A Puzzle? My sister and her husband of 18 years . . .

[CalicoKat]

My sister announced to the whole family just a month or so before her 41st birthday that she was going to try to enlist (don't know the right word to use her) in the military as a nurse. It's been her dream and now she's going to see if it can become a reality.

 

Puzzling facts:

- everything, she claims, is hunkey dory in her marriage and with her familiy.

 

1. In the past year she's approached everyone in the family about taking her kids "off her hands" for the summer, for the year.... etc.

 

2. She's also tried without success to get her oldest dd enrolled is some kind of a military school or church program so she can get her daughter some structure.

 

3. Her 2nd dd (8th grade) is homeschooling this year through the ps program -- cuz she's getting a free computer and all --yet neither my sister or her husband are home between 8 am -5:30 pm

 

4. Her youngest is 9. Not much is known except that they suspect ADHD.

 

5. Her husband doesn't have a problem with my sister following her dreams. I asked him, in front of her, if everything was OK? I told my sister that if there are problems she just needs to ask for help.

 

- I know that finances have always been a challenge to them.

- they've never had a problem asking for $$$ from people.

- they both have been fired numerous times from their different jobs and can't seem to avoid car accident. Both which contribute to their finance problems. And yet my sister always has nice stuff while her kids are dressed in rags, seriously. The school district called an offered assitance because her kids didn't decent winter coats last year.

 

6. My sister asked her twin recently, "At what age do you think you'd be OK with your kids being on their own."

 

7. Is in denial about the real possiblity of being sent to Afgahistan or the like.

 

8. Claims it's just about the $30,000 sign on bonus because she's an RN.

 

9. Is headed to San Antonio this weekend for her physical with the military and says, "We're so excited about it!" We? Her and the other recruits. Her family isn't going along.

 

10. BIL is disabled (amputee) and really has a "chip on his shoulder." For years before this he'd kept my sister from meaningful relationships with her family. And destroyed relationships with my parents. Sis has part ownership of this too, but the relationships are truly difficult.

 

What's my problem? From where I stand it appears she's having a mid-life crisis (she denies) and she's found what she consi8ders a legit way to walk away from her family to live out her dreams.

 

She'd be potentially leaving her husband, 3 daughters (Freshman, 8th grader, and a 9 yo).

 

Theories

1. somethings up in her marriage and she's getting out.

2. she can't stand her life and she's getting out.

3. she's mentallly ill and she's running away from her problems.

4. she's just running away from her problems.

 

 

This sister has had epilepsy in the past and almost died because of a grand mal during her last delivery.

 

OK Hive mind. What's your take on this?

 

FWIW - am offering to take guardianship of my 9 yo niece if sis gets deployed

[Laurie4b]

My sister announced to the whole family just a month or so before her 41st birthday that she was going to try to enlist (don't know the right word to use her) in the military as a nurse. It's been her dream and now she's going to see if it can become a reality.

 

Puzzling facts:

- everything, she claims, is hunkey dory in her marriage and with her familiy.

 

1. In the past year she's approached everyone in the family about taking her kids "off her hands" for the summer, for the year.... etc.

 

2. She's also tried without success to get her oldest dd enrolled is some kind of a military school or church program so she can get her daughter some structure.

 

3. Her 2nd dd (8th grade) is homeschooling this year through the ps program -- cuz she's getting a free computer and all --yet neither my sister or her husband are home between 8 am -5:30 pm

 

4. Her youngest is 9. Not much is known except that they suspect ADHD.

 

5. Her husband doesn't have a problem with my sister following her dreams. I asked him, in front of her, if everything was OK? I told my sister that if there are problems she just needs to ask for help.

 

- I know that finances have always been a challenge to them.

- they've never had a problem asking for $$$ from people.

- they both have been fired numerous times from their different jobs and can't seem to avoid car accident. Both which contribute to their finance problems. And yet my sister always has nice stuff while her kids are dressed in rags, seriously. The school district called an offered assitance because her kids didn't decent winter coats last year.

 

6. My sister asked her twin recently, "At what age do you think you'd be OK with your kids being on their own."

 

7. Is in denial about the real possiblity of being sent to Afgahistan or the like.

 

8. Claims it's just about the $30,000 sign on bonus because she's an RN.

 

9. Is headed to San Antonio this weekend for her physical with the military and says, "We're so excited about it!" We? Her and the other recruits. Her family isn't going along.

 

10. BIL is disabled (amputee) and really has a "chip on his shoulder." For years before this he'd kept my sister from meaningful relationships with her family. And destroyed relationships with my parents. Sis has part ownership of this too, but the relationships are truly difficult.

 

What's my problem? From where I stand it appears she's having a mid-life crisis (she denies) and she's found what she consi8ders a legit way to walk away from her family to live out her dreams.

 

She'd be potentially leaving her husband, 3 daughters (Freshman, 8th grader, and a 9 yo).

 

Theories

1. somethings up in her marriage and she's getting out.

2. she can't stand her life and she's getting out.

3. she's mentallly ill and she's running away from her problems.

4. she's just running away from her problems.

 

 

This sister has had epilepsy in the past and almost died because of a grand mal during her last delivery.

 

OK Hive mind. What's your take on this?

 

FWIW - am offering to take guardianship of my 9 yo niece if sis gets deployed

 

Very sad for the kids.

[Katiebug_1976]

Wow! I don't even know where to start. So many emotions just ran through my mind. What a sad story. I hope it all works out ok. Sorry I'm not much help, but I really don't know how to respond.

[eight_gregorys]

Well, if this truly is her dream. She would have to enlist before she turns 42 because that is maximum age. That being said, I can't imagine enlisting in the Army at 41. I enlisted when I was 18. It is physically demanding. I hope she is in decent shape. Deployments can destroy families. I've seen it happen over and over and over. I'm not saying it happens to all, but even those you think can make it sometimes don't. Divorce is rampant. Not to mention how traumatic it can be not seeing your kids for an entire year. I would encourage your sister to actually speak with someone who has done this before to get the "real" story and not a fairy tale that a recruiter will tell you. Hindsight is always 20/20 and if I had the choice to make again, I would have stayed far, faraway from the military. I was medically retired at 26 after my last tour in Iraq. The amount of therapy I needed was extensive. I've been home for three years and still have nightmares. I've attacked my husband in my sleep and have no recollection of it whatsoever. This is serious business. I hope she knows what she is getting herself into. I'm not saying the military is bad for everyone, but the demands required from a woman in the military these days is no joke.

[KJB]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

[OHGrandma]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

 

That's what I was thinking, too.

 

Even though her husband is disabled, is he not capable of caring for this age of children? Since he's gone all day, I take it he works?

[Mrs.MacGyver]

As far as I have seen, they will take people with a history of epilepsy - she just can't be a Navy SEAL or something on that level:glare:...and for nurses, the military is always desperate anyway, and they will take you up until 45 years old - at least that is what it was back in my day.

 

As for everything else...it would be great for them financially if she can make it through OCS... maybe they are desperate in the financial area, and this is the only thing they can think of to get out of it - either that or she is just running away?? But, if she can get it together, and they need the money, maybe she can get some good healthcare, housing, etc. for the family and maybe they will be able to make it work??? Probably a good thing to take the 9 yo though.. If she is going Navy, she would at the longest be gone for around 6 months? Maybe that would be a better option than the Army?

 

Anyway, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BikeBookBread]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

 

:iagree: ETA: I just asked my dh (active duty AF JAG). Highly, highly, highly doubtful she'd be hired.

Edited October 4, 2009 by BikeBookBread

[ciyates]

In the Navy she can be deployed up to 24 months unaccompanied. If her family has medical issue she will probably get an EFM status which will limit where she can go accompanied. Even with the shortages of nurses it seems doubtful she will be accepted.

 

I wish you the best of luck. It is truly a challenging lifestyle.

[Jennifer]

When I joined the AF right out of nursing school in 1993 the bonus was $10,000. So it might be up to $30,000.00 now. I don't have an answer for the rest of it.

Jennifer

[Pretty in Pink]

My dh just came off of a three year stint on recruiting duty (granted, Marine Corps, but he is very familiar with the screening policies of each branch). He said she will be disqualified because of her epilepsy.

Edited October 4, 2009 by Pretty in Pink
grammar ;)

[CalicoKat]

:iagree: ETA: I just asked my dh (active duty AF JAG). Highly, highly, highly doubtful she'd be hired.

Encouraging. But then why is she being flown to San Antonio (on the military's $) for a physical?

 

I rather suspect she's lied about the seizures. She always was in denial about it and refuses to take her meds. She gets them when she's got a fever, grand mal.

[woolybear]

It sounds like she is in denial about several things and perhaps quite immature.

 

 

Woolybear

[CalicoKat]

My dh just came off of a three year stint on recruiting duty (granted, Marine Corps, but he is very familiar with the screening policies of each branch). He said she will be disqualified because of her epilepsy.

they're (recruiting) is flying her to San Antonio for her physical. Why? If she lied about the seizures/epilepsy how far do they dig into her past.

 

Gosh they asked her for copies of my parents birth certificates. You'd think they'd look into her medical carefully.

[Impish]

I mean this without any harshness, ok?

 

If she's decided to enlist, then its between her and her husband. Exclusively. Asking, in front of her husband, if there are any problems would be the surest way I can think of that you wouldn't get told.

 

I know she's your sister, and you care and love her. However, siblings aren't entitled to know everything the way spouses are. There are a lot of things that happen between a husband and wife that can or should be kept btwn them...and they don't owe anyone any more than that.

[OHGrandma]

they're (recruiting) is flying her to San Antonio for her physical. Why? If she lied about the seizures/epilepsy how far do they dig into her past.

 

Gosh they asked her for copies of my parents birth certificates. You'd think they'd look into her medical carefully.

 

Copies of your parents birth certificates??? That sounds really weird. I don't recall anything like that when our son joined the AF 11 years ago.

[CalicoKat]

I mean this without any harshness, ok?

 

If she's decided to enlist, then its between her and her husband. Exclusively. Asking, in front of her husband, if there are any problems would be the surest way I can think of that you wouldn't get told.

 

I know she's your sister, and you care and love her. However, siblings aren't entitled to know everything the way spouses are. There are a lot of things that happen between a husband and wife that can or should be kept btwn them...and they don't owe anyone any more than that.

 

You're absolutely right, it's her business and his.

 

However, in the past my words to her have been twisted in translation to her husband. I wanted him to know what I said to her first hand.

[CalicoKat]

Copies of your parents birth certificates??? That sounds really weird. I don't recall anything like that when our son joined the AF 11 years ago.

we were an expat family in the late 70s-80's living in Africa. Now that I think about it that's probably why they wanted that information.

[CalicoKat]

You're absolutely right, it's her business and his.

 

However, in the past my words to her have been twisted in translation to her husband. I wanted him to know what I said to her first hand.

and she asked my opinion.

[Tap]

Honestly, I think it is the fact that the time is ticking away, and she knows she has one shot at this and she is determined to take it. It truly is now or never, and when the topic is life-long dreams, that is a huge thing to give up, without ever even trying. I am sure she works with nurses that have had successful experiences in the military, and that is only feeding her curiosity.

 

Home life sounds less than ideal, and she may even feel that they would be better off without her (or at least no worse). The money is probably a pull, and it may even solve a few of the problems at home.

 

I wonder if she is just desperate for something to change. Anything to change. Someway to move forward and to heal the proverbial wound in her life. Being a nurse....she is a creative problem solver, a wound healer, a compassionate person by nature. She is just trying to apply those same skills to her life. This is apparently just something she is convinced will heal whatever wound she has.

 

If she asked for my opinion, I would support her decision, not because it is a brilliant idea, but because it means a lot to her, and it is her dream. Ask her to come talk to you before she finalizes any paperwork. Ask her to tell you about her dream, and don't condemn it. Don't poke holes in it. Don't let one negative word come out of your mouth about it. Have her tell you how she has made plans for each child and her husband. Ask her about how this solves problems (leave out the new ones it will cause) in her life. Ask her to share the details of her dreams, and what she thinks about when she day dreams about this new life. I would tell her I didn't want her to go, but will support her decision and help her family in anyway necessary.

 

As others have said, it is highly unlikely that she will be able to enlist. She is going to come away from this more broken than ever, and having the opportunity to be supportive (by having the conversation above) will go a long, long way in being a soft place to land for her. Something that her husband may not be able to be right now.

 

If this opportunity doesn't work out for her, you can help her afterwards by giving her a chance to grieve about her dream. Then help her find a way to find a new opportunity. My guess is that she won't be interested in returning to school, especially due to $, but you may try to encourage her to see what other fields she can look into to give her a new boost in life. ie...My neighbor is returning to school, after being an RN for many years to become a nurse anesthetist. There are places to go, there are career opportunities, there are other options to make some very good money, that don't require a military bonus to get there. Be her advocate, be her shoulder, and most of all be her sister. If her dream doesn't pan out....Don't even allow yourself to think, I told you so, because it will show on your face.

[KidsHappen]

Yeah, the thing about flying to San Antonio for a physical sounds a little fishy to me. I got my testing and physical done locally, as did my step-d, and my hubby, and my ex, and my father and so on. I have never heard of them flying someone to San Antonio for a physical and generally speaking they are more likely to disqualify someone for medical reasons than waste more time and money researching a medical condition and epilepsy is a disqualifying condition. If it was me, and I knew that she really was flying off to San Antonio, I would be thinking that she has already joined the AF and is flying off to boot camp? Is this possible?

[Pretty in Pink]

The only reason to fly somebody out for a medical screening is if they live in a remote location (Alaska comes to mind) and there is no MEPS processing station within driving distance. Before you go to MEPS to process you fill out a detailed medical questionaire and epilespy is definetely on it. Recruiters collect medical documentation on any medical conditions that you disclose to them unless they are being shady. If you tell them that you broke your leg fifteen years ago they are supposed to chase down the documentation.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm so sorry for her kids. High school years are both the happiest and hardest years of one's life. And I can't fathom leaving my 9 year old to pursue my lifelong dream. I have one that I have decided to ignore, even though dh encourages me to pursue it, and I could do it while living at home. I will ALWAYS regret not following through on my calling to be a nurse, but just going to school would seriously impact my kids life. I won't do it. Leave? I just feel so sad for those kids. ALL kids deserve a loving and committed mom.

[Lovedtodeath]

If her husband was leaving instead of her would you have a different reaction to it?

[CalicoKat]

I'm so sorry for her kids. High school years are both the happiest and hardest years of one's life. And I can't fathom leaving my 9 year old to pursue my lifelong dream. I have one that I have decided to ignore, even though dh encourages me to pursue it, and I could do it while living at home. I will ALWAYS regret not following through on my calling to be a nurse, but just going to school would seriously impact my kids life. I won't do it. Leave? I just feel so sad for those kids. ALL kids deserve a loving and committed mom.

I think this is what's bugging me so deeply. And the other piece to this is that she has berated our parents for doing something similiar and at one point all but ruined her relationship with them and wouldn't let my parents be the grandparents to her kids. She acused them of abandoning her at age 12 when they put us in boarding school (we were overseas in the middle of Africa). And here she is willing to do something similiar with her family?

 

I totally get it when life long dream die. But sometimes certain personal dreams are set aside so others can be realized like the committment made by parents who intentionally planned, prepared, and rejoiced for the arrival of their children.

 

I've spoken to her just that once, with her husband, about this in July. I'm just trying to understand why. It just trying to understand why. And I think I do now.

[unsinkable]

I think this is what's bugging me so deeply. And the other piece to this is that she has berated our parents for doing something similiar and at one point all but ruined her relationship with them and wouldn't let my parents be the grandparents to her kids. She acused them of abandoning her at age 12 when they put us in boarding school (we were overseas in the middle of Africa). And here she is willing to do something similiar with her family?

 

I totally get it when life long dream die. But sometimes certain personal dreams are set aside so others can be realized like the committment made by parents who intentionally planned, prepared, and rejoiced for the arrival of their children.

 

I've spoken to her just that once, with her husband, about this in July. I'm just trying to understand why. It just trying to understand why. And I think I do now.

 

I sometimes think that we learn too well from our parents. We learn the bad and not the good. KWIM?

[Elizabeth Conley]

We have somewhat unstable family members too. We speak to them very calmly, and make supportive or noncommittal statements. We work not to get to upset about their less than ideal choices. We work to stay in touch with their children, and be emotionally supportive of these kids.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't express any negative opinions about what she's doing. The military has very wise policies that keep their lower functioning members from neglecting their families. If she gets in, there will be a lot of resources available to solve some of her family's practical problems.

 

Try to be optimistic about this, and when you can't, try not to take it personally. These are her choices, not yours.

 

Is her husband's family capable of helping to raise the kids? Maybe there are resource people in their lives you haven't connected with yet.

 

In the case of one of our family members, we found that her children's lives improved dramatically when she lost custody of them. It was hard for us to accept, but by helping her we were enabling her unfortunate lifestyle choices. When she lost custody of the kids, her ex-husband and his family took over their lives. Her ex-husband is a relatively low functioning adult, but his new wife, his family and his new wife's family are very organized and together. Plus, they really care about the kids. Sometimes what seems like the worst outcome is actually for the best.

Edited October 4, 2009 by Elizabeth Conley

[ConnieB]

Military family here....DH (retired recently), his father, 3 uncles, grandfather and grandmother. Me with my dad, brother (currently in) and a couple of uncles.

 

Like others have said, flying to San Antonio for a physical is quite likely a lie......even if she lived in a remote area that didn't have facilities, they'd only fly her to the nearest facility (of course, maybe that is San Antonio, lol). Knowing this, my first reaction is she's leaving them, but not for the military.

 

Not only is epilepsy going to get her disqualified (unless she flat out lied to them and didn't list it on the application, and yes it's a listed item to check "have you ever had" type of thing). They don't do much digging to find out if she lied, so she may get away with it. Oh....and if she has a seizure at which point they'll learn she lied....she'll owe that $30k back to the government, and get a dishonorable discharge (and possibly have fraud charges to contend with, i.e. court martial).

 

The other thing that is likely to have them turn her down....her family life. The military will inquire into the family situation....and if they find that a disabled spouse is not able to care for the children, the military will not enlist her. Doesn't matter mother/father, they know they will be deploying her and she'll be away from the family and they'll be on their own. They're willing to bring you back when an emergency arises, they just tend not to want to start with the high probablity of such an event. I've seen them turn down men because their wives weren't able to make decisions without him...which seemed rather minor to me. Another guy was turned down because his mother had cancer...he still lived at home with her (he was like 19 or 20)...military told him to stay and take care of her and when the situation 'resolved' to come back (tacky but true). That's not to say this is automatic, and of course, many families enlist and then problems come up but they aren't kicked out.....but the military is VERY big on being sure that your family is capable of taking care of themselves without you. Even with a completely healthy family, you are required to put a plan in place, in WRITING, about your family's support system and how they'll handle things without you there. Typically this is pretty easy but in the case of a disabled husband they're going to want to know that he can handle himself and the kids OR has a support system in place to help him. Doesn't sound like he has that in your side of the family, but maybe on his side?

 

All that said, and it does sound very fishy to me.....but I also agree with the other people who have said that basically it's not really your business. You've made your opinion know, right or wrong, and if she still chooses to do it, well, then that's that. The best thing you can do is to try to find a way to get along with BIL for the sake of being there for those kids. Not necessarily to farm them out to you, but to check in and be sure that they're as ok as they can be in this situation. It's not what you want, but it's how things are. Even if you had been close if she was determined to do this you couldn't stop her.....not being close probably made her not even listen to your reasoning. I'm sorry for that. Sounds like she's messing up her kids' lives pretty badly for a personal dream. I'd be mad at her too, but that's not going to change anything.

[Donna T.]

:grouphug:

Edited October 4, 2009 by Donna T.

[Scuff]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

 

That's what I was thinking.

[CalicoKat]

Military family here....DH (retired recently), his father, 3 uncles, grandfather and grandmother. Me with my dad, brother (currently in) and a couple of uncles.

 

Like others have said, flying to San Antonio for a physical is quite likely a lie......even if she lived in a remote area that didn't have facilities, they'd only fly her to the nearest facility (of course, maybe that is San Antonio, lol). Knowing this, my first reaction is she's leaving them, but not for the military.

 

Not only is epilepsy going to get her disqualified (unless she flat out lied to them and didn't list it on the application, and yes it's a listed item to check "have you ever had" type of thing). They don't do much digging to find out if she lied, so she may get away with it. Oh....and if she has a seizure at which point they'll learn she lied....she'll owe that $30k back to the government, and get a dishonorable discharge (and possibly have fraud charges to contend with, i.e. court martial).

 

The other thing that is likely to have them turn her down....her family life. The military will inquire into the family situation....and if they find that a disabled spouse is not able to care for the children, the military will not enlist her. Doesn't matter mother/father, they know they will be deploying her and she'll be away from the family and they'll be on their own. They're willing to bring you back when an emergency arises, they just tend not to want to start with the high probablity of such an event. I've seen them turn down men because their wives weren't able to make decisions without him...which seemed rather minor to me. Another guy was turned down because his mother had cancer...he still lived at home with her (he was like 19 or 20)...military told him to stay and take care of her and when the situation 'resolved' to come back (tacky but true). That's not to say this is automatic, and of course, many families enlist and then problems come up but they aren't kicked out.....but the military is VERY big on being sure that your family is capable of taking care of themselves without you. Even with a completely healthy family, you are required to put a plan in place, in WRITING, about your family's support system and how they'll handle things without you there. Typically this is pretty easy but in the case of a disabled husband they're going to want to know that he can handle himself and the kids OR has a support system in place to help him. Doesn't sound like he has that in your side of the family, but maybe on his side?

 

All that said, and it does sound very fishy to me.....but I also agree with the other people who have said that basically it's not really your business. You've made your opinion know, right or wrong, and if she still chooses to do it, well, then that's that. The best thing you can do is to try to find a way to get along with BIL for the sake of being there for those kids. Not necessarily to farm them out to you, but to check in and be sure that they're as ok as they can be in this situation. It's not what you want, but it's how things are. Even if you had been close if she was determined to do this you couldn't stop her.....not being close probably made her not even listen to your reasoning. I'm sorry for that. Sounds like she's messing up her kids' lives pretty badly for a personal dream. I'd be mad at her too, but that's not going to change anything.

Thank you for your thoughts. It's nice to be affirmed that my concerns/alarms going off in my head aren't completely wonky. She lives in Eau Claire, WI area--not entirely remote. There's the Twin Cities close by and Chicago isn't far either (4 hrs).

 

It should be interesting then this week. Supposedly she'll be back on Tuesday.

[Tangerine]

If it was me, and I knew that she really was flying off to San Antonio, I would be thinking that she has already joined the AF and is flying off to boot camp? Is this possible?

 

That's the first thought I had when I heard San Antonio. If she's joining the AF (I don't think we heard what branch), I hear San Antonio and think Basic Training.

[LizzyBee]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

 

Are exceptions ever made for epilepsy if the person has been seizure free for a long time? My youngest sister was told she couldn't serve because of medical issues, but after a lot of extra paperwork, she got in.

 

CalicoKat, I kind of understand how you feel. A few years, my bil was called up from the inactive reserve to go to Iraq. My sister was also still in the inactive reserve, and my other sisters and I urged her to resign her commission to assure that she and her dh wouldn't be deployed at the same time. She wouldn't resign, so we decided that if she got called up, I would take her 3 girls and my oldest sister would take the 3 boys. I think a lot of my sister's self-esteem is tied up in her commission.

[mommaduck]

Sounds to me like she is wanting to run away and is not quite in touch with reality at the moment.

[CalicoKat]

If her husband was leaving instead of her would you have a different reaction to it?

same reaction.

[CalicoKat]

Military family here....DH (retired recently), his father, 3 uncles, grandfather and grandmother. Me with my dad, brother (currently in) and a couple of uncles.

 

Like others have said, flying to San Antonio for a physical is quite likely a lie......even if she lived in a remote area that didn't have facilities, they'd only fly her to the nearest facility (of course, maybe that is San Antonio, lol). Knowing this, my first reaction is she's leaving them, but not for the military.

 

Not only is epilepsy going to get her disqualified (unless she flat out lied to them and didn't list it on the application, and yes it's a listed item to check "have you ever had" type of thing). They don't do much digging to find out if she lied, so she may get away with it. Oh....and if she has a seizure at which point they'll learn she lied....she'll owe that $30k back to the government, and get a dishonorable discharge (and possibly have fraud charges to contend with, i.e. court martial).

 

 

If indeed she's lying/we suspect that she's lying and we don't speak up. AND IF it did lead to a scenario above would we be liable in anyway for not having spoken up about our suspicions?

 

Before I just walk away now I want to make sure I don't get into trouble. Callous, but really isn't that what ya'll recommended?

[TravelingChris]

You are completely not responsible for siblings who are adults. You don't know what she did since there is a large MEPS center in Chicago and that is where she would go for a physical. If she only gets seizures when she has a high fever, I don't think that qualifies as epilepsy. In any ways, she is an adult and responsible for her own actions,

[ereks mom]

If she has a history of epilepsy/seizures it's strange and doubtful that she'd be allowed to serve. I don't understand this unless she's been untruthful with the military.

 

:iagree:

[Elizabeth Conley]

If indeed she's lying/we suspect that she's lying and we don't speak up. AND IF it did lead to a scenario above would we be liable in anyway for not having spoken up about our suspicions? "

 

Not in a legal sense, and I'd give you a pass in the moral sense as well.

 

I've had very deceptive people in my life. Talking with them is like taking a trip through the carnival fun house and staring in amazement at the reflections in the warped mirrors. No one who knows what habitual liars are like would hold you responsible.

 

The law will not hold you responsible, nor will the military try to hold you responsible. They've coped with these cases countless times before. You'll find them to be very cut and dried about the whole matter.

[unsinkable]

That's the first thought I had when I heard San Antonio. If she's joining the AF (I don't think we heard what branch), I hear San Antonio and think Basic Training.

 

My husband hears San Antonio and he thinks sweat. His basic training & tech school were there. :lol:

[CalicoKat]

You are completely not responsible for siblings who are adults. You don't know what she did since there is a large MEPS center in Chicago and that is where she would go for a physical. If she only gets seizures when she has a high fever, I don't think that qualifies as epilepsy. In any ways, she is an adult and responsible for her own actions,

she had them (serizures) as an infant and they stopped until she hit puberty. Medication regulated them at that time. She's had driving restrictions at one point because of them and her dr's told her absoutely no more babies since she had grand mal seizures during each delivery that just about killed her. Yes, it's epilepsy.

[CalicoKat]

My husband hears San Antonio and he thinks sweat. His basic training & tech school were there. :lol:

you know I don't think I even know which branch. I'm not sure this has ever come up in conversation. I'm thinking Navy though since that's what her twin did right out of college (she's a nurse too)