dangers that I can't control. I have a child who has pushed the envleope of my parenting since her birth. As a homeschool mom, I have been able to control much more about her upbringing than the average parent; nevertheless, turning over that control to this emerging young adult who can make immature, bad choices has been a real challenge for me. I give control of speeding to the authorities. The teen has an adult privilege being behind the wheel, and IMHO, shoud have the same supervision as an adult--even if they sometimes get away with something. My experience has been that bad driving habits in teens are discovered by observant police officers sooner, rather than later. Losing a license and paying a ticket makes a big impact. Having mom and dad set a higher standard of supervision than the police (i.e. 100% detection with a black box) produces a source of conflict that may be one conflict too many in some families. Just my $.02. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 For myself, I would not let my dc drive until I felt like they had the maturity to follow the rules of the road. I'm with you, Jean. My husband and I have made it clear to our boys that being licenced to drive at the age of 16 is not a right in this household. Until we are pretty certain that they are responsible enough to follow our rules, and the rules of the road we won't consider the driver's licence. There is just too much at stake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Call Me Cordelia Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I would. I would let them know it was there. They are not yet adults and some need a "little added accountability" to encourage them to do the right thing. And my children will pay for their own insurance before they begin to drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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