Is there a way to deal with this without hurt feelings?

[Luanne]

I know this post should be on the General Forum and I would love to be able to post it there, but it no worky (technical definition from Mrs. Mungo).

 

My daughter is driving me crazy. An example would be - a certain person (musical entertainer) dissed the person who won the award at a recent music awards ceremony ... she (my daughter) was saying that if so-and-so had been there, he would not have been happy with said person who dissed the person who won the award. She just kept going on and on about it ... and my first reaction (which I did not do) was to say "I don't care! and would you please stop talking about stuff that isn't important." I realize she loves music (which is good), but she gets so caught up in stuff sometimes it makes me crazy. She has been through a lot in her life and I am guessing this is why she is so sensitive. I don't want her to think that I don't care about her personally or about what she likes, but ...

 

I just don't know what to do. Maybe there isn't a way to tell her to stop this behavior without hurting her feelings. What do you all think?

[Pamela H in Texas]

I may not be understanding, but....

 

Kids talk about things that are of little interest to their parents all the time. Friends do also. Hubbies do also. Part of being a parent, friend, spouse, etc is paying attention to the interests of those close people.

 

Of course, sometimes, we may need to cut short some conversation. Or we may even let the person know it's of little interest to us so they can talk to someone that shares that interest. Or we might make a deal that we just don't talk about X because it drives someone else crazy, but that would be something limited (for example, if you didn't want to talk about these certain people or the antics of celebrities).

 

But generally? I listen, to some degree, about comedy central folks though I really just don't care and really don't want to watch 3 more 2minute videos. I listen to how my son is sailing to Greece next on his video game. I listen to my daughter say some of the most off the wall things about certain topics. I do so because I love them. And then listen to my rant about something on the board, about how my day at the local public school, about the symptom that is driving me nuts today because they care about ME, not the topic at hand!

 

You care about her, so you listen for a moment and then you say something nice and change the topic, ask her to do something for you, or excuse yourself to the bathroom. You encourage her other friendships and activities so she has other people to share with (ideally, more people with her interest). You generally listen because you care about HER. It's just not about the topic.

[amydavis]

I agree with what the last poster said. I remember being a teenager, and I remember how silly my parents thought most everything that I cared about was. I was born in 1970, so MTV became HUGE with my generation (back when they actually had VJs and played actual music videos!). Well, my parents thought that was ridiculous, I mean, WHO would sit and watch music? I remember my dad always changing the channel if videos were playing in the main part of the house when he walked through... I remember my dad not being able to sit down and play a board game (my favorite was LIFE) because, as he said, "Amy, I play the game of life everyday.":glare: I remember one of my first crushes, and how hung up I was on the boy. I also remember my mom telling me that it wasn't really love, blahblahblah. Ok, so yes, obviously I do realize this now, but at the time, it just seemed so belittling, as if the feelings I had weren't real. Oh, and as a side note, I do not have cruel, sinister, unloving parents. They were just hardworking and practical. To this day, they will do anything to help me. They were just guilty of making a few mistakes, but aren't we all? Conversely, I remember spending the night with my grandma, and how she would listen to me spew facts about Paul McCartney and The Beatles. She would play board games, and let me play tapes in the tape recorder (often quizzing her about songs!). I remember her saying whether or not she liked a song. I remember telling her about whether Lennon or McCartney wrote the song, and what it was written about. I remember her humoring me and sitting up WAY later than she normally would, to watch Night Tracks or MTV and listen ad nauseam to my details about Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, and Wham. I promise you that she didn't care about any of these things. But she did care about me, and I felt it. I was a teenager, all the way through adulthood, that would ask to go spend over with her (in a time when a lot of my peers would have not been wanting to spend over with a grandma). Even once I was old enough to go out with friends, and have a late curfew, I would often go to her house at curfew instead of home, because I loved spending time with her. We'd sit up long after I got in, and talk, talk, talk. As an adult, I would call her each night just to say that I loved her and good night. So, I am so thankful that I have these memories. I'm actually tearing up typing this, because this same grandma, my nanny, is so far gone with alzheimer's that she doesn't remember who I am, much less any of these memories.

My point is (and I promise I struggle to remember these things with my own children) making children feel heard (and that what they say is important) is equivalent to making them feel loved and valued. The added bonus is that you build a relationship that makes them seek you out, even when their peers are pulling away. I hope that makes sense. Sorry this was so long. And boy, do I miss my nanny...:sad:

[Nan in Mass]

If you listen patiently now and only critisize when you think the direction her thinking is taking is dangerous, then when she is gone, she will call you just to tell you things. You will know what she is thinking about and still have input. You will still feel connected. If you stop listening now, that might not happen. When she was little, you listened to her talk about silly things, right? She is still not grown up. I think we keep growing forever, so we are always saying things that will sound silly to us ten years later. Being a mother is hard.

-Nan

[Guest]

I agree with what the other posters said, but I just want to chime in that I do know how incredibly hard this can be to carry out on a daily basis. I have a child with Asperger's, so she obsesses on certain topics. At the moment we are going on NINE MONTHS of an obsession with the original Star Trek series, and every single day, for hours upon hours, she talks about Star Trek, reads about Star Trek, does science about Star Trek, draws Star Trek scenes, writes comic strip versions of Star Trek, plays with Star Trek action figures, watches Star Trek movies, etc. I do my very best to be engaged: I read some of her favorite books so she has someone to discuss them with, watch movies and episodes, endlessly agree to list my favorite characters and episodes. I think up as many things as I can that turn Star Trek into academic areas so she can do schoolwork with something she adores so much. But there are some days when I simply tell her the Star Trek part of my brain is full and it can't hold any more, not one more drop, and I cannot talk about it until tomorrow. I also do all I can to extend her interests: other science fiction writers, other movies, entirely different books from some other genre (oh please), a field trip somewhere non-science related, etc.

 

As hard as it is some days, I am still glad she shares her world with me. Not all 14-year-olds do. And overall, i think I'm very lucky.

[Kareni]

Amy,

 

Thanks for sharing those memories of past happier times with your grandmother. I hope they'll bring you comfort as you deal with her Alzheimer's.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Corraleno]

My point is (and I promise I struggle to remember these things with my own children) making children feel heard (and that what they say is important) is equivalent to making them feel loved and valued. The added bonus is that you build a relationship that makes them seek you out, even when their peers are pulling away.

:iagree:

I, too, have a child who obsesses: sometimes it's microbiology, sometimes it's Star Wars, sometimes it's a million factoids about a newly discovered dinosaur species. I listen. I look at the books and websites he shows me. I watch the documentaries when he shouts "come see this!!!" Even when I'm busy and wish he'd just quit going on and on about it, I stop and remember that 6 years from now he'll probably be telling all this to his college roommate.... and I'll miss it desperately.

 

Look at it this way: you have a teenager who talks to you, which is a very good thing, even if the subject matter isn't your favorite topic. If it's her favorite topic, then it is important ~ because she's important.

 

Jackie

[Kareni]

... But there are some days when I simply tell her the Star Trek part of my brain is full and it can't hold any more, not one more drop, and I cannot talk about it until tomorrow. I also do all I can to extend her interests: other science fiction writers, other movies, entirely different books from some other genre (oh please), a field trip somewhere non-science related, etc.

 

As hard as it is some days, I am still glad she shares her world with me. Not all 14-year-olds do. And overall, i think I'm very lucky.

 

KarenAnne,

 

Your first line above reminded me of when my daughter was younger and I would tell her that my ears were tired!

 

Does your daughter read Star Trek novels? I have a few favorites I'd be happy to recommend if you're interested.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[WishboneDawn]

"I don't care! and would you please stop talking about stuff that isn't important."

 

It was important to her, that's why she was talking about it.

 

I would really avoid telling a child that a) you don't care about something they obviously care about and b) that something they care about isn't important. It just doesn't feel good when someone you love says something like that to you. Can you imagine if you were excited or interested in something, shared it with your husband or a good friend and that was their answer?

 

It may be why she keeps going on about it too. She may be trying to convince you that either it's NOT unimportant or that her opinion on this has some value or both. And the more you push her away on this, the more she'll talk about it.

 

Honestly, sometimes you just have to listen. I have a daughter who will go on and on and on about her interests. I really, really don't care about Cat Warrior books or Pokemon but I love her and she's passionate about it so I will sometimes just sit down and listen for awhile - the same things I'd do if my husband or a friend. The amazing thing is that once she feels I've really heard her then she moves on. Granted, the next interest is always just around the next bend but at least then it's something new.:)

 

Listen to her. Show some interest and value what she has to say on the matter. I'm betting that once she realizes that you've respectfully and thoughtfully heard what she has to say she'll stop.

 

One last thought...This really is important. I know you don't care about the subject of her thoughts but it's in having those thoughts about seemingly frivolous matters and discussing them with others that kids learn how to think and talk about the weightier and more important matters. Think about the whole thing (the guy in question was Kanye West :)) as a learning opportunity to help her reason and think critically. If you can't value the subject, value the process your daughter is trying to engage in with you.

[Ginevra]

It just doesn't feel good when someone you love says something like that to you. Can you imagine if you were excited or interested in something, shared it with your husband or a good friend and that was their answer?

 

I agree. I remember once when I was sharing a meal with two other friends. We were talking about eating crabs. At one point I said, "I think that crab variety is a created variety. They're not naturally-occurring, I don't think. Do you know?" And one of the friends said with complete disdain, "I don't know! I haven't studied the history of the crab!" It was like a megaphone saying, "What you think is interesting is so worthless." I'm sure she doesn't even remember that remark, but it hurt me; it still hurts me to remember it.

 

When you care about someone, you listen to a lot of things that you don't personally care about. I don't care about Pokemon battles, but I still reflect my son's enthusiasm when he tells me he caught a Ram-a-lam-a-Ding-dong with his Hoojee-Whatsit. ;)

[Guest]

Does your daughter read Star Trek novels? I have a few favorites I'd be happy to recommend if you're interested.

 

Yes -- obsessively! Please recommend any and all titles you like.

[Mrs Mungo]

Sometimes, I have to request that my children give my ears a rest. However, I try to indulge them with their obsessions just as I do my husband and my family does for me. :)

[Luanne]

that I never have and never would say "I don't care" about anything she is interested in to her. I was actually even watching the said award show with her when what bothered her happened. I don't care about music award shows, but she does and she likes me to watch with her so I do.

 

I think I just needed somewhere to vent ... and since I don't have a dh or anyone like that ... I chose to vent here. She was making me crazy with her repetition of the situation.

 

I know my family isn't really interested in what I have to say about anything and it shows so I have made sure I don't do that to her.

 

Is the obsessiveness of a subject something typical for an ADHD person?

[littleWMN]

that I never have and never would say "I don't care" about anything she is interested in to her. I was actually even watching the said award show with her when what bothered her happened. I don't care about music award shows, but she does and she likes me to watch with her so I do.

 

I think I just needed somewhere to vent ... and since I don't have a dh or anyone like that ... I chose to vent here. She was making me crazy with her repetition of the situation.

 

I know my family isn't really interested in what I have to say about anything and it shows so I have made sure I don't do that to her.

 

Is the obsessiveness of a subject something typical for an ADHD person?[/QUOTE]

 

 

It is for my dd.

[Kareni]

Does your daughter read Star Trek novels? I have a few favorites I'd be happy to recommend if you're interested.

 

Yes -- obsessively! Please recommend any and all titles you like.

 

 

My absolute favorites and the first ones my own daughter read and enjoyed (thus spoiling her for many others of the less enticing books) are:

 

Yesterday's Son and the sequel Time for Yesterday by A.C. Crispin

 

Uhura's Song by Janet Kagan

 

Ishmael by Barbara Hambly

 

Doctor's Orders by Diane Duane

 

The Pandora Principle by Carolyn Clowes

 

The Kobayashi Maru by Julia Ecklar

 

Dreams of the Raven by Carmen Carter.

 

Regards,

Karen

[Mrs Mungo]

I think I just needed somewhere to vent ... and since I don't have a dh or anyone like that ... I chose to vent here. She was making me crazy with her repetition of the situation.

 

 

I understand. I have an ADD dd who never. stops. talking. ever. :grouphug:

[Luanne]

I understand. I have an ADD dd who never. stops. talking. ever. :grouphug:

 

 

... then I am glad I am not alone in this. My daughter started talking at 13 months ... complete sentences by 18 months and she hasn't stopped talking since. :lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

... then I am glad I am not alone in this. My daughter started talking at 13 months ... complete sentences by 18 months and she hasn't stopped talking since. :lol:

 

Mine starting walking on her own at 8 months! :willy_nilly: About half of the evenings my dh will look at me at some point and ask "does she ever stop?" Nope.

[Ibbygirl]

I understand. I have an ADD dd who never. stops. talking. ever. :grouphug:

 

:lol::lol: Mine too! She's ADHD, OCD and Asperger's. She has had her current obsession/fixation for going on 2 YEARS NOW and never. stops. talking. ever! hehe ay ay ay.

[tex-mex]

:iagree:

I, too, have a child who obsesses: sometimes it's microbiology, sometimes it's Star Wars, sometimes it's a million factoids about a newly discovered dinosaur species. I listen. I look at the books and websites he shows me. I watch the documentaries when he shouts "come see this!!!" Even when I'm busy and wish he'd just quit going on and on about it, I stop and remember that 6 years from now he'll probably be telling all this to his college roommate.... and I'll miss it desperately.

 

Look at it this way: you have a teenager who talks to you, which is a very good thing, even if the subject matter isn't your favorite topic. If it's her favorite topic, then it is important ~ because she's important.

 

Jackie

 

Yup, my teen (also a Aspie/OCD/ADHD) is a walking encyclopedia of all things video games, Nick, & Disney. He tends to call me from the other room to come and see the funniest clip on TV. We humor him and walk over to see it and laugh with him. Of course, there are times when we are simply too tired to please him and say, "No, thank you. Mom's too tired." No yelling or shouting. He understands that (being an only child) mom and dad are not playmates.

 

There was the recent Kid's Choice Awards on Nick that he taped and watched later. I cracked up over his critique of what a lousy show that was -- the host was horrible, they should have gotten a better host, the host from last year was better, yadda, yadda, yadda. :D I watch the KCA to understand what he is talking about. And he does have a point. LOL But if I don't take the time to listen to him now over these "teenage" issues (and yes, there is monotony on things for him as an Aspie... video games are his obsession.) then will he turn to me as a older teen or young adult when he needs to talk? I want to show him I am interested in what he thinks (even if it does drive me batty at times).

 

My own parents were not there for me when I was a kid. I quickly learned not to talk to them or share what I was up to. Perhaps from my abusive background, I now try to bridge that "gap" and try to communicate with my son. I blow it and make mistakes -- I can be grumpy! ;) But I want my son to know I am there for him and really am interested in his likes/pet peeves.

 

 

P.S. Hollywood gossip is my weakness. I agree with the other poster who said it was Kanye West (whom overtook Taylor Swift's award speech) and yes, your dd was right. He was a jerk. LOL

Edited March 29, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

:lol::lol: Mine too! She's ADHD, OCD and Asperger's. She has had her current obsession/fixation for going on 2 YEARS NOW and never. stops. talking. ever! hehe ay ay ay.

 

That's my son!! (I confess I was a chatty Cathy as a kid too...) :D

[Ibbygirl]

That's my son!! (I confess I was a chatty Cathy as a kid too...) :D

 

LOL :lol: I was too but my dd?? She's in a league of her own. ;) :lol: She's just amazing because her mind goes a mile a minute and her mouth just can't keep up with the quickness of her thoughts so she talks always in a rush trying to keep up with herself. lol I listen to her most of the time but sometimes I have to do what Mrs. Mungo does and tell her that my ears need a break. We have "5 minute talking time-outs" in our house. hehe :lol:

[tex-mex]

LOL :lol: I was too but my dd?? She's in a league of her own. ;) :lol: She's just amazing because her mind goes a mile a minute and her mouth just can't keep up with the quickness of her thoughts so she talks always in a rush trying to keep up with herself. lol I listen to her most of the time but sometimes I have to do what Mrs. Mungo does and tell her that my ears need a break. We have "5 minute talking time-outs" in our house. hehe :lol:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

I recall having a Speech Pathologist instructing me as a child (it was worse being a Chatty Cathy who sounded like Elmer Fudd... haaaaaaaa ;)) to "think before I speak". Oh that was TOUGH!! Nowadays, I embrace my bluntness. But it is now even tempered and more sage wisdom. (At least to me, it is. And no speech impediment. LOL)

Edited March 29, 2010 by tex-mex

[Ibbygirl]

:lol::lol:

I recall having a Speech Pathologist instructing me as a child (it was worse being a Chatty Cathy who sounded like Elmer Fudd... haaaaaaaa ;)) to "think before I speak". Oh that was TOUGH!! Nowadays, I embrace my bluntness. But it is now even tempered and more sage wisdom. (At least to me, it is. LOL)

 

:lol::lol: Sounds good to me! hehe :) Personally, I've always preferred to think of myself as being "linguistically gifted" rather than as a person who talks to much. lol ;) :D

[WishboneDawn]

that I never have and never would say "I don't care" about anything she is interested in to her. I was actually even watching the said award show with her when what bothered her happened. I don't care about music award shows, but she does and she likes me to watch with her so I do.

 

I think I just needed somewhere to vent ... and since I don't have a dh or anyone like that ... I chose to vent here. She was making me crazy with her repetition of the situation.

 

I know my family isn't really interested in what I have to say about anything and it shows so I have made sure I don't do that to her.

 

Is the obsessiveness of a subject something typical for an ADHD person?

 

Thanks for the further info. :)

 

And yes, I think it can be. My husband sees this obsession thing in me very clearly and knows that when I get an interest I'll dive into it completely for a certain time. He's also gotten used to the fact that at some point I'll dump it completely for something new. In the meantime he's thankful I have the internet so I can find some forum to discuss goldfish/orchids/flint knapping rather then talk his ear off. :D

[MariannNOVA]

It was important to her, that's why she was talking about it.

 

I would really avoid telling a child that a) you don't care about something they obviously care about and b) that something they care about isn't important. It just doesn't feel good when someone you love says something like that to you. Can you imagine if you were excited or interested in something, shared it with your husband or a good friend and that was their answer?

 

It may be why she keeps going on about it too. She may be trying to convince you that either it's NOT unimportant or that her opinion on this has some value or both. And the more you push her away on this, the more she'll talk about it.

 

Honestly, sometimes you just have to listen. I have a daughter who will go on and on and on about her interests. I really, really don't care about Cat Warrior books or Pokemon but I love her and she's passionate about it so I will sometimes just sit down and listen for awhile - the same things I'd do if my husband or a friend. The amazing thing is that once she feels I've really heard her then she moves on. Granted, the next interest is always just around the next bend but at least then it's something new.:)

 

Listen to her. Show some interest and value what she has to say on the matter. I'm betting that once she realizes that you've respectfully and thoughtfully heard what she has to say she'll stop.

 

One last thought...This really is important. I know you don't care about the subject of her thoughts but it's in having those thoughts about seemingly frivolous matters and discussing them with others that kids learn how to think and talk about the weightier and more important matters. Think about the whole thing (the guy in question was Kanye West :)) as a learning opportunity to help her reason and think critically. If you can't value the subject, value the process your daughter is trying to engage in with you.[/QUOTE]

 

I could not agree more! Hence, the red and larger type. This is such a great opportunity to segue into a discussion that may be meaningful to you and to your dd.

 

And, btw, I am not being snarky or raising my voice or anything like that - I thought your post was an excellent one -- I go through it with my three ALL the time........I just think that the other poster put an excellent perspective on it and no one should miss what she had to say.

 

Hope this helps - please let us know if it does - :)

[love2read]

Haven't read the replies, but wanted to say that I've been through this with four girls so far and expect it soon with the other two. If she is a pre-teen or teen expect this often and see it as the perfect opportunity to teach logical thinking. I listen for awhile and ummhmmm so that she knows my ears are open. After awhile I ask a question about something that redirects the monologue and gets her thinking. In your case, I would have let her express her opinion until she started to repeat herself for the third time and then I might have asked her if she thought the other person had ever dissed anyone and if yes, why or if she said "no" then why not and.... Girls just love to talk as they get older and will easily follow your lead. This is that magic "keep the lines of communication open" time, so bear with it. It does get easier in a few years when they want to talk about things that you are really interested in.

Edited March 29, 2010 by love2read
Just read the post above mine and realized I could have saved space by just using an "I agree" smily. LOL

[Luanne]

Mine starting walking on her own at 8 months! :willy_nilly: About half of the evenings my dh will look at me at some point and ask "does she ever stop?" Nope.

 

 

When she was about 3 or 4 years old she spent the night with her grandmother (her father's mother). Her grandmother told me the next day "you know, I would like to think that she is so cute just laying there sleeping, but all I could think of is that she was laying there recharging!"

[PineFarmMom]

If you listen patiently now and only critisize when you think the direction her thinking is taking is dangerous, then when she is gone, she will call you just to tell you things. You will know what she is thinking about and still have input. You will still feel connected. If you stop listening now, that might not happen. When she was little, you listened to her talk about silly things, right? She is still not grown up. I think we keep growing forever, so we are always saying things that will sound silly to us ten years later. Being a mother is hard.

-Nan

 

That is such a good reminder!!!

[Guest]

When she was about 3 or 4 years old she spent the night with her grandmother (her father's mother). Her grandmother told me the next day "you know, I would like to think that she is so cute just laying there sleeping, but all I could think of is that she was laying there recharging!"

 

This brought tears to my eyes -- hilarious yet oh so dishearteningly true!

[HeidiKC]

At the moment we are going on NINE MONTHS of an obsession with the original Star Trek series, and every single day, for hours upon hours, she talks about Star Trek, reads about Star Trek, does science about Star Trek, draws Star Trek scenes, writes comic strip versions of Star Trek, plays with Star Trek action figures, watches Star Trek movies, etc. I do my very best to be engaged: I read some of her favorite books so she has someone to discuss them with, watch movies and episodes, endlessly agree to list my favorite characters and episodes. I think up as many things as I can that turn Star Trek into academic areas so she can do schoolwork with something she adores so much...

As hard as it is some days, I am still glad she shares her world with me. Not all 14-year-olds do. And overall, i think I'm very lucky.

 

Karen Anne - you are an AWESOME Mom. This about brings tears to my eyes, but it is also hilarious! Love the part about you listing favorite characters and all. Takes me back to the days when my son went on and on about Star Wars. It wasn't nearly the level you're describing, and I wasn't nearly as good about seeming to be interested. God bless you and your daughter will always appreciate your efforts!

 

Heidi

[Margo out of lurking]

It's interesting to me to see the other side of this. My ds has gotten into the annoying habit of telling me every.single.detail of whatever video game he happens to be playing. I stop him repeatedly. I do not care about every single defensive move he took, or how the other character looked, acted, moved, spoke. His tellings will take far longer than the action took.

 

I consider it obnoxious behavior. It is rude for him to blather on and on endlessly about a subject that no one else cares. I need to be the one to temper this. The alternative is for him to think this is okay and then treat his friends the same way. Everyone would avoid him.

 

He is welcome to share details about what he ate for lunch, how he played with the dog, what he built with Legos, characters in any book he is reading, where he went in the woods, or repeat conversations with other people. I am interested in those because, well, they are interesting. But the line is drawn with the video games. The only other person that might care is another 11yob, and honestly, with the amount of detail he can share, I have my doubts!

[hsbaby]

Oh, haha...I love this thread:) Yes, I know the "right" and "loving" thing to do is to listen to their ramblings......but seriously, sometimes you just want to scream!! My oldest is high functioning Autistic and gets VERY obsessed with things. Right now she is obsessed with a movie and the dolls that go along with it. So, I get to hear ALL about the dolls, what they do, what they "say"...it goes on and on and on. Because of her disabilities she talks about them like they are real. I love her to pieces, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out when she won't stop. With her, however, I do have to set boundaries. Like a PP said, I don't want her to think it's okay to talk to other kids obsessively about what she is into.....that will drive them away!! Anyway, I know it's a little different because my dd has disabilities....just wanted to say to OP, I can relate and, yup, it can be maddening:lol:

[Caribbean Queen]

It's interesting to me to see the other side of this. My ds has gotten into the annoying habit of telling me every.single.detail of whatever video game he happens to be playing. I stop him repeatedly. I do not care about every single defensive move he took, or how the other character looked, acted, moved, spoke. His tellings will take far longer than the action took.

 

I consider it obnoxious behavior. It is rude for him to blather on and on endlessly about a subject that no one else cares. I need to be the one to temper this. The alternative is for him to think this is okay and then treat his friends the same way. Everyone would avoid him.

 

He is welcome to share details about what he ate for lunch, how he played with the dog, what he built with Legos, characters in any book he is reading, where he went in the woods, or repeat conversations with other people. I am interested in those because, well, they are interesting. But the line is drawn with the video games. The only other person that might care is another 11yob, and honestly, with the amount of detail he can share, I have my doubts!

 

:iagree:

 

I consider this a socialization issue. I want to teach my children to have proper social skills which include not monopolizing conversations, harping on things, and being a bore. I want my kids to be aware of the fact that not everyone wishes to hear about what they are thinking. I want them to be able to pick up on the "I am not interested" social cues, and change topics, or just stop talking. If they can't "get the hint" on their own I will come out and say something. If it hurts their feelings, to learn these things, well, it's still a life lesson that they have to learn. Better to learn early, from their mother, than to be clueless.

 

I have said, "Honey, I have been listeing to how your new matchbox car works for half an hour. I am tired of hearing about it."

[dirty ethel rackham]

Sometimes, I have to request that my children give my ears a rest. However, I try to indulge them with their obsessions just as I do my husband and my family does for me. :)

 

Same here. Although my boys are reaching an age where I wish they talked to me more, there were many times where I had to ask them to take a break. My oldest was obsessed with dinosaurs for like 8 years. I had to forbid dinosaur talk before 8 am. I needed breakfast in order to pretend to be the patient, interested mom.

[katilac]

Is the obsessiveness of a subject something typical for an ADHD person?

 

I think it's typical of most kids at one point or another, particularly tweens/teens who are working hard to define themselves. The trick is to decide when it's becoming a problem.

 

Are you talking about something recent, or the old Taylor Swift incident? If it's something new, I wouldn't be surprised at a music or celebrity oriented kid talking about it at teeth-grinding length for a week or so. But if she's still talking about the Taylor Swift deal, I'd say that she needs some gentle redirection.

 

When my kids (not ADHD) start to obsess beyond what I think is healthy, the first thing I consider is whether they need a diversion, some help breaking out of a slump. Get everyone out of the house if possible, do something active and interesting, make sure they have enough school work and chores to truly enjoy their free time. I do this without comment at first, and it usually 'breaks the spell' and they snap back to normal.

 

If creative diversion doesn't work, I do think it's a kindness to gently remind kids about social rules and cues.

 

"I know you're excited about your new video game, but no one wants to hear about every move. Why don't you tell me your favorite character?"

 

"Yes, Kanye West is a jerk, but it's over and we can't do anything about it. I think we've talked about it enough, and it's time to move on to something positive."

 

"When it's just you and your bff, you can talk about cat warriors all you like, but remember not to dominate the conversation when it's a group of kids."

 

Some kids just need gentle reminders; other need to be whacked repeatedly with a big anvil and have things s-p-e-l-l-e-d out. It's cruel not to, imo. I have a young relative that I can't enjoy time with, because he does stuff like the video game play-for-play. He has been so indulged with it that he gets furiously indignant when I don't play along endlessly, telling me I'm rude when I gently ask him to change the topic. Some people just don't 'get' social cues on their own.

[Ibbygirl]

Oh, haha...I love this thread:) Right now she is obsessed with a movie and the dolls that go along with it. So, I get to hear ALL about the dolls, what they do, what they "say"...it goes on and on and on.

 

LOL I could have written this. My dd is obsessed with these obscure anime action figure dolls from Japan that are based on a tv show/books. She saves up her money and buys them from a website in Japan and has them shipped here. She has 2 blogs where she writes about these dolls and discusses every facet about them. She'll sit there and watch other people's reviews on youtube of these dolls and she poses them and takes photographs of them and then puts them up on her blog like a story. It's actually quite creative but it just gets overwhelming. The first thing she asked me when I woke up this morning was if I read the book (about these dolls) that she asked me to read last night. I told her that I only read 3 chapters of it (each chapter was around 50 pages) and that was enough. Then she proceeded to talk about the dolls and the characters for an hour and 45 minutes (I actually did time her) and I told her enough that I couldn't take hearing about them anymore and let's talk about something else. Her reply, "okay. I guess I can take a break from talking about them for a couple of hours." Say what??!! lol I told her, "um honey, actually I meant that that was enough talking about them for me for the rest of the day. I don't want to come back to them again in a couple of hours." She was like, "oh, okay. I'll just talk to my friends online about it until you and I can talk about it tomorrow. Don't forget to read the rest of the book later on so we can discuss it tomorrow okay??" :001_huh::001_huh:

[MamaSheep]

I have an obsessive hyper-verbal Aspie too. Boy was I glad when that 5-year obsession with crickets passed. There is really, truly only so much information about crickets. (And yes, I do know their ears are on their elbows and what a weta is. Thanks. Why don't YOU list your ten favorite types while I put the dishes away. I need to focus on dishes, not figuring out which ten types of crickets are my favorites.) And I'm getting a little tired of Sims 2 at the moment. But I have seen that because I'm willing to listen to him talk about this stuff, he'll also talk to me about the really important stuff we need to be talking about. And he is willing to reciprocate and listen to me talk about REALLY boring, stupid stuff like...oh...math, and literature. He'll even smile and nod politely while I tell him about my quilt project.

 

And yes, I think little girls with ADHD are constitutionally incapable of not talking for thirty seconds at a stretch. Oy.

Edited March 30, 2010 by MamaSheep

[TravelingChris]

My severely ADHDer isn't really obsessed with anything but her speech is very repetivitive. In the mornings before her medicine works and in the evening after it is wearing off, we hear "MOm, it's a cat: or some other thing she spies over and over again. She also repeats mainly what my husband, her dad, says, like the last few words. FOr the most part, I ignore. I do try to make sure that dh is not saying anything bad because she repeats it like a parrot. It is particularly bad right before her period. It certainly is one of the reasons she needs to have a single room in college. Her family has learned to live with it most times. Others won't. ALl together it doesn't happen every day but many days it does. It is one reason we have dinner late so she is done with her time of repetetiveness before then and I give her her medicine about an hour before she gets up so it kicks in before she gets downstairs.

[Ibbygirl]

And yes, I think little girls with ADHD are constitutionally incapable of not talking for thirty seconds at a stretch. Oy.

 

:lol::lol::lol::iagree::iagree: Yes I have experience to back this claim as well. The only time my dd isn't talking is when she's sleeping and even then she talks sometimes. :lol::lol::lol: God bless her!! I love that kid to death.

[Laurie4b]

I know this post should be on the General Forum and I would love to be able to post it there, but it no worky (technical definition from Mrs. Mungo).

 

My daughter is driving me crazy. An example would be - a certain person (musical entertainer) dissed the person who won the award at a recent music awards ceremony ... she (my daughter) was saying that if so-and-so had been there, he would not have been happy with said person who dissed the person who won the award. She just kept going on and on about it ... and my first reaction (which I did not do) was to say "I don't care! and would you please stop talking about stuff that isn't important." I realize she loves music (which is good), but she gets so caught up in stuff sometimes it makes me crazy. She has been through a lot in her life and I am guessing this is why she is so sensitive. I don't want her to think that I don't care about her personally or about what she likes, but ...

 

I just don't know what to do. Maybe there isn't a way to tell her to stop this behavior without hurting her feelings. What do you all think?

 

Well, she was probably talking about Kanye West insulting Taylor Swift. President Obama commented on it off mic and it got reported. I think he called him a jack---.

Some other musicians made a spoof song about it, "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Kanyes..." So a whole lot of people were pretty caught up in it!