Relative pushing me to help 8yo DD find a "fitting" future career

[Macrina]

My mother (very supportive of hsing herself as she hsed my brother and I partway through and hsed my sister all the way through) is pushing me to get my 8 year old thinking about a career. And by this I mean she thinks she should be "shadowing" some people at work. For example we know a hsing mom that is a vet and does farm visits as a part time vet practice. She thinks dd should spend a day with her to see how dd likes the veterinary field. And she is trying to think of other people who dd could do something similar with in order to get a feel for different careers. She went as far as trying to set it up with this mutual vet/hsing friend.

 

I'm not interested in dd doing this type of thing yet. It is way too soon. And I can't say I would even be comfortable with my dd becoming a doctor. I don't see it in her future, I don't think it lines up with our family philosophy as far as young women and careers. My mother is also trying to key in on dd's strengths and decide what she'd be "good at." I don't get this at all. What I was "good at" at age 16, never mind 8, had nothing to do with what my strengths turned out to be as an adult. YKWIM? How can we possibly evaluate them in that way at this age?

 

The crazy thing is that this is coming from my mom. My sister didn't even go to college but has gone to a arts school and set up her own cottage industry from home as a Swedish textile/weaving specialist. So why is my mother keying in on dd at age EIGHT to start thinking about careers- in the medical field no less!

 

I feel like dd should just be a kid. She is exposed to a lot, art class, history class, riding lessons, community events. She meets lots of different families, hsing and not. Why push her into finding out what her career "goals" are by having her shadow someone at work?

 

What say the hive? If I have people who are able and willing to do this for dd should I take the opportunity? Or should I continue to expose dd to a lot of "life" without an emphasis on picking a future career?

[Pajama Mama]

Honestly, I don't think you really need to ask us. It sounds like in your post that you don't want this. It's kind of ridiculous to try and fit an 8 yo into a career at this age. If she was some type of Doogie Howser(sp?) genius maybe you would consider it if the child requested it. She's your child. Tell your mom that dd needs to be a child--that's her career right now.

[jujsky]

She's 8. Tell people to back off.

[myfunnybunch]

It would be a wonderful educational experience for your dd to spend a day with a vet (or an artist or...). It's another kind of life exposure.

 

It is too soon for your dd to start considering possible careers unless she's starting to think that direction on her own.

 

If you think your dd would like these kinds of experiences and that they would be valuable for their own sake, go for it. And if not, no biggie, wait until she's older. :)

 

Cat

[Jean in Newcastle]

Many children at age 8 go on field trips to see people in different career fields. I think it would be fun.

 

However - in my opinion, this isn't about seeing some fun career opportunities. I don't know what your opinions of appropriate careers are for girls or for your daughter in particular, but you allude to have a very specific parameter of what you would be comfortable with for her future life. While I have a very high regard for stay-at-home motherhood and other traditional female roles, I don't believe that the Bible (which is my yardstick) precludes women veterinarians or women in other careers. I do feel like the Bible does rule out jobs like strippers and jobs of that sort!

 

I sort of wonder if your mother is trying to find a back door to widening your families acceptance of female career opportunities. While she is wrong to push you or your daughter too early in making career choices, I would encourage you to really examine your views and consider that it might be disservice to your daughter to narrow her career choices unduly.

[Jenny in Atl]

Sounds like spending a day with a vet could be very cool. Why not? Just because she spends a day with this gal does not mean she will later go into that field. Who knows what interests she will explore and what others she will pass by. My nine-year-old wants to be about 20 different things right now. I tell her go for it. :lol:

[Penelope]

Many children at age 8 go on field trips to see people in different career fields. I think it would be fun.

 

However - in my opinion, this isn't about seeing some fun career opportunities. I don't know what your opinions of appropriate careers are for girls or for your daughter in particular, but you allude to have a very specific parameter of what you would be comfortable with for her future life. While I have a very high regard for stay-at-home motherhood and other traditional female roles, I don't believe that the Bible (which is my yardstick) precludes women veterinarians or women in other careers. I do feel like the Bible does rule out jobs like strippers and jobs of that sort!

 

I sort of wonder if your mother is trying to find a back door to widening your families acceptance of female career opportunities. While she is wrong to push you or your daughter too early in making career choices, I would encourage you to really examine your views and consider that it might be disservice to your daughter to narrow her career choices unduly.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. All of it.

 

It sounds like while you are rightly opposed to pushing your dd into choosing a career so early, you are also opposed to certain paths for her life from the get-go. I wonder why. Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but your dd may feel differently some day.

 

I don't think it is too early at all to visit with different people in their workplace. In fact, I have been thinking about how I can arrange some experiences like this for my son. A wise woman of many told me not long ago, that it is a good idea to get them thinking about their lives as adults, and giving them exposure to what is out there for ideas, BEFORE hitting puberty with all the hormones and self-doubt and focus on peers. Not that they have to have their life mapped out, but to plant seeds about what some future goals might be.

 

P.S. There are women doctors, both for people and animals but especially for animals, who are able to work on a very part-time basis and have families, too. Most of the vets we have had have been women who worked daytime hours, only a couple of days per week.

Edited December 15, 2009 by Penelope

[prairie rose]

While I do think 8 is a little young to be seriously thinking about a career but I also think it's too early to rule out any possibilities unless they are severely handicapped. I think shadowing and seeing what people do for a living is no different than "Bring your parent to school" day where parents come in and share with the class what they do for a living. Sometimes, these types of experiences really do spark a life long interest and eventually lead to a satisfying career. I wanted to be an architect from a very young age (8 or 9) and while I ultimately changed my goals slightly to civil engineering and ultimately became a SAHM, my interest in architecture is still a fulfilling hobby. ;)

 

I think ruling out certain career paths because they don't line up with "your values" (after all "family values" are really just your values that you are teaching your children) is about as strange as pushing career paths on a child too young to see adulthood in the future. While I absolutely think family values are important, I would hate to see a child with an interest and a passion of a certain field of work be told that it is not right for them to pursue it simply because it does not fit a preconceived notion of gender roles.

[Paintedlady]

I agree with you. Tell your well-meaning mother to kindly butt out. :001_smile:

[KidsHappen]

When fairy princess is still under consideration then yeah, they are too young to be giving it serious thought. She's got plenty of time and you just tell your family that they are only young once and we don't want to rush them to grow up too fast. Heck I was 30 years old before I knew that this was my career.

[LibraryLover]

Did she actually say your daughter needed to find a career path now? Could she have maybe just said, in crazy Mom Code, "How about some fun field trips to cool places to see cool people?" ;)

[kpupg]

I feel like dd should just be a kid. She is exposed to a lot, art class, history class, riding lessons, community events. She meets lots of different families, hsing and not. Why push her into finding out what her career "goals" are by having her shadow someone at work?

 

:iagree:

 

Age 8 is way too young to be pushing careers. Learning to read fluently, just for one example, is a lot more important for an 8yo!

 

OTOH, if your dd is interested and WANTS to shadow or otherwise learn what a vet does all day or whatnot, there's no harm in it. But it would be HER interest, not pushing careers, if that makes sense.

 

Karen

[Garga]

In the past kids would apprentice starting anywhere from 8-12 yo.

 

It's not a bad idea to get a feel for what a workday feels like. You can start now or wait until later, but it's not really a big deal. Sounds sort of like fun--learning about different jobs from the people who do them. It could spark an interest.

[tex-mex]

Many children at age 8 go on field trips to see people in different career fields. I think it would be fun.

 

However - in my opinion, this isn't about seeing some fun career opportunities. I don't know what your opinions of appropriate careers are for girls or for your daughter in particular, but you allude to have a very specific parameter of what you would be comfortable with for her future life. While I have a very high regard for stay-at-home motherhood and other traditional female roles, I don't believe that the Bible (which is my yardstick) precludes women veterinarians or women in other careers. I do feel like the Bible does rule out jobs like strippers and jobs of that sort!

 

I sort of wonder if your mother is trying to find a back door to widening your families acceptance of female career opportunities. While she is wrong to push you or your daughter too early in making career choices, I would encourage you to really examine your views and consider that it might be disservice to your daughter to narrow her career choices unduly.

 

:iagree: I also thought the grandma (former HSer) perhaps felt that her grandkids had some abilities that are causing the shadowing idea? Maybe she felt like this with her kids but never had the chance to get them shadowed? I personally see no harm in the field trip... but would not pigeon-hole the child into one academic track, yet. It is good to see other specialties!

[SonshineLearner]

I'd love to have my daughters shadow professionals. Not because I want them to always work outside the home, just because I think it's good to do something profitable to their overall person.... between "graduating" and becoming a "mom". There are many women who would love a Husband and children, who God has other plans for.... For example, our lovely pastor's daughter... that is getting married this wknd... at 35... and one of my mom's friends... who planned on children... and they aren't able. Or, a husband dies... and the wife can work whatever is best..... (part/full) or the husband gets some disability.... and the wife needs to supplement. Perhaps the husband can school the children... but can't work for some reason.... Or... husband wants to stay at home and work on something... and wife needs to work...

I really think it's good to have a profession:-)

 

Carrie

[Crimson Wife]

What if your DD grows up to be a farm wife? God has a plan for each of us, and who knows if this interest in veterinary medicine might lead to something down the road that fits into your family's values.

[Macrina]

If DD really wants to be a professional, I have no issues with it. I don't, however, want her to get sucked into the whole college-masters-doctorate thing, only to get married, graduate, have babies and spend the rest of her life paying off school debt for an education she never ended up using.

 

There is a ton of culture emphasis on "be what ever you want to be you can do anything don't let anything hold you back" I don't think our young girls need any more shove in that direction.

 

Honestly, too, just other piece of it, I would like her to value what *I* do day in and day out (which happens to include a part time work from home job.) This is what I would like her to value: what it has taken for me to be at home with her day in and day out.

 

Why do I need to be giving her the impression that she needs to be thinking of her educational and financial future now?

 

As far as my mom goes. She had my sister doing a series of short (1 week) volunteer internships in about 5 different skill-related careers (florist, chef, etc) when she was about 13. She discouraged her from pursuing college (much to my brother's horror) and got her on this art/skill/cottage industry track. Basically to give her something to do, and some income, while she waits for prince charming.

 

She is she regretting her decisions and trying to re-do it with my dd?

[Macrina]

What if your DD grows up to be a farm wife? God has a plan for each of us, and who knows if this interest in veterinary medicine might lead to something down the road that fits into your family's values.

 

Chances are- she will be exactly this, that's what I am and that's what my mother is. And this vet plans on doing a workshop for the local area farm kids on basic farm animal care for future homesteading skills. I LOVE that idea, I'm all for that. But I feel like shadowing her around town in a "this is how I run my vet practice" kind of way is over the top.

[Chris in VA]

Another possibility--

You say your mom homeschooled you and your sibs--could she just be missing being so involved in someone's life, like when she was responsible for schooling her own kids?

I think, too, she could be seeing your dd as older than she really is--that happens sometimes when there's a bit of space between children, as it's hard to "go backwards" and pick up the thread of childhood when you've been dealing with a more mature child. If she's blurring the boundaries a bit (this is YOUR child), it could be part of it all.

[Starr]

I've always thought we should rescind those child labor laws. :D

[Thea]

She's 8. Tell people to back off.

:iagree:

[Mommy22alyns]

If your DD doesn't mind the "spend a day" things, then let her do them. But otherwise, yes - she's EIGHT for pete's sake! Honing in on a career is just crazy.

[Trixie]

She's 8. Tell people to back off.

 

:iagree: