tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 He is begging me to start an account. I already have one. Just wondering what pros and cons parents have with monitoring a FB account for your teen. My son is special needs and hates to type... not worried about messages. But am worried about tags, privacy, photos, rules about letting him befriend someone I do not know (I say no to that), and my thinking is I need his password. I'd like to wait 'til he is in 10th grade but all of his old friends from school are on FB. I feel like I'm an old fogey for saying he needs to be more mature and wait. Advice?? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Well, checking out my kids' Facebook accounts is one way I stay in touch with their social lives- it's easier for me to monitor than MSN, and I get to keep an eye on their friends' FB as well. They are not allowed to have any FB friends that they don't know in real life. My kids are ages 14 and 15. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Well, checking out my kids' Facebook accounts is one way I stay in touch with their social lives- it's easier for me to monitor than MSN, and I get to keep an eye on their friends' FB as well. I agree with you on this point... it is an easy method to keep track of their social lives! They are not allowed to have any FB friends that they don't know in real life. My kids are ages 14 and 15. :iagree: Thanks for the input! Any more advice from others would be greatly appreciated. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I don't think that I would. Friends can post things on their Facebook pages and you have no control over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Yes, I would. Mine will probably get accounts as they turn 13 (the minimum age according to FB), as long as I have their password, they don't friend anyone they don't know, and they are my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Oh yes, I definately think that 9th grade is fine. My 7th and 11th graders have an account. You can easily keep tabs. My one rule is that I have thier passwords and can get on thier account at anytime. My 7th grade dd has got to ask me to add any friends. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My 9th grader is not allowed to have one. There are too many inappropriate images and posts that show up. He simply doesn't need to soak in that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My dd15 and dd 13 have an account. I set the privacy settings myself and I have their passwords so I can check things from time to time if I feel I need to. It's been fun for them keeping up with friends and family. We haven't had issues with things popping up--and if we do have one, you can delete it from your account and they'll ask why you are deleting this and you can let them know it's inappropriate. It's something I keep a close eye on, but, it's been good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Nearly all of the kids, teens, young adults and adults have a fb account in my family. I think it is amazing to be able to connect as a huge family this way. I have my dd's password and she can't just add friends. She gets to talk to her cousins in FL, MO. Friends in FL (where we are from), Aunts in FL, AR and the list goes on. I am amazed at how close a family can be and live so far apart. So, my vote is yes, but I am guessing I will be a minority. I usually am! LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My 9th grader is not allowed to have one. There are too many inappropriate images and posts that show up. He simply doesn't need to soak in that. I'm with Tracy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My son will likely have one by that age. Several families at our church allow their kids to have one - and they then encouraged as many church folks as possible to sign up as friends to help monitor the postings. One thing several have done is to not allow the child to put their whole legal name on facebook. Some use a silly fake last name (like Snarklestones) with their first name or use first and middle names only (like Katie Joy) to help them stay more private and not identifable in public. It also makes it harder for people to ask to be their friends if they don't know their last name or to locate them in real life. Most kids say that because their name is different on facebook than real life they have to invite someone to be the friend or actually give the name to someone else first. The parents have also set privacy settings to the strictest levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My 9th grader is not allowed to have one. There are too many inappropriate images and posts that show up. He simply doesn't need to soak in that. I don't understand this. If you only friend people you know well, how are inappropriate images and posts showing up? Random people can't post images or nasty posts if you have the security features set up to only allow people you approve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I don't understand this. If you only friend people you know well, how are inappropriate images and posts showing up? Random people can't post images or nasty posts if you have the security features set up to only allow people you approve. (Tracy, correct me if I'm wrong; I only had a FB account for a week before I deactivated it, this being one of the reasons.) Michelle, I think Tracy's talking about inappropriate advertising images. At least, that was my experience. And yes, I know you can 'report' these as inappropriate; however, my experience was that I continued to get advertisments on my page that I did not find appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmykids Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 NO!!! My 11th grader isn't allowed either and they respect that. I had one for about 2 weeks and I dumped it. I saw how it got out of hand and everyone is so noisy, reading everyone's posts that they don't know. A total time waster. I think it will just cause more teenage problems, like cell phones do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 (Tracy, correct me if I'm wrong; I only had a FB account for a week before I deactivated it, this being one of the reasons.) Michelle, I think Tracy's talking about inappropriate advertising images. At least, that was my experience. And yes, I know you can 'report' these as inappropriate; however, my experience was that I continued to get advertisments on my page that I did not find appropriate. OH, I see. I only get either online dating ads or homeschooling ads. I can see where the ads could be inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I don't understand this. If you only friend people you know well, how are inappropriate images and posts showing up? Random people can't post images or nasty posts if you have the security features set up to only allow people you approve. Well, one of the ways it can happen is if someone ELSE posts something 'inappropriate' on your child's friend's wall. Since your child can see her/his friend's walls/etc, he/she can also see what OTHER people put there. Your child's friend might not post things that you don't want your child to see, but the friend's friends might. Make sense? Like right now, looking at my step-sister's wall - I can see convos between her and other people (mostly in status messages), I can see some pics and vids that other people gave her, I can see messages that other people left right on her wall, etc etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 :iagree: My teen doesn't have an account either. (Tracy, correct me if I'm wrong; I only had a FB account for a week before I deactivated it, this being one of the reasons.) Michelle, I think Tracy's talking about inappropriate advertising images. At least, that was my experience. And yes, I know you can 'report' these as inappropriate; however, my experience was that I continued to get advertisments on my page that I did not find appropriate. My 9th grader is not allowed to have one. There are too many inappropriate images and posts that show up. He simply doesn't need to soak in that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 for us, its a step by step process. so this year, dds 9 and 11 got their own email accounts. i have their passwords. they don't click on anything from anyone they don't know without checking. the elder is also part of a classroom email loop that i am also a member of. sometime in high school they will each get their own facebook pages, which dh and i will monitor closely. they need to learn the skills (prudence, caution, enjoyment without addiction, etc. ) because they will be off to college before we know it! fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) I am Friends with both of them, and some of them, and I haven't seen any of their Friends post anything inappropriate. Edited December 29, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My 9th graders on up have FB pages but they aren't allowed to IM with people on it. I also have their email and FB passwords. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I don't understand this. If you only friend people you know well, how are inappropriate images and posts showing up? Random people can't post images or nasty posts if you have the security features set up to only allow people you approve. Yes, there are advertisements along the side. Plus, friends may play seemingly innocent (and not so innocent) games and quizzes, and the notifications pop up on your wall, and these can be vulgar and inappropriate. (I've had to hide a family member because I didn't want to see the nasty and discusting notifications that popped up on my wall as a result of this person taking quizzes). Also, when your friend's friends respond to their wall posts, these pop up also, so that is another place for inappropriate content. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Nearly all of the kids, teens, young adults and adults have a fb account in my family. I think it is amazing to be able to connect as a huge family this way. I have my dd's password and she can't just add friends. She gets to talk to her cousins in FL, MO. Friends in FL (where we are from), Aunts in FL, AR and the list goes on. I am amazed at how close a family can be and live so far apart. So, my vote is yes, but I am guessing I will be a minority. I usually am! LOL! Your not alone. We love FB here and someone at my church actually commented on how my oldest ds uses his as a testimony. Mine have gotten in touch with some friends that homeschool in a place we used to live. They have reconnected via FB as teenagers. We stay in touch with family and friends. We like seeing pics of other families and friends, as well as sharing our own. Our church and homeschool basketball team also uses it for event notification. I think it is like anything else, how one uses it. For us, we are all about FB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 OH, I see. I only get either online dating ads or homeschooling ads. I can see where the ads could be inappropriate. I have never seen an inappropriate ad on FB? Some I simply don't like but nothing inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Oh yes, I definately think that 9th grade is fine. My 7th and 11th graders have an account. You can easily keep tabs. My one rule is that I have thier passwords and can get on thier account at anytime. My 7th grade dd has got to ask me to add any friends. :) That's what surprises me... I know of younger kids who have a FB account and are in Junior High. I appreciate all of the advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 My dd15 and dd 13 have an account. I set the privacy settings myself and I have their passwords so I can check things from time to time if I feel I need to. It's been fun for them keeping up with friends and family. We haven't had issues with things popping up--and if we do have one, you can delete it from your account and they'll ask why you are deleting this and you can let them know it's inappropriate. It's something I keep a close eye on, but, it's been good. I've never done this yet -- but if you "unfriend" someone -- do they get notified? That scenario leaves me clueless. But we may need to do this if inappropriate stuff occurs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 My son will likely have one by that age. Several families at our church allow their kids to have one - and they then encouraged as many church folks as possible to sign up as friends to help monitor the postings. One thing several have done is to not allow the child to put their whole legal name on facebook. Some use a silly fake last name (like Snarklestones) with their first name or use first and middle names only (like Katie Joy) to help them stay more private and not identifable in public. It also makes it harder for people to ask to be their friends if they don't know their last name or to locate them in real life. Most kids say that because their name is different on facebook than real life they have to invite someone to be the friend or actually give the name to someone else first. The parents have also set privacy settings to the strictest levels. Good advice! I like not using the full name... and privacy settings will be on HIGH. lol Still unsure of to wait 'til he is in 10th grade or now. Ack. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 NO!!! My 11th grader isn't allowed either and they respect that.I had one for about 2 weeks and I dumped it. I saw how it got out of hand and everyone is so noisy, reading everyone's posts that they don't know. A total time waster. I think it will just cause more teenage problems, like cell phones do. LOL -- and my son does not have a cell phone either. Most likely will wait til he works part time for that. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Friends can post things on their Facebook pages and you have no control over it. If you have their password, yes you do. You can delete inappropriate things. I was set against my dd having a FB account, but over the past six weeks or so she has really stepped up to the plate and demonstrated a great improvement in maturity. As a reward, I let her set up a FB account. I told her that it was because I had noticed her improved behavior and felt comfortable with her having the privilege of a FB account. I told her that I would have the password to it and would check it regularly. I told her to let her friends know that inappropriate material would be deleted and would result in the offender being blocked from her page. I also let her know that, as FB is a privilege, it could be revoked if necessary. Another ground rule is that her friends must be either people from her school or people we know. I'm not 100% comfortable with it, but it was a huge deal to dd and her happiness has been a reward for me. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) If you have their password, yes you do. You can delete inappropriate things. I was set against my dd having a FB account, but over the past six weeks or so she has really stepped up to the plate and demonstrated a great improvement in maturity. As a reward, I let her set up a FB account. I told her that it was because I had noticed her improved behavior and felt comfortable with her having the privilege of a FB account. I told her that I would have the password to it and would check it regularly. I told her to let her friends know that inappropriate material would be deleted and would result in the offender being blocked from her page. I also let her know that, as FB is a privilege, it could be revoked if necessary. Another ground rule is that her friends must be either people from her school or people we know. I'm not 100% comfortable with it, but it was a huge deal to dd and her happiness has been a reward for me. Tara Absolutely! I agree with you. FB is a privilege -- and can be taken away. I'm thinking this type of communication will be around for our kids always -- why not "train" them in the use and ettiquette of electronic communiques before they leave home? Thanks for the advice! :) P.S. To the poster regarding ads -- I have found if you click on the thumbs down icon -- the offending ad disappears and a neutral ad pops up in its place. FB will "read" your profile and send ads your way over time based on where you visit. Right now, I have a lot of quilting and religious ads. LOL HTH Edited December 28, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 He is begging me to start an account. I already have one. Just wondering what pros and cons parents have with monitoring a FB account for your teen. My son is special needs and hates to type... not worried about messages. But am worried about tags, privacy, photos, rules about letting him befriend someone I do not know (I say no to that), and my thinking is I need his password. I'd like to wait 'til he is in 10th grade but all of his old friends from school are on FB. I feel like I'm an old fogey for saying he needs to be more mature and wait. Advice?? :) My 9th grade dd has a FB account. I try not to think of my kids as "sheltered," but definitely "insulated." I know a lot of her FB friends IRL. I know a lot of their parents. There are also several that I know vaguely, from our hs soccer league. There are some I don't know at all. I do not have her password, but dd knows I check her page, and I often look at her friends' pages. (With the "new" security revamping that took place, I can actually see many others' walls, even though I am not friends.) *I* have to find a comfort level with her friends. In the past year, I've only asked her to unfriend one person--my sister. :glare: She joined a group called something like, 'If you don't like gay marriage, then don't get one and shut the f*** up.' I took serious offense at the f* word (honestly, that was it). My sister got very mad, unfriended me too, and didn't speak to me for a couple of months. Whatever. It's my kid, my way, I wouldn't let my dd go to a large party at my sister's house unchaperoned--FB is pretty much the same, imo. I look at some of my friends' teen girls' pages and I am shocked by the language. Fortunately, these are my friends from high school, not people within our group of friends. While not all of my dd's friends have hands on parents, the kids seem to pretty much police themselves. We are BLESSED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) 'If you don't like gay marriage, then don't get one and shut the f*** up.' I'm a member of that group. :) I have always taught my dd, the one in 9th grade, that how she speaks with her friends is not really any of my business or any of my control, but that I expect her to be polite to the world at large. My dd is friends with me on FB. I blocked her access to seeing my status updates because FB is *my* playground. I don't do anything really offensive on FB (I'm friends with my step-mom, too, and I don't do anything I wouldn't want her to see), but with my friends, I play a little harder than I do with my kids, iykwim. You're right, it's your kid and your decision, but don't judge your sister too harshly. Tara Edited December 28, 2009 by TaraTheLiberator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 it's your kid and your decision, but don't judge your sister too harshly. TOTALLY not judging her!!! Just realizing that I can't have my sister responsible to my dd in what my sister wants to put on FB. It sounds like you are doing the same thing with your dd, and I think that's great! My mistake was in letting my dd friend my sister in the first place. In that same vein, I had a friend's 10? 11? yods friend me this weekend. (Yes, I know that's too young for a FB account, but that's not my business.) I sent my friend a private note, saying that the photos of me, my often sarcastic comments, and my political outbursts would not be appropriate for my own 11yods to see, and I could not take the responsibility of friending her young son. A good friend (with my permission) posted over a dozen photos from high school of me with alcohol and/or cigarettes. My dd is mature enough to see these and discuss; my 11yods is not. I agree with you, it's my place, and it's been fun to reconnect with people from that time in my life. It's been good for me to balance people from then, from now, and from everything in between. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 In that same vein, I had a friend's 10? 11? yods friend me this weekend. Yeah, I have had a few kids from the homeschool group ask to be my friend. I have responded to each request with a short note to the parents that I keep my FB space a child-free zone. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 My dd is 12 and has a FB. So do I. I police her activities on there and she knows it. I think it is great for her. She chats with friends (whom I know and approve) and I can keep tabs on her social activities and what sort of things her friends say, do and think about. What a person says, puts on their page, depicts, and photographs tells quite a lot about who they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 EK (my 9th grade dd) has a FB account (has had it for a couple of years now). I have one too, as does dh & ER (my college student son). In fact, just about all of our family members have FB, including my mom! That's how we communicate with faraway family most of the time. For her own protection, I require that her privacy settings be very strict. Dh & I are her FB "friends", and she checks with us before adding people we don't know. That said, I am friends with most of her friends -- they think I am a cool mom, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 *I* have to find a comfort level with her friends. In the past year, I've only asked her to unfriend one person--my sister. :glare: She joined a group called something like, 'If you don't like gay marriage, then don't get one and shut the f*** up.' I took serious offense at the f* word (honestly, that was it). My sister got very mad, unfriended me too, and didn't speak to me for a couple of months. Whatever. It's my kid, my way, I wouldn't let my dd go to a large party at my sister's house unchaperoned--FB is pretty much the same, imo. I look at some of my friends' teen girls' pages and I am shocked by the language. Fortunately, these are my friends from high school, not people within our group of friends. While not all of my dd's friends have hands on parents, the kids seem to pretty much police themselves. We are BLESSED. I haven't asked my son to un-friend my sister, but I have trouble with her as well. Her posts are full of stuff I wish my son didn't have to see, like profanity and other stuff that's just not appropriate. Much worse than just joining a group. But she just isn't like us and that's how she is. He loves her and she keeps in very good touch with him through fb, I think she just isn't mindful that young eyes can see her posts and she should use some discretion. Unfortunately we were raised to with nothing off limits, so that's how she behaves, but she is a good person. I just wanted to chime in that it isn't always friends we have to worry about once you join fb. I have my sons password, he can only friend people I okay and I check his page now and then. Oh and he cannot join any groups because once on a group there was a very pornographic picture posted and it just disturbed me to no end. So I just keep him off of groups where any ol' person can upload pics and comments to. They took the pic of right away, but we all still saw it. Some jerk posted it on a kids cartoon group. my son is in 9th Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 This has all been very helpful! Thanks everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Mine got his in 9th grade. He is now in 11th. I'm on his friend list, and occasionally double check his privacy settings (he hasn't changed them but the way FB has them set up has changed). At this age, I don't believe in a constant helicopter over his life, and know that this is part of gradual independence, with some supervision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.