Nestof3 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 What does it feel like to have easy-going, generally happy, "normal" kids? And then, how could I possibly have children like that when I have so many of my own issues -- maxing out quickly, being drained by too much stimuli, needing constant order and loving the feeling of everything in its place and the carpets vacuumed every night? It's been a rough day. Then, Nathan clammed up at his monthly piano recital and began crying and all. Sometimes, I feel like we're the Addams Family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I wish I knew...we don't have easy-going, generally happy, 'normal' kids either. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I wish I knew...we don't have easy-going, generally happy, 'normal' kids either. :grouphug: It has been my experience that when I am feeling particularly upset about my dc being normal, or easy going, or happy, it isn't really about them. It is about me and my own issues. When I am happy and content, then my dc are happy and content. When I am easy-going, my dc are easy-going. When I am stressed, my dc show signs of stress. When I am sad, my dc fall apart emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I wouldnt know, I have passed my high strung genes down to my kids. And Egyptians think talking loud is discussing, to me it sounds like yelling. But, I am happy that we all are passionate. Quiet is a luxury. Here is wishing you a dull, quiet Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 It has been my experience that when I am feeling particularly upset about my dc being normal, or easy going, or happy, it isn't really about them. It is about me and my own issues. When I am happy and content, then my dc are happy and content. When I am easy-going, my dc are easy-going. When I am stressed, my dc show signs of stress. When I am sad, my dc fall apart emotionally. I really wish that were the case here. They are very affected to stimuli, having new people around, company, excitement, etc. When I was young, I just got excited about Christmas. My boys get over-excited, stressed, etc. Nathan was so looking forward to his recital. He loves Christmas music. He worked himself into a panic. They each have a list of quirks and issues. Just getting Ben dressed tonight was an ordeal with his sensory issues -- he had to wear shoes instead of flipflops, ad he cannot get them tight enough, his socks were lumpy, he's been wearing jeans five inches too short because he cannot stand the feel of different pants, his coat "feels" (that's all he can say about it), and they had to wear mittens (per piano teacher's orders). I'm tired of my Dad looking at Nathan like he's a freak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I wouldnt know, I have passed my high strung genes down to my kids. And Egyptians think talking loud is discussing, to me it sounds like yelling. But, I am happy that we all are passionate. Quiet is a luxury. Here is wishing you a dull, quiet Christmas. Yes -- we are all high-strung. I have especially sensitive hearing and sense of smell. My boys love talking loudly, and this wears me out -- especially when I've had a cyclical migraine all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am often in your shoes. DD5 has OCD (undiagnosed, but I am nearly positive....we'll be in the process of diagnosing early next year). We went to Wal Mart tonight and her quirks were exhausting. After getting home, she kissed me and told me goodnight about ten times this evening. She asks me to repeat stuff constantly (yes, she hears what I say, she tells me that she just wants to hear me say it again). Despite all that I do, she is always complaining and always whining. I know she cannot be unhappy.....but yet, she seems like it. I love my DD to the ends of the earth. God saw fit to make me her mother for a reason. But yes, sometimes (often) she completely exhausts me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I'm sorry. We went to our church's Christmas musical, and the sensory overload was unreal. I don't know how those kids stood there (literally, stood in one spot the whole time) for an entire hour, with flashing lights, over-the-top loud music, and long, complicated songs which they all sang. I was antsy, hot, bored, and overwhelmed, and I was just sitting there watching! Didn't even have a kid in the play! In contrast, Sunday afternoon we went to the Christmas party for our folk music club. It wasn't loud or too bright, everyone who wanted to perform just casually took turns on the stage, smiles and yummy food were abundant, and my little guys were just peacefully....happy. Even better, our home festivals involve tons of music and performances, for no one but us. We sometimes have costumes, but the boys create them to suit themselves. Our home festivals are magical happy times, and I soooo wish I could just fold in other little boys who need those cultural experiences without the sensory overload that seems to go with "cultural experiences" that are organized for kids these days. (stepping off soapbox) I still think that you and your kids sound like neat people whom I would like to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Oh Dawn, your boys sound a LOT like mine. Today, Moose insisted that I put his hooded, zip up sweatshirt on him first, and then his undershirt. He wore it like that all.day.long. Even when we ran all of our errands. He has sensory issues, too. And the boys clearly get it from me and dh. Especially dh. :tongue_smilie: His coat 'feels'. That's just so sweet. My boys say things like 'the applesauce is too soft', and I have a list longer than my leg of things that they can't sucessfully eat or wear. And too much outside stimulus causes Moose to melt down. Ugh, I remember last year when we took them to Dave and Busters. We had to leave with Moose screaming. It was just too much for him. The lights, the sounds, the people. He just goes on overload. So yeah, I know how you feel. :D I took Moose to my dh this morning to show him the bizarre way he insisted on being dressed. Dh just smiled and said that his 'quirkyness' makes him love him even more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Aw, Dawn! :grouphug: I totally get those sensory issues!! You're not alone. And here's an extra :grouphug:, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan25 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 It has been my experience that when I am feeling particularly upset about my dc being normal, or easy going, or happy, it isn't really about them. It is about me and my own issues. When I am happy and content, then my dc are happy and content. When I am easy-going, my dc are easy-going. When I am stressed, my dc show signs of stress. When I am sad, my dc fall apart emotionally. Thank you for saying that. I wasn't going to read this thread, but I think I needed to. I've had a bad day with my 2 year old and you just reminded me that they tend to mirror their surroundings. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Yes -- we are all high-strung. I have especially sensitive hearing and sense of smell. My boys love talking loudly, and this wears me out -- especially when I've had a cyclical migraine all day. I feel your pain, I am overly sensitive too. I think overly empathetic(might be wrong word). Even news and books can affect me tremendously. I remember when I had my own salon, I would only do one massage a day, b/c I would take all the bad energy. My question is how do you handle the nursing, that would be rough on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I'm tired of my Dad looking at Nathan like he's a freak. :grouphug: I'm so sorry, Dawn. Even people with no sensory issues get overstimulated this time of year. Thank goodness you are there to be a buffer for your boys. You are a good mom, and Nathan is a good kid, and it's not so bad to be an "Addams Family" in a world like this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 What does it feel like to have easy-going, generally happy, "normal" kids? I'm sorry, Dawn. This is how I feel in terms of marriage. What does it feel like to have a generally happy, "normal" marriage? To actually have a relationship with one's spouse. What an experience!:001_huh: I hear you (no pun intended!) on the noise sensitivity. This has gotten so-o-o-o much worse the older I get and with each pregnancy. It's actually not just noise, but motion, too. Like if I see some sort of extraneous, repetitive motion out of the corner of my eye (say, someone fiddling with a pencil) it's like nails on a chalkboard. So weird. My dh isn't the same at all, which is a good thing for him, but a bad thing in that he has no understanding of what I'm experiencing. Anyway. (((Dawn))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 My daughter informed me the other day that, "There's no such thing as a normal person." I'm inclined to agree with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 What does it feel like to have easy-going, generally happy, "normal" kids? It's an order of magnitude easier to parent. I only have one kid like that, but she's just so much easier to spend time with than her brothers that it's almost like parenting is not a job at all. It's also very reassuring to know that I can't be a total flop as a mom, because she's usually well behaved and someone I like to spend time with. The boys, especially when they're stressed by their surroundings, are just soooo much harder. They take every bit of patience and calm that I can muster. OTOH, I do appreciate their accomplishments more than dd's because they require so much more effort, both from them and from me. I hope you can get through the rest of the holidays without feeling too much like an Addams. Although Gomez and Morticia do look like they're having fun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 It has been my experience that when I am feeling particularly upset about my dc being normal, or easy going, or happy, it isn't really about them. It is about me and my own issues. When I am happy and content, then my dc are happy and content. When I am easy-going, my dc are easy-going. When I am stressed, my dc show signs of stress. When I am sad, my dc fall apart emotionally. Ain't that the truth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Oh Dawn, your boys sound a LOT like mine. Today, Moose insisted that I put his hooded, zip up sweatshirt on him first, and then his undershirt. He wore it like that all.day.long. I hear you there! The other (freezing) day my daughter wore sandals, capris and a short sleeve shirt, no coat. While we were out a couple walked by and the man stopped to ask my daughter, whose teeth were chattering, if she was cold. Then he looked at me (as if to say. . .). I just said it was a battle I had chosen not to choose. The woman said, "You're exactly right, Mom. The consequences will take care of themselves." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 What does it feel like to have easy-going, generally happy, "normal" kids? And then, how could I possibly have children like that when I have so many of my own issues -- maxing out quickly, being drained by too much stimuli, needing constant order and loving the feeling of everything in its place and the carpets vacuumed every night? It's been a rough day. Then, Nathan clammed up at his monthly piano recital and began crying and all. Sometimes, I feel like we're the Addams Family! Dawn!!! We like the Addams family. Wanna come over? :001_smile: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paz Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Dawn, I'm sorry. I have some mild sensory issues here and my dd has pretty serious ones. We spent last year's Christmas eve service in the bathroom listening to the music and sermon from there because we ended up sitting too close to the speakers. I have come to realize that even my "normal" kid has issues. :001_smile: I think everyone does. We just don't often see it. When I see friends' posts on facebook or see a glimpse of their family life I am sometimes sad because of all our our struggles. Then I realize that it doesn't do me any good to compare myself to them. Also, we often don't know what struggles the perfect looking families have, too. As our sensitive kids grow up their strengths emerge more and more. The strength of character and the gifts that my dd has continue to amaze me. I am sure she sometimes appears quirky, but it's a good quirky. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Dawn, if someone tells you they never have days/weeks/months like that in their family you just laugh. Everyone has those days that we wish our kids were just "normal". There is no normal. I enjoyed meeting you and your son in Virginia and thought he was particularly wonderful and smart. I'm not discounting what you mean but I want you to know I have days when I wonder what it's like in a "normal" home with "normal" kids who don't _______. :) :grouphug: to you and your wonderful family! You are a wonderful mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, dd (2) got into red dye and spent a large part of yesterday in hysterical sobbing, and then this morning her new sensory "everything is dirty" issue extended to her hair and she tried to pull it out with her fingers, yelling "hair OFF!!!". :001_huh: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renai Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Well, if my family were normal, where would that leave me?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoboys Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Do families really have "quiet, easy-going" kids, particularly if you have boys. Cuz mine sure aren't like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Dawn, if I may, I'd like to quote a letter written to me when my sons were small. I was having such a hard time with my oldest, then 7, who probably has Aspergers (and is now 20)--I just didn't know what was wrong with him--always trouble with transitions, moody, intense, etc. A dear friend at church wrote me a note which said, "Dear Chris, We know that oftentimes children who are not just like the stereotypical perfect child can be a greater blessing to their families and to the world than we ordinary folks. Not only shall you come to accept him as he is, when you've had time to do so, but you will come to rejoice in him as he is, as you see his presence bestow a blessing on others by his innocence--perhaps on his sweet little brother most of all. In His Peace, Linden" This difficult child grew up to be a helpful teen who never gave me a moment's worry. While his brother, who was an easy, "normal" kid became involved with sex and drugs, this child maintained his purity, and provided assistance to us by babysitting his small sister and doing household chores when I just couldn't be there. He gave me the gift of wanting to be homeschooled, and set my feet on a path I never would have guessed I'd choose. He went on to do very well in college--tho he still has multiple challenges, esp socially and emotionally, he has a 3.75 gpa, loves his family (gifts seem to be his love language over touch or words), and is reliable and honest. And yes, he blessed his brother. When Sky went off the deep end, ds20 forgave him; making amends according to AA can often be quite intimidating and scary ("Will I be rejected because of all the hurt I've caused?"), but ds20 accepted Sky's apology because being brothers is important, because Jesus forgives us, and because ds20's rather black and white thinking leads him to do the right thing because it's the right thing. All this to say, hang in there. While this letter didn't really strike me at the time, I held on to it, and was so moved to discover it just a couple of years ago, when I was seeing the fruit it promised; I was so incredibly grateful for ds20 and the way he is. Never thought I'd get there, but that's where God leads, to the place of rest in his Care, the place of peace where we know he does work ALL things together for Good. His Good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I enjoyed meeting you and your son in Virginia and thought he was particularly wonderful and smart. Ditto. We know that oftentimes children who are not just like the stereotypical perfect child can be a greater blessing to their families and to the world than we ordinary folks. I love this part! I have to keep telling myself, "There is no normal." There is just continued trying to teach my kids (and me) some moral underpinnings to behaviour, and then there is just recognizing what is deliberate behaviour and what is just who the person *is* and all that goes with that, unmatched/too small/too big clothing/crying and all. My daughter never brushes her hair on her own, and it's usually a tangled mess, and my son wears rainboots year round whenever we go out in public - even on hot summer days and cold winter days, if I don't catch him.:lol: One of my children also freaks out big time about having to get needles at the dr. office. And one of them, anytime he/she has a cold, makes huge drama about the clogged nose for a day or two. There is no normal. Don't worry about it - hey, you've already raised one child to adulthood, give yourself a pat on the back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmgirlinwv Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I've felt the same way at times. You're not alone. I have no doubt that these *quirky* kids have special gifts that we will one day get to see. (If we make it through w/out having a nervous breakdown! :P ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Wow. This thread sure hits home. This Season has been........tough. My girls can be........strange....... (seems horrible even typing the word). But I'm really starting to think that it's just that PEOPLE are strange! We all have our "thing" don't we? I can't go to sleep with a drawer halfway opened, let alone a sleeve from a t-shirt showing. I have to get up and correct it. DH could care less about this kind of stuff. I can't remember who said it before in this thread, but it is very true. When I am relaxed, my kids are relaxed. When I'm high strung, my kids are TWICE as high strung. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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