Elohcin Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 My 11 yo dd went to play at a friends house the other day. Good friends, really like them-different parenting styles. While they were playing, the parents left the house and left their 13yo son in charge of their 5 other kids 11 down to 1 and my daughter. No mention of this at the start of the play date. Would this upset you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes. I left my dc there under the care of the parents, not their older child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eight_gregorys Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Absolutely! If they want to make that decision for their OWN children, that is one thing. However, I would never accept someone making that decision for me. Children differ so much and some are more mature than others. No one can make that decision for you. The only exception would be a life or death emergency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 That's not something I would do want to happen. Did they leave-leave? Or did they go next door or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, it would upset me. My ds is 11 and occasionally he has been at the neighbors when the parent needed to leave, but they would call and make sure it was okay. I would never presume that it was all right with another parent that their child be left alone in the care of another child nearly their age. What they do with their own children is really their own business but what you do with mine, is my business. I would kindly remind them that you would prefer your dd not be left unsupervised at their house and if the situation arises again that you'd be happy to come pick up your dd and schedule a more appropriate play time. Said with a smile of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I would have wanted them to call me first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elohcin Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 No they left-left. They are very comfortable doing this. It has happened before. My daughter knows that she should call so that I can make the decision as to whether or not she can stay. She forgot yesterday and did get into trouble. They don't seem to think it is a big deal. They did apologize, which I appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 If it were a prearranged 'play date' type thing where I drove my child somewhere because she was invited, I would be very annoyed with these parents. If it were a neighborhood thing where the kids get together more informally - like your daughter went to see if her friend could play - then I would be annoyed at my daughter because I would have expected her to just come home when they parents left. I personally would also expect the parents to have called, but sometimes they don't. My boys are 11 and we are definitely at the age where this happens more and more often. My children understand that they can't stay without parents around (on a few special occasions I have given permission - like if the kids were watching a movie and the mother just ran out to pick up a sibling somewhere close). Your daughter may not have faced this before, but she almost certainly will start facing it from now on, and needs to understand that the neighborhood 'get together an play thing' is dependent on a parent being home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandalwood Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 My 11 yo dd went to play at a friends house the other day. Good friends, really like them-different parenting styles. While they were playing, the parents left the house and left their 13yo son in charge of their 5 other kids 11 down to 1 and my daughter. No mention of this at the start of the play date. Would this upset you? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, that is not acceptable unless cleared with the visiting kid's parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Since your child was the 11 year old it would not bother me. It would make me ballistic if my child was younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Not if I knew and trusted the DC in question. Otherwise, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 In this case, she is 11 and you said in the past you have allowed her to stay when they have done this no I would not be upset. They obviously felt it was okay because it was before, the 13 yr old is old enough to babysit, and they apologized. Now if this had been a 6 yr old, or if this had been a first time and they had not checked with you etc I would would been upset. How long were they gone for? was this a gone for 30 minutes to grab a pizza and stop at blockbuster's? or was this gone for 2 hours shopping for new couches, or going out on a date type thing? That would factor in too. For several hours without my consent is a problem, for 30 minutes, not a big deal, since you have allowed it before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I would not be upset but i would like to have a phone call to let me know that they were leaving and ds was in charge. Then I could either agree to this or have my child come home until the parents are home again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elohcin Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 She is a responsible 11 year old, but when this happened in the past I told her and them that I wanted to know if they were leaving. It's not so much of an issue of her being left alone as it is them not telling me that they were going to leave. I just want to know who is being responsible for her. The last time this happened I didn't find out until way after it happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Unacceptable in all respects. Please excuse the bluntness here, but your dd was not safe. I hope I need not spell it out further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmulcahy Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 My 10yo son has several friends with older siblings. The olders are often left in charge of the youngers...which is fine. I have told my son that he is not to be in a house where an older sibling is left in charge. If the parents leave he is to come home. He has called from their houses and pleaded with me in the past but I always say no and tell him to come home. Maybe that ground rule will avoid the conflict in the future. Your daughter would then know she has to call you if the parents were to leave. That way you don't have to depend on other parents to make wise choices, just your daughter.:laugh: I would be upset with the parents. It was wrong for them to assume that it was OK for them to leave and not notify you. It is probably not worth bringing up simply because they obviously did not see their error and may not appreciate it pointed out (that one is up to you;)) T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, it would. I'd want to know ahead of time that this was the arrangement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yes, since it obviously wasn't pre-arranged. I have left dd14 at home with her 11yo sister & friends, but only after friends have called to let parents know and gotten approval. Otherwise, they need to go back home if we (parents) have to leave. FWIW, we have a similar arrangement as you w/11dd - if she's at a friend's house and parents leave, she's to call and ask permission. She would be in trouble, too, if this happened and she didn't call. The alternative is she's not allowed at those friends' if we can't know if parents will be there or not, so she's usually pretty diligent about letting me know (but has forgotten from time to time.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I would not be pleased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I would be upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I hadn't realized at first that you had already discussed this kind of scenario and they had promised to call you if it came up. In that case, I would be angry. I think I would just invite dd's friends to your house for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yes, it would bother me. And I am not one of the board members typically on the "conservative" side of child supervision issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yes, it would upset me. Someone said: Unacceptable in all respects. Please excuse the bluntness here, but your dd was not safe. I hope I need not spell it out further. :iagree: I totally agree with what that poster said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I would have wanted them to call me first. Yep. And my 11-y-o would be in trouble if SHE didn't call! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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