Need a good answer to the "socialization" question.

[Cammie]

I find it very interesting that even here in India, when you talk to people who never have even heard of homeschooling - they still ask the question "what about socialization?" It is as if the entire planet has been brainwashed with this "socialization" phrase!

 

I need to know...what is a good, not snarky, answer to that question. I tend to get too windy going into all sorts of homeschooling theory. But what I need is something that I can quickly say so that I can move on to something else!

 

Thanks Hive!

[Jean in Newcastle]

"We make sure that our children have experience interacting with people in many different situations."

[Mermaid Mama]

If I am feeling snarky I will ask them what they think a room full of 12 year olds can teach my children that the society in which they actively participate can not. Asking a question helps to open their minds. They ponder this.

 

Otherwise, I say something similar to Jean's response.

I want my kids to interact with all ages - especially the elderly folks on this planet. You will RARELY be in a room (outside of school) full of people your own age. Everyone I work with is not my age. Everyone at the store/bank/beach/library/thrift store/park/fair/etc.....is NOT my age. I want my kids to know how to communicate with everyone. Old and young alike.

[anabelneri]

Most of the time, if someone meets me they're likely to have met my daughters as well (we travel as a group :001_smile:). So when someone asks about socialization, I usually return the question and ask what they think of my daughter's social skills. Usually that makes them stop and reflect, and the responses are positive. Every now and then they'll change their tone and start telling me about how awful schools or classrooms are!

 

I can imagine that in India it's different, though. We have a lot of Indian families in our area, and I've seen parents put pressure even on tiny babies to "be like the other children", and homeschooling definitely breaks with that mindset. At the same time, some of the strongest, most active, and most vocal parents in one of my local homeschooling groups are Indian. It seems as though families either really conform to the norm, or they really break with it. But I bet that makes for interesting conversations, being in the middle of that sort of culture.

[....]

Our grandparents and great-grandparents' generations weren't constantly driven around from one social activity to another for "socialization". Have we all lost our minds?? My great-grandma stopped going to school after 3rd grade and ran an entire farm. They would've looked at you like you were insane 100 years ago if you spent every evening driving the kids to gymnastics, baseball, playdates, girl scouts, etc.

 

We haven't lost our minds by not buying into that forced socialization fad- everybody else has!

 

I'm sorry people are asking you things like that. I just try to ignore it. I was never someone to follow the herd anyway.

 

Yeah, maybe just point out how normal your kids are and how many friends they have. :rant:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I find it very interesting that even here in India, when you talk to people who never have even heard of homeschooling - they still ask the question "what about socialization?" It is as if the entire planet has been brainwashed with this "socialization" phrase!

 

I need to know...what is a good, not snarky, answer to that question. I tend to get too windy going into all sorts of homeschooling theory. But what I need is something that I can quickly say so that I can move on to something else!

 

Thanks Hive!

 

When we started homeschooling, we were living in Germany. I would answer that we were involved in scouting and in church because we did think that being involved in the larger community was important. Sometimes I would point out the less than healthy aspects of school socializing, but sometimes I just let it lie.

It is a question that people tend to ask because they have heard that it is worth asking. Often a gentle answer, oft repeated, is all you need.

[Ibbygirl]

Our grandparents and great-grandparents' generations weren't constantly driven around from one social activity to another for "socialization". Have we all lost our minds?? My great-grandma stopped going to school after 3rd grade and ran an entire farm. They would've looked at you like you were insane 100 years ago if you spent every evening driving the kids to gymnastics, baseball, playdates, girl scouts, etc.

 

We haven't lost our minds by not buying into that forced socialization fad- everybody else has!

 

I'm sorry people are asking you things like that. I just try to ignore it. I was never someone to follow the herd anyway.

 

Yeah, maybe just point out how normal your kids are and how many friends they have. :rant:

 

That's an excellent point!! Thank you so much for posting that. I think about that too. I've been reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series with my dd and I am constantly struck by how isolated she was on her family's farm and if anything it caused her to be closer to her family and learn the lesson how we all need each other. She was also homeschooled and she turned out just fine I'd say.:) She even got her own t.v. series. ;) :)

[plansrme]

I usually say that if my children were any more socialized, they would need a secretary. People who know us, and know how much my children are around other children and adults of all ages, don't say this.

 

One of the first comments I got on this, just before we started homeschooling, was from a neighbor who is a PS teacher. Since then, her 6 yo son and my 6 yo son have become best friends and have literally (and I do mean "literally") worn a path between our homes. My son spends hours in her home, and he is welcome there. I want to ask her sometimes if she still thinks my children need to be socialized.

 

Terri

[delaney]

My current answer is

"Is the 20 minute recess they get in the jail cell they call Bradley elementary worth calling socialization?"

our elementary school is ridiculous with talking/interaction which is why the girls come home next year.

[Dmmetler]

Why don't we get together and talk about it. Let's see. We have homeschool park day on Monday afternoon, piano on Tuesday, AWANA Weds night, dance on Thursday....

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

How many times do you remember hearing a teacher at School say "We are not hear to socialize quit talking!"

 

My ds went to ps until 1st grade and they are not allowed to talk in class, in the hallways, or even at lunch. They are only allowed to talk freely on the playground. They only go to the playground if the teacher feels like taking them. I unfortunately had several teachers who would not go out if it was 40degrees or if it was over 90degrees. They couldn't go out if it had been raining in the last couple days because the playground was muddy. We go to the park all time when its cold or hot because children need to play and run.

[MelanieM]

If you really want to have a conversation about the subject, you might ask "what do you mean by socialization? Are you referring to the need to teach children social skills, or the need for children to have play mates?" Often people really don't think about the question before they ask it, so this can help prompt them to reach some reasonable conclusions of their own without you needing to give them your opinion at all.

 

If you just want a brief, polite answer to give people you could say something like "yes, we believe it is very important for kids to learn to social skills/have little people to play with, which is why we take advantage of XYZ opportunities."

 

I can imagine that in India it's different, though. We have a lot of Indian families in our area, and I've seen parents put pressure even on tiny babies to "be like the other children", and homeschooling definitely breaks with that mindset. At the same time, some of the strongest, most active, and most vocal parents in one of my local homeschooling groups are Indian. It seems as though families either really conform to the norm, or they really break with it. But I bet that makes for interesting conversations, being in the middle of that sort of culture.

 

I think a parent of a different culture than the norm asking their children to "be like the other children" might be more about them wanting their kids to fit into the dominant culture, rather than a show of their particular cultural stance on the subject of conformity. Those same families might never utter such things if they were actually in an environment where their culture was the majority. The desire to fit in doesn't seem to hold to cultural boundaries! And I think the bolded part speaks for everyone I've ever met. :)

[hillfarm]

I usually relate that yes, socialization was a bit of a problem for us at first, until I learned how to say no because there were just so many wonderful opportunities available that we couldn't fit them all in. I have had to learn how to select only the very best from among many good social opportunities for my child to participate in. I sum up by lamenting that is tough to have to let so many good things go, but now that I have learned how to be more choosy, our oversocialization problems have been mostly solved, until the next great temptation comes along.:D

[eternalknot]

But what I need is something that I can quickly say so that I can move on to something else!

 

I try to acknowledge their concern without giving the impression that it's up for further discussion; this varies, depending on the audience.

 

Generally I'll reply with something along the lines of: "You know - lots of people have shared that concern with us, but we've found that once we actually started on our homeschooling journey it's been a non-issue. The kids are actively involved with other children, and also the greater community on a very regular basis."

 

Sometimes, just because of where I live, I'll say: "I hear that often from people whose only familiarity with homeschooling are the stereotypes of isolationist religious families typical of our area. We're not that brand of homeschooler, and we take advantage of homeschooling to truly socialize the kids - not just with other kids, but also with the greater community."

[laughing lioness]

Everyone engaged in a social community (be that public school, home school or a wolf pack) are socialized, but those ways of socialization may not be familiar to those who are socialized to a different community. My kids are socialized- to flinch at swear words, work hard, respect adults, think creativily, be individuals. Those raised and trained in a public forum (i.e. public school) are socialized to the morays and values of that community. Some stress hard work, some stress peer conformity; wolf packs would stress their values and needs for survival as well.

In my experience, the real question is "will your oddly socialized kids be able to survive in the real, dog eat dog world?"

[dirty ethel rackham]

I usually say something flippant like "our struggle is not getting together with other kids, it is staying home to get our work done!" I also mention that shy kids exist in "brick & morter" school environments as well as in homeschool environments and outgoing kids exist in both environments as well. Most homeschoolers work at helping their children with their weaknesses as well as improve upon their strengths.

 

If they are interested in hearing more, I talk about how we have our kids in scouts, 4-H, church activities and volunteer work in addition to co-oping with other families on some subjects. I also talk about how I was terribly shy and school was actually detrimental to my social development. In college, I was too shy and embarrassed to ask how to turn on the Z-80 computer that I was supposed to program, so I took a D in the class for not doing any of the computer lab work. Talk about a socialization failure:(!

[dangermom]

"We make sure that our children have experience interacting with people in many different situations."

 

This is a good general response; if you want to get more specific, you can say something about outside classes/groups and friends.

 

With close friends, I will talk a little bit about how I do think it's necessary for a homeschooling parent to be a bit more assertive about making sure their kids are playing with friends and so on. You will probably find that you need to call people for play-days more often than they call you. That's part of the job, IMO.

[jujsky]

Why don't we get together and talk about it. Let's see. We have homeschool park day on Monday afternoon, piano on Tuesday, AWANA Weds night, dance on Thursday....

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol: Oh my gosh, I LOVE this answer!!!!!! Next time I'm asked the socialization question I'm SO going to use this response!

[MistyJ]

This is a tough one for me, because I KNOW people are referring to my ds, 13, who is very shy and awkward. I've started to mention that he attended 3 years of preschool, and went to public school through 4th grade. He was shy and never had more than one friend in school, and is shy w/only one friend homeschooled.

 

Meanwhile, dd has never met a stranger.

 

I have a personal "socialization" anecdote. Dd and I popped in on a friend who was having a garage sale, who has a ps dd of the same age. My daughter entered the house, where the other girl was playing on her Nintendo DS. She never looked up.

 

dd: "Do you want to play?"

 

Public schooled girl: "I am playing." End of story.

[Angie in VA]

The quick response? "We're not socialists."But I tend to want to be snarky, and I'm working on that.

 

http://tnhomeed.com/LRSocial.html] is a link to an article on this topic that is my favorite.

 

But last of all, you must remember what a dear friend once told me, "To those who would understand, no explanation is necessary. To those who would not, none would suffice."

 

It amazes me how people feel free to judge us on our decisions. I don't know any homeschoolers who go up to people whose children to to public school or private school and challenge them about their decisions.

[Angie in VA]

Some friends love this t-shirt. I really think the dad wears it and rips his shirt open, Clark Kent style, when he's asked about his decision to homeschool his dc.

 

I hope the image is large enough to see.

 

[skaterbabs]

I usually say that if my children were any more socialized, they would need a secretary. People who know us, and know how much my children are around other children and adults of all ages, don't say this.

 

Ditto. I generally look at them like they're crazy and ask, "have you MET my children?" Only my middle child could remotely be considered unsocialized, and this is his first year out of school. Yacko and Dot will talk random strangers to death. Dot has had people give her money just because she's cute and uses big words when she speaks. :confused:

[Birkenkathy]

I had a realization about this topic last week. I'm not sure that "socialization" is what people are concerned about, but "culturization." Homeschooled children are not as indoctrinated into the culture as public school kids. I don't know if it is the same in India, but it is certainly often true in America.

 

I saw the beginning of the movie "Mean Girls" on tv last week, which it turns out is about a high school student who has been homeschooled her whole life, but is suddenly thrown to the wolves in public high school. During one class she got up and started to walk out to go to the bathroom and was ridiculed by the teacher and laughed at by the class because she didn't know that she had to ask permission. I realized how much "culturalization" we are sparing our children when we homeschool them.

[LibraryLover]

I answer the few socilaizations questions with "There are so many folks homeschooling in our community that we have too many opportunities to not stay home and study!" It's so true.

Edited March 16, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Cammie]

Thanks to everyone who answered - I will use some of these I am sure!!

 

 

But last of all, you must remember what a dear friend once told me, "To those who would understand, no explanation is necessary. To those who would not, none would suffice."

 

I think I will try and keep this in mind at all times!

 

Why don't we get together and talk about it. Let's see. We have homeschool park day on Monday afternoon, piano on Tuesday, AWANA Weds night, dance on Thursday....

 

:lol::lol: