Vent: Organizing Homeschoolers is Like Herding Cats ...

[dirty ethel rackham]

or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Chaos!

 

Our non-sectarian, inclusive homeschooling group is very big on the "if you build it, they will come" philosophy. If you want something, do it. No hierarchy, no getting permission. I really like this way of doing things. But it has its organizational drawbacks.

 

So I spent the better part of the summer organizing a high school biology lab for home schoolers. I wanted a secular class specifically because the only other options around here are for young earth creationists (we are "God did it and science give clues to how" old earth creationists and I have several friends of differing beliefs.) I found a teacher (a college professor) we had used in the past who loves teaching homeschoolers.

 

I agonized about finding a space. The college where the instructor teaches hemmed and hawed and decided that they didn't want us to use their labs (even though we had done so in the past with NO problems.) We tried churches and community centers. No one would rent to us without insurance, which we don't have. Fortunately, a mom offered her very large kitchen. Bless her, what a God-send.

 

One family tried to lobby to get me to have this class taught from a young earth perspective. Hello, I said secular - there already is a young earth option!

 

Then I had to get students. I had a core of 5 committed families and plenty of "on the fence" familes. Several of the families who lobbied for certain content or for location close to them dropped out at the last minute. We were left scrambling to make sure we had enough students to keep the costs low enough. We started with our bare minimum - 8 and have since added 3 more.

 

Everyone wanted me to pick to academic material for them, even though I clearly specified that this was the lab portion only and that families were responsible for the academic content on their own.

 

Well, now I hear that there is a scuttlebutt about lab partners. The first week, the instructor had the kids choose their own partners. The 2nd week, she assigned them randomly. She planned to alternate between the two methods. I thought this was a good idea because there are some personality conflicts as well as a wide range of ability. One kid in particular can be difficult to get along with (smart alek, know-it-all with poor social skills) so I felt it would be unfair for one person to get stuck with him the entire time. I guess several parents have gotten together and complained about this method and emailed the teacher that they do not want the lab partners assigned, but chosen. (It could be the new familes who just joined the class and don't know many of the others.) I want to keep this teacher happy with us because I want to use her again in the future.

 

I just want to yell and scream and tell people to just GROW UP. I get it that homeschoolers want things their way. That is why I created this class because I wanted a class that would work for my son. If you don't like it, create your own!

 

Okay - end of vent. I'll go back to learning to love chaos.

[RebeccaS]

:grouphug: If it's any consolation, I love the idea of switching up partners. My kids tend to stick to what is comfy and being with a friend is always comfy. :001_smile:

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

I am impressed at the huge effort you've made.

[mellifera]

I have often said this about organizing homeschoolers. It sounds like you're doing a good job. In our group several activities have been canceled due to "lack of interest". It must be very frustrating.

[Murphy101]

nothing but sympathy here.

 

frankly, I lthink they should tell their kids to suck it up and get over whoever their lab partner is. (barring major issues)

 

this is part of a classroom experience.

 

and they need to remember that nit-picking the teacher to death is a real quick way to make sure their kid doesn't have these opportunities again, or at least not with that teacher.

[NorthwestMom]

This is a very familiar story. Organizing homeschoolers can be so stressful. I hate the wishy-washyness, when families express interest in a class or activity all the way up to the final commitment, and the bail, leaving the organizer with spots to fill.

 

Don't own the lab partner thing. Let the teacher handle it, it is part of her job.

 

 

:grouphug:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Yuck. I feel for you! Good for you for being pro-active and starting a group to meet your needs! I hope, for the sake of the group, that other's do the same instead of trying to change already exsisting groups.

[Harriet Vane]

I feel your pain. I have BTDT. It's one of my pet peeves with homeschooling.

 

Some things that have worked for me:

 

--Charge a registration fee.

 

--Repeat short, simple statements thousands of times in a row, if necessary. With a smile on your face. Smiling repetition is a powerful tool.

 

:grouphug:

[Saille]

I am taking notes.

[hornblower]

Wow, can I move to be near you?? That lab sounds great!

 

I hear you about organizing homeschoolers. I find here we have a big population which are in the distance learning 'umbrella' programs & even though they look like homeschoolers (kids aren't in school) they technically aren't (they're doing the school program with a teacher supervisor)- which is fine, except the umbrella programs provide a lot of drop in opportunities and the end result is that the 'drop in' mentality takes over everything. The families come if they feel like it, don't come if they don't feel like it..... & often make the decision at the last moment.

 

For anything I organize now (which is very little honestly, as people are too busy with their umbrella programs :glare:), people are on the hook financially from the moment they sign up. Signing up is a commitment to pay. If they need to bail out, they get a refund only if there is a wait list or if they find someone to take their spot. Otherwise, the fee is payable. Usually for any activity it doesn't matter how few people are actually there, it's just a matter of paying for the instructor/tour leader etc so I've found this has worked well from an organization standpoint.

[Carol in Cal.]

I feel your pain. I have BTDT. It's one of my pet peeves with homeschooling.

 

Some things that have worked for me:

 

--Charge a registration fee.

 

--Repeat short, simple statements thousands of times in a row, if necessary. With a smile on your face. Smiling repetition is a powerful tool.

 

:grouphug:

 

If people have to pay for the class, make them do it in advance. No negotiation--'We need to pay the teacher and purchase supplies, so we must have this much by this date. This amount is non-refundable.'

 

Short, simple statements delivered with a smile are the only way to go. You are made of Teflon! No bad feelings stick to you! You always appreciate your fellow homeschoolers! But that does not mean that you do what they want when you have thought this through and they have not! This is not a coop; it is a class!

 

Whenever I do something like this, I do not invest in the outcome. I try to lay it out so that there are a reasonable number of participants that check it out, and I hope for about a third of those to stick. If I don't get enough, I cancel. If I do get enough, the class goes. I always have a Plan B in mind for my own child if it doesn't work out. I am really, really nice, but once the plan is made it's really unfair to everyone else to tweak it all the time. Really, really nice means that I will listen attentively and warmly to other ideas, and then I will decide what to do. I don't feel bad if someone decides that I'm wrong. I consider whether I agree or not, and I compliment them for bringing this forward, and then I decide whether to take action, take no action, or take action next year. But I always smile! I genuinely like homeschoolers! A lot! And I fully respect that they all have a right to their opinions and to homeschool in their own way! I just don't feel that that gives them the right to make ME homeschool THEIR children or MY children THEIR way. But I still like them, and even if we disagree we usually stay friends.

[Carol in Cal.]

I

Smiling repetition is a powerful tool.

 

:grouphug:

 

This also works with toddlers. Words to live by.

[mrsanniep]

I'm only in my second year of homeschooling, but bless you for organizing something like this! I can't even begin to imagine the logistics.

 

With my personality, though, I'd be breathing fire if I encountered what you're going through right now. Your patience so far is commendable!

[Ellie]

nothing but sympathy here.

 

frankly, I lthink they should tell their kids to suck it up and get over whoever their lab partner is. (barring major issues)

 

this is part of a classroom experience.

 

and they need to remember that nit-picking the teacher to death is a real quick way to make sure their kid doesn't have these opportunities again, or at least not with that teacher.

:iagree:

Some hsers seem to think that they should have the same control *outside* of their homes that they do *inside.* Candy gram: No, you don't. Get over it.

[Ellie]

I feel your pain. I have BTDT. It's one of my pet peeves with homeschooling.

 

Some things that have worked for me:

 

--Charge a registration fee.

 

--Repeat short, simple statements thousands of times in a row, if necessary. With a smile on your face. Smiling repetition is a powerful tool.

 

 

:grouphug:

:iagree::iagree::iagree: especially about charging a registration fee. There should be a deadline, far enough in advance that you can cancel your arrangements without harm to yourself, KWIM? And there should be no refunds, unless *you* have to cancel the class.

[Ellie]

I guess several parents have gotten together and complained about this method and emailed the teacher that they do not want the lab partners assigned, but chosen. (It could be the new familes who just joined the class and don't know many of the others.) I want to keep this teacher happy with us because I want to use her again in the future.

Oh, please.

 

In the future, do not give out the teacher's e-mail addy. If parents have a problem, they can come to you. And you will keep saying, "Thank you for sharing that with me. I support the teacher 100 percent. If this is the method she thinks is best, then that's the method that will be used."

 

Alternatively, encourage the teacher to respond similarly: "Thank you for sharing that with me. This is the method that I think will work the best. Have a nice day."

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thanks for all your validation. Ordinarily, I am a little more hard-nosed when I am running things. I have to admit that I was a little less so in this case because I was very motivated to make sure that this class was a go and felt the need to sell it. Ds really needed this lab class. He has auditory and sensory issues and has a tendency to self-isolate. I have to keep creating opportunities for him to interact with people so that he does not back slide - both for his sensory stuff and his expressive language. Since I did not know how many people were signing up, I did not have a cost estimate and could not require the fee until I did. I did make them send in the fee about 2 weeks before class so that we could get a final head count and for the teacher to purchase the supplies. I finally found out about the people who changed their minds when they did not send in their fee.

 

 

Update lab partner situation... the instructor shared the email from the complaining mom with me so I could try to see where this was coming from. This was an addendum to an email on a different situation, so the lap partner gripe was not her main point. Also, since they joined the class late, she was not aware that the kids would have opportunities to self-select lab partners in addition to random assignments. Another thing occurred to me ... her 16 yo daughter was paired with my ds13. I discovered after it was over that ds forgot to wear deodorant that day and smelled pretty bad. Poor girl. If she thought she would have a year of that, I guess I could understand the complaining. Yikes! Ds has since received yet another lecture on the importance of personal hygiene!

 

I told the teacher to keep things as they are and to explain to the mom her reasons. I hope this is the end of it:).

[Murphy101]

Let the teacher handle it, it is part of her job.

 

see now, I disagree.

Yes, she is hired, but most do it at a greatly reduce rate and can easily find a job that pays more without the parent issues.

 

If she's good, make her happy and don't quibble the petty sitting arrangements!

Or good luck finding another teacher that is ever willing to do such things for you in the future.

[Desert Rat]

That situation just stinks! I admire you for sticking it out. We don't belong to any groups because I can't handle all the different, um, personalities. I would have loved to have a biology class! When my boys are a bit older I'll probably have to suck it up and join a group. I don't want my boys missing out on labs, etc.

[elise1mds]

Just had to say... it's not just homeschoolers. I'm part of a stay-at-home mom's group, and they keep trying to start up a Bunco night. You need, ideally, 8-12 people to commit on a regular basis (they were going for monthly), and they could never get more than 5 to come. They keep beating the dead horse, but to no avail. I think come 2010 they'll give up. And herding cats is easier. Just bang on the food bowl as you walk ;)

[Harriet Vane]

:iagree:

Some hsers seem to think that they should have the same control *outside* of their homes that they do *inside.* Candy gram: No, you don't. Get over it.

 

Well said.

[Mrs Mungo]

This is a very familiar story. Organizing homeschoolers can be so stressful. I hate the wishy-washyness, when families express interest in a class or activity all the way up to the final commitment, and the bail, leaving the organizer with spots to fill.

 

 

I will say that this cannot always be helped. For example, someone on my loop asked a "who is interested in language classes and would you be interested in French or Spanish" question. I said that we'd be interested in either but would prefer Spanish. Spanish classes were scheduled but at a time that we already had a commitment. I know there are people who are wishy-washy even when dates, times and costs are given ahead of time but sometimes it's the last minute details that trip people up.

 

I do agree with many of the other suggestions such as having people pay ahead of time. Paying ahead of time really helps.

[Mrs Mungo]

Just had to say... it's not just homeschoolers. I'm part of a stay-at-home mom's group, and they keep trying to start up a Bunco night. You need, ideally, 8-12 people to commit on a regular basis (they were going for monthly), and they could never get more than 5 to come. They keep beating the dead horse, but to no avail. I think come 2010 they'll give up. And herding cats is easier. Just bang on the food bowl as you walk ;)

 

The Bunco groups I've joined in the past had prizes that were purchased from a joining fee. The fee covered six months worth of Bunco nights. You had to be there or find a replacement if you couldn't be there. If you didn't show up or find a replacement then you forfeited your money and they replaced you. They were pretty hard-core about it.

[JFSinIL]

Just had to say... it's not just homeschoolers. I'm part of a stay-at-home mom's group, and they keep trying to start up a Bunco night. You need, ideally, 8-12 people to commit on a regular basis (they were going for monthly), and they could never get more than 5 to come. They keep beating the dead horse, but to no avail. I think come 2010 they'll give up. And herding cats is easier. Just bang on the food bowl as you walk ;)

 

Our neighborhood group of moms has had a bunco night monthly for a long time - I only was invited one night when it was my neighbors turn to host, and she was short of bodies! After a few months of buncoing I stopped getting the monthly emails - turns out once they ( a core group of moms whom I know by sight but am not "tight" with) did not need me anymore I was dropped from the core bunco email list. My next-door neighbor did not know I was not getting the emails. Fooey on them!

[dragons in the flower bed]

Just had to say... it's not just homeschoolers.

 

That was my thought too. The homeschoolers here look like they're marching in lock step when you compare them to the LaLecheLeaguers in our last town.

[tdeveson]

I've struggled with this for years. This is how I solved it.

 

I choose curricula and materials that will work very well for my son. I find the venue (which is often my very big house with a very big kitchen and a landing strip-sized counter.

 

I send out invitations for such-and-such lab (workshop, co-op, whatever), and *tell* them what I'm doing, when, where, what they have to buy, and how much the supply fees are. There is no lobbying. There is no negotiation.

 

I came to this decision after doing a lot of soul searching. Why am I doing this? Who should be the primary beneficiary of my time and effort? In every case the answer was "My son." After that, it was easy. I create beautiful programs for him, and invite his friends to join.

 

Once they arrive, every mom has a job. Somebody cleans up after, somebody read the book, etc. I have it all planned out and when they arrive I tell them what their job is.

 

I always have a full house, and usually have to close registration within a couple of weeks of announcing a co-op program. I know my programs are draconian, but the fact is that none of the families that attend my programs ever create their own. They wait for me to do it, and that's just fine. But I do what I want and what works for my son. Absolutely no argument.

 

Also, I make them pay the supply fee up front for the semester (we do two). This way I'm not agonizing over who's coming, who's not going to show up and not call, who showed up, but forgot their fees, etc. I make copies for everyone and have resources for everyone. If someone doesn't show up, they lost their money.

 

Interestingly, I've never had a complaint about my style. People are just grateful that somebody does it. They know that if they'd like to do it a little differently, they're more than welcome to do it. At their house.