A Fear of Man? (CC)

[Melissa in CA]

OK, I was told by someone that I have a fear of man, and put mans thoughts about me above Gods...which is sinful and unbiblical. So basically, I am living in sin and need to change. :confused:

 

A little history:

 

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display." I am a very behind the scenes type person. I don't dress flashy, or wear super bright colors because I am just not comfortable in them. I like to blend in, not stand out and say, "hey, look at me!" :tongue_smilie:

 

So, am I a sinner??? Well, of course I am a sinner, aren't we all ;), but am I living in sin because I am who I am? I don't get it. I don't feel as if I have a fear of man, that I am somehow putting man's thoughts about me above Gods. I know God loves me, but I also know He made me the way I am and I feel phony when I try to be something I am not. I really truly was born very shy and modest, and have been like this from infancy. I have matured and can talk to just about anyone. I don't have that type of fear/shyness....I just don't feel comfortable in the spotlight....even if what I am doing is a wonderful thing.

 

OK, now I do sometimes wonder what people think of me. Isn't that natural? You know, when you meet someone and you wonder later what they thought of you. Or you've said something kinda dumb and you later wonder if they think you're a complete idiot. :lol: I have always figured that to be pretty normal?

 

Can someone please point to me scripture that backs up this person's claim about me? That I am in sin because I have a fear of man. Or better yet, if you do not agree with her pov, can you give me scripture back-up that points to a person like me? I'm feeling like I've been hit with a train.

 

How in the WORLD does one stop being who one is?

[Starr]

Oh please. I guess an extrovert is just as sinful for opposite reasons. :)

[Jayne J]

While I can't quote Scripture for you, I would suggest that the only way you are sinning in this particular matter is if you let your shyness keep you from fulfulling your duties as a Christian. For example, if someone is obviously hurt, or in need of assistance and you don't help because you are too shy to speak to them, then your shyness has caused you to sin. But in and of itself, shyness is not a sin, in my understanding. Being the center of attention is not a Christian duty. :001_smile: The woman with the expensive ointment didn't talk a whole lot at the dinner party, but neither did she let fear of what others thought turn her from what was right.

[*********]

Honestly Melissa, I guess it would depend on *why the person said you have a fear of man.

 

If their reasons are the ones you stated (that you're shy, you don't enjoy having birthday parties because you don't want to be the center of attention, you don't wear flashy colors because you don't want to stand out), then I would have to disagree. Those things don't seem to me to fall into the 'fear of man' category. Rather, they seem to fall more into the 'humble/meek/quiet spirit' category, which is a GOOD thing.

 

However, I do think that many do struggle with having a fear of man. I know I certainly have, and do. A very dear brother said once that 'We should worry more about the soul of man than about the feelings of man'. In other words, if someone finds the message of the gospel that I share with them to be offensive, that is ok. I need to be ok with that. In fact, I need to remember that:

 

Blessed are you when men hate you, And when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, For the Son of Man’s sake. - Luke 6:22

 

(That's been in my siggy for a while. :))

 

So no, not wanting to be the center of attention or stand out in a crowd does not *always mean you have a fear of man. But if it keeps you from fulfilling the calling God has on your life, then it can be. Pray about it. Ask the Lord to show you your faults, and give you the courage to stand for Him. Only you and the Lord know if you have a fear of man in your heart. :)

[Kathleen in VA]

Melissa, I think the fear of man means that you would be more likely to do the wrong thing because someone would think less of you if you didn't. I think of the Nazis who killed millions of innocent people because they feared their superior officers and not God. I do not think fearing man means you wonder what they think about you or if you said something dumb.

 

Say a friend asks you to lie for her, so you lie even though you know it's wrong because you don't want your friend to not like you any more. That would be a "fear of man."

 

If you are obedient to God and would never sin just to please a person here on earth then you do not have a "fear of man."

 

Does that make sense?

[FO4UR]

Did you ask this person's opinion? It just seems odd to me that a person would just walk up to another and accuse them of being in sin like that.:001_huh:

 

Honestly, it makes me wonder if the person has something to gain by you being...less reserved...and is (even subconsciously) bullying you. idk. maybe I'm crazy, but that sure sounds odd and I can't think of a better explanation.

[kmacnchs]

Oh please. I guess an extrovert is just as sinful for opposite reasons. :)

 

OH YEAH! I pray every morning (and then some) for a "calm and gentle spirit" (1 Pet.), which probably comes naturally to you.

 

Btw, being modest and unflashy (not a word, I know) IS Biblical.

 

Not wanting to be the center of attn., not dressing flashy, those are not sins (quite the opposite). However, if you are too shy to make friends and share the love of God, be hospitable, etc (things we are called to do in the Bible), then I would say that your shyness may be causing you to sin. I am really thinking aloud right now and I am NOT judging.

 

My MIL and SIL are PAINFULLY shy. I was not able to come over to my dh's house to meet his family or anything until we had our first child (and we courted for 6 years b4 we got married). They never leave the house and make no friends. I would call that debilitating and it always bugged me but I never thought of it as a sin...now I am rethinking...

[Melissa in CA]

Honestly Melissa, I guess it would depend on *why the person said you have a fear of man.

 

The conversation began with my mentioning that I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the attention I sometimes get being the wife of an elder. I don't know, like I am somehow....different. And how I just don't like attention. This person knows me very well, and already knows this about me as we've talked about this before. She, on the other hand, is somewhat flashy and has no problem wearing things to draw attention to herself. No biggie, that's just her personality. It's not me, but I don't judge her for it being her, KWIM?

 

She then said that an elder in her church has forced his dd to play piano for people because he believes she has a fear of man and is sinning. This dd likes to play piano, but has no desire to play for anyone. She doesn't like the attention it draws, doesn't want to draw attention to herself. Her and I are very much alike. If I knew how to play piano, I would play for family and that's about it. I don't think I would want to play for my church worship team or any such thing. I just wouldn't. :confused: I don't feel "called" to perform. So, it came back to me....and the fact that I, too, do not like to draw attention to myself.

 

So no, not wanting to be the center of attention or stand out in a crowd does not *always mean you have a fear of man. But if it keeps you from fulfilling the calling God has on your life, then it can be. Pray about it. Ask the Lord to show you your faults, and give you the courage to stand for Him. Only you and the Lord know if you have a fear of man in your heart. :)

 

Yes, I can see that if God has/had given me a specific gift and I was not exercising it for His glory, then I would be in sin. Thankfully I truly don't have any type of "attention" gifts. My gifts really are in administrative and service areas, not the up front center stage kind.

[*********]

Melissa, it sounds like we are very similar in our personalities. I'm not a 'look at me' sort of person, either. I perfer to blend in with the background, so to speak. And I've thought lately that my personality and my gifts, which mostly involve serving, compliment each other nicely. I mean, it would be harder for me to find my joy in quietly serving if I wanted to be the center of attention some times. Like, I can't be at our homechurch, preparing the food, and at the same time, doing something more 'center stage'. Just thinking out loud...

 

I do know that I knew a lady a few years ago who always tried to make me feel guilty for not doing more 'visible' things for the Lord. I don't quite know why she felt the need to do that, but I had to get to a place of peace between myself and the Lord, and just learn to ignore her opinion in that area. I think scripture is CLEAR that we're not all called to fulfill the same duty.

[SproutMamaK]

No, you are not sinning. Unless you feel God is calling you to do something and you choose not to act on it, you're just fine. Your "friend" is using biblical language to try to turn you into something you're not. God created you to be shy, unassuming, and likely serve Him in a supporting, background capacity. That's incredibly valuable. Fear of man isn't stopping you from doing ANYTHING that God has called you to do - although if your friend keeps judging you, you may very well DEVELOP a fear of man due to her comments!

 

If it comes up again, just tell her, "I've questioned myself about that, and I've decided I'm right where I'm supposed to be, serving in the capacity he's called me to." Frankly, I think a meek, sweet, unassuming wife is a good thing for an elder to have. It shows people that you don't have to live life on a pedestal or self-exultantly to be godly. Just keep being you. Your DH was chosen to be an elder with you being just the way you are.

[michelle l]

She then said that an elder in her church has forced his dd to play piano for people because he believes she has a fear of man and is sinning

 

 

That's just horrible.:sad:

[TheCoffeeChick]

:glare: Honestly, after reading what your friend said, that is the face I made.

 

The funny thing is as you said we are all sinners (not that I think your shyness is a sin!) and there is really nothing we can do to change that. No matter how hard we strive to be good we will ALWAYS fail miserably. That is why, as a Christian, I have no hope without the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect because Christ already took the punishment for all the sins I've committed and all the ones I will commit.

 

This doesn't give me the right to go around and break the Commandments ... but it does help me know that I am still saved even though I do break the Commandments.

 

In this situation, all that doesn't matter because being shy is not a sin!!!! ;)

[kmacnchs]

She then said that an elder in her church has forced his dd to play piano for people because he believes she has a fear of man and is sinning. This dd likes to play piano, but has no desire to play for anyone. She doesn't like the attention it draws, doesn't want to draw attention to herself.

 

My MIL is very shy (as I said earlier) and her mom used to MAKE her sit with other people in church to "fix it" but obviously, it just made it worse. She on the other hand, keeps her daughter inside and encourages her to fear the outside world. There needs to be some kind of balance!!!

 

Not that my opinion matters, but it sounds like you are serving God in the capacity in which you are gifted and with your whole heart! Good for you!:grouphug::grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Did you ask this person's opinion? It just seems odd to me that a person would just walk up to another and accuse them of being in sin like that.:001_huh:

 

Honestly, it makes me wonder if the person has something to gain by you being...less reserved...and is (even subconsciously) bullying you. idk. maybe I'm crazy, but that sure sounds odd and I can't think of a better explanation.

 

:iagree:

[Laurie4b]

OK, I was told by someone that I have a fear of man, and put mans thoughts about me above Gods...which is sinful and unbiblical. So basically, I am living in sin and need to change. :confused:

 

A little history:

 

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display." I am a very behind the scenes type person. I don't dress flashy, or wear super bright colors because I am just not comfortable in them. I like to blend in, not stand out and say, "hey, look at me!" :tongue_smilie:

 

So, am I a sinner??? Well, of course I am a sinner, aren't we all ;), but am I living in sin because I am who I am? I don't get it. I don't feel as if I have a fear of man, that I am somehow putting man's thoughts about me above Gods. I know God loves me, but I also know He made me the way I am and I feel phony when I try to be something I am not. I really truly was born very shy and modest, and have been like this from infancy. I have matured and can talk to just about anyone. I don't have that type of fear/shyness....I just don't feel comfortable in the spotlight....even if what I am doing is a wonderful thing.

 

OK, now I do sometimes wonder what people think of me. Isn't that natural? You know, when you meet someone and you wonder later what they thought of you. Or you've said something kinda dumb and you later wonder if they think you're a complete idiot. :lol: I have always figured that to be pretty normal?

 

Can someone please point to me scripture that backs up this person's claim about me? That I am in sin because I have a fear of man. Or better yet, if you do not agree with her pov, can you give me scripture back-up that points to a person like me? I'm feeling like I've been hit with a train.

 

How in the WORLD does one stop being who one is?

 

What you are describing is not a biblical "fear of man" but modesty, a biblical virtue.

 

"Fear of man" is when your behavior is determined by what people will say/think about you to the point that that is elevated above what God thinks about you. So it is fear of man if you won't speak up for what you know to be right because you'll annoy some elder's wife :) or someone else, or if you are constantly running around trying to please everyone but not asking God what He is asking of you. I have never heard "fear of man" applying to someone who is shy. Doing things to win the praise of men is the flip side of doing things out of fear of men. People in flashy clothes, who love to perform, etc. might have that issue--or they might just be expressing who God made them to be if their motive is not to impress people.

[Liz CA]

That's just horrible.:sad:

 

Yes, this is horrible and so misguided IMHO. I am concerned that some people are laboring under the assumption that God does not know your innate personality while he not only knows it very well but has made you this way.

I can relate to the way you described yourself - I am a behind the scene person too. Do NOT believe what they are telling you. You are not sinning in expressing your preferences in accordance with your personality. It says nowhere in the Bible that we are all the same and that a quiet person who does not thrive in the center of the hubbub is any less useful or less able to glorify God than those you have no problem displaying their talents or have been given personalities that draw attention.

Edited February 3, 2010 by Liz CA

[Cricket]

While I can't quote Scripture for you, I would suggest that the only way you are sinning in this particular matter is if you let your shyness keep you from fulfulling your duties as a Christian. For example, if someone is obviously hurt, or in need of assistance and you don't help because you are too shy to speak to them, then your shyness has caused you to sin. But in and of itself, shyness is not a sin, in my understanding. Being the center of attention is not a Christian duty. :001_smile: The woman with the expensive ointment didn't talk a whole lot at the dinner party, but neither did she let fear of what others thought turn her from what was right.

 

:iagree:

[Anne in CA]

You are not sinning for having a particular personality, you have a nervous system that was given to you by God, and I think this woman was silly.

 

Further more, shy people are not more holy just because their mistakes don't show as much because they don't put themselves out there. But you didn't say you were holy, I just said that for a contrast so you would really see what I mean.

 

There used to be a woman in our home school group who was revered for having extra obedient children. Two of her children were so shy that I taught them in Sunday school for years and they NEVER spoke unless they were addressed directly and you really expected an answer. When I finally got one of them out of his shell they left the church. In no way were her children more or less obedient than any other children, they just never left her side for even seconds at a time.

 

I don't think it's fair to hold one personality type above others in light of scripture.

[Guest janainaz]

That is so ridiculous.

 

Seriously, there are so many intriciate things that make us who we are. We are born with a personality and our life circumstances help to shape many things about us. God understands us better than we do ourselves and I don't believe for a second he considers it sinful to be shy and reserved. Even IF you are shy and reserved due to insecurity (fear of man), there are so many painful reasons that can be behind that. I believe God has compassion and grace for all those things that hurt us inside. If a shy person is shy because they have a fear of rejection, doesn't it seem that a loving God would have mercy on that? Why do people insist on painting a picture of God that is so monsterous? Who would WANT to a love a God like that - one that is so difficult to please?

[Mommyfaithe]

OK, I was told by someone that I have a fear of man, and put mans thoughts about me above Gods...which is sinful and unbiblical. So basically, I am living in sin and need to change. :confused:

 

A little history:

 

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display." I am a very behind the scenes type person. I don't dress flashy, or wear super bright colors because I am just not comfortable in them. I like to blend in, not stand out and say, "hey, look at me!" :tongue_smilie:

 

So, am I a sinner??? Well, of course I am a sinner, aren't we all ;), but am I living in sin because I am who I am? I don't get it. I don't feel as if I have a fear of man, that I am somehow putting man's thoughts about me above Gods. I know God loves me, but I also know He made me the way I am and I feel phony when I try to be something I am not. I really truly was born very shy and modest, and have been like this from infancy. I have matured and can talk to just about anyone. I don't have that type of fear/shyness....I just don't feel comfortable in the spotlight....even if what I am doing is a wonderful thing.

 

OK, now I do sometimes wonder what people think of me. Isn't that natural? You know, when you meet someone and you wonder later what they thought of you. Or you've said something kinda dumb and you later wonder if they think you're a complete idiot. :lol: I have always figured that to be pretty normal?

 

Can someone please point to me scripture that backs up this person's claim about me? That I am in sin because I have a fear of man. Or better yet, if you do not agree with her pov, can you give me scripture back-up that points to a person like me? I'm feeling like I've been hit with a train.

 

How in the WORLD does one stop being who one is?

 

:lurk5:

 

You could have written this about me. I am looking forward to reading the answers. i would be fine with me if everyone would just leave me alone about it. Someone who just met me nailed it when she said...OH! I get you. You are outgoing...you are just not social...LOL.

 

~~Faithe

[Cammie]

What ever happened to judge not lest ye be judged? Sounds like this woman is too busy throwing stones at you. I would find a way to delicately tell her to watch out for her own sins and let you worry about yours!

[Harriet Vane]

I am a devout Christian living in active relationship with Christ. I also have an active, joyful membership in a church. I teach Bible study classes, write Bible study curriculum, and direct church children's programs.

 

What you have been told is boundary-less, pseudo-religious, emotional manipulation.

There is nothing sinful about being shy or not liking the spotlight. Whoever said this to you needs a better understanding of sin as defined in the Bible.

[Beth in OH]

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display."

 

These qualities are often found in a person who is neurologically wired as an introvert--it's simply a temperament, not a character flaw. It is hard-wired into the brain, and while a person can learn behavior modifying techniques if they so choose, the underlying neurology will always be there.

 

Read the book The Introvert Advantage, by Marti Laney. It was recommended to me by a Christian counselor, and I think you will find it to be very affirming. God created you the way you are. Whether you are doing something sinful is between you and Him. Here's a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695

 

The author's website gives some checklists to determine if you might be introverted and provides helpful information: http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/being.html

[8circles]

That's just horrible.:sad:

:iagree:

What you have been told is boundary-less, pseudo-religious, emotional manipulation.

 

There is nothing sinful about being shy or not liking the spotlight. Whoever said this to you needs a better understanding of sin as defined in the Bible.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Read the book The Introvert Advantage, by Marti Laney.

Thank you for that recommendation.

 

OP, :grouphug: from one introvert to another.

[TravelingChris]

I agree with Strider about the pseudo religious nature of this argument. I found verses in Isiah and in Psalms which talk about how the Lord knew us before we were born and how we are wonderfully made. Neither introverts nor extroverts have any special claim to holiness. We all sin and needs the saving power of Christ. Just realize she is talking nonsense and keep on going.

[Greta]

if you do not agree with her pov, can you give me scripture back-up that points to a person like me?

 

 

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Edited February 4, 2010 by GretaLynne

[sunshine]

The conversation began with my mentioning that I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the attention I sometimes get being the wife of an elder. I don't know, like I am somehow....different. And how I just don't like attention. This person knows me very well, and already knows this about me as we've talked about this before. She, on the other hand, is somewhat flashy and has no problem wearing things to draw attention to herself. No biggie, that's just her personality. It's not me, but I don't judge her for it being her, KWIM?

 

She then said that an elder in her church has forced his dd to play piano for people because he believes she has a fear of man and is sinning. This dd likes to play piano, but has no desire to play for anyone. She doesn't like the attention it draws, doesn't want to draw attention to herself. Her and I are very much alike. If I knew how to play piano, I would play for family and that's about it. I don't think I would want to play for my church worship team or any such thing. I just wouldn't. :confused: I don't feel "called" to perform. So, it came back to me....and the fact that I, too, do not like to draw attention to myself.

 

 

 

Yes, I can see that if God has/had given me a specific gift and I was not exercising it for His glory, then I would be in sin. Thankfully I truly don't have any type of "attention" gifts. My gifts really are in administrative and service areas, not the up front center stage kind.

 

OH.My.Cow. I cannot believe someone would have the GALL to say that to another person. Did you know that Francis Schaffers mother is known for her prayer life, that she did in solitude, alone in her house and the only reason anyone knew about it was because her son told people in his sermons. There are women out there who go quietly along in there life glorifying God constantly and reverently and they please God MORE than the woman who is on every committee and at every church function. God is drawn to the humble, not the loud (proud). He loves a quiet spirit, a meek spirit. Col 3:12, James 3:13

If she approaches you (or anyone else) again quote this "Meekness, temperance, against such there is no law." Galations 5:23

 

Gal 3:12, 1 Tim 6:11

 

Do not listen to this one. She is instructing to become something that the Lord does not revere. He loves the humble. His gifts He gave to you are ones that you know in your heart. You do not have to be anything that she is suggesting. You are pleasing God by living a quiet life.

Memorize Gal 5:23 and this one

I Peter 3: 3-5

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

 

[Melissa in CA]

Thank you everyone, so much. Your responses brought such peace to my heart. My greatest desire and constant prayer has always been for the Lord to make me exactly what He wants me to be. I truly want to please Him with my life, and it's a bit disconcerting to have someone make me feel like I am completely missing the mark, that I am instead living in sin against Him. And in a way I have no control over! So, thank you all for helping me see more clearly.

 

In fairness to the person who mentioned this, she truly wasn't meaning to be hurtful toward me (or manipulative). I wasn't hurt by what she said and not at all upset with her for saying it, just confused by the whole idea of it, you know?

 

I asked her again about the piano girl. She said that the girl has been gifted by God with parents who could afford piano lessons, along with a God-given desire to learn to play, and to NOT share the fruit of that gift with others, keeping it "selfishly" to herself, is a sin, a "fear of man and not of God." All I could think was, gosh, I'm glad I never learned to play an instrument! :lol:

[Laurie4b]

Thank you everyone, so much. Your responses brought such peace to my heart. My greatest desire and constant prayer has always been for the Lord to make me exactly what He wants me to be. I truly want to please Him with my life, and it's a bit disconcerting to have someone make me feel like I am completely missing the mark, that I am instead living in sin against Him. And in a way I have no control over! So, thank you all for helping me see more clearly.

 

In fairness to the person who mentioned this, she truly wasn't meaning to be hurtful toward me (or manipulative). I wasn't hurt by what she said and not at all upset with her for saying it, just confused by the whole idea of it, you know?

 

I asked her again about the piano girl. She said that the girl has been gifted by God with parents who could afford piano lessons, along with a God-given desire to learn to play, and to NOT share the fruit of that gift with others, keeping it "selfishly" to herself, is a sin, a "fear of man and not of God." All I could think was, gosh, I'm glad I never learned to play an instrument! :lol:

 

 

I think to play to the glory of God is not a sin whether people are watching or not. I feel very sorry for that child if that is her parents' attitude.

[TMc]

Thankfully I truly don't have any type of "attention" gifts. My gifts really are in administrative and service areas, not the up front center stage kind.

Without the 'behind the scenes people' organizations would be crippled.

 

Some scripture you mind find useful is I Corinthians chapters 12 and 13. Especially 12:14-26 deal with different roles.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

OK, I was told by someone that I have a fear of man, and put mans thoughts about me above Gods...which is sinful and unbiblical. So basically, I am living in sin and need to change. :confused:

 

A little history:

 

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display." I am a very behind the scenes type person. I don't dress flashy, or wear super bright colors because I am just not comfortable in them. I like to blend in, not stand out and say, "hey, look at me!" :tongue_smilie:

 

So, am I a sinner??? Well, of course I am a sinner, aren't we all ;), but am I living in sin because I am who I am? I don't get it. I don't feel as if I have a fear of man, that I am somehow putting man's thoughts about me above Gods. I know God loves me, but I also know He made me the way I am and I feel phony when I try to be something I am not. I really truly was born very shy and modest, and have been like this from infancy. I have matured and can talk to just about anyone. I don't have that type of fear/shyness....I just don't feel comfortable in the spotlight....even if what I am doing is a wonderful thing.

 

OK, now I do sometimes wonder what people think of me. Isn't that natural? You know, when you meet someone and you wonder later what they thought of you. Or you've said something kinda dumb and you later wonder if they think you're a complete idiot. :lol: I have always figured that to be pretty normal?

 

Can someone please point to me scripture that backs up this person's claim about me? That I am in sin because I have a fear of man. Or better yet, if you do not agree with her pov, can you give me scripture back-up that points to a person like me? I'm feeling like I've been hit with a train.

 

How in the WORLD does one stop being who one is?

 

This describes me as well. You can't stop being who you are and God doesn't expect you to. What God does expect is quite clear: Love your neighbor as your self. Sins are also clearly spelled out in scripture, introversion isn't one of them.

 

Goodness, a few years ago, a woman in our church publicly stated that women who did not wear make up or dress in a modern fashion were "sinning" because they drew attention to themselves by being different. It was a pointed remark directed at me. I was so furious, that I was greatly tempted to commit an actual sin. ;)

[Christy B]

The conversation began with my mentioning that I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the attention I sometimes get being the wife of an elder. I don't know, like I am somehow....different. And how I just don't like attention. This person knows me very well, and already knows this about me as we've talked about this before. She, on the other hand, is somewhat flashy and has no problem wearing things to draw attention to herself. No biggie, that's just her personality. It's not me, but I don't judge her for it being her, KWIM?

 

She then said that an elder in her church has forced his dd to play piano for people because he believes she has a fear of man and is sinning. This dd likes to play piano, but has no desire to play for anyone. She doesn't like the attention it draws, doesn't want to draw attention to herself. Her and I are very much alike. If I knew how to play piano, I would play for family and that's about it. I don't think I would want to play for my church worship team or any such thing. I just wouldn't. :confused: I don't feel "called" to perform. So, it came back to me....and the fact that I, too, do not like to draw attention to myself.

 

 

 

Yes, I can see that if God has/had given me a specific gift and I was not exercising it for His glory, then I would be in sin. Thankfully I truly don't have any type of "attention" gifts. My gifts really are in administrative and service areas, not the up front center stage kind.

 

Melissa, I didn't read further than this post, but I think the person who said this to you has 1) come under some false teaching and 2) is trying to apply that false teaching to you.

 

There's no polite and modest way to put this on a message board, so I'll have to be blunt -- I'm a really gifted pianist and if I had to (continue) to play for church I think I would curl up and die. I did play, for a long time, and then stuff happened, and now I can't. And yes, there have been a couple of people who have come at me with the whole "fear of man" angle, but thankfully, for once in my life, I have not let other people's opinions manipulate me into changing who I am and what I believe God has called me to do -- or not do.

 

*That*, to me, is what the fear of man really is: letting other people manipulate you into being something other than what God calls you to be.

 

And as far as your specific situation goes, I've had *enough* already of elder's wives who are "front-people". As an elder's wife, your number one responsibility is to support your husband. I can't think of any woman *more* in need of a meek and quiet spirit than the wife of an elder. You will probably be entrusted with all manner of sensitive and private information, how appropriate that you are NOT a flashy, center-of-attention person. Those people are needed for getting kids to sing at VBS. They have their role. ;)

 

There is an excellent, excellent book on the subject (perhaps another poster has already recommended it, but just in case): When People are Big and God is Small. I would highly recommend that book for your reading. I think it will settle your conscience on the issue one way or another.

[kpupg]

How in the WORLD does one stop being who one is?

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm not in a position to answer your questions directly, but I'll sympathize with you. I was once told that I wasn't a good Christian because I am not a morning person -- in other words, I'm not cheerful and bright-eyed, etc. until I've been up for awhile (and preferably had something to eat). You can imagine how that made me respect that person and her faith ... not.

 

From the information you've given, I think you've hit the nail on the head. This person who judged you and advised you of your particular sinfulness is criticizing the way God -- in his infinite knowledge, goodness, and justice -- with premeditation wired you from birth. See the prophet Jeremiah -- "before you were in the womb, I called you ...."

 

I agree with Christy B's comment that "letting other people manipulate you" or just doing things because you're concerned about what other people will think is REALLY what "fear of man" is about. That's what drives all those insane teenage clique behaviors, just for an example.

 

This woman who judged you is implying that you need to "fear" her .... in doing so, she is putting herself in God's place. Ponder that awhile, and ... well ... you'll see the contradiction and absurdity of it.

 

:grouphug:

 

I know you can't just tell her to buzz off, though I'd want to do just that in your position.

 

Prayers,

Karen

[Erica in PA]

I would define a fear of man as deciding to do or not to do certain things based on people's reactions to you, rather than based on whether the Lord is calling you to do it. If someone is afraid to do something because they're afraid they might look bad in front of other people, that would fall into the "fear of man" category. Caring too much how they look in front of others. A lot of shy people do fall into this category, imo, but certainly not all. It all depends on your motives, imo. Two people could do exactly the same thing, and one might be sinning and the other not, based on what is motivating them.

[Melissa in CA]

*That*, to me, is what the fear of man really is: letting other people manipulate you into being something other than what God calls you to be.

 

Oh, yes, I agree!! You know, I think we often look at if from the Christian perspective of doing ungodly things to fit in with the world (pleasing/ fearing man over God). But it's alive and well in the church too, isn't it? Thinking everyone should fit into some perfect Christian mold, and having people try to manipulate you into said mold. I don't think they realize they are doing so, but it's alive and well just the same. ;) I will remember this the next time I feel pressure to perform in a capacity I don't feel called or gifted in.

[Parrothead]

OK, I was told by someone that I have a fear of man, and put mans thoughts about me above Gods...which is sinful and unbiblical. So basically, I am living in sin and need to change. :confused:

 

A little history:

 

I am a naturally, from birth, shy person. Not so shy that I cannot communicate with people or am an introvert, but shy in the fact that I do not like a lot of attention and/or praise. I just don't. I don't want to draw attention to myself, I don't like nor want to be the center of attention. For example, I have always disliked birthday parties because I don't feel comfortable having everyone watch me open gifts. I don't like anything to be about me, to be on "display." I am a very behind the scenes type person. I don't dress flashy, or wear super bright colors because I am just not comfortable in them. I like to blend in, not stand out and say, "hey, look at me!" :tongue_smilie:

 

So, am I a sinner??? Well, of course I am a sinner, aren't we all ;), but am I living in sin because I am who I am? I don't get it.

Seriously, that is one of the most outrageous things I've ever heard.

 

IMHO the adults used as examples in some of the previous posts that made children "get over it" by traumatizing them are being abusive.

 

I really think these people, including the person who told the OP she is a sinner for being shy, are going to have some answering to do.

[kpupg]

FWIW, I just ran across an interesting discussion that reminded me of this thread.

 

Do introverts fit in at church?

 

It discusses how some Christians confuse spirituality with sociability. I thought it might relate to the OP's question here.

 

Karen